Life Coaches and Other Professional Time Wasters ~ Who’s Buyin’ This Minging Rubbish?

[Lewie London]

Right, so I’m scrollin’ through me feed down the pub the other day, just killin’ time between me midday nap and a cheeky oil massage up the soi, and up pops this bird I vaguely knew back in school, bit of a wallflower back then yeah, used to cry durin’ maths and once tried to sell bath bombs made of salt and glitter. Fook me, now she’s callin’ herself a life coach. Full-on inspirational quotes, selfie videos in her flat wearin’ skintight activewear with no sign of sweat, but a big bloody camel toe and bangin’ on about “transformational alignment” and “holding space for emotional truth.” I nearly barfed in me chips.

 

And it got me thinkin’, who the fekk is hirin’ these people? Who wakes up one day and thinks, “Y’know what I need? Some random stranger in see-through yoga pants and a minge gap the size of the Grand Canyon to teach me how to live.” 

 

Live? Mate, you’re already doin’ it. You woke up. That’s the assignment. You nailed it, bruv. No one’s forgot how. You don’t see dolphins hiring dolphin coaches or pigeons needin’ motivational pigeons on rooftops shoutin’, “Believe in yourself, mate! Flap bloody harder!”

 

Half of these so-called coaches look like they’re on meth. I reckon they need some help themselves, and are just one stubbed toe away from a complete meltdown. Eyes twitchin’, voices too calm to be normal, and that weird glazed look like they’ve just downed a bottle of Rescue Remedy and a chia smoothie.
 

And they’ve always “just come back” from some retreat in Bali where they sat in a circle with other lost souls bangin’ on drums and cryin’ about their inner child. Newsflash, love: if your biggest trauma is your dad didn’t clap loud enough at your school play, you might not be qualified to guide others through a midlife crisis.

 

And don’t get me started on the “certifications.” You click their link and it says they’ve got a diploma in Sacred Awakening from some online temple that looks like it was designed in Microsoft Paint. That ain’t a qualification, it’s a bloody scam with a pastel colour scheme.

 

Look, I get that people need a bit of help sometimes, yeah. We all hit a rough patch now and then. But you know what used to sort that out? Mates down the pub. A long walk. A good cry in the shower followed by a good chicken choke and a fry-up. Not some muppet on Instagram charging you £100 an hour to tell you “You are enough” while sniffin’ patchouli oil and postin’ selfies in front of a Himalayan salt lamp.

 

Let’s be honest now, “life coach” is just a title people slap on themselves when they’ve burned through every other gainful employment option and can’t even hold down a food delivery job. It’s career karaoke. Doin’ the motions without actually havin’ a voice.

 

Just another reminder that the world’s gone bloody bonkers, lads. And I’m sittin’ here tryin’ to figure out if I can charge for tellin’ people to stop bein’ daft and just go outside once in a while. Maybe I’ll print some business cards. “Lewie London - Unofficial Consultant in Gettin’ On With It.”

 

Innit.

[Patong2021]

How do you feel about the colonic cleansing coaches? You know, the ones who offer to help you  with a deep colon cleaning and can offer recommendations on the  solutions to use and the insertion of the hose.

[pgrahmm]

Same crowds that go to fortune tellers/seer's, consult chrystals, & play with their silly singing bowls....

[Kinnock]

Service for people with no mates and a wife with no opinions.

[FolkGuitar]

Thanks, Lewie!  I love reading your stories over breakfast. Much more entertaining than the world news, that's for sure!
Keep 'em coming!

[phetphet]

Oil massage up the soi? Sounds like you have already found your own life coach Lewie.

[Keeps]

2 hours ago, Patong2021 said:

How do you feel about the colonic cleansing coaches? You know, the ones who offer to help you  with a deep colon cleaning and can offer recommendations on the  solutions to use and the insertion of the hose.

I get those for free every 12-18 months on the NHS due to an unfortunate medical condition.

 

Really wish I didn't.

 

[captain_shane]

You could probably use a life coach OP since you spend your whole life on this forum making new accounts every other day.

[proton]

Not buying this Minging Rubbish

[peter zwart]

Life coaches are often great conversationalists, but I’ve found that many of them speak mostly from a textbook. Plenty of theory, but little real understanding of how life actually works. It’s a bit like getting parenting advice from someone without kids , well intentioned, but out of touch.

[Stocky]

5 hours ago, Lewie London said:

And it got me thinkin’, who the fekk is hirin’ these people?

There's always been snake oil salesmen because there's always been folk gullible enough to buy the stuff, always will be, just the commodity that changes.

[cjinchiangrai]

5 hours ago, Patong2021 said:

How do you feel about the colonic cleansing coaches? You know, the ones who offer to help you  with a deep colon cleaning and can offer recommendations on the  solutions to use and the insertion of the hose.

Are you implying Lewie is getting his cheeky oil massage from ladyboys? Coaching indeed.

[FolkGuitar]

There’s an online company that sell Life Coach / hell, ANY Coach certifications. Always makes me smile when I see them advertising. People really do buy this crap!

