I probably should have paid the money.

[Packer]

But sometimes Thais make me want to pull out my hair.

 

It was my son's 11th birthday. We organized an ice cream cake at Swensen's at the shopping mall his friends and him hangout at every Saturday. He chose a 3lb chocolate ice cream cake, and arranged with his friends to meet him here at the specified time. More than enough for the 7 or 8 of his friends that showed up. First came one of their mothers, a loud busybody that never shuts up, straight away she was into dragging my son to the fridge to go through all the different cakes even though he had already chosen it. Then going through the entire menu with him even though he had already chosen it. Every one sits down, the plates and glasses of water arrive, everyone is chatting and laughing. The busybody comes down with the menus and is in everyone's face going through every page getting them to order sundae's etc. There's a big ice cream cake coming, why not just sit down and shut up. She's making them choose then double choose then triple choose pointing out extras. Everyone's settled and laughing and joking and then she declares we're going to move tables to the slightly wider table behind. Everyone has their bags and toys and phones and plates and glasses of water out on the table already, most don't even hear her because they're in the zone. She forces everyone up to move to the other table. The sundaes she made everyone order even though the big cake was ordered and coming started arriving and she was up trying to organize who gets what and what extras do they they want, maybe add this, maybe add that why not get this too etc just sit down and shut up. Each kid gets a big slice of the 3lb cake and loves it, none can finish the slice of cake and their sundae, of course. 

 

It came to the end and I got up to pay and told the waitress to bill me for the only the cake. Of course this simple request almost melted the minds, brains and computer system in the store and took 10 minutes and numerous managers and staff to figure out. 

 

I paid the 800 baht for the cake and left, leaving the rest of the 1,700 baht bill for the busybody motormouth to take care of. Maybe next time she'll sit down and shut up and let everybody enjoy their own time. 

 

It's now going round on group chat's that my son's father is tight and stingy and not good. 

 

 

Thailand. 

[jvs]

You should have told the bigmouth to be quiet earlier on but i am sure she has learned her lesson and will not try it again with you.

I would have spoken up earlier to avoid  this situation but i think you did ok by not giving in.

You paid what you ordered so don't feel bad about it.

People will talk no matter what you do.

It is important to set boundaries.

[rattlesnake]

She got the "It's OK, have farang pay" boomerang right back in her face, nicely done.

[4MyEgo]

6 hours ago, Packer said:

I paid the 800 baht for the cake and left, leaving the rest of the 1,700 baht bill for the busybody motormouth to take care of. Maybe next time she'll sit down and shut up and let everybody enjoy their own time. 

 

That is absolute gold, what a champion, take that motormouth, that will teach you....LOL

[Dan747]

I do not know, but you lost Asian Face on that deal and the way Thai's are, through the gossip channels, you may not recover. In the world of the Farang's, you were "Awesome." Good Luck. 

[dcalaska]

You did the right thing. I have been in similar situations with a Thai GF. Thinking it would be just the two of us, but nooo, friends, brothers, sisters show up and expect the farang to pay all. I made sure there were separate checks and gladly paid for my GF and myself. The others had to cover for themselves. 

I don't care one bit about what they thought about me. There's no free lunch. 

[richard_smith237]

37 minutes ago, Dan747 said:

I do not know, but you lost Asian Face on that deal and the way Thai's are, through the gossip channels, you may not recover. In the world of the Farang's, you were "Awesome." Good Luck. 

 

Nope...   If this lady is as described, the other Thai's will see it too...   Thai's are very astute.

 

Op did well not to cave to any pressure because it was his son's B'day.

 

He didn't lose any face from the perspective of the other Thai's...  but the loudmouth won't like him, but most every will have already had the measure of her character by now.

 

------------

 

We were just on holiday with a group of Thai's....  similar experiences, one busy-body leaving a trail of chaos and disorganisation behind her and leaving others to pick up the pieces. 

Others saw how firm I was and responded well to my decisions.

Wife is excellent, always supporting.

Interesting part is - since this surfaced, lots of people (other parents at the school) have gone up to my wife and mentioned they feel the same !!!...

... The woman in question, is in fact lovely, friendly and I like her - but she just has no comprehension of the wake she leaves behind - she's super-smart, but utterly chaotic.

... It seems the other Thai parents who know us have a very good comprehension of why I am firm - no loss of face, quite the opposite in fact.

[scorecard]

8 hours ago, Packer said:

But sometimes Thais make me want to pull out my hair.

