My new Thai gf (35/f) invited me (42/m) to visit her family in Isaan after < 1 month of dating? I feel uncomfortable but agreed. What do you think?

[norfolkandchance]

13 minutes ago, Almer said:

I live in Issan never had rat, but I have only been here 8 years, but I do have many friends and speak with most people I see. get help when I need it etc, I can sit and look at the scenery and not have the constant drum of traffic? 

I wonder how may of the people who knock Issan have ever lived or stayed there, I don't mean a dirty weekend in Udon, you go to Bkk and everybody is racing around no time to stop and stare I had all of that for 50 working years, no more thank you just me the much younger wife and the Buffalo who keeps very good health. Just off fishing now with a packed lunch a couple of beers and the dogs, no noise no rats. No hassle and no need to get the tractor out as the fishing lake is in the back garden, have a nice day city dwellers. 

I live in the Phimai district and very content. Small town with almost 100% Thai food outlets with only 1 bar. We have a 6 months swimming  subscription at the local Hotel and swim weekdays ( kids at the W/E ).

Due to the lack of choice for food and entertainment we travel down to Pattaya every month or so. to sample the delights.

[drgoon]

On 7/8/2023 at 9:46 PM, norfolkandchance said:

Rats on the menu then.

Actually.. rats are qute tasty. There's a young woman farming them up our way. Clean, contained and fed a vegetarian diet. Big as and very lean meat. Got bit of a chicken/pork hybrid flavour. Great on the charcoal bbq

[Victor Laszlo]

Visited one or two villages over the years, it can be a good experience, I would always hire a care and drive, apart from the first time, that way you're not a prisoner and as previously said find a hotel nearby. If it's your first time you'll be expected to fund the two day party which is in honour of your presence, then all the young Thai guys turn up and drink all your beer, one of which could well be her husband, eat all the food and leave without so much as goodbye or thank you, that's their way. Then the trip to Big C and Makro in her uncle's truck has already been mentioned, make sure your wallet's full. You'll soon know if it's the life you want, certainly not for me but a couple of days with your own transport can be quite worthwhile.

[zzzzz]

as long as your prepared to pay for everything for everyone< go an have a good time>

******Tell her in advance that you would feel more comfortable staying in a hotel nearby than at the family house thou*****

[bendejo]

Don't bring your ATM card, checkbook, credit cards, and pack only enough cash for the weekend.  No jewelry, if you insist on wearing a watch get a 150b tosser.

This may not be the first time the family helped in the effort is presented to a farang boyfriend.

 

 

[norfolkandchance]

8 minutes ago, drgoon said:

Actually.. rats are qute tasty. There's a young woman farming them up our way. Clean, contained and fed a vegetarian diet. Big as and very lean meat. Got bit of a chicken/pork hybrid flavour. Great on the charcoal bbq

I'll take your word for that.

[shackleton]

Hey you are 42 years old you need to grow a pair and sort yourself out 

Man up and decide for you self 

I personally think a month is to short give it 6 months  and then  make your decision ????

[actonion]

I  visited my G'f's parents home in Buriram  a long time ago, I  admired the house which was in very good decorative  order, but i said  why does their 50 yards drive way look  unfinished, its  a mess,  nothing was said until about a month later , then  she asked me for 15,000b to pay for the  unfinished drive way that looked a mess!!!,.. my idea, I was expected to pay, I  did'nt pay, and  it never got finished..  maybe the next  B/f......

[thaibeachlovers]

1 minute ago, shackleton said:

Hey you are 42 years old you need to grow a pair and sort yourself out 

Man up and decide for you self 

I personally think a month is to short give it 6 months  and then  make your decision ????

Nah. Some problems take years to become evident. Just renting avoids a host of problems.

[Udon Tom]

After ONE MONTH of dating you are in love?

[thaibeachlovers]

14 minutes ago, Victor Laszlo said:

Visited one or two villages over the years, it can be a good experience, I would always hire a care and drive, apart from the first time, that way you're not a prisoner and as previously said find a hotel nearby. If it's your first time you'll be expected to fund the two day party which is in honour of your presence, then all the young Thai guys turn up and drink all your beer, one of which could well be her husband, eat all the food and leave without so much as goodbye or thank you, that's their way. Then the trip to Big C and Makro in her uncle's truck has already been mentioned, make sure your wallet's full. You'll soon know if it's the life you want, certainly not for me but a couple of days with your own transport can be quite worthwhile.

