Character is destiny. There are two kinds of women, those women who will stay loyal to you provided the material framework is solid and she is kept away from other "options"; and then there are those women who will cheat on you regardless of the material framework you provide, in fact she will create "options" to cheat.

 

So, whilst we men, often talk about looks, it would be more important to talk about how to vet the character of a Thai woman.  In particular because there are greater difficulties in Thailand 1) broken and disfunctional family life creating impaired or missing integrity 2) financial disadvantages being an incentive to gouge a partner and adopt the gold digger strategy 3) the ability to date highly attractive women who, unfortunately, are often the ones with the least integrity.

 

Therefore let's talk about this. How do you vet for character in a Thai woman?

I have so many friends, who come here, and from the very start, make the same mistakes they made back in the West. Except here, they do not need to make those mistakes. The environment does not dictate that they behave like lambs. Many do not know, or realize that, or they succumb to "force of habit". Every ship needs a captain. If the man is not willing to be the captain of the ship, the woman will take over, here in Thailand. Most women here seem to want a strong man. But, if they end up with a wimp, they will take over. They have to. Someone needs to be the captain!

 

Many Thai women are very clever at making it appear that they really care for "their guy". And on many occasions, that is true, especially in long term relationships. But, for short time gals, it is just a game, and they play it well. Many Western men who come here are emotionally vulnerable, or an emotional wreck, having endured years of near torture by uber-feminists. 

 

My advice would be to take your time, okay you've already invested an extraordinary amount of time into chatting with somebody online, which is something I would never do, but all that is said and done. So once you get here take your time. Don't move fast, don't move in with her, don't live with her, date her for 6 months to a year and see how you like her.

 

When you meet a girl in person that you have met online, there is a possibility that you won't even like what you see, and that there will be zero chemistry. So, keep your expectations low, and come here and really really take your time getting to know her. What this means is consistent pushback from you, because she's going to want to step up the timetable, she's going to want it to move fast, she's going to want everything to happen right away, and you're going to have to be man enough to say sorry but I need a lot of time to determine whether or not you're the right woman for me, and I need a lot of time to get to know you.

 

Always remember if it's good it's only going to get better, and if there are problems they're going to manifest themselves over time. So the worst thing you can do is rush headlong into this thing. Man up and do your gender justice. Make us proud. 

 

The best chance any man has is to really be patient and really take his time. The woman is usually going to push to move things forward because she has an agenda, and the man always has to push back. If you're not willing to be patient, if you're not willing to abide by my timeline then I'm just going to walk. Time is your ally, if it's good it's only going to get better if there are problems they're going to manifest themselves over time. Always be willing to walk, plenty more fish in the sea, especially here. 

 

OP's got a pretty low opinion of women, if those are the only two types one expects to meet.  Your own projection of that opinion, reflects more about yourself, which a good woman would easily pick up on.

 

If single, may explain why one hasn't found a good woman yet.

 

 

The OP has never met a "real" or "normal" Thai woman. Its that simple. They dont go on dating sites looking for guys like him. He simply does not have a clue and never has since he has started his dating conquest threads. 

The best way is getting a noob, noob sex worker or noob at dating farang

14 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

I have so many friends, who come here, and from the very start, make the same mistakes they made back in the West. Except here, they do not need to make those mistakes. The environment does not dictate that they behave like lambs. Many do not know, or realize that, or they succumb to "force of habit". Every ship needs a captain. If the man is not willing to be the captain of the ship, the woman will take over, here in Thailand. Most women here seem to want a strong man. But, if they end up with a wimp, they will take over. They have to. Someone needs to be the captain!

 

Many Thai women are very clever at making it appear that they really care for "their guy". And on many occasions, that is true, especially in long term relationships. But, for short time gals, it is just a game, and they play it well. Many Western men who come here are emotionally vulnerable, or an emotional wreck, having endured years of near torture by uber-feminists. 

