Please help: Scared of wife reaction

[PatOngo]

9 minutes ago, mauGR1 said:

That sounds similar to a Chinese proverb, i don't know how it works, i could never do that.

Girl who fly upside down in plane likely to have crack up.

[NoMeAmes]

18 hours ago, tekashicanada said:

Thank you all for the replies. So to answer a few questions. I am 33 and she is 30. She is university educated and she is an accountant. It is becoming increasingly difficult because her expectations of me are getting really big: Like she wants all of my attention, she wants me to put her priority number 1, etc.

 

She seems to be expecting me to include her in everything i do whether it would be to hang with my friends or whatever. 

I'm a pretty distracted fellow as I have work full time and run a side gig for business so I'm constantly on my phone. She takes this as a big offence when I don't talk to her and what not.

 

2

1. Seems to me like a difference in what a relationship and family life means. To you, it means that both can still have space. To her, it definitely means that you are number 1 priority for each other, no space needed when you love someone enough to marry them. This is often the case in Asian societies. 

 

2. Regarding what another user said about BPD, as someone who might be on the borderline spectrum, I can agree that your wife (as with 95% Thai women out there....) might have BPD too. My emotions are too intense and overwhelming and they come with the slightest of triggers. People with BPD are often very sweet, loving, and give 100% of themselves. But they are incredibly insecure and are terrified of abandonment. You not paying her "enough" attention could trigger her fear of abandonment, if she really does have BPD. And they will then overreact, usually in an aggressive way. Not all women with BPD is quick to reach the knives though... most just use words to cut you. Knives seems to be the preferred weapon of choice for women in Thailand... 

 

 

 

Here's a short explanation on BPD

[hanuman2543]

7 hours ago, Sumarianson said:

Have you given her a smart phone with high speed and has she heard of FB, it works for me.
However on a serious note.
It seems she want's a divorce now as she is entitled to half of everything you have.
Choice, stay and be miserable or go and give her half.

Sent from my SM-G935F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 

You have absolutely no clue about Thai divorce laws and division of assets. Stop giving wrong advice to people .

[ToddinChonburi]

Like the Pink Floyd song:  you better run.

 

Seriously though get your passport and go. Go to the airport and take the blue bus to pattaya and find a cheap hotel to stay at until you can make a plan.  Sunday mornings the expat club meets at the Holiday inn.

[smotherb]

22 hours ago, TonyClifton said:

Allowance?  Is she a child or a wife?

Yeah, my thoughts too. However, it appears many, if not most, foreigners with local gfs/wives, do give them an allowance/salary/whatever to have them stay with them. This type of pay-for-play partnership seems little more than long-term customer status to me.
 

 

[ratcatcher]

2 hours ago, Thingamabob said:

Doesn't feel quite right. May I ask how old you are and how well you know Thailand ?

See post #42

[BritManToo]

21 minutes ago, smotherb said:

Yeah, my thoughts too. However, it appears many, if not most, foreigners with local gfs/wives, do give them an allowance/salary/whatever to have them stay with them. This type of pay-for-play partnership seems little more than long-term customer status to me.

1

I know a heap of Thai guys who hand over their entire wage every month.

Local culture matey.

[German farang]

On 11/29/2018 at 6:45 PM, jvs said:

Get out of there!!It is really that easy.You showed her you are scared of her,run while you still can.

There is a number you can call,the airport.

 

Today morning I told mine that I herewith brake up this relationship. The following hours was terrible, yrs, but not much different to my usual daily life during the last might 2 years...

30 mins ago I confirmed her again that I can't stand her extrem artogant behavior anymore - also confronted her with screenshots from her "tinder", "thai friendly" & other similar staff.

Well, might I should hide the knifes tonight... ????

[LeoTex]

On ‎11‎/‎29‎/‎2018 at 5:38 AM, tekashicanada said:

Can I please get some sensible answers? 

 

I'm pretty traumatized.

 

 

I haven't read the entire thread.

Its not going get any better only worse. I just had a Pattaya expat friend get stabbed by his Thai wife and hospitalized for a while.

You just need to end it the best way you can.

First thing that would help us, is the marriage a civil or religious one?

 

You may just have get your person things and walk away and if going to stay in Thailand most likely will need to distance yourself as far a where you will live.

LeoTex  

[AlexRich]

3 minutes ago, German farang said:

Today morning I told mine that I herewith brake up this relationship. The following hours was terrible, yrs, but not much different to my usual daily life during the last might 2 years...

