Where to find a sugar friendship?

[whistersniff]

I expect to get blasted for this question, but will ask anyway.  I'm a westerner living in Thailand with my family and will be here for at least another 4-5 years.  In a nutshell, I'm looking for a Thai girlfriend.  My spouse and I have that kind of marriage (don't ask, don't tell) but we do not let the kids know at all.  I'm realistic about my situation and what I can and cannot offer a lady on the side, so I am willing to go the sugar route.  However, I'm not interested in bar ladies or prostitutes. There's risk in every situation, but it's far too high with those ladies. And, I'm looking for something  more than transactional. I'd like to at least have a relationship with the lady, understanding that we will have our own lives and she may have someone else on the side as well.  Ideally, we enjoy our time with each other and both benefit.  I'm looking for companionship and she might be looking for assistance (i.e., the sugar). 

 

I don't expect to find, nor would I want to waste the prime years of a sweet lady who wants to settle with a family.  However, again, not looking for a bar fly either.  Does anyone have suggestions where and how to find this kind of relationship?  I speak proficient Thai so language barrier is not a problem. I expect the hate to flow at me, but am looking for some objective advice for someone in my situation.  Thanks.

[Denim]

Well Dan. Firstly...good first post. Very attention  grabbing.

 

As for the rest....Facebook?

[save the frogs]

how did you know his name was dan?

I dont care what you do. but please dont post on here in 5 years whining about how your wife divorced you and took half your assets. 

[Prubangboy]

I recco reading a sugar lifestyle forum to read about sugar relationships that worked out and had a long run. I had relative that was a sugar baby. Here's what I learned from her 5 year run. She aged out of it; 20-24 in the golden sugar career years. She dragged it out till 26, but she was a stunner.

 

Best success is with a student with an end date. 2nd best is a mentor relationship where you're helping her with some dull, codependent problem, like helping her leave a bad home.

 

You want a sex relationship with someone who's not really into you, but you don't want it to be in any way "transactional".

 

Think of how unrealistic that is, and read (here too) about people who threaded that needle. Hint: they went with less hot sugar babes who were more needy of the relationship.

 

Sugar Babies ARE sex workers, and the same brutal math applies: you want the most hot sex and  GF experience time together that you can squeeze out for your financial support.

 

They want to deliver the least amount of sex because they're not that into you and they'd like to spend less -never more time- with you, and always keep inching up that sugar payment at the same time.

 

I saw this conundrum play out on the board and in my personal family situation over and over again. One side would up the ante and the other would bounce.

 

Complicating factor: BPD and other mental problems. Def read up on BPD. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[advancebooking]

You should try and hook up with a university student. Especially the ones doing their Masters for example. I met such a lady at a massage shop on a Thai island once. She was just visiting during the holidays. We met up in bkk a few months later and she asked for 15k for uni fees. I deleted her number. No doubt this would have been perfect for you. Any sugar situation you find yourself persuing..... they will all want help financially. Conversely the mahidol grads in medical jobs dont need you or your money. Its only the desperate girls from poor families that will want a sugar relationship with you. 

[whistersniff]

5 minutes ago, advancebooking said:

You should try and hook up with a university student. Especially the ones doing their Masters for example. I met such a lady at a massage shop on a Thai island once. She was just visiting during the holidays. We met up in bkk a few months later and she asked for 15k for uni fees. I deleted her number. No doubt this would have been perfect for you. Any sugar situation you find yourself persuing..... they will all want help financially. Conversely the mahidol grads in medical jobs dont need you or your money. Its only the desperate girls from poor families that will want a sugar relationship with you. 

A uni lady would be good, but I'm double her age. We wouldn't have anything in common. And, that'd be hard to find I imagine.  Don't want to be the older guy trawling through uni bars trying to talk to young women.

[whistersniff]

12 minutes ago, Prubangboy said:

 

 

You want a sex relationship with someone who's not really into you, but you don't want it to be in any way "transactional".

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don't want it to be transactional in the sense that I'm paying a prostitute for one hour of sex and leaving. Otherwise, I'd just pay a prostitute for one hour of sex and leave.  

[BonnieandClyde]

8 minutes ago, whistersniff said:

I don't want it to be transactional in the sense that I'm paying a prostitute for one hour of sex and leaving. Otherwise, I'd just pay a prostitute for one hour of sex and leave.  

That's what you should do, just pay and leave.

Forget about anything positive coming from a closer relationship.