 

My advice would be to take your time, okay you've already invested an extraordinary amount of time into chatting with somebody online, which is something I would never do, but all that is said and done. So once you get here take your time. Don't move fast, don't move in with her, don't live with her, date her for 6 months to a year and see how you like her.

 

When you meet a girl in person that you have met online, there is a possibility that you won't even like what you see, and that there will be zero chemistry. So, keep your expectations low, and come here and really really take your time getting to know her. What this means is consistent pushback from you, because she's going to want to step up the timetable, she's going to want it to move fast, she's going to want everything to happen right away, and you're going to have to be man enough to say sorry but I need a lot of time to determine whether or not you're the right woman for me, and I need a lot of time to get to know you.

 

Always remember if it's good it's only going to get better, and if there are problems they're going to manifest themselves over time. So the worst thing you can do is rush headlong into this thing. Man up and do your gender justice. Make us proud. 

 

The best chance any man has is to really be patient and really take his time. The woman is usually going to push to move things forward because she has an agenda, and the man always has to push back. If you're not willing to be patient, if you're not willing to abide by my timeline then I'm just going to walk. Time is your ally, if it's good it's only going to get better if there are problems they're going to manifest themselves over time. Always be willing to walk, plenty more fish in the sea, especially here. 

 

 

Great post Mike, really.

 

You touched on one of the greatest difficulties with vetting a woman: They will pretend that they really care for you. Indeed that is one of the greatest difficulties, to gauge her real, actual and truthful level of attraction to you. 

 

You meet her and she smiles, you end up going to bed and have sex, as a man you automatically think she cares for you and is attracted to you. However, this is aboslutely wrong. She can have many reasons to have sex with you, spend time with you, smile at you, that actually have nothing to do with her having genuine attraction to you or caring for you. So the question becomes, how can you be sure if she is attracted to you in a genuine way or not?

 

Thankfully, you can fake many things, but you cannot fake "connection" in the long term. IF you pay attention, you will pick up on little signs. For instance, though you have great sex you will notice in bed she is not truly physically affectionate. She does not grab your hand out of herself in loving way. She does not initate sex a lot. She does not spend a lot of time talking with you about you, is not curious about you, but instead is glued to Youtube or Tik Tok. She does not watch films with you, because she does not like the same films as you. In truth a girl who really likes you will pretend she likes the same films as you, it is a small thing to her.

 

If she does post on Tik Tok, then only herself looking pouting and seductive, but she never posts about you or mentions you. 

 

In short there are small, but obvious signs, that whilst a woman deems you worthy of spending time with, she is not actually filled with burning desire for you.

 

This is a crucial part of vetting, because you should only invest in girls who have this desire for you. Or you will enter a hell of suffering. Because the person who cares less has all the power.

 

Do not make excuses for a girl who shows signs that she is not wildly attracted to you. I did this before. You try to make excuses because the gir is so incredibly hot. But in the end, if she is not truly attracted to you, she will text her ex, text other guys and cheat on you. You will enter your own personal hell. These girls are only good as fbuddies, never as serious main girl material.

no need to be overly critical of the OP

some people have some negatives experiences with women and it's part of the learning curve

as though you guys have never had a bad experience? trusted someone you shouldn't have, unrequited ... etc ..

I have and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

 

Quite a few guys might meet a decent woman .

They then continue going to bars and banging  prostitutes and they then wonder why the original  woman doesn't like them anymore .

1 hour ago, Cameroni said:

Therefore let's talk about this. How do you vet for character in a Thai woman?

Have a good looking old man offer her $1000 USD

1 hour ago, spidermike007 said:

The best chance any man has is to really be patient and really take his time.

 

I would like to address one more of the points in Mike's excellent and on-topic post. Vetting the character of the Thai woman should not be confined to the first conversation or the first week. In fact much like for women the dating never stops, for men the vetting never stops. 