30 mins ago I confirmed her again that I can't stand her extrem artogant behavior anymore - also confronted her with screenshots from her "tinder", "thai friendly" & other similar staff.

Well, might I should hide the knifes tonight... ????

 

Sleep in the spare bedroom and put a lock on the door. At least you know the truth now.

 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

16 minutes ago, LeoTex said:

First thing that would help us, is the marriage a civil or religious one?

Why does it matter?

Should he run faster because of the first or the second?

Does the stabbing hurt more or less depending on the kind of marriage?

[maprao]

Leave.

It is there way of manipulating you.

If you show weakness it will get worse.

[The Theory]

Perhaps you should grab your important stuff and stay at a hotel for a few days. 

If she knows Where you work that could become a problem, but you can ask her a peaceful meeting to discuss the matter. If she asks for divorce after meeting or you decide to go thru divorce (if she wants continues the same behaviors) then you pay for the consequences of your wrong choice and need to get a lawyer. 

If you can record her video somehow could be very helpful.

Im sorry but there are many even beautiful women (men too) who are mentally ill and they keep it covered till the time comes. I’ve already experienced this kind when I was 20 yo. I almost lost one eye, but I pulled out before it was too late. 

We all make mistakes and we pay for it.

Good luck

[Skallywag]

BPD, PTSD, ADHD, MDD - forget about increasing the revenues of psuedo-scientists in the psychiatric profession.  We as human beings are responsible for our physical health as well as our mental health.  if your marriage is registered in thailand legally, find out your options from a legal professional. If you are worried about your safety - move out.  For buddhas sake - the OP didnt even mention love or commitment or family.  Strive to be who you are, not what someone thinks you should be.  https://medium.com/personal-growth/does-marriage-even-make-sense-anymore-70e10f4d8c18

Edited November 30, 2018 by RicUSA

[MaksimMislavsky]

4 hours ago, mauGR1 said:

4 hours ago, MaksimMislavsky said:

4 hours ago, mauGR1 said:

Yeah, right, and wear a long kevlar jacket at night 

No. Don't be afraid.

I am not, but the OP, assuming his story is real, has reasons to be afraid, or, at least quite worried.

Sure. We have been referencing the OP and his predicament in our exchange. 

[Russell17au]

There is another side to this story if you bother to read exactly what the OP has written. It appears that his wife wants to be included in his life which includes his friends but it appears that the OP does not want to include her and is only interested in his own life with work and being on the phone all the time and ignoring his wife. I believe that the main problem is the selfishness of the OP in not wanting to include his wife in his life. I would guess that his wife is trying to get some love and affection from her selfish husband and she is trying to get his attention.

[patrick1968]

Run  Forest Run …………  ……….   ????‍♂️

[marqus12]

1 hour ago, Russell17au said:

There is another side to this story if you bother to read exactly what the OP has written. It appears that his wife wants to be included in his life which includes his friends but it appears that the OP does not want to include her and is only interested in his own life with work and being on the phone all the time and ignoring his wife. I believe that the main problem is the selfishness of the OP in not wanting to include his wife in his life. I would guess that his wife is trying to get some love and affection from her selfish husband and she is trying to get his attention.

your posts are always more Thai than the average

Thai opinion would be on a given topic

a Thai man would paint her face in purple
and then they would live happily ever after

[Hummin]

55 minutes ago, marqus12 said:

your posts are always more Thai than the average

Thai opinion would be on a given topic

a Thai man would paint her face in purple
and then they would live happily ever after

Well, if you think the average thai man is like that, I guess your view on thai women in general! 

 

I bet you identify yourself with such behavior, and thats why you ended up in thailand, since you could not manage women where you  ome from. Most men do not beat up women, and I guess the same goes for an educated thai man as well! A drunk bastard will always be a drunk bastard even sober! 

[sead]

Too bad you found this forum AFTER you married a Thai. You can read all about it here. Yiu have to do what you would do in a marriage anywhere. If you dont like it then you divorce..

[quandow]

 

[brianthainess]

On 11/29/2018 at 6:38 PM, tekashicanada said:

Can I please get some sensible answers? 

 

I'm pretty traumatized.

 

 

Divorce her.

[brianthainess]

On 11/29/2018 at 9:18 PM, samsensam said:

 

use your common sense, the answer is right before your eyes.

