The older I get, the more I am ignored here!

[Pilotman]

1 hour ago, Chicken George said:

I speak Thai. When out with the wife people will often ask my wife about me. I aways say to them you can ask me that as I speak Thai. They then ask my wife something else about me. So again I repeat again that I speak thai and why wont they ask me direct. They then normally explain to the wife that they ate shy or are showing respect to me by not asking me directly. 

Its frustrating at times.. But I know they are not being rude in their view.

What is rude is when I hear the word "Farang" when I am out and I know they ate talking about me as Im the only farang around..lol

Not sure this is a Thai problem.  As you get older, people seem to assume that you lose 15 points off your IQ for every 5 years over 60. After 70, they assume that you are senile and doddering. after 80, they don't see you at all. 

[kannot]

dont worry neeranam I too feel im often ignored, they all talk over me, gets me foookin mad sometimes so i start to shout  loudly..usually at the Wife...............I start softly then build up to "eruption " mode, usually as what they are about to do I can foresee a total ferkup in the making

[elgenon]

On 2/16/2019 at 1:53 AM, simon43 said:

The thing about speaking Thai is that maybe they don't expect you to be speaking Thai, and they try to figure out what English words you're saying.

 

Case in point today - I went to a new clinic to book an eye test.  The receptionist couldn't understand me at all!  I saw the optician, chatted in Thai to her and then went back to the receptionist who was now 'tuned in'  and was able to chat with me in fluent Thai ????

Yes, I find that true at restaurants. They don't expect Thai so they don't hear it. I do think they expect English. So I repeat the Thai slowly.

Generally they start talking to me in English, so we are both speaking our worst language.

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, Chicken George said:

What is rude is when I hear the word "Farang" when I am out and I know they ate talking about me as Im the only farang around..lol

I think it's almost funny when people are offended by that word. What's the problem?

For most people that word just means "western white foreigner" or something similar. It's like being in a room full of white guys and saying something like: look that what Chinese guy over there is drinking or the black guy eating or whatever. It's just an easy and simple way to identify a person.

[robblok]

On 2/16/2019 at 5:55 PM, scorecard said:

"...As often as not the vendor would turn to her daughter who looks Thai and ask her. ..."

 

I guess we've all experienced this. 

 

A few times when I've been with my Thai family and I've asked a question in Thai (pretty good Thai and many times Thai folks have said my oxien / pronunciation is good), and the waitress or shop assistant has immediately said to my adult Thai son "farang phut alai" (what did the farang say?). 

 

My son's polite response, in Thai  'ask him (pointing at me), he speaks Thai, he's speaking Thai to you now'.

 

Look of shock / confusion then occasionally the penny drops. 

 

When I first met my son's intended in laws (upcountry folks) at a nice air-con local restaurant, we all walked in and I quickly went to my son's gf's mother and father and in Thai politely asked if I could sit with them.

 

The mother was totally confused and terrified, the father understood instantly and took my hand and we sat together and had a great time, within perhaps an hour his wife relaxed and from there I ensured she felt part of the conversation all in Thai.

 

In total about 15 people sitting around a large round table including the son, a middle aged very loud over the top ladyboy who kept on trying to re-organze the table etc., and insisting that it's not possible for foreigners to speak thai and kept saying he would translate, problem being that he speaks about 5 words of English.

 

 

What i have experienced and my Thai is certainly not at your level, is that they expect English from a foreigner and then don't register the Thai. I have had this too at times when my GF is speaking English and I expect Thai. It just does not register as an English word then. 

 

So I understand the problems, I often speak a couple of languages at the same time (Dutch, English, Thai) when in a group of mixed people. That also makes it harder to talk as you have to switch all the time and make wrong switches. Anyway someone expecting English and not having great skill in English or the speaker not having great Thai skill might end up with some confusion until its clear what language is spoken.

[Grusa]

1 hour ago, scorecard said:

Couldn't agree more, look around Pattaya you will find some pleasant, intelligent, polite, respectful and sincere farang and you'll also find the dregs of the earth, who have behaviors which are just awful and they do have some influence on how Thai folks think about farangs. 

 

 

If 10 good people do 10 good things on 10 consecutive days, no-one notices or remembers. If 1 bad person does 1 bad thing on 1 day, it will be remembered forever and held against the good people.

