Child with a thai woman??

[themongoose]

I have been on the otherside of this situation. Living in the UK, I divorced with my Chinese wife (her choice), and the prospect of her taking my daughter back to China and only being able to see her every couple of months of the year was the biggest fear on my mind.

 

Luckily her mother couldn't have given a rats ass and ended up leaving our daughter with me anyway. So now I have seen how their relationship has changed, now that they only see each other 2-3 times per year.

 

As many have said here, if you want to give your child the best life, parenting is a full time job for ideally two people. You will never have a close relationship with your child if you don't live together, and they will grow up thinking your behaviour and your absence is normal - and expect to either behave like that themselves or tolerate such behaviour as normal.

 

Its up to you what you consider important in your life, but you should also consider that you are creating more than just a child. You are creating a new life.

 

Are you doing this for your benefit or theirs?

Edited November 5, 2020 by themongoose

[lovethai123]

4 minutes ago, faraday said:

Please expand on this, & then I  will endeavour to give you an appropriate reply.

 

Are you Danish?

No I am not. 

Not even close. 

 

I am brown skinned chubby man. Girls in my country prefer a fair skinned muscular man. I have already crossed 30. Its nt easy to find a suitable girl for marriage once u cross 30 in my country.  The ones I find are divorced/separated. My thai girl is a lot better than all these local woman.  

[lovethai123]

4 minutes ago, themongoose said:

 

 

Are you doing this for your benefit or theirs?

just coz i want a child. 

[lovethai123]

5 minutes ago, themongoose said:

 

 

As many have said here, if you want to give your child the best life, parenting is a full time job for ideally two people. You will never have a close relationship with your child if you don't live together, and they will grow up thinking your behaviour and your absence is normal - and expect to either behave like that themselves or tolerate such behaviour as normal.

 

 

Thanks for this info.

Now I feel as if I will be cruel to the child due to my constant absence.

 

I will think all over it again and explore the options. But it appears me living in a different country and a 4-5 day visit on a monthly basis isn't sufficient to raise a child. and this may lead to my child being an absent parent for my grand children. 

 

well its a terrible idea then.

 

Thanks all for your time and replies.

[lovethai123]

24 minutes ago, blackcab said:

 

1. I don't think so. Attitudes are changing, and there are lots of single Thai mums.

 

2. Yes, if your partner chooses to add your name.

 

3. Yes.

 

4. No.

 

5. Available in larger cities. Prices can range from not a lot at all to hundreds of thousands of baht per year. It all depends on the school.

 

If you don't want to get married you can go to Court and legitimise the child to become it's legal father. If you do this then the answer to question 4 will change to Yes if you fulfill the visa criteria.

Thanks for the reply but now I feel this is a terrible idea being an absent father.

 

 

[Freigeist365]

55 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

Your child will be "luk krueng" ( half Thai ) and hence looked down on by all Thais. Unless you are going to bring the child up outside Thailand, forget it.

What utter BS - I have a good friend who has two Thai/Foreign kids and they are the stars at school and wherever they go. It's the year 2020, not 1600.

[KC 71]

If you can, i would give it a couple of years and see how things pan out.

[Freigeist365]

That's what my friend says:
 

1. Will the child be considered as illegitimate and looked down upon in the Thai society? 

No, if the child is brought up with love, care and is being taught empathy. If he/she does not look down on anyone, thinking he/she is some better person because of her ancestry, any Thai kid will simply accept him/her as any other Thai kid.

 

2. Will the birth certificate of the child bear my name even if I am not legally married to his/her mother? Can the child have my last name? 

Yes!

 

3. Will the child automatically have Thai nationality even though I am the father and not a permanent resident ? 

If born in Thailand, he/she will have two nationalities. You will have to register birth at your embassy/consulate.

 

4. Will I be eligible for some kind of visa which allows me to visit Thailand whenever I want to meet my child? ( I don't want to live in Thailand)

No. If you don't want to live here, then a simple tourist visa will do (given that the Corona madness ends some day within our life span).

 

5. Are schools where medium of instruction is English available across Thailand? If yes then what is the yearly expense. 

Difficult and varies from around 150k per yer to 600k, depending on how high the kids, directors and paying parents of that private school hold their noses. There are also great local government or mixed (govt/private) schools around. The more rural the area, the less choices you'll have.

Good luck! Imho being a good father would mean also that you LOVE the home land of your wife and would consider living there as a whole, true family and not on an on/off basis. If you just wanna go in 50%, then don't do it for the sake of the poor child AND her mother.
 

[lovethai123]

2 minutes ago, Freigeist365 said:

Good luck! Imho being a good father would mean also that you LOVE the home land of your wife and would consider living there as a whole, true family and not on an on/off basis. If you just wanna go in 50%, then don't do it for the sake of the poor child AND her mother.
 

