7 hours ago, WorriedNoodle said:

 

 

Meanwhile, back in the land of the free !

 

A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant last night...
"Did you smell that food?", she asked... "Incredible!"
Being the 'Kind Hearted Scotsman', he thought, what the heck, I'll treat her!
.... So they walked past it again...

A Yorkshireman was returning home and saw a plumber's van outside his house and thought...
...Jesus, I hope the missus is having an affair.

I read some where that really intelligent people are kind of lazy.

I think after revealing this to all of you it is time for a nap.

Boy comes home from school all excited.

” Dad, dad , I got a part in the school play , I play a man who has been married for 35 years !! “

Dad looks at the boy and replies .

” Don’t worry lad , next time you might get a speaking part “ 

What is Democracy? A boy is asked at school as his homework.

So the little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is democracy?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalist. Your Mom spends the money, so we'll call her the Government. Nanny is working at home for money, she's the worker class. We're here to spend that money to take care of you, the people. And your baby brother in bed, the future."

So the little boy goes off to bed and later hears his baby brother crying, he gets up to check on him and finds that he severely soiled his diaper. So the boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeps in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy goes to school. When teacher askes if anyone got the answer to the homework he raises hand,

 

"Democracy is, while Capitalists are screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep trouble."

A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between annoyed, anger and exasperation?”

The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.”

With that, the father went to the telephone and dialled a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Melvin there?”

The man answered, “There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don’t you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?”

 

“See,” said the father to his daughter. “That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something, and we annoyed him. Now watch . . .”

 

The father dialled the same number again. “Hello, is Melvin there?” asked the father.

“Now look here!” came the heated reply. “You just called this number, and I told you that there is no Melvin here! You’ve got a lot of nerve calling again!” The receiver was slammed down hard.

 

The father turned to his daughter and said, “You see, that was anger. Now I’ll show you what exasperation means.”

He dialled the same number, and a violent voice roared, “HELLO!”

The father calmly said in a muffled voice,

 

“Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?”

 

 

"I saw a sign in a hardware store to-day

'Cast iron sinks.'

 

As though everyone wasn't wise to that.
 

"You know Fatty Schultz the butcher.

What do you suppose he weighs?"

"I don't know, what does he weigh?"

 

"Meat."
 

"What do you call a professional grafter."

"A nurseryman."