Two nuns are biking down a cobblestone path. One nun says to the other, "I've never come this way before."
The other nun replies, "It's the cobblestones. I come this way all the time."

 

HHHH

 

"Mother Superior," said the novice nun . . .

"I have to confess that last night I committed the sin of fornication; six times."
The Mother Superior thought a minute. cut a lemon in four, and handed a slice to the novice.
"Here, my poor, lost child, take this, and suck it dry."
"Will this absolve me of my sin?" Asked the novice taking the lemon.
"No," said the Mother Superior. "But it will take that smile off your face!"

 

HHHHH

 

I saw a Nun with her clothes inside-out today...

I asked her about it, and she said it was *one of her bad habits*

HHHHH

 

At catholic school...

An old nun, a bit hard of hearing, teaching at a catholic school, asks the children what they want to be when they grow up.

Mary raiser her hand, "Please miss. I want to be a prostitute!"

Shocked, the nun says, "What did you just say?"

Mary says, "I want to be a pros-ti-tute!"

The nun replied, "Oh thank the Lord. It sounded like you wanted to be a protestant."

 

Why it took so long to have female astronauts.

 

Houston, we have a problem.

What is the problem?

It doesn't matter.

Tell us what your problem is.

Do I have to explain everything?

Please tell us what your problem is.

Houston, you know what the problem is.

Nice!

Fart when people hug you,it makes them feel strong!

I have a feeling that my wife had a secret affair with one of the band Boston. In fact, it’s more than a feeling…

A psychic goes into a shop and asks to see some shirts.

 

The shop assistant says: “How about this one?”

 

“It won’t fit”, says the psychic.

 

“How do you know, you haven’t tried it on?” replies the shop assistant.

 

The psychic answers: “That’s a small, I’m a medium”.

I hear Liz Truss has been offered refuge at Harry and Megan's house in California.

7 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

A psychic goes into a shop and asks to see some shirts.

 

The shop assistant says: “How about this one?”

 

“It won’t fit”, says the psychic.

 

“How do you know, you haven’t tried it on?” replies the shop assistant.

 

The psychic answers: “That’s a small, I’m a medium”.

I went to see a psychic.

 

I knocked on his door and he said "who is there?"

 

So I left

All this time, and I didn't realise that you can buy a birthday cake and eat it yourself anytime and nobody checks.