Online romance and marriage, or prostitution or ?

[william61]

This happened near the village where we have a home where we stay when not in Bangkok. 

One young village girl, 16 years old and from a poor family found an 40/50 year old expat online from a city 50 or 60 km away, and they chatted online for few months. He speaks and chats in English and she only knows Thai. Then a month ago, during the school holiday the guy visited and offered to marry the girl.  The family seemed to think a dream came true and asked for half million baht financial support, which was negotiated down to 200.000 or less.  There was no real marriage and no paperwork done. Lots of stories were going around as the family has to ask other villagers to help with translations...

 

Then the guy stayed in the village for a month with the girl and after the first days it went downhill according to the stories. The guy could not communicate in Thai and his only interest seems to be in the sex.   He then left and took all that he bought for the family with him. Now they seem to have broken up, with the girl staying in another village for her safety, and the foreigner coming back the first time, threatening with lawyers and police to demand back the money, and coming back a few days later with flowers to make up and ask to take the girl with him.

 

Surprisingly, after all this time, nobody knows his name or address, not even the "wife". Nobody knows where he lives, what he does for a living etc.

So many things are wrong, so many red flags, and with a foreigner involved (who should know better!).

If the girl would have been forced to go with the guy then this would be trafficking but luckily she is still in the village.

I am interested to hear your views and if there are similar experiences, and suggestions on what to do / not to do.

[transam]

9 minutes ago, william61 said:

This happened near the village where we have a home where we stay when not in Bangkok. 

One young village girl, 16 years old and from a poor family found an 40/50 year old expat online from a city 50 or 60 km away, and they chatted online for few months. He speaks and chats in English and she only knows Thai. Then a month ago, during the school holiday the guy visited and offered to marry the girl.  The family seemed to think a dream came true and asked for half million baht financial support, which was negotiated down to 200.000 or less.  There was no real marriage and no paperwork done. Lots of stories were going around as the family has to ask other villagers to help with translations...

 

Then the guy stayed in the village for a month with the girl and after the first days it went downhill according to the stories. The guy could not communicate in Thai and his only interest seems to be in the sex.   He then left and took all that he bought for the family with him. Now they seem to have broken up, with the girl staying in another village for her safety, and the foreigner coming back the first time, threatening with lawyers and police to demand back the money, and coming back a few days later with flowers to make up and ask to take the girl with him.

 

Surprisingly, after all this time, nobody knows his name or address, not even the "wife". Nobody knows where he lives, what he does for a living etc.

So many things are wrong, so many red flags, and with a foreigner involved (who should know better!).

If the girl would have been forced to go with the guy then this would be trafficking but luckily she is still in the village.

I am interested to hear your views and if there are similar experiences, and suggestions on what to do / not to do.

Best to mind your own business.............

[Bill97]

Can close this now 

[Ben Zioner]

This is why these girls shouldn't hook up with youngsters; they are cheap charlies and have a one track mind. She'll now better next time. BTW, where do you live?

[Hummin]

This is how they practiced arranged marriages before, and still some few choose to either send their daughters away to find work, or find a husband to them. 

 

So what is their options, if not able to create a life for themselves? Either fabric somewhere if lucky, or "pattaya" jst for the generalization sake

 

 

[Stanton681]

10 minutes ago, Ben Zioner said:

This is why these girls shouldn't hook up with youngsters; they are cheap charlies and have a one track mind. She'll now better next time. BTW, where do you live?

The farang involved appears to be 40/50 years old.

[william61]

9 minutes ago, Hummin said:

This is how they practiced arranged marriages before, and still some few choose to either send their daughters away to find work, or find a husband to them. 

 

So what is their options, if not able to create a life for themselves? Either fabric somewhere if lucky, or "pattaya" jst for the generalization sake

 

 

The available option is to finish school and find a job. Their is no lack of employment in the tourism and manufacturing industries as long as people finish secondary school. This family tried a shortcut that did not work, another youngster in the village opened a bank account and gave the number and pw to a "friend": He is now in prison as the account was used by a call center. Others are trying their luck on gambling (close to zero chance) or other illegal stuff.
Final option is to grow rice and walk the cows to the fields - but this is reserved for the oldies returning from work in cities.