Or maybe just stay home and jackoff.⁰

[Prubangboy]

1 minute ago, whistersniff said:

I don't want it to be transactional in the sense that I'm paying a prostitute 

 

Def read that forum.

 

The women get mad when they're taken out to a nice restaurant instead of just having the cash handed directly to them. The derogatory term is "experience daddy".  They have a term: PPM, which means pay per meeting. Those meetings are not describing lunch meetings.

 

Problem: YOU can give them more money, but THEY can't really generate any more interest in you.

 

On the forum, the man typically becomes more needy and the woman very naturally wants to monetize that. They one of them ends up on the forum complaining and getting the harsh medicine from their brethren (or sister-men). 

 

A decent-looking woman does not exactly have to go out searching with bloodhounds for strings-free sex, at any age, or even attractiveness level. Such a person would be option-rich. How are you a top 5% option? Because at least 20 other guys are approaching her.

 

Short version: Be pragmatic, expect to be very spendy, and def read about BPD, which is rampant among women who do this. Also, expect these relationships to last less than 4-6 months.

 

 

 

 

[whistersniff]

10 minutes ago, Prubangboy said:

 

Def read that forum.

 

The women get mad when they're taken out to a nice restaurant instead of just having the cash handed directly to them. The derogatory term is "experience daddy".  They have a term: PPM, which means pay per meeting. Those meetings are not describing lunch meetings.

 

Problem: YOU can give them more money, but THEY can't really generate any more interest in you.

 

On the forum, the man typically becomes more needy and the woman very naturally wants to monetize that. They one of them ends up on the forum complaining and getting the harsh medicine from their brethren (or sister-men). 

 

A decent-looking woman does not exactly have to go out searching with bloodhounds for strings-free sex, at any age, or even attractiveness level. Such a person would be option-rich. How are you a top 5% option? Because at least 20 other guys are approaching her.

 

Short version: Be pragmatic, expect to be very spendy, and def read about BPD, which is rampant among women who do this. Also, expect these relationships to last less than 4-6 months.

 

 

 

 

Thanks for the insights. Good points to keep in mind. I'm aware of that site and, like all things from that site, it's the worst of the worst. My experiences have been nowhere close to the crazy psycho people who post there.

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

1 hour ago, whistersniff said:

Does anyone have suggestions where and how to find this kind of relationship?  I speak proficient Thai so language barrier is not a problem.

Sounds like you want to be hanging out around your local Thai public university, or even some of the private ones, depending. Lots of potential sugar-seekers in those locales.

 

Quote

A uni lady would be good, but I'm double her age. We wouldn't have anything in common.

 

I never found that to be a problem, back in the day. Young women like to be taken out to nice places. Young women like to be the object of attention and affection, and often enjoy a bit of athletic exercise in bed.

 

And young women enrolled at universities often have tuition or student loan bills to be paid.

 

Edited October 13, 2023 by TallGuyJohninBKK

[whistersniff]

5 minutes ago, TallGuyJohninBKK said:

Sounds like you want to be hanging out around your local Thai public university, or even some of the private ones, depending. Lots of potential sugar-seekers in those locales.

 

 

I never found that to be a problem, back in the day. Young women like to be taken out to nice places. Young women like to be the object of attention and affection, and often enjoy a bit of athletic exercise in bed.

 

And young women enrolled at universities often have tuition or student loan bills to be paid.

 

Thanks for the insights. I look late 30s and fit. Not sure I fit the stereotypical profile of a sugar daddy to a college-aged lady. I think the key is finding the nicer venues they frequent (to find a sugar daddy) and then showing up there. Finding the places is the hard part. Showing up is easy.

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

10 minutes ago, whistersniff said:

Thanks for the insights. I look late 30s and fit. Not sure I fit the stereotypical profile of a sugar daddy to a college-aged lady.

In Thailand, I don't think there is any particular age profile of guys who are willing to financially support a younger Thai GF on the side.... It happens Thai-to-Thai all the time. The "sugar daddy" term is a western one, not a Thai one.

 

Thai university students, I'd imagine, like to go to coffee shops and food places around their schools, where anyone who wanted to could stop in for a bite or a drink, etc etc. Or maybe you'd want to visit the university library (assuming the school allows it) sometimes for some reading...

 

Also depends on your home city. Up in Isan, probably pretty easy to find. Down in Bangkok, probably gonna take a bit more work.

 

 

Edited October 13, 2023 by TallGuyJohninBKK

[Prubangboy]

Think about Pot Bars. These are venues where the old, the young, and the implausible 'I look late-30' and fit"-types commingle freely, hopefully non-creepily. I have seen it happen.

