Popular Post Aust24R Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 (edited) Gday. Seeking advice from those more knowledgeable than I. I know I'm required to help pay wife's debts incurred during marriage, I even help her pay off her Education debt incurred before we were married. I'm ok doing that. But pressure to pay off her mother's historically incurred debts. God help me. Not only haven't I done it and continue to say I won't do, as a matter of principal I won't work years to save money only to use it to pay off someone else's debts. I know family is at the core of Thai society and I've told my wife I will always support you but I'm not responsible for your Mum's debts and it'd be akin to throwing my money away I'm grateful for the chance to listen and learn from others here. Regards Edited March 28 by Aust24R 2 1 1 1 4 1 1 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post FritsSikkink Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 I wouldn't pay either. 2 1 1 1 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
proton Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 How much is it? 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Pouatchee Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 she will only incur more as her "CREDIT" gets better 4 1 1 14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post OneMoreFarang Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 This means that you obviously don't love your gf. Otherwise, you would help her and her family so that everybody will live happily ever after. At least that is what your gf will make you believe. There is an easy solution: Tell her that won't happen and tell her if she ever brings it up again then you will separate from her. One way or another, that will permanently solve the problem. And unfortunately, it is probably the only way to permanently solve it. 5 3 1 2 1 23 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Dan O Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 7 minutes ago, Aust24R said: Gday. Seeking advice from those more knowledgeable than I. I know I'm required to help pay wife's debts incurred during marriage, I even help her pay off her Education debt incurred before we were married. I'm ok doing that. But pressure to pay off her mother's historically incurred debts. God help me. Not only haven't I done it and continue to say I won't do, as a matter of principal I won't work years to save money only to use it to pay off someone else's debts. I know family is at the core of Thai society and I've told my wife I will always support you but I'm not responsible for your Mum's debts and it'd be akin to throwing my money away I'm grateful for the chance to listen and learn from others here. Regards Your correct in your thinking and position although in this culture their thinking is terrible screwed in that area and you will be on the wrong side of that. Helping to support an aging parent is one thing and I'm all for it but not to resolve past debts and bad spending habits doesn't fall into that category. 1 1 1 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aust24R Posted March 28 Author Share Posted March 28 7 minutes ago, proton said: How much is it? 1 million I believe 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aust24R Posted March 28 Author Share Posted March 28 6 minutes ago, Dan O said: Your correct in your thinking and position although in this culture their thinking is terrible screwed in that area and you will be on the wrong side of that. Helping to support an aging parent is one thing and I'm all for it but not to resolve past debts and bad spending habits doesn't fall into that category. Thank you Dan 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aust24R Posted March 28 Author Share Posted March 28 9 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said: This means that you obviously don't love your gf. Otherwise, you would help her and her family so that everybody will live happily ever after. At least that is what your gf will make you believe. There is an easy solution: Tell her that won't happen and tell her if she ever brings it up again then you will separate from her. One way or another, that will permanently solve the problem. And unfortunately, it is probably the only way to permanently solve it. Thank you OMF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post transam Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 You must be careful there isn't a queue of family with debts. These people know what they are doing when they, borrow, gamble, whatever. The farangy is looked on as a Knight in shining armour, with his saddlebags full of gold. I would forget the hangers on, they will get the message, unless you do have saddlebags full of gold...... 2 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoDisplayName Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 14 minutes ago, Aust24R said: 1 million I believe What assets (if any) does she own? House and land? How much monthly income? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post stoner Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 Just now, NoDisplayName said: What assets (if any) does she own? House and land? How much monthly income? if she has land have her sign it over to the daughter as collateral. otherwise scram. 1 3 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post swerve Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 This is a common Thai tactic. Choose not to pay. 2 2 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post riclag Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 I would contribute as much as other family members! If a Thai family member came up with 30k baht , I would match it. Heres another possibility! If you pay your wife a stipend like many do! Take it off her allocation every month until it accumulates to 1 m. But if you cant come up with 1 m than forget it. imop 1 2 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Rampant Rabbit Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 39 minutes ago, Aust24R said: I know I'm required to help pay wife's debts incurred during marriage, bwhaaaa haaa haaaa, no u aint. 2 1 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post riclag Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 8 minutes ago, stoner said: if she has land have her sign it over to the daughter as collateral. otherwise scram. Good Idea 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post save the frogs Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 