I'm fascinated by all these tales of being expected to pay large for the entire extended family on a first visit. IMO nothing would be more assured to put an end to any long term relationship than such shenanigans.

No such events happened when I first visited the village, nor even when I went to live there.

I did eventually force a departure from there, but it was nothing to do with being expected to pay for the "privilege" of living in the dump.

[stix40]

Jeez 

Too much baggage don't do it ! 

[Kwasaki]

10 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I am since forever together with my gf. Most of the time we are happy and likely we will stay together until we die. In the time since we are together, I saw lots of couples marry and then divorce. It seems the marriage didn't help. 

Yeah get ya, these topic always remind of a film when an actor said "you can't live with same woman for more than 20 years it just ain't natural".

[Almer]

50 minutes ago, Siamjim said:

think it's a good opportunity to get a reading on the family before getting too deep 

Agreed

[Straight8]

Train wreck in slow motion me thinks.

 

As soon as you starting supporting, it's game over. Either you do it for the duration, or this go south rather fast.

 

Those who are ok with it, knock yourselves out, it's your money, spend it how you wish, but it aint for me.

 

[Straight8]

On 7/8/2023 at 9:22 PM, BangkokReady said:

He might not have put it very tactfully, but there are many, many reasons not to take on another man's kids.  Especially if you're still reasonably young yourself.

100% agree.

 

There are those that a fully ok with it & there are those that aren't.

 

 

[khunpa]

Do what YOU want…
 

It’s your life and your money. Just don’t expect any long-term relationships with a woman you are supporting to be cheap. Not anywhere in the world.

 

Next it’s not her kid needing medicine. You will also have to pay for school, her to start a business (which she most likely abandons after 2 months), her sick parents etc. The list is never ending!!

 

Although happily married for 10 years to a Thai-woman (who recently passed away), I would personally not repeat. Had it only been a life with her, then I would say go for it. But it’s not and you better have the money ready to “take care” and be the “good heart” farang. Especially when she has parents and kids.

 

Good luck. You will need it ????

[Alan55]

Don't go. You'll be trapped. Give it a lot longer before you venture into your GFs family environment. 

[Felton Jarvis]

Welcome to the family. Looks like you are now a prospective groom.

[spidermike007]

2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

55555555555555555

 

Took me 5 years to find out that the women I first lived with wasn't worth my time. She was a good woman, but not right for me.

You try to make it like we can have auditions for a partner, but life isn't like that.

Life can be like that. If we don't choose, who does? Life is what we make it. Over here, we are not the desperados we were in our home nation. We don't have to be. Too many options. 

[BangkokHank]

I went to the village in Isaan with my then girlfriend 20 years ago. (I was 43 years old at the time and she was 23.) Before we went, I told her that I had no intention of marrying her - and I asked her if that would be a problem for her or her family. She assured me that it wouldn't be a problem.

 

We spent a nice weekend in the village. But for the next few years (until she married another farang), she was ridiculed in the village for having brought a farang back who didn't marry her.

 

So regardless of what this woman says, going back to the village with her represents a commitment in the eyes of her family and her fellow villagers. If you are not ready to make a commitment, I don't think you should go. In fact, she might use this against you later to pressure you into marrying her - saying that not doing so would spoil her reputation in the eyes of her family and friends. That's not a good basis for a marriage.

[jesimps]

You may be lucky and she is genuine, but you'll still be expected to pay all the bills. If I were you though, I'd refuse the invite until you've known her for a lot longer. 

[SOTIRIOS]

1)

...I Read Somewhere Once:....

...'The Guy Just Met Her & Already He's Thinking/Envisioning Marriage'...

(...Makes You Wonder Which Is The 'Romantic' Gender...)

 

2)

...Thai Women Have Had Experience With Foreign Men For Decades...Maybe Longer...(?)

 

3)

...Wake Up Buddy...