 

But you have to love smoking a lot of pot. And buying a lot of pot that you'll see young Thai guys sucking down too. You might come up empty. That's why loving smoking a lot of pot is essential to this plan.

Edited October 13, 2023 by Prubangboy

[FruitPudding]

1 hour ago, whistersniff said:

However, I'm not interested in bar ladies or prostitutes. There's risk in every situation, but it's far too high with those ladies.

You sure about the data on that?

 

I think you underestimate the risk of regular polygamous women.

[G Rex]

Get a laptop , internet access and a box of kleenex.

Messy.

But much less messy than what you are considering,

[proton]

1 hour ago, advancebooking said:

You should try and hook up with a university student. Especially the ones doing their Masters for example. I met such a lady at a massage shop on a Thai island once. She was just visiting during the holidays. We met up in bkk a few months later and she asked for 15k for uni fees. I deleted her number. No doubt this would have been perfect for you. Any sugar situation you find yourself persuing..... they will all want help financially. Conversely the mahidol grads in medical jobs dont need you or your money. Its only the desperate girls from poor families that will want a sugar relationship with you. 

Some people will believe anything, I met a few 'students' in Thermae coffee shop 20 odd years ago as well 

[Celsius]

39 minutes ago, TallGuyJohninBKK said:

I never found that to be a problem, back in the day. Young women like to be taken out to nice places. Young women like to be the object of attention and affection, and often enjoy a bit of athletic exercise in bed.

 

And young women enrolled at universities often have tuition or student loan bills to be paid.

 

Creep

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, whistersniff said:

I speak proficient Thai so language barrier is not a problem.

And why do you ask in an English language forum in Thailand?

Otherwise: You think too much.

[stoner]

1 hour ago, whistersniff said:

so I am willing to go the sugar route.  However, I'm not interested in bar ladies or prostitutes.

ummmmmm

 

should i explain it to him.......na forget it. 

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, whistersniff said:

I don't want it to be transactional in the sense that I'm paying a prostitute for one hour of sex and leaving. Otherwise, I'd just pay a prostitute for one hour of sex and leave.  

Prostitute: one hour payment, one hour excitement.

 

Long term relation: Payment for one month in advance, one hour excitement.

Because next time she forgot about that payment already and wants to get out of there.

And obviously there is no reason for her not to have another guy, and another one or two or three. 

[MichaelHunt]

I found mine on the ThaiFriendly website. She's a very pretty 20-year-old university student, from a somewhat poor family of food vendors in an outer Bangkok suburb.

 

I'm 64 (but I l don't look a day over 63.) I'm not especially handsome, so to compensate, I pay her handsomely. (I pay her by the visit, by the way - which helps to keep her motivated. I think it would be crazy to pay for such a service once a month in advance. And we don't go out on "dates". All of our time together is spent in my apartment, where she is comfortable enough to stay all night every time.)

 

I've been seeing her once a week for about a year now. SHE always calls ME to see if I'm available when she has a day off, and the sex is great - at least for me, and apparently for her as well - since, as I said, she's always calling me to see if I'm available for her to visit. Or maybe she just likes the good money for the not terribly unpleasant sex. Because she's new at this (I am her first sugar daddy/first farang), she still does it like she enjoys it. I keep expecting her to slack off, but she hasn't yet.

 

Since I've been taking care of her, I have noticed that her lifestyle has improved considerably (new iPhone, nice new clothes, etc.), which is the whole point of the relationship for her. I am happy to see her life getting better, and she certainly makes my life better.

 

She has another year left with her studies, and I get the feeling that she would like to continue our arrangement at least until she graduates. From my perspective, I'm satisfied enough with the arrangement that I'm in no hurry to end it.

Edited October 13, 2023 by MichaelHunt

[OneMoreFarang]

Let's pretend for a moment that you are real.

There is a way how this was done in Thailand from before the internet: Guy goes to hairdresser (maybe in a university area) and tells them what he is looking for. It seems it is not unusual that they help with such requests. 

[FruitPudding]

7 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Prostitute: one hour payment, one hour excitement.

 

Long term relation: Payment for one month in advance, one hour excitement.

Because next time she forgot about that payment already and wants to get out of there.

And obviously there is no reason for her not to have another guy, and another one or two or three. 

Some people like headaches.

 

But doesn't he already have a wife for that? Haha

 

I certainly wouldn't want to navigate those waters.