I liked Thailand initially but now I don't like it much. Because of people. They have become hostile towards foreigners in the recent years. The smiling happy faces have disappeared. 

 

 

 

3 minutes ago, Freigeist365 said:

Difficult and varies from around 150k per yer to 600k, depending on how high the kids, directors and paying parents of that private school hold their noses. There are also great local government or mixed (govt/private) schools around. The more rural the area, the less choices you'll have.

 

I guess I can afford it. I assume if I  avoid Bangkok  then i think it should be cheaper in other cities.

My focus is that the medium of instruction should be English so that the child may get higher education in the west. That's what my thoughts were. 

 

But many people have advised against this setup and I now feel that parenting is a full time job and it can't be done as a tourist. 

 

 

[Lacessit]

19 minutes ago, Freigeist365 said:

What utter BS - I have a good friend who has two Thai/Foreign kids and they are the stars at school and wherever they go. It's the year 2020, not 1600.

On the basis of a statistical population of two? Possibly it depends on other factors, such as the amount of money the parents have, skin color, etc. Presumably you have not heard of confounding variables.

The OP has said he is a chubby brown man. Unless there is considerable use of the skin whitening products so popular in Thailand, any child will follow that genetic inheritance. And if you think discrimination on the basis of skin color does not occur between Thais themselves, you're blind.

[surangw]

her entire family will find a way to cash in on the situation 

[lovethai123]

10 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

And if you think discrimination on the basis of skin color does not occur between Thais themselves, you're blind.

yeah i have seen that. 

girlfriend has a fair skin like chinese women. and i am a brown chubby man. I cant predict the skin color of child though . but yes color makes  a difference in thailand

 

9 minutes ago, surangw said:

her entire family will find a way to cash in on the situation 

That ship has sailed. 

Edited November 5, 2020 by lovethai123

[Kwasaki]

3 hours ago, lovethai123 said:

I am thinking of having a child with her. It's just a thought as of now.

She has a child from a Thai man already but she was never legally married.

 

The purpose of a marriage is to have a child and that purpose can be fulfilled by a "Thai /Pinoy/  girlfriend".

 

I have a few questions :-

 

1. Will the child be considered as illegitimate and looked down upon in the Thai society? 

 

2. Will the birth certificate of the child bear my name even if I am not legally married to his/her mother? Can the child have my last name? 

 

3. Will the child automatically have Thai nationality even though I am the father and not a permanent resident ? 

 

4. Will I be eligible for some kind of visa which allows me to visit Thailand whenever I want to meet my child? ( I don't want to live in Thailand)

 

5. Are schools where medium of instruction is English available across Thailand? If yes then what is the yearly expense. 

 

The first part sounds like your ordering a takeaway.

1. why would it.

2.If the mother agrees yes.

3. Yes.

4. Yes.

5. It costs whatever you want to pay.

[lovethai123]

2 minutes ago, Kwasaki said:

The first part sounds like your ordering a takeaway.

1. why would it.

2.If the mother agrees yes.

3. Yes.

4. Yes.

5. It costs whatever you want to pay.

thnx for replying but things aren't that simple. i have never had a child. the people here who are obviously more experienced that me in thailand life have opened by eyes that parenting is a full time job and i cant be a father on a tourist visa.

 

this plan is dropped for now.. i will think of other options .

[Meat Pie 47]

2 hours ago, rumak said:

99%  here will tell you don't even think about what you are suggesting.   I am in that group

+1

[EricTh]

To answer your questions, you must be legally married to her first. What's the problem of marrying her in the first place?

[Meat Pie 47]

2 hours ago, bwpage3 said:

Parenting is a full time 24/7 every single day job for 18 years

A bit longer than that in Thailand

[Barnabe]

The fact that you're brown skinned and chubby are disadvantages, but being older than 30 is not - that's an advantage for most women 18 to 30. The good news is that chubbiness can be fixed if you're willing to put in the work, even if the brown part cannot.

 

You're marrying a woman with a previous child, which in my opinion is a huge mistake in your case. You should get a fresh one, without a child, you'll have far less problems. You'll always be second to the child's needs, which is OK if it's your own child, but might brew resentment if it's not as in this case. If you were in your 50's or more, then a woman with a child would still be a mistake, but a lesser one since you would have less choice.

 

I'd suggest you spend some time bettering yourself, such as losing weight and gaining muscle, which will give you more self-esteem. This will create a feedback loop that will enable you to become more confident and have access to higher quality women - at least looks wise.

 

Once you're there, you can select the best one from the bunch you have access, but you should still take your time. This will not guarantee success but give you far better choices.

 

You have plenty of time to achieve these goals, and should look to settle down between 35 and 45.

