Looking for help

[andych]

2 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

what did you have in common? 

she likes the beatles? 

No we lost our Mums about the same time, and yes like similar music, she is 47 i am 59, Any relationship when you meet someone doesnt matter where it is it is the feeling you get. Oh she works in a restaurant . not a massage or bar. for the last few years she said, whether that is the truth i don't know, does she believe me when i say i am a CEO of a big company? or that i am a Surgeon, when all i am is a normal bloke in a boring job with a few years left till retirement.

[andych]

7 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Thai people with jobs normally have to work 6 days a week, 10hrs a day, and little chance of extra days off. Where did your lady get the free time to spend with you?

 

Only the unemployed and sex workers have the free time to bang foreigners on holiday.

After she finished work some days. Again the negative comments. FFS i now she might try to scam me or rip me off,  but unlike some blokes i seen over there i wasn't thing with my dick

[HappyExpat57]

8 hours ago, andych said:

Ok come here for help thanks and get sarky comments from forum muppets

Wow, you ARE new. I suggest you grow a thicker hide if you're gonna last long here.

 

Also, learn that a squiggly red line under a word means it's been spelled incorrectly. When you throw insults at members here but spell it wrong, it just looks sad.

[KhunLA]

8 hours ago, andych said:

Ok come here for help thanks and get sarky comments from forum muppets

Didn't see this comment early ... why did I waste my time ...

... good luck

[Sharp]

7 hours ago, still kicking said:

It will be hard she has no reason to go back 

Looks like she'll have every reason to NOT go back

Tread carefully bro. 

[retarius]

2 hours ago, andych said:

Again i say , i am letting my head rule my heart. I know there may be problems, or even a scam.  I am being cautious.  I have told her cannot help her  financially, and I intend to stick to that. I am not thinking with my dick, unlike my late father . But  I have a feeling this may work out, there is a spark as some people may realise in their relationships. I am not 100& committed , just hoping things may be ok. Can I just say everyone is different,  you meet someone regardless of where you are and there is something there. Don't judge a book by its cover as the saying goes 

I met a Thai girl overseas and when I retired I came to live in Thailand, she wound up her business and came to live with me here. I heard all the crap about Thai women being gold diggers etc and 18 years on I am blissfully happy. The big problem with the future is that neither you, nor anyone else, knows what is going to happen. You must make the decision on the information you have and then try to live with that decision. The only issue my partner (we are not married for various reasons, one being I already have a wife) and I have is language. I expected her English to improve over the years, it hasn't and we have irritations and misunderstandings about this, having said that, I wouldn't change her for the world and after 18 years I am still crazy in love with her (like a young teenager). So, my advice is make your choice and live, stop worrying if you are making a mistake. 

[proton]

32 minutes ago, andych said:

Again, why so many negative comments? My ex wife ripped me off bad when i was younger, oh by the way she  is British through and through. I am keeping an open mind, and it is all down to trust. I know some Thai girls are out to rip you off, I am just looking at long term if things seem ok, I am not a wealthy man, no way was i getting involved with bar girls , or massage girls, or freelancers or any other stuff, someone said go on thaifriendly, nah, not into that. what happens happened. She may try to con me. She may me ok? But as i said letting my head rule my heart. Been hurt in the past. It may work out, it may not. She could be the one. Or she may be playing the game. We can only wait and see. As i said before, as soon as she asks for money, in the word of Duncan Ballantyne, "I'm oot of here!"

 

 

when you say you found you both had a lot in common, that's good but what does that include? oh already answered that.

[baansgr]

You are 60, she has a job...take the plunge and move here

[GinBoy2]

20 minutes ago, retarius said:

I met a Thai girl overseas and when I retired I came to live in Thailand, she wound up her business and came to live with me here. I heard all the crap about Thai women being gold diggers etc and 18 years on I am blissfully happy. The big problem with the future is that neither you, nor anyone else, knows what is going to happen. You must make the decision on the information you have and then try to live with that decision. The only issue my partner (we are not married for various reasons, one being I already have a wife) and I have is language. I expected her English to improve over the years, it hasn't and we have irritations and misunderstandings about this, having said that, I wouldn't change her for the world and after 18 years I am still crazy in love with her (like a young teenager). So, my advice is make your choice and live, stop worrying if you are making a mistake. 