[OneMoreFarang]

1 minute ago, FruitPudding said:

Some people like headaches.

 

But doesn't he already have a wife for that? Haha

 

I certainly wouldn't want to navigate those waters.

I agree.

Long term loving relationship is fine.

Sex with no strings attached is fine.

Sex and long-term relationship with "friendship" combined asks for trouble.

[spidermike007]

Anywhere. Everywhere. Unlike in the west, I have never encountered a group of women who are easier to approach and engage. All you need is some game, courage, a great sense of humor (the sooner you can make them laugh, the better), and a decent appearance. Helps if you have some bling, or are in good shape financially, or are handsome! 

 

The worst you get here is a polite rejection of some sort. Not like the cold and vicious reactions you get in the west from women who would not recognize their own femininity if it bit them on the rump.

 

I have a good friend who's American, single and he gets more action than anybody I've seen in many many years. Granted he does have game, which is required, he's got a good rap he's a decent-looking guy, not great looking, and he will approach anyone. 

 

He has just enough bling to impress the girls, he has a business in Bangkok, has a place in Bangkok and another place elsewhere, a nice new truck, and several motorcycles. I think the girls are sometimes impressed with that but the bottom line is that any guy who's decent looking, has a little bit of game and is assertive most importantly, can get all kinds of action in Thailand from pure civilians. Many of them are curious about foreigners and my greatest suggestion is to use humor, if you can get them to laugh and smile within the first 2 minutes of talking to them you have a pretty good shot. 

 

If you are involved, do it in person, not online. It is not worth humiliating your woman. And don't listen to the judgments. We do what we need to do in life. That judgment sound is just noise. 

 

Edited October 13, 2023 by spidermike007

[FruitPudding]

6 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

 

He has just enough bling to impress the girls, he has a business in Bangkok, has a place in Bangkok and another place elsewhere, a nice new truck, and several motorcycles. I think the girls are sometimes impressed with that but the bottom line is that any guy who's decent looking, has a little bit of game and is assertive most importantly, can get all kinds of action in Thailand from pure civilians. Many of them are curious about foreigners and my greatest suggestion is to use humor, if you can get them to laugh and smile within the first 2 minutes of talking to them you have a pretty good shot. 

 

Sounds like trying to seduce a cross between: a magpie, a Jack Russell Terrier, and a goldfish.

[spidermike007]

1 minute ago, FruitPudding said:

Sounds like trying to seduce a cross between: a magpie, a Jack Russell Terrier, and a goldfish.

He finds some really lovely, high functioning women. Sometimes he has to juggle them. Thailand is a great spot for finding a woman, whether she be a civilian, PFP, or in between. 

[pagallim]

32 minutes ago, MichaelHunt said:

I found mine on the ThaiFriendly website. She's a very pretty 20-year-old university student, from a somewhat poor family of food vendors in an outer Bangkok suburb.

 

I'm 64 (but I l don't look a day over 63.) I'm not especially handsome, so to compensate, I pay her handsomely. (I pay her by the visit, by the way - which helps to keep her motivated. I think it would be crazy to pay for such a service once a month in advance. And we don't go out on "dates". All of our time together is spent in my apartment, where she is comfortable enough to stay all night every time.)

 

I've been seeing her once a week for about a year now. SHE always calls ME to see if I'm available when she has a day off, and the sex is great - at least for me, and apparently for her as well - since, as I said, she's always calling me to see if I'm available for her to visit. Or maybe she just likes the good money for the not terribly unpleasant sex. Because she's new at this (I am her first sugar daddy/first farang), she still does it like she enjoys it. I keep expecting her to slack off, but she hasn't yet.

 

Since I've been taking care of her, I have noticed that her lifestyle has improved considerably (new iPhone, nice new clothes, etc.), which is the whole point of the relationship for her. I am happy to see her life getting better, and she certainly makes my life better.

 

She has another year left with her studies, and I get the feeling that she would like to continue our arrangement at least until she graduates. From my perspective, I'm satisfied enough with the arrangement that I'm in no hurry to end it.

Does your Mother know you're writing this crap for Asean Mike?   Don't you feel uneasy passing yourself off as some kind of pervert on an Expat forum?   Wouldn't it be better to get some kind of real work?

[ericthai]

1 hour ago, whistersniff said:

A uni lady would be good, but I'm double her age. We wouldn't have anything in common. And, that'd be hard to find I imagine.  Don't want to be the older guy trawling through uni bars trying to talk to young women.

you speak perfect Thai, but dont know how to find a Thai girl??