 

ideally you should vet a woman for 10 years at least. Even then it is too short a time. Why? Because women change over time.

 

The number one characteristic to vet is always - is she loyal? However, there are so many others:

 

Can she be led? Does she follow your lead? Is she happy to do so or does she resent it?

 

Is she lazy or hard working? Does she make your life better, does she do housework or does she resent it?

 

Is she honest or is she a habitual liar?

 

Does she have integrity? If you agree something can you rely on her doing what she agreed to? Or does she always break any agreement unilaterally?

 

Does she have any neurotic behaviours, is she mentally ill to a level that is unacceptable? Does she cry a lot, move in her dreams or tell you she had a satan sitting on her chest (don't laugh this actually happened to me with a Filipina). Does the slightest stress cause her depression? Or does she have a sunny and happy disposition?

 

It will take a long time to truly vet a woman.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is not that secret. The standards are the same as they are at home. If you would not date a 20yo, high school dropout, tattoo covered, hooker at home, don't do it here. That should cover 80% pf the disasters.

6 minutes ago, cjinchiangrai said:

It is not that secret. The standards are the same as they are at home. If you would not date a 20yo, high school dropout, tattoo covered, hooker at home, don't do it here. That should cover 80% pf the disasters.

 

Indeed, many of the character traits you vet are the same as in the West. However, sadly 80% of vetting is not done if you avoid a girl with tattoos (though you should), avoid a hooker (though you should), a 20 year old (you should not avoid her) or a high school dropout (could go either way).

 

Nevertheless, in Thailand there are particular issues. One key difference is family. Here in Thailand you want to make sure you vet the family to a much greater degree than you would in the west. Because if you have a long term rel with her, you also have it with her family.

 

So, are both parents still alive? What is the nature of the relationship with both parents. How many siblings? What is the financial situation of the mother or the father, the health situation? Do they have significant debt?

 

Vetting needs to be in depth in relation to the Thai family as well.

3 minutes ago, Cameroni said:

 

Indeed, many of the character traits you vet are the same as in the West. However, sadly 80% of vetting is not done if you avoid a girl with tattoos (though you should), avoid a hooker (though you should), a 20 year old (you should not avoid her) or a high school dropout (could go either way).

 

Nevertheless, in Thailand there are particular issues. One key difference is family. Here in Thailand you want to make sure you vet the family to a much greater degree than you would in the west. Because if you have a long term rel with her, you also have it with her family.

 

So, are both parents still alive? What is the nature of the relationship with both parents. How many siblings? What is the financial situation of the mother or the father, the health situation? Do they have significant debt?

 

Vetting needs to be in depth in relation to the Thai family as well.

True enough for vetting the leftover 20%. Far to many of the disasters are from marrying hookers from Pattaya or Phuket. It sort of makes sense, their English is better and many are young and cute. Some will split when the money gets tight and many more will not put up with a controlling man. They get to vet us too.

1 hour ago, Cameroni said:

Therefore let's talk about this. How do you vet for character in a Thai woman?

No need, women all lie and cheat, given the opportunity. Thai hooker or white educated virgin schoolteacher, all much the same 

 

But the Thai hooker probably puts out more!

37 minutes ago, Cameroni said:

 

I would like to address one more of the points in Mike's excellent and on-topic post. Vetting the character of the Thai woman should not be confined to the first conversation or the first week. In fact much like for women the dating never stops, for men the vetting never stops. 

 

ideally you should vet a woman for 10 years at least. Even then it is too short a time. Why? Because women change over time.

 

The number one characteristic to vet is always - is she loyal? However, there are so many others:

 

Can she be led? Does she follow your lead? Is she happy to do so or does she resent it?

 

Is she lazy or hard working? Does she make your life better, does she do housework or does she resent it?

 

Is she honest or is she a habitual liar?

 

Does she have integrity? If you agree something can you rely on her doing what she agreed to? Or does she always break any agreement unilaterally?