[Hummin]

Just now, william61 said:

The available option is to finish school and find a job. Their is no lack of employment in the tourism and manufacturing industries as long as people finish secondary school. This family tried a shortcut that did not work, another youngster in the village opened a bank account and gave the number and pw to a "friend": He is now in prison as the account was used by a call center. Others are trying their luck on gambling (close to zero chance) or other illegal stuff.
Final option is to grow rice and walk the cows to the fields - but this is reserved for the oldies returning from work in cities.

You forget one thing, many fall out of school out of many reasons, and is not an option for many. 

[Nick Carter icp]

The girl and the Parents can file police charges for underaged sex 

[Ben Zioner]

24 minutes ago, Stanton681 said:

The farang involved appears to be 40/50 years old.

Yes, so definitely immature..

[william61]

14 minutes ago, Hummin said:

You forget one thing, many fall out of school out of many reasons, and is not an option for many. 

Correct, there are lots of these as well. Their options are limited to the jobs that go for the minimum salary and are often already done by the guests from Laos, Myanmar or Cambodia - easy prey for criminals looking for couriers, call center operators +++. Not sure what the required qualifications are to become a motor taxi driver.

[OneMoreFarang]

I think there are a couple of issues to talk about:

- Age difference, how much of a problem is it? Is it always a problem? Can it be that both of them like the situation?

- Farang or Thai or other nationalities. How would the situation be different if an older Thai gentleman would marry her?

- Money: Would the girl and the parents have agreed to the marriage if they wouldn't receive "lots of money"?

- What does the money buy? If a guy marries a girl/woman and pays money, does that mean she will stay with him for at least time x? Does it mean that he is entitled to have sex with her every day? Any sex he wants?

 

In above case: Would the parents have agreed to a marriage of her to a Thai guy if he paid enough? What if that guy would use her just for sex?

 

I think there are too many variables. Some Thai/farang marriages are just fine. Some marriages with a big age gap are fine. Some young guys (about same age) also treat their wives in a bad way, i.e. they have sex with others. Would such a situation be better?

In an ideal world she would meet a nice guy, they would fall in love, maybe wait a year before they have sex, then marry, have sex and children, no money problem, no other sexual partners, and would live happily ever after. But how often does that happen?

 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

To add one more option to my list above:

What would happen if she wouldn't have married that guy?

Maybe she would have worked in a bar, maybe she would have had sex with hundreds or Thais or hundreds of foreign guys. And maybe then she would have married one of her customers. Would that be better?

Because that seems to happen often. The parents send the daughter to make money, lots of money, any way she can make money. Buy us a new TV and fridge and pickup and house, etc. 

Possibly she would have sex with 30 different guys a month. Would that be better?

Edited April 21 by OneMoreFarang

[Hummin]

2 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I think there are a couple of issues to talk about:

- Age difference, how much of a problem is it? Is it always a problem? Can it be that both of them like the situation?

- Farang or Thai or other nationalities. How would the situation be different if an older Thai gentleman would marry her?

- Money: Would the girl and the parents have agreed to the marriage if they wouldn't receive "lots of money"?

- What does the money buy? If a guy marries a girl/woman and pays money, does that mean she will stay with him for at least time x? Does it mean that he is entitled to have sex with her every day? Any sex he wants?

 

In above case: Would the parents have agreed to a marriage of her to a Thai guy if he paid enough? What if that guy would use her just for sex?

 

I think there are too many variables. Some Thai/farang marriages are just fine. Some marriages with a big age gap are fine. Some young guys (about same age) also treat their wives in a bad way, i.e. they have sex with others. Would such a situation be better?

In an ideal world she would meet a nice guy, they would fall in love, maybe wait a year before they have sex, then marry, have sex and children, no money problem, no other sexual partners, and would live happily ever after. But how often does that happen?

