18 minutes ago, Zyxel said:

I think you woiuld have to be drunk to walk into it!

7 minutes ago, WorriedNoodle said:

He shouldn't worry too much as she is bound to  just give him the brush off!

17 hours ago, fangless said:

 

 

Saw these guys in Houston, Texas in 1981.......Shee-it I'm old!!!!

Timmy’s father was a rector in a small church, and when the bishop came to visit, Timmy was very excited. The bishop arrived late in the evening, well past Timmy’s bedtime, but the next morning the boy asked his father if he would be allowed to meet the important guest. 
 His father thought about this and decided to let Timmy take the bishop his tea and wake him up. The following instructions were issued: ‘First, knock on the door of the bishop’s room and then say to him: “It’s the boy, my Lord, it’s time to get up.’” 

 Timmy rehearsed his lines, repeating them over and over. Finally the tea was ready and he picked up the tray and headed for the bishop’s room. A few minutes later, the bishop, still in his pyjamas, was seen running out the door and down the lane. 
 The father turned to his son and said: ‘What happened?’ 
 ‘I’m sorry,’ said Timmy. ‘I was so nervous I messed up my lines. I knocked on the door and said:

 

“It’s the Lord, my boy, your time is up!”’ 

A kindergarten teacher is observing her classroom of children while they are drawing.

She occasionally walks around to see each child’s work.

As she gets to one little girl who is working diligently, she asks what the drawing is.
The girl replies, ‘I’m drawing God.’
The teacher pauses and says,

‘But no one knows what God looks like.’
Without missing a beat or looking up from her drawing, the girl replies,

 

‘They will in a minute.’

Poetry from the Soul;
I woke early one morning,
The earth lay cool and still,
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my windowsill.
He sang a song so lovely,
So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles,
Began to slip away.
He sang of far-off places,
Of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling,
Brought up the morning sun.
I stirred beneath the covers,
Crawled slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window,

And crushed his bleeding head.

Sorry but I am just not a morning person.
 

 The bartender asked the guy sitting at the bar: ‘What’ll you have?’ 
 The guy answered: ‘A scotch, please.’ 
 The bartender handed him the drink and said: ‘That’ll be five dollars.’ 
 The guy said: ‘What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.’ 

 A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, said to the bartender:

‘You know, he’s got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.’ 

 The bartender was not happy, but said to the guy: ‘OK, you beat me for a drink. But don’t ever let me catch you in here again.’ 

 The next day, the same guy walked into the bar.

The bartender said: ‘What the heck are you doing in here? I thought I told you to steer clear of this joint. I can’t believe you’ve got the nerve to come back!’ 
 The guy said innocently: ‘What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life.’ 
 Fearing that he had made a mistake, the bartender backed down.

‘I’m very sorry, but the likeness is uncanny. You must have a double.’ 
 The guy replied:

‘Thanks. Make it a scotch.’ 
 

TODAY’s DAILY INSULT;

 I know we all sprang from the apes but you didn’t spring far enough.