Harry wanted a new suit so he bought a nice piece of cloth and tried to find a good tailor. The first tailor he visited looked at the cloth, measured Harry, then told him there was not enough cloth to make a suit. 
 Harry found this hard to accept, so he went to the tailor next door who measured both Harry and the cloth before announcing that there was enough cloth to make a three-piece suit. 
 A week later, Harry returned to collect his suit and noticed that the tailor’s son was wearing trousers made of the same cloth. Puzzled, Harry asked: ‘ How come you have been able to make a three-piece suit for me and trousers for your son when the chap next door could not even make a suit? ’ ‘Simple,’ said the tailor.

 

‘The Hymie next door has two sons.’ 
 

A college student took a part-time job delivering pizza.

On his first day, he had to deliver to a renowned skinflint. 
 ‘What’s the usual tip you scroungers want today?’ growled the customer. 
 ‘Well,’ said the student, ‘this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I’d be doing great.’ 
 ‘That so?’ grunted the man. ‘In that case, here’s five dollars.’ 
 ‘Thank you, I’ll put it in my college fund.’ 
 ‘Oh, what are you studying?’ 
 ‘Applied psychology.’ 
 
 

The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk.

She said: ‘This essay you’ve written about your pet dog is word for word exactly the same essay as your brother has written.’ 
 ‘Of course it is,’ said Johnny.

 

‘It’s the same bleedin dog init!’ 
 
 

What’s the one thing that all men in singles bars have in common? 
 They’re married. 

What do you get when you cross:- An elephant with a skunk?

Very few friends and large cleaning bills

 Chat-up Line:- • Hi, are you here to meet a nice man or will a shy and retiring young chap like me do? 

Lazada has really stepped up the product offering......

 

 

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I FEEL FINE ......

 

2 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

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non-aussies might assume this a photoshop... but no ????     

 

It even features in History Of Ford In Australia (hard&softcover) 

If I recall, it's on the back?   

 

Next time you're down in the dumps, bring me back an old tire...

On 8/30/2021 at 4:18 AM, VocalNeal said:

Oh Dear How Sad Never Mind.

Lovely Boy! 

My wife complained that I never buy her flowers.

 

It came as a complete surprise. I never knew she sold flowers.  

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S.

One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well.

So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
“Which part did you get?”

Dating sites:

Meeting your heroes

 

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