When I visit the wifes home town I opt to stay in a hotel whilst the wife and child stay at the family home. Its been like this since we were married. 

 

At the time of first meeting years ago, I have never felt accepted by them. Possibly my fault from the start as I stated that I didnt believe in the sinsot system and asked for the money to be given back to be spent on our child. 

 

One brother was particularly angry and hostile from the start and we cant be in each others presence now. When I met the other one unpacking the car this week he was giving me all sorts of looks.... no smiles. 

 

Then my daughter later told me that he asked her to give a back massage whilst they were all out by the pool. Its a sore point as Ive previously had to reprimand my wifes father about this over a yr ago. My smart daughter said no to him but I thought it was a bit weird he was playing games like this knowing we dont want our daughter giving massages to any men. 

 

My daughter also told me that my wife said to her that she is not allowed to get in the car with either of them (ie and go shopping). I was relieved to hear that my wife told her this. 

 

IMHO I think the best thing any westerner marrying into a Thai family can do is to move away from the city / town where the main family is. If we didnt do this I doubt my marriage would have lasted. Before we had moved away I was certain that the family were doing things to try to push my wife away from me. I suspect its the reason for their odd behaviour in the past. Whenever her parents come to visit they have to stick by the rules of our house or go home. Ive had more than a few hard words (in the past couple of yrs) to both of her parents and dont care about their feelings if they step out of line about my daughter. They know that Im full on strict about her and that I dont care about any repercussions with any of that crowd. 

 

Anyone else have issues with their Thai family? 

 

 

No different here than anywhere else. You can choose your friends but you can't choose your relatives. Some good some bad. Its her Mother you need to undertsand because your wife will turn out like her.  That's why I have never married a person whose Mother is ugly or fat. 

I am lucky I don't have those issues any more, my girl's parents died early and apart from a brother no close family. I have experienced it though with my first one, and living in several villages. The thing with the uncles and your daughter stick to your guns and what you think is best. It sounds like even your wife doesn't trust them. This sort of stuff is not unusual in rural Thailand unfortunately. Not long after I came here I went to a school sports day and was horrified to see a senior teacher, blind drunk and had actually peed his pants encouraging primary school girls to massage him, even around the legs and thighs. What was even worse was he was meant to drive 12 of them home in the back of his pick up about 20km (and did). The other younger teachers who clearly must have known it was wrong seemed reluctant to stop him. 

 

My advice to any newb would be definitely not plan to live in your wife's village, not at least until you have lived here a couple of years and scoped things out. Proximity to the family may be one issue but not as bad as other inherent problems....old (current?) boy friends / husbands hanging around, gambling etc.

 

This isn't true in all cases of course. I lived in a village with a lady had a wonderful family. Always ate together, open house most of the time (which I normally deplore) but they were genuinely good decent people. All helped and contributed in someway. I think the lower you go down the socio economic scale the worse the problems will be. There will be an expectancy that you are part of the family and as such you should be sharing what you have. Of course to Isaan people who love to talk about sharing usually means a one way street...you sharing with them until everything is gone.  

24 minutes ago, jack71 said:

Anyone else have issues with their Thai family? 

Dont worry mate, my outlaws are horrible people.

I had an electric motor fitted to our gate keep them out, works fine, they soon got the message, wife goes over there, but they very rarely come over here.

1 hour ago, jack71 said:

Whenever her parents come to visit they have to stick by the rules of our house or go home.

Easily solved by living in a condo or one bedroom house, so THEY have to stay in an hotel.

My family told my wife to divorce me when I wouldn't give them money- she told me that.

We were happy till we moved to Chiang Mai and the rat bag nephew decided to spend weekends with us. My wife and I had many disputes over him, but she always sided with him over me. Unfortunately I wasn't rich enough to move elsewhere with or without my wife.

1 hour ago, jack71 said:

Anyone else have issues with their Thai family? 

Enough to destroy my marriage. She didn't understand that husband is supposed to come before family- Thainess.

