“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?”

 

“My mother?” replied Helen. “I thought she was your mother.”

Just got home to find all my windows forced open and everything gone.

You think you know people....

Last time l buy an advent calender!

What happened to the turkey at Christmas?
It got gobbled!
 

What other fruit do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?
 A pineapple!
 

Santa went to the Doctors with a problem.
 Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
 Santa: I seem to have a mince pie stuck up my bottom!
 Doctor: Well your in luck because I've got just the cream for that!
 

Paddy and Mick shared first prize of £500,000 (in the Irish Sweepstakes and were celebrating their winnings over a jar of stout. 
“But Paddy, OiVe been thinking,” said Mick with a worried frown, “what will we do with all them Christmas beggin’ letters?” 
“Shure,” said Paddy, “we’ll go on sending ’em out as usual.” 
 

Chat-up Line:- • What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk?

My Zipper! 
 

TODAY’s DAILY INSULT;

Keep repeating, ‘Socks first, then shoes.’ 
 

All the reindeer are back home after xmas.

Rudolf is sitting with his wife and son when his son looks out of the window and says look dad it's snowing again. Rudolf looks and says  no son that's rain. His son says  are you sure it's rain?

Mummy reindeer says  don't argue with your father because Rudolf the red knows rain dear.