 

 

Quite obvious to me, 16 years is way to young for a man. Considering lack of common language and cultural understanding and her bacground, I would call it an criminal act.

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, Nick Carter icp said:

The girl and the Parents can file police charges for underaged sex 

And if they are married, would it be illegal if they have sex?

I think the parents have to agree for a 16 year old girl to marry. And I guess if they agree to that then that includes what married people do with each other.

 

This is not about my opinion if it is right or wrong, it's about the legal situation.

[OneMoreFarang]

11 minutes ago, Hummin said:

Quite obvious to me, 16 years is way to young for a man. Considering lack of common language and cultural understanding and her bacground, I would call it an criminal act.

I am together with my gf since she was 16. And we live happily together since many years.

In my case we started to communicate with a mixture of Thai and English. Not perfect, but good enough.

Would she be happier if she would have worked a couple of years in a bar and then marry another guy? Maybe. But then, maybe not.

We all make decisions in our lives which maybe work out, and maybe not. And if we change our mind(s), then we can separate, make other decisions, etc. 

 

About your comment and 16 is too young. How about if she would have had sex with one or a couple of the village boys? Maybe 16 or maybe 20? And maybe she would be pregnant from one of those guys. Would that be better? Because in real life this is what seems to happen all the time. 

 

Edited April 21 by OneMoreFarang

[william61]

5 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I think there are a couple of issues to talk about:

- Age difference, how much of a problem is it? Is it always a problem? Can it be that both of them like the situation?

- Farang or Thai or other nationalities. How would the situation be different if an older Thai gentleman would marry her?

- Money: Would the girl and the parents have agreed to the marriage if they wouldn't receive "lots of money"?

- What does the money buy? If a guy marries a girl/woman and pays money, does that mean she will stay with him for at least time x? Does it mean that he is entitled to have sex with her every day? Any sex he wants?

 

In above case: Would the parents have agreed to a marriage of her to a Thai guy if he paid enough? What if that guy would use her just for sex?

 

I think there are too many variables. Some Thai/farang marriages are just fine. Some marriages with a big age gap are fine. Some young guys (about same age) also treat their wives in a bad way, i.e. they have sex with others. Would such a situation be better?

In an ideal world she would meet a nice guy, they would fall in love, maybe wait a year before they have sex, then marry, have sex and children, no money problem, no other sexual partners, and would live happily ever after. But how often does that happen?

 

 

I am with you, there are multiple issues.

What struck me as odd and got me to ask more questions was not the expat or farang, or the age gap. The thing that set me off was that it seemed to be only about sex for the guy: from online contact using google translate to getting married on the first meeting. no courting, no honeymoon, no effort to get to know her parents, purely a financial transaction. 

Then nobody knows his name, address (or marital status) and the girl was asked to call him darling...

In the end the girl realized that real life with this guy is not the same as online and put an end to it.

[Hummin]

10 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I am together with my gf since she was 16. And we live happily together since many years.

In my case we started to communicate with a mixture of Thai and English. Not perfect, but good enough.

Would she be happier if she would have worked a couple of years in a bar and then marry another guy? Maybe. But then, maybe not.

We all make decisions in our lives which maybe work out, and maybe not. And if we change our mind(s), then we can separate, make other decisions, etc. 

 

About your comment and 16 is too young. How about if she would have had sex with one or a couple of the village boys? Maybe 16 or maybe 20? And maybe she would be pregnant from one of those guys. Would that be better? Because in real life this is what seems to happen all the time. 

 

For me it would had been a no go no matter what, and for many reasons. 

 

Two main reasons

The age

Lack of Communication 

 

 

Edited April 21 by Hummin

[william61]

14 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

And if they are married, would it be illegal if they have sex?

I think the parents have to agree for a 16 year old girl to marry. And I guess if they agree to that then that includes what married people do with each other.

 

This is not about my opinion if it is right or wrong, it's about the legal situation.

This is complicated: there is legal age for sex with consent (15?), the legal age to get married (17), but they did not actually get married. The remaining option, if not married, is paying for the service, which is illegal. Other options?