7 hours ago, colinneil said:

Dont worry mate, my outlaws are horrible people.

I had an electric motor fitted to our gate keep them out, works fine, they soon got the message, wife goes over there, but they very rarely come over here.

Surprised you haven,t used your shotgun on them col......????

My in-laws are brilliant. 

They excepted me from day one. And to all the cynics out there, it has nothing to do with money.

In fact, in the 12 years I have lived in the village, they have been way more generous towards me than I have ever been to them. 

I would also say that it is not just the immediate family but all my wife's friends have also always been very kind and considerate towards me.

I have always enjoyed socializing with them, apart from when they pester me to sing on the karaoke! 

 

57 minutes ago, colinneil said:

Dont worry mate, my outlaws are horrible people.

I had an electric motor fitted to our gate keep them out, works fine, they soon got the message, wife goes over there, but they very rarely come over here.

You didn't need to go to that expense as just putting one electric cable to the ground and the other to the gate is cheaper deterrent.

My TGF is from the south of Thailand and her only direct family is her older brother who is a training officer in the Army....we get on fine and they all seem decent folk...I do not give my GF any "salary" and never will,she is free to leave whenever she is not happy......been together 7 years and we are both very happy,if I ever felt any animosity from her family she would get told..and I would be off if it continued....life,s too short to get messed about by others.

1 hour ago, colinneil said:

Dont worry mate, my outlaws are horrible people.

I had an electric motor fitted to our gate keep them out, works fine, they soon got the message, wife goes over there, but they very rarely come over here.

A .50 caliber on your scooter would do the trick as well.

Wow, guess that can happen anywhere.....

Fortunately, over the years it's been proven that I married into a warm, happy, active, caring family... We don't live close and I feel bad at times we can't see them more, given the Covid world in which we now find ourselves...

It could have turned out just the opposite....But it didn't....

4 hours ago, colinneil said:

Dont worry mate, my outlaws are horrible people.

I had an electric motor fitted to our gate keep them out, works fine, they soon got the message, wife goes over there, but they very rarely come over here.

Silly sods just don't know what they're missing.

 

Still, I doubt they'd understand your blunt, on point & excellent Northern humour.

 

We loves 'oo you Col. ????

3 hours ago, pgrahmm said:

Wow, guess that can happen anywhere.....

Fortunately, over the years it's been proven that I married into a warm, happy, active, caring family... We don't live close and I feel bad at times we can't see them more, given the Covid world in which we now find ourselves...

It could have turned out just the opposite....But it didn't....

My wife has 3  brothers, 2 married and one not and she used to have Mum and Dad. They all live in BKK while we live 350km away in Kamphaeng Phet province.

 

Her Mum used to live with us for 4 or 5 years in a small house until she died about 4 years ago, and her Dad died a couple of years ago.

 

We helped the family when needed, and they helped us at times, My wife's older brother, his 3rd wife and his daughter from the first marriage, now 26 came up this Songkran, with him as did my wife's younger brother and his wife.

 

We get on well so I faded into the background as it is a family time for my wife to enjoy.

I would never want to have to deal with this thai family bs.  If she's not an orphan forget it.

5 hours ago, jack71 said:

Anyone else have issues with their Thai family? 

Nope, I have nothing to do with them so there are no problems.

Why don't you just stay at home, or holiday alone in Pattaya when she goes to see the family?

You married that family! 

In Thailand it's impossible to just marry a girl/woman.

And now she is in a bad place between you and her family. She won't be happy about that and that will probably have consequences...

5 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

You married that family! 

In Thailand it's impossible to just marry a girl/woman.

And now she is in a bad place between you and her family. She won't be happy about that and that will probably have consequences...

I gotta wonder why someone would willingly enter into such an arrangement.  With all the stories out there that everyone has heard over and over again you cannot even use naivety as an excuse.

It's been 4 yrs since we moved far away from the Isaan homestead. Wife and kid go back to visit via plane. I stay home. 