Language is tough.

 

As I've said before my wife grew up in her teenage years in Chicago, then lived in Singapore where we met. When our son was young we did like almost all multilingual parents only spoke in one language at a time until he'd mastered them all.

 

After that we generally always spoke English at home, except when my wife is really angry at me and it devolves into a Lao/Thai tirade, which since I speak both I understand.

On the flip side, if I'm really pissed off with her I revert to Spanish, which she doesn't understand, but knows it's bad!

 

But not sure I could live with someone where our mutual communication was severely limited.

 

Not saying I need in depth conversation on particle physics, but just everyday chit chat on the weather, work, dinner, and my personal favorite politics which we argue about constantly. She loves Trump!

 

Maybe it's the arguing thing I'd miss, rather than the default Thai female screaming 

[Lacessit]

It is doubtful creditors would be chasing her to another country. It would have to be a huge sum to justify the expense. Although there may be court orders waiting for her if/when she returns to Thailand. Or debt collectors, who are not known for being nice people.

 

It took my GF about two years to earn my trust, I suggest you apply the same time frame.

 

 

[brianthainess]

27 minutes ago, Will27 said:

1 hour ago, brianthainess said:

So what is the min monthly/wage needed to take a wife to OZ?

There isn't one.

Maybe he should move to OZ then. 

[ignore it]

Hi Andy,

(First of all I hate long posts because nobody reads them)

As I understand from your posts your an experienced guy who came here to get away from home as you were going through a bad time.

On your first day, you met a woman tells you she's in her late 40s who is separated but not divorced, has no kids or meaningful family relationships, and is in debt. You spent a couple of weeks with her, left and came back a month later. She speaks passable English and has no assets.

You want to get her to England, shack up with her or maybe marry her and assist her in running away from her debts with out paying. 

Your being cautious and not thinking with your dick like your father.

You are new to the forum and don't like snarky comments from us muppets. 

Well, 

It's too late for you Andy.

I think you've come to the wrong place, and got some good advice from a bunch of muppets who have already been in, done, or seen your situation many times.

You fell for the trap, and will learn something. 

I always recommend that new types get with the game and screw beautiful Asian women until they get tired of tiny bumms, and get bored with c**t. You'll hear every story and help a lot of desperate women. 

As for you Andy. let us know how it goes. 

 

 

[The Fat Controller]

What kind of job can she get a 3 month leave of absence from?

How many kids is she supporting?

Have a Google about the level of household debt in Thailand.

If she won't tell you how much she owes and where that debt is held, time to get the running shoes on.

[Gottfrid]

1 hour ago, andych said:

Again, why so many negative comments? My ex wife ripped me off bad when i was younger, oh by the way she  is British through and through. I am keeping an open mind, and it is all down to trust. I know some Thai girls are out to rip you off, I am just looking at long term if things seem ok, I am not a wealthy man, no way was i getting involved with bar girls , or massage girls, or freelancers or any other stuff, someone said go on thaifriendly, nah, not into that. what happens happened. She may try to con me. She may me ok? But as i said letting my head rule my heart. Been hurt in the past. It may work out, it may not. She could be the one. Or she may be playing the game. We can only wait and see. As i said before, as soon as she asks for money, in the word of Duncan Ballantyne, "I'm oot of here!"

 

Ok, no more negativity in this post. Just some important questions:

 

1. Do you know for sure what she work with and where?

2. Do you know where she live? Have you visited her at her place?

3. Did she agree to sex with you, the first time you met her? Did you pay her anything for that?
4. Does it looks like she do not want you to listen or be around when she get phone calls?