[RandG]

On 2/16/2019 at 4:09 PM, kokesaat said:

 

 

I do find it amusing that I generally pay the bill but the staff will almost always give my wife the change.  That's ok.....she needs the change at the market.

 

 

 

 

My wife is German and yet more often than not they will give her the change too. 

[Grusa]

When an English speaker listens to a non-native English speaker (and even some native speakers) some effort is made to work around mispronunciation, incorrect grammar, incorrect usage, and totally wrong vocabulary. Often non-native speakers are better at this than native.

 

In my experience, many native Thai speakers are quite incapable of making such allowances. One example is that quoted above, shirt and tiger.

 

I once ordered in a restaurant, from the menu, laab moo. The waitress did not understand. I tried to the best of my limited ability all the possible tonal variations of "laab" and "moo" - no flicker of comprehension. 

So far as I know there is nothing in a restauarant called anything like "laab", other than spicy Isaan chopped meat salad, and "moo" is unlikely to be anything other than pork, although I have been served squid by mistake "mook". 

Eventually, I pointed to the photographic illiterates menu, "Oh, you want laab moo!".

And yes, she was Thai, not a foreign worker. In deepest Bangkok, by the river.

[bkk6060]

28 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I think it's almost funny when people are offended by that word. What's the problem?

For most people that word just means "western white foreigner" or something similar. It's like being in a room full of white guys and saying something like: look that what Chinese guy over there is drinking or the black guy eating or whatever. It's just an easy and simple way to identify a person.

It is shocking sometimes how many people are looking for a reason to be hated.

Just negative about everything even a word as with your correct description does not have a general negative connotation.

[RJRS1301]

1 hour ago, bkk6060 said:

Maybe consider looking at retirement communities where you will be treated like everyone else.

Ignored?

[RJRS1301]

44 minutes ago, Pilotman said:

Not sure this is a Thai problem.  As you get older, people seem to assume that you lose 15 points off your IQ for every 5 years over 60. After 70, they assume that you are senile and doddering. after 80, they don't see you at all. 

How true,or treat you as if you are feeble,and make comments such as “oh ver string and brave” 

I have sat on government advisory bodies where at 65 (at the time), I was the baby of the group with the exception of the public service secretariats staff.

[tandor]

..we all have a 'use by' date it seems.

[lkv]

1 hour ago, bkk6060 said:

Maybe consider looking at retirement communities where you will be treated like everyone else.

Actually that's a good idea. What I am wondering is, which countries in Asia integrate westerners to that extent, if any.

[tandor]

On 2/16/2019 at 9:43 PM, Sprog71 said:

? GRUMPY OLD MAN AT 50. Wait until you are 80.

In general in the UK you start to be ignored/overlooked at 70 and it gets progressively worse.

In Thailand I have been overlooked /ignored since the age of 40 when I married my Thai wife.

..just wait til your ATM card expires....Signed 'The Invisible Man'.

[mauGR1]

1 hour ago, rumak said:

Actually,  i find that to be one of the very few benefits of getting old .   At least it kind of falls in place with

my (lack of) desire to have interactions with most people.   No, i am not a bitter old man.....but do not ignore the fact that it is no fun getting old.   I am sure there are a few here that will now tell me how this is the

best time of their life.  Well, personally I enjoyed the health and vitality part a bit more !   Of course, I was not working a job for someone else and had the freedom to do it my way (with all its ups and downs).

 

yep. the best time is now.

Honestly, getting old is no fun, but it's better than the alternative

[Bluespunk]

On 2/16/2019 at 11:47 AM, Neeranam said:

Just an observation, when I was in my 20's, Thais used accept that I could speak the language. Now, in my early 50's, they expect me not to speak Thai. Regularly, with my teenage daughters, I'm ignored. Out for dinner with my wife, she gets the menu and 9 times out of 10, I don't.

My Thai has improved in 2 decades, so that is not the issue. 

Am I missing something?

Have I become a grumpy looking old man that nobody wants to speak to?

Sitting in a coffee shop now, where the girl asked if I could speak Thai. I said yes, and she continued to speak pidgin English with me, despite me telling her it was best to talk in Thai.