 

It was my son's 11th birthday. We organized an ice cream cake at Swensen's at the shopping mall his friends and him hangout at every Saturday. He chose a 3lb chocolate ice cream cake, and arranged with his friends to meet him here at the specified time. More than enough for the 7 or 8 of his friends that showed up. First came one of their mothers, a loud busybody that never shuts up, straight away she was into dragging my son to the fridge to go through all the different cakes even though he had already chosen it. Then going through the entire menu with him even though he had already chosen it. Every one sits down, the plates and glasses of water arrive, everyone is chatting and laughing. The busybody comes down with the menus and is in everyone's face going through every page getting them to order sundae's etc. There's a big ice cream cake coming, why not just sit down and shut up. She's making them choose then double choose then triple choose pointing out extras. Everyone's settled and laughing and joking and then she declares we're going to move tables to the slightly wider table behind. Everyone has their bags and toys and phones and plates and glasses of water out on the table already, most don't even hear her because they're in the zone. She forces everyone up to move to the other table. The sundaes she made everyone order even though the big cake was ordered and coming started arriving and she was up trying to organize who gets what and what extras do they they want, maybe add this, maybe add that why not get this too etc just sit down and shut up. Each kid gets a big slice of the 3lb cake and loves it, none can finish the slice of cake and their sundae, of course. 

 

It came to the end and I got up to pay and told the waitress to bill me for the only the cake. Of course this simple request almost melted the minds, brains and computer system in the store and took 10 minutes and numerous managers and staff to figure out. 

 

I paid the 800 baht for the cake and left, leaving the rest of the 1,700 baht bill for the busybody motormouth to take care of. Maybe next time she'll sit down and shut up and let everybody enjoy their own time. 

 

It's now going round on group chat's that my son's father is tight and stingy and not good. 

 

 

Thailand. 

 

'tight', 'stingy', 'not good'... You're surprised about that?

 

Do you know as a fact who paid the 900Baht balance - the cost of the sundaes?

 

- was it the loud mouth woman - did she pay the whole 1,700Baht?

 

- Or did all the kids pay for their own sundaes, in total 900Baht? 

[richard_smith237]

Just now, scorecard said:

8 hours ago, Packer said:

It's now going round on group chat's that my son's father is tight and stingy and not good. 

 

'tight', 'stingy', 'not good'... You're surprised about that?

 

Probably perpetuated by the woman herself...   most people (Thai's) will ignore stuff like that and it will quickly pass....

 

No one really cares - they're too busy getting on with their own lives.

 

 

[MalcolmB]

Gee I feel sorry for the birthday boy. How embarrassing.

if you couldn’t afford it you should have told them.

All over £35

[scorecard]

15 minutes ago, scorecard said:

 

'tight', 'stingy', 'not good'... You're surprised about that?

 

Do you know as a fact who paid the 900Baht balance - the cost of the sundaes?

 

- was it the loud mouth woman - did she pay the whole 1,700Baht?

 

- Or did all the kids pay for their own sundaes, in total 900Baht? 

 

Another angle - I wouldn't just pay the 800 and leave the bill for the balance of 900 unpaid.

 

Why? at that moment in time and later for quite a while my son would have been horrified about how he and me would be badmouthed. I wouldn't put my son in that situation. 

 

Perhaps I would have spoken privately / quietly to the loud  ordered an Ice cream cake which was my son's choice, and mentioned 'now I'm not sure how to handle the bill for a lot of extra ice cream which was not needed because a full cake was already ordered and did arrive'. 

 

[MalcolmB]

8 hours ago, Packer said:

It's now going round on group chat's that my son's father is tight and stingy and not good. 

There is no denying that £35

[scorecard]

11 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

Probably perpetuated by the woman herself...   most people (Thai's) will ignore stuff like that and it will quickly pass....

 

No one really cares - they're too busy getting on with their own lives.

 

 

 Not always true - Thai's (like all people) s love gossip even when it's unimportant.  

[richard_smith237]

Just now, scorecard said:

 Not always true - Thai's (like all people) s love gossip even when it's unimportant.  

 

True - Thai's like all people can see the reality of something like this... 

 

Those who were there certainly saw this womans behavior and understood - others outside of the circle may not and only have that womans 'gossip' to go on...  they may believe it, but they'll be gossiping about the next thing in a few days.

[Cameroni]

8 hours ago, Packer said:

But sometimes Thais make me want to pull out my hair.