Could just be PMT

[nickmondo]

grow a pair and kick the crazy idiot out!

[JimmyJ]

10 hours ago, Russell17au said:

There is another side to this story if you bother to read exactly what the OP has written. It appears that his wife wants to be included in his life which includes his friends but it appears that the OP does not want to include her and is only interested in his own life with work and being on the phone all the time and ignoring his wife. I believe that the main problem is the selfishness of the OP in not wanting to include his wife in his life. I would guess that his wife is trying to get some love and affection from her selfish husband and she is trying to get his attention.

 

Don't know if the above is correct but surprised only 1 post has even considered this.

 

I question whether the OP and his 1 other post are real - but if it is real, the above is worth considering.

She first mentioned killing herself.

 

 

Edited December 1, 2018 by JimmyJ

[tekashicanada]

Thank you again for your answers.

 

Just a little update. She is still pretty moody when I get home but it seems like during the night she cuddles up and the next day it is like nothing happens. She even kisses me before going to work.

 

There might also be some communication problem as her English is not the best.

 

80% of the consensus here says to run. 

 

I am a decent guy and owe it to marriage to give it a chance however can't have the risk of her just grabbing sharp tools out of nowhere. I confronted her about that and she said: it was just a quick reaction because you said you also had the feeling of dying because of me. Are there professionals I can contact?

 

Anyways, thank you all for the replies.

[OneMoreFarang]

11 hours ago, Russell17au said:

There is another side to this story if you bother to read exactly what the OP has written. It appears that his wife wants to be included in his life which includes his friends but it appears that the OP does not want to include her and is only interested in his own life with work and being on the phone all the time and ignoring his wife. I believe that the main problem is the selfishness of the OP in not wanting to include his wife in his life. I would guess that his wife is trying to get some love and affection from her selfish husband and she is trying to get his attention.

Maybe he behaves not the way he should. But that is still no reason for her to get the knifes out.

 

Maybe it's one of those couples who are not really happy and then they decide: Now let's marry and then we will be happy. Somehow it doesn't work like that.

[neeray]

50 minutes ago, tekashicanada said:

Anyways, thank you all for the replies.

This girl craves the attention of her man. Seems like you care for her and want to stick with her.

That said, you'd better figure out how to reinvent yourself and adapt to your inter-racial married life.

The explanation for the knife/scissor incident sounds plausible.

Please don't make any babies until you figure out the answer to your rocky relationship.

(been there, done that)

[Just Weird]

On ‎11‎/‎29‎/‎2018 at 6:26 PM, tekashicanada said:

I recently got married with my Thai girlfriend and ever since then, we have been fighting the majority of the time. She expects a lot of attention and I don't seem to be fitting the bill. Things got physical yesterday and her outbursts are out of control. She started hitting the table and then she said she feels like dying on the way that I treated her. I replied, yes me too so then she went to the drawer and took a knife and some scissors and said choose. I was obviously frightened so spoke softly and she eventually left these back in the drawer. I am wondering on what I need to do. I am scared of how she will react so I am wondering what I can do? If i confront her and she gets really threatening again, is there a number I can call? 

 

191.

[superal]

47 minutes ago, tekashicanada said:

Thank you again for your answers.

 

Just a little update. She is still pretty moody when I get home but it seems like during the night she cuddles up and the next day it is like nothing happens. She even kisses me before going to work.

 

There might also be some communication problem as her English is not the best.

 

80% of the consensus here says to run. 

 

I am a decent guy and owe it to marriage to give it a chance however can't have the risk of her just grabbing sharp tools out of nowhere. I confronted her about that and she said: it was just a quick reaction because you said you also had the feeling of dying because of me. Are there professionals I can contact?

 

Anyways, thank you all for the replies.

Does the threatening violence happen when she has her periods ? or is there a noticeable change in her behavior every month that coincides with her periods ?

There is something about some Thai women who can turn violent especially if they have a drink and some without a drink . As mentioned previously you may be too engrossed in your business and not giving her any attention . However that is no excuse for the knife or scissors . Have to ask your self , can you tolerate her behavior and could you live without her ? If the latter seek a divorce lawyer . Make an excuse that you are out of town / country on business when you start proceedings .  You will retain your condo but if it was me I would sell it to be on the safe side . Time to get the duck out of fodge if you want to stay healthy and sleep well ..