 

Does she have any neurotic behaviours, is she mentally ill to a level that is unacceptable? Does she cry a lot, move in her dreams or tell you she had a satan sitting on her chest (don't laugh this actually happened to me with a Filipina). Does the slightest stress cause her depression? Or does she have a sunny and happy disposition?

 

It will take a long time to truly vet a woman.

 

 

 

 

 

 

All very good points, and all very well thought out. Too many guys are just in way too much of a hurry, and I think sometimes they're more in love with the idea of being in love, than they are in love with the person. 

 

It's somewhat understandable as many men come here in a very vulnerable state emotionally, due to the years of abuse by women in the West. However it's all the more reason to take your time. 

7 minutes ago, cjinchiangrai said:

True enough for vetting the leftover 20%. Far to many of the disasters are from marrying hookers from Pattaya or Phuket. It sort of makes sense, their English is better and many are young and cute. Some will split when the money gets tight and many more will not put up with a controlling man. They get to vet us too.

 

There are some guys on here who have wifed up a hooker and it worked out for them. However, those are the very few fortunate incidents when he was lucky to find one of good character, which needless to say in the oldest profession in the world is very rare.

 

The problem with the bar girl dynamic is that you automatically create a framework of pay for happy, which will be very difficult to break if she is a priori conditioned to only give the best of herself for cash.

 

Sadly this is now pervasive not just in the bar girl scene, but even many "normal" young girl on ThaiFriendly will put "looking for sugar daddy" or the first question they ask is "can you support". 

 

It is certainly a good idea to avoid these kinds of women who are only focused on money.

3 minutes ago, Cameroni said:

is certainly a good idea to avoid these kinds of women who are only focused on money.

I would suggest exactly the opposite 

One focussing on money is much more controllable than a woman driven entirely by her feelings (assuming you have money).

43 minutes ago, Cameroni said:

 

I would like to address one more of the points in Mike's excellent and on-topic post. Vetting the character of the Thai woman should not be confined to the first conversation or the first week. In fact much like for women the dating never stops, for men the vetting never stops. 

 

ideally you should vet a woman for 10 years at least. Even then it is too short a time. Why? Because women change over time.

 

The number one characteristic to vet is always - is she loyal? However, there are so many others:

 

Can she be led? Does she follow your lead? Is she happy to do so or does she resent it?

 

Is she lazy or hard working? Does she make your life better, does she do housework or does she resent it?

 

Is she honest or is she a habitual liar?

 

Does she have integrity? If you agree something can you rely on her doing what she agreed to? Or does she always break any agreement unilaterally?

 

Does she have any neurotic behaviours, is she mentally ill to a level that is unacceptable? Does she cry a lot, move in her dreams or tell you she had a satan sitting on her chest (don't laugh this actually happened to me with a Filipina). Does the slightest stress cause her depression? Or does she have a sunny and happy disposition?

 

It will take a long time to truly vet a woman.

 

 

 

 

 

 

With the exception of the men who are clever enough to hire a private detective to look into her background, and pay some real money to do it right, there is no way to know. They all have stories. And most of the stories are ones that they know we want to hear. So many times I have heard friends say, "Oh no, she is new. She has only been working at the bar two weeks. I was her first customer. She worked in a factory before that. I could tell how innocent she was'. Yeah right!

 

The best advice relates to any women here, bar girl or not. It is simply to take your time getting to know her, before you commit, or devote any real money to her, or her family. Time is ALWAYS our ally, and never theirs. So take you time, get to know who they really are, and how they act under different sorts of circumstances, and how they act when they do not get their way. LOL. Take as much time as you need. If it's good it's only going to get better, and if there are problems, they are going to manifest themselves over time. 

 

You have NO idea what she's made of, you have no idea how good a job her family did raising her, you have no idea what her underlying neurosis or baggage is, until at least 12 months into the relationship. The longer, the better. If she walks, let her walk.

