A Swede, an Irishman and a Scot are golfing with their wives ....
The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded. 'Well' she said, 'you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'

The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear..'

 

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee.
Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.
'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'
She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'

Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency,
here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear"!

 

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt
over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta <deleted> hell are yer drawers?'
She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.'

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says,

 

'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.... Tidy yerself up a bit."

Paddy the Builder
Paddy gets a job on a building site, but after a few weeks the boss calls him into the office and tells him he’s fired.
‘But why?’ Paddy asks.
The boss shakes his head and says, ‘Well, it’s like this, Paddy, you’re a good bloke but you don’t know anything about building.’
‘Now, that’s not true,’ says Paddy. ‘Give me an example.’
‘Okay,’ says the boss, ‘for instance, you don’t know the difference between a joist and a girder.’

‘Of course I do,’ says Paddy. ‘Joist wrote Ulysses and Girder wrote Faust.’
 

TODAY’s DAILY INSULT;
 After hearing you speak, I now know how the dead contact us. 
 

In a Land Far, Far Away
Once upon a time, and far, far away, lives a beautiful queen with voluptuous breasts. Nick the dragon slayer is obsessed with the queen’s breasts but knows that the penalty for ever acting on his wishes is death.
One day, Nick reveals his secret desire to Horatio, who is the king’s chief physician. Horatio the physician says that he can arrange for Nick the dragon slayer to satisfy his desire, but it will cost him a thousand gold coins. Without pause, Nick the dragon slayer readily agrees to the terms.

The next day, Horatio the physician makes a batch of itching powder and pours a little bit into the queen’s brassiere while she is bathing. Soon after she dresses, the itching commences and grows intense. Upon being summoned to the royal chambers to address this incident, Horatio the physician informs the king and queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, will cure this type of itch and that tests have shown that only Nick the dragon slayer has the right stuff.

The king quickly summons Nick the dragon slayer. Horatio the physician then slips Nick the dragon slayer the real antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly puts into his mouth. For the next four hours, Nick works passionately on the queen’s voluptuous and magnificent breasts.
The queen’s itching is eventually relieved, and Nick the dragon slayer leaves not only satisfied but also touted as a hero. Upon returning to his cabin, he finds Horatio the physician demanding his payment of a thousand gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the dragon slayer realises that Horatio the physician can never report this matter to the king, and so, with a laugh, he tells Horatio to take a hike.

The next day, Horatio the physician slips a massive dose of the same itching powder into the king’s underwear.

 

The king immediately summons Nick the dragon slayer …

Chat-up Line:- • Oh no, I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick! 
 

On 12/2/2021 at 7:38 AM, ballpoint said:

Bathing - P is silent....think about it ????

9 hours ago, WorriedNoodle said:

I think she was just pulling your string! (or something similar perhaps?)

????

7 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

She certainly looks like she could give me a buzz!

 

PS;  Is she also a busy bee?

1 hour ago, fangless said:

She certainly looks like she could give me a buzz!

 

PS;  Is she also a busy bee?

She'll take the sting out of your tail.