 

...We Tend To 'Fill In The Blanks'...In A Favorable Light...

...'Politically Correct'...Chivalrous...& All That...

 

4)

...I Thought ' Yeah, I'm Gonna Make A Positive Difference In Her/Their Life/Lives...

 

5) 

...So Many 'Good-Intentioned' 'Hopeless Romantics'...

***End Up With Their 'Bones Picked Clean'...& 'Left For Dead'...

...And Not A Legal Leg To Stand On...

 

6)

...'Paying Her/Their Way/Ways Already'...

(She Definitely Won't 'Let You Get Away')

 

7)

...Until She...Or The Father(s) Of The Children...Or...'Someone On The Side'....Decides 'The Time Is Right'...

 

...Remember...They Have Tried & True Formulas...

...We Have 'Our Little Heads; To Think & Reason With....

 

Good Luck!!!

 

 

[Danderman123]

On 7/8/2023 at 4:19 PM, AventurasEnMadrid said:

My new gf, divorced and working for an insurance company in Bangkok and a mother of 2 young children that live with her parents (children’s grandparents) in a city in Isaan wants me to visit her family for the weekend .  She actually invited me the first time after only 1 week of dating but I turned her down then. This time I feel a bit uncomfortable but have agreed. Fwiw, I have been supporting her financially somewhat as well and her son is sick with long COVID, but have explained that there are limits. There are several other red flags I am feeling in the relationship but do feel I love her. Feedback welcome. Thank you everyone

Why are you giving her money if she works for an insurance company?

 

More to the point, in Thailand, a lady takes money from a sucker, and gives it to her Thai boyfriend.

 

And, no, taking a well financed sucker to the village is a major red flag. She wants to gain some face by showing she has captured a walking ATM.

 

[hellohello123]

This isnt restricted to thai women but asking (maybe he offered) a stranger 1 month after meeting for living expenses, shows little self respect

 

Some women, money is the only thing they care about

 

But I guess there are those sugar daddy websites

[Danderman123]

I recently went to the village with a lady, respectfully sleeping the first night with her in what passed for a hotel, got up in the morning, went to another village with another lady, left there and met another lady and went to her rather remote village (actually just a house out in the middle of nowhere).

 

It didn't mean anything.

[ChipButty]

One of the first things I used to ask them was how much debt have you got.........? I have seen huge amounts and they are expecting you to pay it off, as for the kids I would be gone with the wind, most of them dont have any respect for you, I had a one years ago with a kid the only thing that came out of his mouth was farang this farang that, tell that little <deleted> my name is not farang, 

I remember one farang who lived in Phuket and met this woman here eventually he was invited to sticky rice land to meet the family just like you, she had arranged a party it seemed like half the village turned up unknown to him it was a wedding ceremony he was getting married and didn't know it until the last minute, 

I could tell you some stories, 

You must have heard stories about the so called brother, who you think is the brother but it's not, it's the husband, 

[Mansell]

You seem either very naive, or immature, or haven’t dated a lot of women. …….maybe both! In love after a month….Yikes! Where are you from? 
It sounds like you are heading down the road that runs off a Cliff……put the brakes on and slow down before you hit the forty foot wall in front of the cliff.

Can  you speak Thai….can she speak good English? If the answers No to both of those be very careful because there will be some huge misunderstandings now and down the road. Good luck.

 

[SiSePuede419]

If you sleep in the same room that means you're "married" according to local customs. ????

[FruitPudding]

On 7/8/2023 at 4:27 PM, Myran said:

"after < 1 month of dating"

"but do feel I love her"

 

You can't love someone that you don't know, and getting to know someone on that level takes considerable time. Considering you're just a month in and already giving her money and getting invited to the family, it doesn't really sound promising.

 

Only you can decide what works for you, but it's not a relationship I would take any further.

Yeah, it won't end well. Most relationships are doomed, especially here.

 

Vast majority of local women looking for farang are just looking for money.

 

What else is the attraction in farang? It ain't the white skin or long noses. 

 

They also sacrifice their respectable status in Thai society to become the "farang wife" which is never said in a nice way.

 

It's for money and for their family.