Sigh, I'll never understand this culture completely

Perhaps she wanted to improve her English...practice makes perfect.

[Somtamnication]

Sorry, Neeranam, what were you saying?

[Somtamnication]

Actually, that happens to me, a lot! I can be at a Thai restaurant and I get ignored by the Thais. My wife is under orders to not answer their questions.

She forces them to look at me and take my orders.

 

Then she tells me off for my tones! Can't win for losing!

[VocalNeal]

I let my wife do the ordering. She always orders 50% more than she can eat and then something for me. I let her pay the bill.

 

I'm sure in your own country waiters would ignore your foreign wife and talk to you?

[sawadee1947]

On 2/16/2019 at 10:15 AM, mauGR1 said:

Nothing to do with Thai culture imo, but young people are not very interested in old people, everywhere.

Therefore old men are dying their hair or/and wear a soldier's uniform, best General's.

[4MyEgo]

Hair for men works for me ????

 

[natway09]

Think yourself lucky.

I like it like that

[ToddinChonburi]

The fact that humans need to be taught everything would explain it perfectly.  who is teaching them anything different. Have you asked yourself if they are understanding your dialect.

[riceyummm]

On 2/16/2019 at 9:51 PM, swissie said:

Right on. Thai is a tonal language. Most words can be pronounced 4 different ways = 4 different meanings. One falsly pronounced word can screw up the whole sentence. The different pronounciation are hardly noticable by the Farang ear. That is what makes Thai so hard to learn for Farangs.
It can happen that the Farang enters a store, wanting to buy a shirt (sua). Likely he said "I want to buy a Tiger" (sua).
-The 2 week tourists need not to worry. In Tourist-Hub's, "f*cky f*cky, check-bin, tau rai short time/long time" is likely to be sufficient as far as language skills are concerned.????

This is a fascinating thread, one of the best I've read in a while as I've given a great deal of thought to this exact subject.

I'm impressed, I've gotten to page three and this hasn't turned into a pissing contest, please don't start one now.

I think it depends on the intelligence level of the person you're trying to communicate with. I'm pretty well educated and can usually figure out what a Thai person is trying to say in English even when they are saying it wrong. They are the same way, some get it and some don't.

[scorecard]

2 hours ago, Grusa said:

If 10 good people do 10 good things on 10 consecutive days, no-one notices or remembers. If 1 bad person does 1 bad thing on 1 day, it will be remembered forever and held against the good people.

Yes, and that's human nature, nothing to do specifically with Thailand.

[mikecha]

Normal as the woman alway do the talking  Bla bla 

let them doit whay not relax who cares 

 

 

[thecyclist]

When on top of being a farang - a second or third class of human if considered fully human at all in Thailand - you are old, you have turned into a non-entity. You can only make up for it by flashing a lot of cash/gold/fancy cars etc (in Thailand that makes up for just about any shortcoming) to get their attention and "love". 

[Gecko123]

3 hours ago, Benroon said:

Then move - I don’t recognise any of that in my wife’s town at all!

If you can't see the impact urbanization has on rural communities, you need to look closer. There isn't a corner of Thailand which hasn't been impacted. You also need to live in a village on an ongoing basis to see the impact: husbands go off to Bangkok for protracted periods to find work, kids are shipped back to the village while their parents work in a factory in Samut Prakan or Nontaburi. If you just occasionally visit a village (you did refer to "your wife's town", not "the town where I/we live"), chances are you're not going to pick up on these changes. Most rural villages have tons of school age kids and people over 50, with few working age people. This is a direct result of urbanization.

Edited February 18, 2019 by Gecko123

[Neeranam]

At new year, I had a BBQ inviting the neighbours.

Sitting with my US friend, a couple of men, one a lawyer approached us. They jokingly asked if we could speak Thai. I said yes and my friend had just finished a law degree at a Thai university. After 10 minutrs of chatting in Thai, they sat down with their female friends and started talking about us in a sort of negative way. They simply refused to believe or accept that our Thai could be better than their English.

Man, I have a thousand stories like this.

[Neeranam]

23 hours ago, possum1931 said:

You go into a restaurant without wearing a shirt? Any Farang who comes into a restaurant when I'm eating without wearing a shirt will soon know all about it.

Would you do the same if it was a Thai?