Death of my Dad but cannot go back

[Adrian78]

There is a moment in everyone's life that you hope will happen as late as possible: it happened to me yesterday. My dad said goodbye to us after a short illness that debilitated him and made him unrecognizable.

But the thing that is killing me inside is that, 99% , I won't be able to fly to France for the funeral because I'm facing a civil case here in Thailand and the court has kept my passport.

I really don't know what to do, even though I have no choice but to stay and go see him when it's all over.

R.I.P. Dad.

[flyingtlger]

Sorry to hear about your father but it sounds like you no choice but to wait until your civil case is settled.

What kind of civil case are you involved in that required you to relinquish your passport?

Can you talk to the judge and explain your situation?

Judges are human too and may have compassion for you......

[FritsSikkink]

Settle the civil case asap.

[OneMoreFarang]

The family could consider a cremation now and funeral of the ashes (I don't know the name of this) later, maybe months later.

 

My parents died at Covid times, and I couldn't go there at that time. I didn't worry much about it. They were dead and my presence wouldn't make any difference. 

[Morch]

Sorry for your loss.

 

My father will hit 90 next month. He's alright, all things considered, but....

 

Even without legal issues, not always easy to 'just get on a plane'. Comes with the package of living abroad.

 

If you cannot attend, and there's a service, you could ask family members/friend to maybe set up a video link (many apps for that).

 

There's this line from one of Leonard Cohen's songs: "Everybody got this broken feeling, Like their father or their dog just died".

[impulse]

If the OP has an attorney representing him/her in the civil case, I'd suggest consulting the attorney to see if there's a solution, perhaps depositing a bond to guaranty a return.

 

In the interest of educating expats and tourists here, I hope the OP will (in a different thread) tell us what lessons he may have learned, being in a civil suit where his freedom to travel is curtailed.  It may help others avoid the same unfortunate situation.

 

In any case, my heart goes out to him.  I missed my father's funeral because, for reasons that seem trivial in hindsight, my family was unable to contact me in time to travel back to the USA after his death.  Sad as that was, I have made peace with it.

 

[Morch]

5 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

The family could consider a cremation now and funeral of the ashes (I don't know the name of this) later, maybe months later.

 

My parents died at Covid times, and I couldn't go there at that time. I didn't worry much about it. They were dead and my presence wouldn't make any difference. 

 

Sometimes makes a difference to family.

Sometimes comes and stabs you from behind when you think you're good.

At least my experience.

[steven100]

sorry to hear about your dad Adrian .... and sorry to hear about your civil case ....

you have to stay strong for your dad ....  and you have to stay strong for your civil case ...

[scubascuba3]

Maybe Zoom or similar is available for the funeral ceremony, must have been available during covid

[richard_smith237]

1 hour ago, FritsSikkink said:

Settle the civil case asap.

 

Yeah 'cos its obviously as simple as that... 

 

-------

 

Why is it when on this forum someone highlights an issue they are having there is always at least one who feels compelled to respond with an over simplistic dumbed down response as if only they were capable of such clarity and genius ???

- Don't these people realise the exceptional myopic stupidity of their reply ?

 

 

[richard_smith237]

58 minutes ago, Morch said:

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

The family could consider a cremation now and funeral of the ashes (I don't know the name of this) later, maybe months later.

 

My parents died at Covid times, and I couldn't go there at that time. I didn't worry much about it. They were dead and my presence wouldn't make any difference. 

 

Sometimes makes a difference to family.

Sometimes comes and stabs you from behind when you think you're good.

At least my experience.

 

So sorry for the Ops loss.

 

This its a very difficult one...  from one perspective, his father is lost and he could pay his respects from anywhere. But, from another perspective, others may need the Ops support and he may well also want to be with loved ones.

 

There must be some form of precedent for this - although I'm sure it very much depends on the Ops legal circumstances.

 

Op, as you are in the midst of a legal civil case, what is your lawyer suggesting ?

Have your Embassy been able of offer any advice ? - they may have familiarity with the protocol in such situations. 

 

The suggestion to see a judge is obviously a solid one, but the legal system works slowly and this could be tricky - obviously time is of the essence. 

 

 

 

 

 

[richard_smith237]

24 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said:

Maybe Zoom or similar is available for the funeral ceremony, must have been available during covid

 

If the option of physically attending is removed...  This is perhaps the best alternative...  I've known of this for numerous funerals recently.

[FritsSikkink]

8 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

Yeah 'cos its obviously as simple as that... 

 

-------

 

Why is it when on this forum someone highlights an issue they are having there is always at least one who feels compelled to respond with an over simplistic dumbed down response as if only they were capable of such clarity and genius ???

- Don't these people realise the exceptional myopic stupidity of their reply ?

 

 

It might be, we both don't know that. The OP might not think clear as he is in emotional distress.

What is your excuse for your answer?

[Gecko123]

11 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

Yeah 'cos its obviously as simple as that... 

 

-------

 

Why is it when on this forum someone highlights an issue they are having there is always at least one who feels compelled to respond with an over simplistic dumbed down response as if only they were capable of such clarity and genius ???

- Don't these people realise the exceptional myopic stupidity of their reply ?

 

 

I think you're being unfair. In a civil case either party has the right to resolve the case. The post you quoted only sought to remind the OP of this. It's probably too late for this, but if the OP's passport was retained to ensure he doesn't flee the country, perhaps posting some type of bail or cash deposit in lieu of having his passport held could be possible. 

[scorecard]

1 hour ago, Morch said:

 

Sometimes makes a difference to family.

Sometimes comes and stabs you from behind when you think you're good.

At least my experience.

 

Some families see funerals differently and that's their human right.

 

My dad died, twenty years earlier he had disowned his nasty mother, for very good reasons.