 

If you don't like it at her family's why go?

I could not care less what other people think about me.

I am not malicious, greedy, or mean.

U like me - fine. U don't - fine.

That being said my wifes family are great, one younger brother, one older sister. I miss the closeness that a better understanding of the language would bring me, but Oh Well.

Am made to feel like a member of the family, in all ways.

 

16 hours ago, shdmn said:

I would never want to have to deal with this thai family bs.  If she's not an orphan forget it.

It isn't BS.

 

Not every Thai family is the same and it cuts both ways. Many farangs don't even try to fit in.

 

Marriage is a 100% commitment shared  50/50 between the husband and wife.

 

You seem to be a 100% for yourself and nothing to share of spare for a wife and her family.

1 minute ago, billd766 said:

It isn't BS.

 

Not every Thai family is the same and it cuts both ways. Many farangs don't even try to fit in.

 

Marriage is a 100% commitment shared  50/50 between the husband and wife.

 

You seem to be a 100% for yourself and nothing to share of spare for a wife and her family.

Well said mate...completely agree. I've had 27 years of respect both ways (wife and family).

9 hours ago, shdmn said:

I gotta wonder why someone would willingly enter into such an arrangement.  With all the stories out there that everyone has heard over and over again you cannot even use naivety as an excuse.

 

You only get to read the bad and hard luck stories simply because bad news sells.

 

There have been a few good news stories about Thai wives and Thai families but they are closed quickly by all the moaners, nay sayers and gloom and doom merchants.

 

I get on very well with my wife's Thai family and I got on very well with my UK (former) wife's family. Even in our home countries there are horror stories about in laws and their families.

5 minutes ago, couchpotato said:

Well said mate...completely agree. I've had 27 years of respect both ways (wife and family).

I have been married to my Thai wife for 21 years this month and I knew her for 7 years before we married.

All my Thai family relatives (and neighbors come to that) have been amazing (15 years).........so friendly.....caring.....always checking I have food, water, air, comfortable.......I feel a little embarrassed at times...........having said that we only visit a few times each year....may be that is the trick.

5 minutes ago, Surelynot said:

All my Thai family relatives (and neighbors come to that) have been amazing (15 years).........so friendly.....caring.....always checking I have food, water, air, comfortable.......I feel a little embarrassed at times...........having said that we only visit a few times each year....may be that is the trick.

They aren't your relatives, and they will hate you the moment your relationship fails.

They have no loyalty towards you no matter how nice or helpful you are to them.

Learnt this with my Brit wife's parents when she divorced me, the past counted for nothing, and I was instantly the devil.

Helped those devout Christian f$#@ers for over 30 years with their many family and financial problems, and suddenly I was nothing. Learned my lesson, and pretending to be nice or helpful to the relatives of a woman I'm currently sleeping with won't happen again.

2 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

They aren't your relatives, and they will hate you the moment your relationship fails.

They have no loyalty towards you no matter how nice or helpful you are to them.

Learnt this with my Brit wife's parents when she divorced me, the past counted for nothing, and I was instantly the devil.

5555......which begs the question why are they so friendly.......after 15 years they must have twigged they are not getting a single satang from me.....and they never have???

4 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Helped those devout Christian

The more religious people become...the less Christian they become....strange!

35 minutes ago, billd766 said:

Marriage is a 100% commitment shared  50/50 between the husband and wife.

It's only a 10% commitment on my part.

If you are being friendly and they don't like you they probably don't like each other too.. you can feel like an outsider when in fact there are all sorts of little squabbles going on so just do your thing..

I got on pretty well with my ex's family ..they had rubber trees ..not that well off but didn't ask for much assistance. Took the father and two others to Australia for a holiday ..his first trip overseas. 

Normally they just want to see if you think your different or special so if you stay in their house and eat their food and hang out a bit, a couple of times a  year, that can help you to be accepted.

My current girlfriend just has a sister and a mother so no problems except the odd bit of help.