[OneMoreFarang]

7 minutes ago, william61 said:

I am with you, there are multiple issues.

What struck me as odd and got me to ask more questions was not the expat or farang, or the age gap. The thing that set me off was that it seemed to be only about sex for the guy: from online contact using google translate to getting married on the first meeting. no courting, no honeymoon, no effort to get to know her parents, purely a financial transaction. 

Then nobody knows his name, address (or marital status) and the girl was asked to call him darling...

In the end the girl realized that real life with this guy is not the same as online and put an end to it.

 

She realized that it was not what we expected and she ended it. Good. I don't know if it would be fair to give him (part of) the money back.

 

The situation that he married her right away is obviously bad. But let's assume for a moment that he and her have a wonderful online relationship. All wonderful, and they love each other, and they want to have sex with each other. And then? Could they have legally sex if they are not married? As far as I know parents could complain and a guy could go to jail for sex with a girl, even if she enthusiastically said yes. Thinking about that, marriage kind of makes sense. Kind of.

[zhounan]

It seems that in Thailand some girls really want to be single mom.

[0ffshore360]

I have come across this situation several times over the last 23  years.

Similar  outcome included.

No innocence on the part of anyone involved. Middle aged foreigner targets young village girl with lures of promised  bliss. Makes the  trip to visit and  woos her and parents with largish wads of cash enough to convince  parents to agree to "future" matrimony and handover  of an a-greed sum.

He bonks his brains out thinking the situation is perfect while demonstrating  some strange but possibly  predictable behaviours that frighten the girl and parents once comprehended as fact.

She runs, he spits the dummy while the parents ignore him, he  departs in a rage with whatever bling he brought with, returns in an effort to con access to his cash pot, gets ignored  more.

His  loss. No comebacks. Negotiated sexual connection within Thai legal terms of age at 16 with paid  parental consent conditional on marriage .

Broken contract . Being a foreigner is incidental.

Next .

 

 

[xtrnuno41]

Agree somehow with OMF, but this also could be, first he has sex with her (first?) and then later take her and prostitute her or even sell her.

Joran vd Sloot (alleged Nathalie killer) came to Thailand for dealing in Thai girls for prostitution abroad..

I knew a Thai "girl" (in 30 ties and even mom) married an Aussie and lived in Aussie land. She told me her husband wanted her to have sex with his friends !

Surprise ! I advised her, if she didnt want, to leave and eventually she left, back to Thailand. We lost further contact.

Met a Dutch guy, who married Thai woman, even had own company. He told me, his plan was to have sex parties, swinging.

He didnt told her yet at that time, just married.

It is life and you can meet the weirdest people, with or without good intentions.

 

 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

1 minute ago, xtrnuno41 said:

Agree somehow with OMF, but this also could be, first he has sex with her (first?) and then later take her and prostitute her or even sell her.

Joran vd Sloot (alleged Nathalie killer) came to Thailand for dealing in Thai girls for prostitution abroad..

I knew a Thai "girl" (in 30 ties and even mom) married an Aussie and lived in Aussie land. She told me her husband wanted her to have sex with his friends !

Surprise ! I advised her, if she didnt want, to leave and eventually she left, back to Thailand. We lost further contact.

Met a Dutch guy, who married Thai woman, even had own company. He told me, his plan was to have sex parties, swinging.

He didnt told her yet at that time, just married.

It is life and you can meet the weirdest people, with or without good intentions.

 

And I guess not only the foreigners are the crazy guys. We read often enough with what rich Thais get away with. We can be pretty sure there are also not so old females involved. But obviously the Thai journalists know what they better don't publish. Talk instead about those bad guys from Burma and those farangs... 

[xtrnuno41]

2 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

 

And I guess not only the foreigners are the crazy guys. We read often enough with what rich Thais get away with. We can be pretty sure there are also not so old females involved. But obviously the Thai journalists know what they better don't publish. Talk instead about those bad guys from Burma and those farangs... 

