My teenage daughter is acting up a little. I can see the problem is that her mother is allowing the bad behavior. You see, when I tell her off, my wife will start arguing with me telling me to leave her alone. Anybody having similar issues?

It depends.... is she your natural daughter or your step daughter? This is a big issue in parenting.  If the former, you have more power. But if the latter, she already has a father so you may be limited in your actions.

When I critize my step daughter (adult) my wife will be silent at best.

No, but how do you tell her off? Explain that what she is doing is wrong and tell her that there will be consequences for bad behavior or do you start swearing / shouting? 

The Children are never wrong and they should always do what they want and if you try and correct them and tell them they shouldn't be doing something ,  then you are being nasty and mean .

  If the kid wants to thrown things out the window , you are being argumentative if you tell them they shouldn't do that and "Leave the kid alone and let him throw his books out the window " and stop telling him what to do 

...........even when she is wrong!

 

That's where YOU are going wrong.

41 minutes ago, Hanaguma said:

t depends.... is she your natural daughter or your step daughter? This is a big issue in parenting.  If the former, you have more power. But if the latter, she already has a father so you may be limited in your actions.

Natural daughter.

 

10 minutes ago, FritsSikkink said:

No, but how do you tell her off? Explain that what she is doing is wrong and tell her that there will be consequences for bad behavior

As above.

If you have explained to your wife and  daughter nicely and patiently as to why do you thing that she could and should behave better and still the wife siding with the kid than this is an issue of who's the man of the house? and if things will not get under control now, what's to say when she;ll grow up and really mess up, and still, with the backing and blessing of her mother...

1 hour ago, stubuzz said:

when I tell her off, my wife will start arguing with me telling me to leave her alone. Anybody having similar issues?

Count yourself lucky. I have 3 children.  2 girls 1 boy. My wife will side with the boy above the girls. He can do no wrong his status is above the girls. Next comes the girls who have to be the laziest of people. Unless they're told to do something nothing gets done. Than there's me at the bottom of the heap. Don't worry Stu you're not alone.

1 hour ago, stubuzz said:

Natural daughter.

 

As above.

In this case, you have a wife problem. Best approach is to talk to her about parenting when there ISNT a crisis happening. Although your daughter may be a bit too old to start now.

 

My wife and I have different approaches too. But we did agree on a couple of simple rules;

 

a. Do not interfere when the other parent is disciplining our son, even if you dont agree.

b. Do not undermine the other parent later on.

c. IF you disagree about what happened, talk about it later when you two are alone. 

d. It is important to always present a united front to your kids or they will exploit your disagreements.

2 hours ago, stubuzz said:

You see, when I tell her off, my wife will start arguing with me telling me to leave her alone. Anybody having similar issues?

I own the mobile phones and tablets in the household.

Any naughtiness and I don't let the kids borrow them.

Never any problems for me, never any need to shout, I just say give me my phone/tablet back.

 

The misses shouts at them all the time.

I know it's too late for you. But always use condoms + never marry. No kids here and no wife. I wake up every day and think what I will do with this beautiful day ????????

Give them both a spanking ????

4 minutes ago, Mickeymaus said:

I know it's too late for you. But always use condoms + never marry. No kids here and no wife. I wake up every day and think what I will do with this beautiful day ????????

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

1 hour ago, Hanaguma said:

In this case, you have a wife problem. Best approach is to talk to her about parenting when there ISNT a crisis happening. Although your daughter may be a bit too old to start now.

Already talked to her and told her that she is the cause of the problems for undermining me and siding with my daughter.

41 minutes ago, stubuzz said:

Already talked to her and told her that she is the cause of the problems for undermining me and siding with my daughter.

She won't listen. She's Thai and she knows better. The wife that is. Dunno how old your daughter is but we all went through a rebellious phase in growing up. It's life. 

8 minutes ago, IvorBiggun2 said:

She won't listen. She's Thai and she knows better. The wife that is. Dunno how old your daughter is but we all went through a rebellious phase in growing up. It's life. 

I agree. Thais know best, but it not a good idea to bite the hand that feeds you.

35 minutes ago, stubuzz said:

it not a good idea to bite the hand that feeds you.

I don't think they see it that way. We're of different cultures and we have to live with it, or not. I just look on it as that it'll all comeback on the wife in the future. 

12 minutes ago, IvorBiggun2 said:

I don't think they see it that way. We're of different cultures and we have to live with it, or not. I just look on it as that it'll all comeback on the wife in the future. 

Tell her that she will be reborn a Farang man next time if she is not careful!

4 hours ago, IvorBiggun2 said:

Count yourself lucky. I have 3 children.  2 girls 1 boy. My wife will side with the boy above the girls. He can do no wrong his status is above the girls. Next comes the girls who have to be the laziest of people. Unless they're told to do something nothing gets done. Than there's me at the bottom of the heap. Don't worry Stu you're not alone.

You forgot the dogs and cats,which are also above you?

On 11/29/2022 at 11:14 AM, ezzra said:

If you have explained to your wife and  daughter nicely and patiently as to why do you thing that she could and should behave better and still the wife siding with the kid than this is an issue of who's the man of the house? and if things will not get under control now, what's to say when she;ll grow up and really mess up, and still, with the backing and blessing of her mother...

Is your wife's daughter the eldest of her children? Is the house in your wife's name?

Be careful, if your wife dies before you, you could find yourself out of a home.

Unless there is some way around it, your wife's daughter could legally put you out of your home as it will automatically be in her daughters name.

A lot of Thai people have the mindset that their kids will take care of them when they get old, so they want their kids to be happy and to love their parents.  This concept may have worked fine in a agricultural village, but in a modern environment it can lead to the kids never becoming mature, productive adults.

 

Your wife may have this attitude and is siding with your daughter from an unconscious desire  that the daughter will not become estranged from her.