Hey!!

 - You Left the Toilet Seat UP!

 

 

 

 

13 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

   A Dirty Mind is a Joy Forever...

This sign on the Restroom door can be interpreted in two ways.

Being a proud member of the Five Inch High club, I obviously opted for the 'dirty' option...

 

 

 

There are just too many Covenants (against) building us an Ark...

 

Take a moment to read this. You won't be sorry.
In the year 2020, the Lord came unto Noah, Who was now living in America and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark."Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."
"I needed a Building Permit."
"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector about the need for a sprinkler system."
"My homeowners association claim that I've violated the
Neighborhood by-laws by building the Ark in my back yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a decision."
"Then the City Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals, PETA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."
"Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on Your proposed flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew."
"The Immigration Dept. Is checking the visa status of most of the people who want to work."
"The labor unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only union workers with ark-building experience."
"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark."
"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine and a rainbow stretched across the sky."
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. " The Government beat me to it." —

 

 

It's been raining here for 3 days without stopping.
My wife is in depression, she just stands there looking through the window.
If the rain doesn't stop tomorrow, I'll have to let her in.

 

A little old Jewish lady has taken her young grandson to the beach. He is playing in the shallow water. She is standing on the beach not wanting to get her feet wet, when all of a sudden, a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly over the spot where the little boy is wading.
The water recedes and the boy is no longer there. He has simply vanished into the sea.
The grandmother raises her hands high up toward the sky, screams and cries, "Lord, how could you take him? Have I not been a wonderful grandmother? Have I not been a wonderful mother? Have I not given to Bnai Brith? Have I not given to Hadassah? Have I not lit candles every Friday night at dusk? Have I not tried my very best to live the life that you would have me live?"
A loud voice booms down from the sky, "Okay, okay, already!" A few seconds later another huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on the beach.
As the water recedes, the little boy is playing there, smiling, splashing around as if nothing had ever happened. The loud voice booms again "I have returned your grandson. Are you satisfied?"
The grandmother looks at the boy for a moment, cups her hands to her mouth and yells up at the sky, "He had a hat!"

Meanwhile, in Merseyside !!

 

before the now pathetic days of equality