when you start dating someone, the first and most important thing to ask is "how much is she going to cost me?" 3 1 1 1 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Hummin Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 (edited) 42 minutes ago, Aust24R said: Gday. Seeking advice from those more knowledgeable than I. I know I'm required to help pay wife's debts incurred during marriage, I even help her pay off her Education debt incurred before we were married. I'm ok doing that. But pressure to pay off her mother's historically incurred debts. God help me. Not only haven't I done it and continue to say I won't do, as a matter of principal I won't work years to save money only to use it to pay off someone else's debts. I know family is at the core of Thai society and I've told my wife I will always support you but I'm not responsible for your Mum's debts and it'd be akin to throwing my money away I'm grateful for the chance to listen and learn from others here. Regards One tried to make me pay of dept to, I packed my bags and never looked back. One of my best decissions ever. Now married to a good family. Edited March 28 by Hummin 2 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post CANSIAM Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 Stay firm and don't start the paying process, it won't end........especially bad debts.... 2 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Aust24R Posted March 28 Author Popular Post Share Posted March 28 8 minutes ago, NoDisplayName said: What assets (if any) does she own? House and land? How much monthly income? NDN I don't know the figures sorry. I did buy land for her in her name some years ago with a view to build, but that was sold recently to help her repayments. She doesn't have her own home. 1 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post transam Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 1 minute ago, save the frogs said: when you start dating someone, the first and most important thing to ask is "how much is she going to cost me?" I think the OP is past that point............ 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aust24R Posted March 28 Author Share Posted March 28 2 minutes ago, save the frogs said: when you start dating someone, the first and most important thing to ask is "how much is she going to cost me?" STF that's what I have learnt, you're right 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hummin Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 2 minutes ago, save the frogs said: when you start dating someone, the first and most important thing to ask is "how much is she going to cost me?" First time I spent time in my mother in law house, I asked her what she expected of me before I left. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post MangoKorat Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 (edited) 48 minutes ago, Aust24R said: I know I'm required to help pay wife's debts incurred during marriage, I even help her pay off her Education debt incurred before we were married. I'm ok doing that. Why do you think you should do any of that? Short answer to your problem - get out, you're being used. Don't wait another few years to realise that - cut your losses and run. Seen this many times and almost bought the T shirt myself. None of those marriages lasted - yours will be no different. Edited March 28 by MangoKorat 2 1 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post save the frogs Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Hummin said: First time I spent time in my mother in law house, I asked her what she expected of me before I left. you are obviously a mature and intelligent individual. but even that doesn't protect you 100%. if your wife runs a business that fails or any other number of scenarios, it becomes your problem. marriage is basically joint finances, for better or worse. Edited March 28 by save the frogs 1 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Dolf Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 34 minutes ago, Aust24R said: 1 million I believe Not my problem. Ask again we get divorced. That is what you say. If you hear again walk away don't look back. 1 2 1 1 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Kinnock Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 28 minutes ago, Aust24R said: 1 million I believe Noooooo! In my experience the extended family of a Thai wife are allergic to help. First issue is that they do not understand basic accounting traps such as compound interest or penalties for not paying every month. So within a year they will have more unsurmountable debt and will be back with hands out. Second issue is that they think you are rich, so anything you do will never be enough. They will resent you for the help and resent you more for not giving them 2 million .... each. Direct help for your wife on the condition she never borrows again .... OK. Help for the never-ending woes of the family. No! 2 1 1 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post transam Posted March 28 Popular Post Share Posted March 28 2 minutes ago, Dolf said: Not my problem. Ask again we get divorced. That is what you say. If you hear again walk away don't look back. Says a single bloke................🤣 1 1 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hummin Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 (edited) 12 minutes ago, save the frogs said: you are obviously a mature and intelligent individual. but even that doesn't protect you 100%. if your wife runs a business that fails or any other number of scenarios, it becomes your problem. marriage is basically joint finances, for better or worse. My wife is a housewife, and even we are married, we have not registered marriage in Thailand. Edited March 28 by Hummin 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mokwit Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 1 hour ago, Aust24R said: I'm not responsible for your Mum's debts and it'd be akin to throwing my money away The Thai horn of plenty - the cup that endlessly refills - especially if you have built your house on land Mama owns - pay off the debt or lose the house to the money lender, then they rinse and repeat. you can refuse to pay but then your girlfriend will be in a permanent mope - how can she be happy she will tell you when she has this "ploblem"? of course yours *COULD* be different. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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