 

Good luck and don't take the easy way out if you want to be happy and successful.

 

[jak2002003]

Why does op want a child which he will hardly get to see or take part in its life?

 

Better just donate to a sperm bank...that way can have many offspring. 

 

 

[lovethai123]

1 hour ago, EricTh said:

To answer your questions, you must be legally married to her first. What's the problem of marrying her in the first place?

I am not a westerner. Thais are looked down upon in my country. If i have a thai wife , then people would assume that she was a bargirl before. though that's not incorrect and we did meet in a bar ????????.

 

Also her past (though extremely short period of time) which involves working in a bar in the sin city stops me from marrying her.

 

 

[lovethai123]

2 minutes ago, jak2002003 said:

Why does op want a child which he will hardly get to see or take part in its life?

 

Better just donate to a sperm bank...that way can have many offspring. 

 

 

The bank will reject me just after seeing my body and face. ????????????

 

The buyers prefer the sperm of a young handsome man who doesn't smoke or drink. 

 

 

 

 

[jak2002003]

5 minutes ago, lovethai123 said:

The bank will reject me just after seeing my body and face. ????????????

 

The buyers prefer the sperm of a young handsome man who doesn't smoke or drink. 

 

 

 

 

Think you just need to get some self confidence and go on a diet. Your age is not old, my are not even middle age yet. 

 

Why do you want a child with a woman in a different country that you won't marry and hardly see her or the child? 

 

Why do you want a child at all? 

 

 

[lovethai123]

19 minutes ago, Barnabe said:

 

 

You have plenty of time to achieve these goals, and should look to settle down between 35 and 45.

 

 

 

 

20 minutes ago, Barnabe said:

 

 

I'd suggest you spend some time bettering yourself, such as losing weight and gaining muscle, which will give you more self-esteem. This will create a feedback loop that will enable you to become more confident and have access to higher quality women - at least looks wise.

 

 

I used to give such motivational talks to my employees at some time. U made  remember my past. but it's allright as i have already dropped the plan of a child in this way of a visiting father. thats bad parenting.

22 minutes ago, Barnabe said:

 

 

You're marrying a woman with a previous child, which in my opinion is a huge mistake in your case. You should get a fresh one, without a child, you'll have far less problems.

 

not marrying. no such plans. just a child was the original thought. but people here have different opinion and i must respect their opinion as i have always found help on this forum whenever i was in a dilemma regarding thailand. 

[lovethai123]

1 minute ago, jak2002003 said:

 

 

Why do you want a child at all? 

 

 

everyone around me has a child. all my friends have a child. a child would give a purpose to life. else why should i work and rather go to the himalayas and become a sage. 

 

i cant marry this woman due to a few reasons mentioned already and primary being her job in a bar in pattaya. but child is allright. but everything is so damn complicated now. 

[jak2002003]

5 minutes ago, lovethai123 said:

everyone around me has a child. all my friends have a child. a child would give a purpose to life. else why should i work and rather go to the himalayas and become a sage. 

 

i cant marry this woman due to a few reasons mentioned already and primary being her job in a bar in pattaya. but child is allright. but everything is so damn complicated now. 

Have you asked your family and friends what they think of your idea? 

[lovethai123]

1 minute ago, jak2002003 said:

Have you asked your family and friends what they think of your idea? 

the idea is dropped as of now. because i cant raise a child by living in my country and sending money. The people here have advised against it. I don't have anyone to discuss about it so I came on this forum. 

Edited November 5, 2020 by lovethai123

[geisha]

Oh dear, forget this plan immediately. You are obviously from a country that will not ba accepted in ordinary Thai life, Indian, or Arab, and to ask a woman to have a child only for your benefit is a crime. I’m quite sure you can find a lady who does not work in a bar in your own country. There are lots of divorced or widowed , even single ladies, who want to settle down. Not every man looks like Beckham . 

[RichardColeman]

4 hours ago, bwpage3 said:

Having a child and being an absent father is the cruelest thing you could ever do to a child.

 

It is downright selfish and just plain wrong.

You want to reconsidered that line of drivel when the absent fathers on here tell you their experiences of some wicked, selfish women that have deliberately forced them away from their families and wrecked their sanities 

[Meat Pie 47]

46 minutes ago, lovethai123 said:

The bank will reject me just after seeing my body and face. ????????????

 

The buyers prefer the sperm of a young handsome man who doesn't smoke or drink. 

 

 

 

 

You are a troll just go away

[OneMoreFarang]

5 hours ago, lovethai123 said:

5. Are schools where medium of instruction is English available across Thailand? If yes then what is the yearly expense

Yes. A lot even for a half decent school.

That's one important reason why many foreigners decide not to have children in Thailand.