 

3 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

No need, women all lie and cheat, given the opportunity. Thai hooker or white educated virgin schoolteacher, all much the same 

 

But the Thai hooker probably puts out more!

 

A very liberating atittude, BMT. Unfortunately, one of the culture specific differences in all of Asia, not just Thailand, is that lying is far more pervasive. So is cheating.

 

However, there are differences. A girl who had both parents and was raised right is more likely to have integrity, be honest and keep her word. Contrast that with a girl who grew up with her grandmother, neglectged by her mother who was always working because the father left the family. She sees her mother being promiscuous, lying and cheating. Clearly she is far more likely to cheat and lie.

 

Now, if your financial framework is in order and you keep her away from other "options", you may avoid her cheating altogether. However, if given the opportunity there is still a risk, it's true. 

3 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I would suggest exactly the opposite 

One focussing on money is much more controllable than a woman driven entirely by her feelings (assuming you have money).

 

Very interesting take. However most women will be driven by their feelings.

 

The problem if she is completely focused on money is that there can always be someone who has more money than you. So you are actually at greater risk of her cheating than if she has genuine feelings for you.

1 minute ago, Cameroni said:

if your financial framework is in order and you keep her away from other "options", you may avoid her cheating altogether. However, if given the opportunity there is still a risk, it's true. 

Or you could just accept she'll bang other guys, and learn to cheat too. It's only sex!

1 hour ago, spidermike007 said:

I have so many friends, who come here, and from the very start, make the same mistakes they made back in the West. Except here, they do not need to make those mistakes. The environment does not dictate that they behave like lambs. Many do not know, or realize that, or they succumb to "force of habit". Every ship needs a captain. If the man is not willing to be the captain of the ship, the woman will take over, here in Thailand. Most women here seem to want a strong man. But, if they end up with a wimp, they will take over. They have to. Someone needs to be the captain!

 

Many Thai women are very clever at making it appear that they really care for "their guy". And on many occasions, that is true, especially in long term relationships. But, for short time gals, it is just a game, and they play it well. Many Western men who come here are emotionally vulnerable, or an emotional wreck, having endured years of near torture by uber-feminists. 

 

My advice would be to take your time, okay you've already invested an extraordinary amount of time into chatting with somebody online, which is something I would never do, but all that is said and done. So once you get here take your time. Don't move fast, don't move in with her, don't live with her, date her for 6 months to a year and see how you like her.

 

When you meet a girl in person that you have met online, there is a possibility that you won't even like what you see, and that there will be zero chemistry. So, keep your expectations low, and come here and really really take your time getting to know her. What this means is consistent pushback from you, because she's going to want to step up the timetable, she's going to want it to move fast, she's going to want everything to happen right away, and you're going to have to be man enough to say sorry but I need a lot of time to determine whether or not you're the right woman for me, and I need a lot of time to get to know you.

 

Always remember if it's good it's only going to get better, and if there are problems they're going to manifest themselves over time. So the worst thing you can do is rush headlong into this thing. Man up and do your gender justice. Make us proud. 

 

The best chance any man has is to really be patient and really take his time. The woman is usually going to push to move things forward because she has an agenda, and the man always has to push back. If you're not willing to be patient, if you're not willing to abide by my timeline then I'm just going to walk. Time is your ally, if it's good it's only going to get better if there are problems they're going to manifest themselves over time. Always be willing to walk, plenty more fish in the sea, especially here. 

 

 

Good advice.

 

And never, ever, ever move back to her village.

What utter nonsense.

There is no ideal length of time, ideal standard or correct way of discovering your woman's intentions. If you are that insecure or paranoid that you need to vet them for 10 years, why bother being in a relationship at all. 

 

3 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

With the exception of the men who are clever enough to hire a private detective to look into her background, and pay some real money to do it right, there is no way to know. They all have stories. And most of the stories are ones that they know we want to hear. So many times I have heard friends say, "Oh no, she is new. She has only been working at the bar two weeks. I was her first customer. She worked in a factory before that. I could tell how innocent she was'. Yeah right!