5. If she told you she want to divorce, and that her husband agrees to divorce. Why has that not been done during 6 months?
6. What times does she start and stop work, and how many days a week does she work?
7. Do you spend most day time or night time with her?

So, if you can answer the 7 questions honestly, then I can give you a much better picture of what you are dealing with.

[The Fugitive]

12 hours ago, andych said:

Sorry, but i came for genuine help. My main concern would she get chased for debts if she came to uk, and i noticed whilst browsing forum there seems to be a bit of hostility like your first post to guys meeting thai girls, well i never came to thailand for the girls, just to get away from UK to sort problems out, met a girl 1st day, could have been anywhere UK, Spain ,Lisbon. And I knew all about the bargirls and freelancers before i went. 

Regarding debts, my Thai sister-in-law ran up three million baht on her Thai credit card(s). She now works on contracts in India. Occasionally, some guys in pink shirts with pink ties visit my wife's shop enquiring as to her whereabouts. My Mrs tells them the same each time (the truth). They then go away again. 

[Chris Daley]

Get her pregnant and have the baby in the UK.

[save the frogs]

7 hours ago, andych said:

Any relationship when you meet someone doesnt matter where it is it is the feeling you get.

 

You're delusional. 

You're already experiencing many of the complexities people face in relationships and you still think it's all about the "feelings".

You sure you want to take on her debts?

And I don't like women who have men lined up while they're still involved with other men. 

 

 

[GinBoy2]

10 hours ago, andych said:

Again i say , i am letting my head rule my heart. I know there may be problems, or even a scam.  I am being cautious.  I have told her cannot help her  financially, and I intend to stick to that. I am not thinking with my dick, unlike my late father . But  I have a feeling this may work out, there is a spark as some people may realise in their relationships. I am not 100& committed , just hoping things may be ok. Can I just say everyone is different,  you meet someone regardless of where you are and there is something there. Don't judge a book by its cover as the saying goes 

The one thing I would add.

 

For most of us reading this it sets off alarm bells.

 

Imagine what it would do in a CO's mind processing a tourist visa.

 

Tread very carefully, visas nowadays don't come cheap and just make sure you're not throwing money away at a hopeless cause

[Liverpool Lou]

16 hours ago, andych said:

After her divorce she has to wait 310 days to remarry i understand, but i think that is in Thailand only?

...only if she cannot prove that she is not pregnant.  My ex remarried very soon after our divorce.  

[Liverpool Lou]

16 hours ago, andych said:

How long do i need to know her if we wanted to marry, or for her to live with me?

Also once she is here could her debts be chased to UK? Or any other country?

"How long do i need to know her if we wanted to marry, or for her to live with me?"

Five minutes would be more than enough, no one makes that type of rule.  But marrying a married woman, as she is, is generally frowned upon by the legal fraternity.

 

"Also once she is here could her debts be chased to UK? Or any other country?"

Yes, if her creditors thought that it would be productive.

[save the frogs]

8 minutes ago, Liverpool Lou said:

...only if she cannot prove that she is not pregnant.  My ex remarried very soon after our divorce.  

because most women have other men on the sidelines while they're still attached (not necessarily that they sleep with), but as a backup plan. 

[geisha]

I think the OP has had enough “advice” and I’m sure he knows what he’s asking is a bit naive. No one should talk about marriage and moving across the world after a 2 week date and phone calls. He readily admits he was in a bad place with an ex wife, so he’s vulnerable. 

The intelligent thing to do has been said above, find out the debt, ( could be high) find out her job ( is it good enough for a tourist visa to UK) , is she really married/ divorced ??? only then  take her away for a month maximum. 
You still work , then she will be alone all day in a strange maybe cold country where she understands little English. You will be responsible for her, health wise, well being etc.

Let time tell. If the lady is honest you will find out. A relationship is based also on trust which for the moment you do not have. 
You have been lonely after a failed marriage, and it shows .