No, it is global. Once saw docu, as in India, girls from age 7 were bought or even kidnapped and used in prostitution.

Or, in the news from India, as higher placed class, you are allowed to rape a lower class woman. 

In AN , how a baby is raped in Thailand ! Or a female teacher is brutalizing a very young student.

Japan, how a woman eats sh*t out of the ass.

How a 70 year old celebrity is doing a "golden shower"and surprised with those friends to have it shared on internet. 

Weird things happen everywhere. So now and then I wonder what is normal or weird these days.

[Barnet1900]

May I ask, is this a case of facts or is it something that the locals are talking about? I'm not defending either party but it could well have a completely different set of arguments.

 

From his pov. Did he know she was 16? How did he get to meet a 16 year old online when the dating aps ask that you consent to being 18? Why would he pay that much cash just for sex? Maybe he genuinely loved her and soon found out that after his cash was taken the goalposts changed. Could be that he's the one being deceived. Could being the all-important word.

 

From her POV, was she forced into it by the family? Did she think she'd meet the perfect, kind foreign hero only to find out he was the same as any man?

 

I think the whole story needs solid facts before people can truly judge.

 

If however, he knew she was 16, was willing to pay that sort of cash and was actively looking for girls that age online, it suggests he's a predator of some sort.

 

If however, she deliberately sought a foreigner to pay up for her family and made him all sorts of promises then it's not beyond the realms of possibility that this naive chap has been snared. These stories of farangs being tricked and ripped off go right back to the history of Thai-westerner relationships.

 

Sounds like something Stickman would getting to the bottom of.

[riclag]

Somebody needs their head examined! Given the circumstances!

 

16 years old ,is a child. Imop

 

https://www.siam-legal.com/thailand-law/rights-and-duties-of-a-parent-and-child-in-thailand/#:~:text=Adulthood occurs when the child,and obligations to their child.

 

 

 

 

 

[billd766]

7 hours ago, Ben Zioner said:

This is why these girls shouldn't hook up with youngsters; they are cheap charlies and have a one track mind. She'll now better next time. BTW, where do you live?

Why do YOU need to KNOW where the poster lives.

 

It has nothing to do with you.

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, Barnet1900 said:

May I ask, is this a case of facts or is it something that the locals are talking about? I'm not defending either party but it could well have a completely different set of arguments.

 

From his pov. Did he know she was 16? How did he get to meet a 16 year old online when the dating aps ask that you consent to being 18? Why would he pay that much cash just for sex? Maybe he genuinely loved her and soon found out that after his cash was taken the goalposts changed. Could be that he's the one being deceived. Could being the all-important word.

 

From her POV, was she forced into it by the family? Did she think she'd meet the perfect, kind foreign hero only to find out he was the same as any man?

 

I think the whole story needs solid facts before people can truly judge.

 

If however, he knew she was 16, was willing to pay that sort of cash and was actively looking for girls that age online, it suggests he's a predator of some sort.

 

If however, she deliberately sought a foreigner to pay up for her family and made him all sorts of promises then it's not beyond the realms of possibility that this naive chap has been snared. These stories of farangs being tricked and ripped off go right back to the history of Thai-westerner relationships.

 

Sounds like something Stickman would getting to the bottom of.

 

Good post, there could be lots of things going on, including lots of shady things.

Imagine she told him that her parents want to send her into prostitution. And she told the guy she doesn't want that and he can rescue her by marrying her. It could be. Lots of other situations could be. I think we should be very careful making up our minds about her and him and her family. All and each of them could be predators and all and each of them could be innocent. Could... 

[soi3eddie]

8 hours ago, william61 said:

The thing that set me off was that it seemed to be only about sex for the guy: from online contact using google translate to getting married on the first meeting. no courting, no honeymoon, no effort to get to know her parents, purely a financial transaction. 

Always amusing when seeing an older guy and younger lady using Google translate. Whether in a bar in Hua Hin or on street in Soi 4 Bangkok. Come on guys. You can, and should, be better than that!