 

When dad died my mother and I decided I should call and see if she was still alive and if so tell her dad had passed away. The called happened and we (mum and myself) that we had done our duty and we moved on to complete the arrangements for dad's burial.

 

Dad's mum got her daughter to call many places in our small city and get the dat, place, time of the impending burial.

 

Halfway through the burial, the coffin was being lowered into the ground a car pulled, dad's mother got out and ran to the grave and tried to throw herself onto his coffin. She was held back and went into rant of abuse towards my mum and me and dad's brother who had also disowner her.

 

The funeral director called the police, they came and charged dad's mother with disturbing the peace.

 

Took my mum month's to get up the confidence to leave the house. And sure enough every person she met when she was shopping and other activities tried to quiz my mum on what my mum had done to cause this situation. Truth is she had done nothing whatever. The original argument was between my dad and his mother and went back to when my dad was a little boy, and nothing more. 

Edited February 7 by scorecard

[Liverpool Lou]

9 hours ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

Yeah 'cos its obviously as simple as that... 

 

Why is it when on this forum someone highlights an issue they are having there is always at least one who feels compelled to respond with an over simplistic dumbed down response as if only they were capable of such clarity and genius ???

- Don't these people realise the exceptional myopic stupidity of their reply ?

Hear, hear!  Can't find anything to dispute there!

[CRUNCHER]

Get your lawyer to apply to court to get your passport back as a special case. The court might refuse, but it is worth a try.

 

Good luck.

[richard_smith237]

1 hour ago, Liverpool Lou said:

Hear, hear!  Can't find anything to dispute there!

 

Flippin ek... LL...       you ok ???

 

 

_{(meant purely in jest of course)}

 

[richard_smith237]

10 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

What is your excuse for your answer?

 

A complete lack of tolerance for cerebral incontinence...   

[Kinok Farang]

Get your pp back rapido.

Explain to them your situation.

You have to go back or regret it the rest of your life.

Good luck.

[fondue zoo]

Firstly, my condolences for your loss.

 

 

 

9 hours ago, Liverpool Lou said:

Hear, hear!  Can't find anything to dispute there!

 

Don't say that LL, we all rely on you in here.

 

 

[fondue zoo]

7 hours ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

A complete lack of tolerance for cerebral incontinence...   

 

 

ouuu boy, you're going to have field day in here then, none of us wear comment diapers.

 

[arick]

19 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

The family could consider a cremation now and funeral of the ashes (I don't know the name of this) later, maybe months later.

 

My parents died at Covid times, and I couldn't go there at that time. I didn't worry much about it. They were dead and my presence wouldn't make any difference. 

The Will won't wait !

[Gecko123]

I have to say that I find it a little bit implausible that a Thai civil court would retain either the plaintiff's or defendant's passport and I'm wondering if the OP fabricated this scenario to explain to his family why he couldn't attend the funeral back home. Retention of a passport implies that the OP is the defendant, as there would be little reason to retain a passport for the plaintiff. Typically, a court is not going to get involved with ensuring that a civil judgement is enforced once it is rendered. What happens if either party appeals the case? That could take years. Is the OP's passport going to be held by the court until the matter is completely resolved? Retention of the passport would not only make it impossible to leave the country, it would make it extremely difficult to travel within Thailand. Not to mention difficult to renew visas, etc. Just doesn't make sense.

[Thingamabob]

Very sorry for your loss. I'm surprised your passport has been held because you are involved in a civil case. Maybe you could quickly double check this with your lawyer.

[nikmar]

i feel for you. My Dad passed after a battle with covid and there was no way for me to return. Very sad indeed. I took my family to a temple and paid respects there. A sort of token effort if you see what I mean, but if my Dad was looking down ( I dont necessarily believe in an after life) Im sure he wouldve understood. We had a family meal afterwards, sort of re affirmed our family bonds which my Dad wouldve approved of. 

 

I returned home last year and we spread his ashes to his choice of music so paid my respects with my son and family there.

 

Sorry for your loss, I hope things work out for you.

[alex8912]

45 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

I have to say that I find it a little bit implausible that a Thai civil court would retain either the plaintiff's or defendant's passport and I'm wondering if the OP fabricated this scenario to explain to his family why he couldn't attend the funeral back home. Retention of a passport implies that the OP is the defendant, as there would be little reason to retain a passport for the plaintiff. Typically, a court is not going to get involved with ensuring that a civil judgement is enforced once it is rendered. What happens if either party appeals the case? That could take years. Is the OP's passport going to be held by the court until the matter is completely resolved? Retention of the passport would not only make it impossible to leave the country, it would make it extremely difficult to travel within Thailand. Not to mention difficult to renew visas, etc. Just doesn't make sense.

So the OP has lied to his family and then turned around and came on this forum and also lied? Does that make sense  to you detective Gecko? 

[BTB1977]

Many of my friends and I have experienced this . Most of us that live here just realize going back at a moments notice isn't possible.  Sad to hear about your loss. Best to stay out of a civil case. But that was your decision.  Good luck. 

[Gecko123]

2 hours ago, alex8912 said:

So the OP has lied to his family and then turned around and came on this forum and also lied? Does that make sense  to you detective Gecko? 

As a matter of fact it does. Posting the excuse on a public forum would add legitimacy to the excuse in the eyes of those half way around the world. Psychologically speaking, repeating a lie to others can make a falsehood seem more "true" to yourself if you are feeling guilty about having lied. The key reason to believe the excuse was fabricated, however,  is that it doesn't pass the smell test in terms of how civil trials and courts usually work in Thailand. 

[steven100]

22 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

Maybe Zoom or similar is available for the funeral ceremony, must have been available during covid

or a drone funeral