[CharlieKo]

15 hours ago, andych said:

Yes I earn enough for the family visa requirements at present

 

But what of the future? You say you retire in a few years. Will your pension be enough to support you both. It will take a few years for her to get citizenship. by which time you will be retired. So is she going to go out and work? I think there are too many obstacles in the way for her to be able to come to the UK. What if after a year or two she decides she doesn't like it in the UK. 

 

You say you are thinking with your head, not your dick! Then actually sit down and work out what you would need to do to make it happen. All this talk of marriage after a two week holiday, is a red flag from the off. Take a couple years to get to know her. Then if alls OK try and get her back to the UK. But I think your age and situation will be a problem for getting permission to bring her to the UK.

 

If you have a property you can rent out in the UK, then give some thought to living in Thailand so you can get to know her. But so far not just her situation but your own approach to this relationship is throwing up red flags. You are lining yourself up for problems from so many angles. That is why you are getting negative responses.     

[BritManToo]

9 hours ago, andych said:

No we lost our Mums about the same time, and yes like similar music, she is 47 i am 59, Any relationship when you meet someone doesnt matter where it is it is the feeling you get. Oh she works in a restaurant . not a massage or bar. for the last few years she said, whether that is the truth i don't know, does she believe me when i say i am a CEO of a big company? or that i am a Surgeon, when all i am is a normal bloke in a boring job with a few years left till retirement.

Assume she lied about her mom, I bet you told her about yours first.

[Liverpool Lou]

4 hours ago, save the frogs said:

because most women have other men on the sidelines while they're still attached (not necessarily that they sleep with), but as a backup plan. 

They do?  On what do you base that bizarre assertion?

[theoldgit]

I've removed a number of posts to clean up the the thread.

 

The OP has been understandably upset by some of the comments, sadly the position he finds himself in is all too common, and it often ends in tears.

 

@andychif this really is your dream you have an ubhill struggle to achieve it, or to get anywhere close.

 

I personally would slow things down, she's an unknown quantity but the debts you refer to may be indicitive of har "escape plan", possibly at your expense.

 

Visa fees, NHS Surcharges and income levels are already pretty expensive, and about to increase substantially.

 

My advice, if you're really serious, to pay for the services of a qualified Immigration Advisor, one registered with OISC will give you meaningful advice and would, in all probability only assist if there's a realistic chance of success. They more cost more than a back street agent in Thailand but they would be cheaper in the long run as they probably would waste your cash on an application that has little, or no chance of success. 

[xtrnuno41]

It doesnt matter, what race, believes, culture, it is everywhere the same.

Maybe approach is different, but thats it. It is my lifetime experience. Lived it, heard a lot, saw a lot.

I envy couples staying together, as they say in harmonic way. But sure there are waves up and down.

You "only" have to find that one person and I think it is rare, at least for me and with me many others.

A person can change in time and it can be quick or slow. There could be a hidden agenda.

Only time can tell if you had the right one.

Mention one case, a couple married for 35 years, with religion as strong base. Thought it couldnt end.

Wrong, the woman changed, religion not important (break up) anymore and also mariage, so divorce.

Never saw that one coming. But there are more like such cases and divorces after very long time married.

Mariage? I wouldnt recommend, unless there is an economical advantage.

Living together? Maybe even not. Been there, done it, but lousy outcomes. Leaving me baffled.

I must say age is also a thing which make you think otherwise.

 

SO she is still married, waiting on 3 year time, to divorce.

Debt, what is it? Creditcard? Loan of bank, in that case she has a guarantor. Not nice to let that person pay for her.

Loanshark, worst thing. How big, you must know. Part of getting to knowing each other.

But again it is NOT a guarantee for the future. Future can bring you surprises and could be bad or good.

I would say bad surprises. Beginning is all pink and then fades out to another color.

 

Every country has their rules, you have to find out yourself. 

[save the frogs]

3 hours ago, Liverpool Lou said:

They do?  On what do you base that bizarre assertion?

Life experience, my friend.