 

The best advice relates to any women here, bar girl or not. It is simply to take your time getting to know her, before you commit, or devote any real money to her, or her family. Time is ALWAYS our ally, and never theirs. So take you time, get to know who they really are, and how they act under different sorts of circumstances, and how they act when they do not get their way. LOL. Take as much time as you need. If it's good it's only going to get better, and if there are problems, they are going to manifest themselves over time. 

 

You have NO idea what she's made of, you have no idea how good a job her family did raising her, you have no idea what her underlying neurosis or baggage is, until at least 12 months into the relationship. The longer, the better. If she walks, let her walk.

 

 

You know, I actually hired the best firm of private investigators in the Philippines to investigate a Filipina I had a 6 year relationship with. It was a complete waste of money.  They came back saying she has a great character and reputation. This was based on interviews they did with neighbours. Of course they could not look inside her phone where she was lying, cheating and serial dating men like confetti, something I found out much later. So private detectives are a waste of time from my own personal experience.

 

However, your advice is spot on. Take it slow and vet her as long as you want. Time is indeed your friend, and in time most things will be revealed that you should know, if you ask the right questions, are observant and check her phone.

4 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Or you could just accept she'll bang other guys, and learn to cheat too. It's only sex!

 

The thing is, when women cheat, they do not cheat like men. For men, yes it is only sex. However, if a woman cheats, she cheats because she wants another relationship, because for her the other guy is better, because she attaches emotions to the other guy. Men and women cheat differently.

 

18 minutes ago, Cameroni said:

21 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I would suggest exactly the opposite 

One focussing on money is much more controllable than a woman driven entirely by her feelings (assuming you have money).

 

Very interesting take. However most women will be driven by their feelings.

 

I suppose the idea would be that a woman driven by the desire for money would be happy with you if you give her money, while a girl driven by something like sexual validation would get bored and wander after a while.

6 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

 

I suppose the idea would be that a woman driven by the desire for money would be happy with you if you give her money, while a girl driven by something like sexual validation would get bored and wander after a while.

 

She would be happy if you give her money, but she will be even happier if another guy gives her more money.

 

She has no loyalty to you. Only to money. And there's always guys with more money.

 

If however she has genuine desire for you, even if you cheated, she will pursue you, even if you break up with her, she will pursue you. She will walk over broken glass to be with you if she has genuine desire for you.

17 minutes ago, Cameroni said:

She has no loyalty to you. Only to money. And there's always guys with more money.

 

Loyalty is a knightly virtue, it's for men, women don't subscribe to our virtue system.

 

Also, many guys forget the paucity of available women in the west, our governments have replaced their need for us.

But in SEA with no welfare, there are so many available women, it's hard to choose which one to have next.

 

You're right,

there's always a man with more money, which is why you don't transport them back to your home country where they can meet him.

14 minutes ago, Cameroni said:

She would be happy if you give her money, but she will be even happier if another guy gives her more money.

 

She has no loyalty to you. Only to money. And there's always guys with more money.

 

Or, if you give her enough money to make her happy, she might be perfectly content.  There's always the chance that she will find someone else, but you get that with desire also.

 

14 minutes ago, Cameroni said:

If however she has genuine desire for you, even if you cheated, she will pursue you, even if you break up with her, she will pursue you. She will walk over broken glass to be with you if she has genuine desire for you.

 

I don't think you have accurate expectations of what kind of foreign men are in Thailand and what kind of women they are trying to attract.

2 hours ago, KhunLA said:

OP's got a pretty low opinion of women, if those are the only two types one expects to meet.  Your own projection of that opinion, reflects more about yourself, which a good woman would easily pick up on.

 

If single, may explain why one hasn't found a good woman yet.

 

 

In most case you attract where your at...