 

It was my son's 11th birthday. We organized an ice cream cake at Swensen's at the shopping mall his friends and him hangout at every Saturday. He chose a 3lb chocolate ice cream cake, and arranged with his friends to meet him here at the specified time. More than enough for the 7 or 8 of his friends that showed up. First came one of their mothers, a loud busybody that never shuts up, straight away she was into dragging my son to the fridge to go through all the different cakes even though he had already chosen it. Then going through the entire menu with him even though he had already chosen it. Every one sits down, the plates and glasses of water arrive, everyone is chatting and laughing. The busybody comes down with the menus and is in everyone's face going through every page getting them to order sundae's etc. There's a big ice cream cake coming, why not just sit down and shut up. She's making them choose then double choose then triple choose pointing out extras. Everyone's settled and laughing and joking and then she declares we're going to move tables to the slightly wider table behind. Everyone has their bags and toys and phones and plates and glasses of water out on the table already, most don't even hear her because they're in the zone. She forces everyone up to move to the other table. The sundaes she made everyone order even though the big cake was ordered and coming started arriving and she was up trying to organize who gets what and what extras do they they want, maybe add this, maybe add that why not get this too etc just sit down and shut up. Each kid gets a big slice of the 3lb cake and loves it, none can finish the slice of cake and their sundae, of course. 

 

It came to the end and I got up to pay and told the waitress to bill me for the only the cake. Of course this simple request almost melted the minds, brains and computer system in the store and took 10 minutes and numerous managers and staff to figure out. 

 

I paid the 800 baht for the cake and left, leaving the rest of the 1,700 baht bill for the busybody motormouth to take care of. Maybe next time she'll sit down and shut up and let everybody enjoy their own time. 

 

It's now going round on group chat's that my son's father is tight and stingy and not good. 

 

 

Thailand. 

 

Very nicely done. These Swensen places cost a fortune. I had the same with my daugthers birthday, but luckily no mothers, only very sensible kids, and they, out of themselves ordered very modestly. Apart from one little emperor. 

 

 

[Packer]

1 minute ago, Cameroni said:

Very nicely done.

 

23 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

Op did well

 

59 minutes ago, dcalaska said:

You did the right thing.

 

2 hours ago, rattlesnake said:

nicely done.

 

1 hour ago, 4MyEgo said:

That is absolute gold, what a champion

 

Thank you. 🙂 

[Packer]

10 minutes ago, scorecard said:

my son would have been horrified

 

Maybe your son is nosey and delicate? Gets overly emotional, like a little girl? Has he changed his pronoun already? 🙂 

[MalcolmB]

9 minutes ago, MalcolmB said:

There is no denying that £35

I just re-read it.

All over £20 

For 8 kids.

Gee

Some people.

[2long]

It's not just 'make the farang pay.'

A lot of Thais in situations like this know who invited the group and that person is expected to pay. Japanese, on the other hand, are the complete opposite.

In fact, here in Thailand, sometimes it's seen as causing loss of face when trying to discuss who's paying or trying to chip in

Yes, there are always people who 'know that so&so is paying so they load up on ordering and may invite others.

There is a big culture difference between what we expect and what the locals expect, and do.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but you should have paid for the whole bill, as was expected of you. And maybe managed the situation at the time by clearing it with her about 'who's in charge.'

There's no mention of whether or not your wife was there to help.

[MalcolmB]

Just now, Packer said:

 

Maybe your son is nosey and delicate? Gets overly emotional, like a little girl? Has he changed his pronoun already? 🙂 

You are the one that has come out of this looking delicate.

Cringe

[Packer]

5 minutes ago, Packer said:

Gets overly emotional, like a little girl?

 

4 minutes ago, MalcolmB said:

You are the one that has come out of this looking delicate.

 

You twirled your dress while typing that 55555

[scorecard]

5 minutes ago, Packer said:

 

Maybe your son is nosey and delicate? Gets overly emotional, like a little girl? Has he changed his pronoun already? 🙂 

 

Stupid comment, not appreciated. Kids are sensitive.

I've put you on ignore.

[Packer]

5 minutes ago, scorecard said:

I've put you on ignore.

 

 

Okay, Princess. 🙂

[Lucky Bones]

Thinking you are in luv with bizzy-body.🙃🙃

[norsurin]

When i meet my thai friends we allways share the bills.Sometimes i visit them and bring drinks etc and other times they visit me and they bring drinks etc We dont go eating in a restaurant or drink in a bar but have nice time together at my place or their place.Anyway i have experienced the topic where free riders try to make me pay for everything.I stop doing that years ago.

[Liverpool Lou]

15 minutes ago, scorecard said:

I've put you on ignore.

Oooooo....

[Sir Dude]

When it comes to stuff like this, then it's not just "No"... it's "Hell No". The leech is strong here if you let it be so.

[Cameroni]

Thais love to party. When they do they like to go all out, costs be damned.

[MalcolmB]

51 minutes ago, Packer said:

 

Thank you. 🙂 

Forum has just set a new low.

Packers sons birthday party went over budget by about £1 per head and he refused to pay it. 
and he was cheered on by five others.

i spend about triple that just on myself on an average night out. 
Luckily they were drinking water at this event.
 

[Celsius]

no kids is the best policy