[andych]

4 hours ago, theoldgit said:

I've removed a number of posts to clean up the the thread.

 

The OP has been understandably upset by some of the comments, sadly the position he finds himself in is all too common, and it often ends in tears.

 

@andychif this really is your dream you have an ubhill struggle to achieve it, or to get anywhere close.

 

I personally would slow things down, she's an unknown quantity but the debts you refer to may be indicitive of har "escape plan", possibly at your expense.

 

Visa fees, NHS Surcharges and income levels are already pretty expensive, and about to increase substantially.

 

My advice, if you're really serious, to pay for the services of a qualified Immigration Advisor, one registered with OISC will give you meaningful advice and would, in all probability only assist if there's a realistic chance of success. They more cost more than a back street agent in Thailand but they would be cheaper in the long run as they probably would waste your cash on an application that has little, or no chance of success. 

Thanks, this has been the best advice given to me so far.

And if people re read what i wrote, She is not divorced yet, no kids, works in restaurant, she mentioned about losing her mother last  year before i did. I think debt is credit card she said one night. But she says it is her responsibility. And won't tell me how much it is.

 

Is she playing the long game? Again we don't know.

 

1. Do you know for sure what she work with and where?

She was working in restaurant near to my hotel

 

2. Do you know where she live? Have you visited her at her place?

She tell me she stays in a room in above the restaurant, and only seen her there.

 

3. Did she agree to sex with you, the first time you met her? Did you pay her anything for that?

No not the first time, a week later, I am a gentleman  

4. Does it looks like she do not want you to listen or be around when she get phone calls?

I never noticed her phone ringing whilst I was with her, only time i noticed was for translating now and again.

 

5. If she told you she want to divorce, and that her husband agrees to divorce. Why has that not been done during 6 months?

That I can't answer,  she left him because of his affairs that's all she told me

6. What times does she start and stop work, and how many days a week does she work?

She told me she start in mid morning about 10, and finishes about 8pm, maybe start and finish times vary she said, and does at least 5 days a week, sometimes 7 she says 

7. Do you spend most day time or night time with her

Mainly spent the evenings with her, and she spent a week with  me on one visit, she said she took leave from work.

 

I am keeping an open mind, but regardless of where she is from or where we met, I liked her company, and no money has changed hands, apart from when i had a meal in  her restaurant.

Money wise i am due a payout at 65, towards my retirement fund. But we don't know what the future holds for anyone.

[spidermike007]

On 1/19/2024 at 9:34 AM, andych said:

Hello just joined as this may a usual request, i have searched, but can't to seem to find much help, some i do understand,.

Any way quick resume of what's happened last 6 months 

Last year i went to Patong, to get away from life in UK for 2 weeks as i was going through a bad time.

Anyway 2nd day met a thai girl as you do.. dated for most of the 2 weeks and had a good time, but missed her and went back a month later and found we had a lot in common, only 12  years younger than me in her late 40s, not a bargirl, english is just about understandable but i don't think she would pass test if she moves to the UK but wants to take lessons in Phuket.

She has not once in the last 6 months asked me for money, she is in debt, and won't tell me how much and still married waiting to divorce her husband who she left 2 years ago, she has no property, but her boss said he will keep her job open for 3 months if she comes to UK on visitor visa. After her divorce she has to wait 310 days to remarry i understand, but i think that is in Thailand only?

I don't have much savings only a small emergency fund, and i would only pay for her uk visa and flight. 

The main questions i want to ask, 

How long do i need to know her if we wanted to marry, or for her to live with me?

Also once she is here could her debts be chased to UK? Or any other country?

Many thanks and hope this is ok for posting,

Andy

 

You should date for a minimum of 2 to 3 years before even moving in together, and perhaps add another year or two on to that before you consider getting married. There are just too many variables, there's so many things about her that you don't know at this point Until you've spent thousands upon thousands of hours with her you really don't know who she is.

 

Time is your ally not hers, use it.