[FolkGuitar]

3 hours ago, proton said:

Not buying this Minging Rubbish

You say this about all of Lewis’s stories.

Yet you continue to read each new one. 
Why? Why, if you don’t like them, do you keep reading them?

Certainly it isn’t just so you can complain. 

No one in their right mind keeps doing things that they don’t like.
Oh… wait.

[proton]

Just now, FolkGuitar said:

You say this about all of Lewis’s stories.

Yet you continue to read each new one. 
Why? Why, if you don’t like them, do you keep reading them?

Certainly it isn’t just so you can complain. 

No one in their right mind keeps doing things that they don’t like.

 

I don't read them, don't have to to know they are artificially produced just to create traffic

[Photoguy21]

If people want to go to these facilities then it is their choice. I dont see why you would care about it.

[FolkGuitar]

43 minutes ago, proton said:

 

I don't read them, don't have to to know they are artificially produced just to create traffic

Thanks for adding to the traffic!
Do you often talk about things you haven’t read?

Good to know. Removes all question about the validity of your posts.
At least we all KNOW  that Lewie is creating AI fiction.

Now we know yours is fiction too! Thanks for the laugh. 

[HappyExpat57]

7 hours ago, FolkGuitar said:

Thanks, Lewie!  I love reading your stories over breakfast. Much more entertaining than the world news, that's for sure!
Keep 'em coming!

I love seeing all the "thumb downs" on Lewie's posts. I light a prayer candle for them cuz they must be SOOOO miserable.

 

(This IS "the pub" where we're supposed to be having fun, yes?)

[Patong2021]

4 hours ago, FolkGuitar said:

You say this about all of Lewis’s stories.

Yet you continue to read each new one. 
Why? Why, if you don’t like them, do you keep reading them?

Certainly it isn’t just so you can complain. 

No one in their right mind keeps doing things that they don’t like.
Oh… wait.

 

You assume people are reading the stories. They read the first few phrases, and then move on. Few if any  read the story. I never do. It's the title, and a line or two and then I move on.

[blaze master]

3 hours ago, FolkGuitar said:

Thanks for adding to the traffic!
Do you often talk about things you haven’t read?

Good to know. Removes all question about the validity of your posts.
At least we all KNOW  that Lewie is creating AI fiction.

Now we know yours is fiction too! Thanks for the laugh. 

 

I think you'd find many of the thumbs down would stop if lewie actually wrote the stories. 

 

Or maybe engaged with the thread. 

[FolkGuitar]

1 hour ago, blaze master said:

 

I think you'd find many of the thumbs down would stop if lewie actually wrote the stories. 

 

Or maybe engaged with the thread. 

 

Aren't you making the assumption that we want the complaints to stop?
They are as entertaining as the stories. And there are STILL people who think that we don't know they are AI-written. Those are the funniest of all!

Please explain why Lewie's writing by himself vs AI stories is preferable. For all we know, his skill as an author might not be up to snuff. And as many of us are enjoying the stories now, why does he need to change? The rest say they aren't reading it, so no need to change for them, right?

For that matter, why does he need to engage?
Maybe his way of interacting with people is by submitting AI stories. 
Leave him be. If people need to make themselves feel better about themselves by handing out negative emojis, that says far more about them than about Lewie and his stories.

[blaze master]

1 hour ago, FolkGuitar said:

 

Aren't you making the assumption that we want the complaints to stop?
They are as entertaining as the stories. And there are STILL people who think that we don't know they are AI-written. Those are the funniest of all!

Please explain why Lewie's writing by himself vs AI stories is preferable. For all we know, his skill as an author might not be up to snuff. And as many of us are enjoying the stories now, why does he need to change? The rest say they aren't reading it, so no need to change for them, right?

For that matter, why does he need to engage?
Maybe his way of interacting with people is by submitting AI stories. 
Leave him be. If people need to make themselves feel better about themselves by handing out negative emojis, that says far more about them than about Lewie and his stories.

 

Woah. 

[ericthai]

14 hours ago, Lewie London said:

Right, so I’m scrollin’ through me feed down the pub the other day, just killin’ time between me midday nap and a cheeky oil massage up the soi, and up pops this bird I vaguely knew back in school, bit of a wallflower back then yeah, used to cry durin’ maths and once tried to sell bath bombs made of salt and glitter. Fook me, now she’s callin’ herself a life coach. Full-on inspirational quotes, selfie videos in her flat wearin’ skintight activewear with no sign of sweat, but a big bloody camel toe and bangin’ on about “transformational alignment” and “holding space for emotional truth.” I nearly barfed in me chips.

 

And it got me thinkin’, who the fekk is hirin’ these people? Who wakes up one day and thinks, “Y’know what I need? Some random stranger in see-through yoga pants and a minge gap the size of the Grand Canyon to teach me how to live.” 

 

Live? Mate, you’re already doin’ it. You woke up. That’s the assignment. You nailed it, bruv. No one’s forgot how. You don’t see dolphins hiring dolphin coaches or pigeons needin’ motivational pigeons on rooftops shoutin’, “Believe in yourself, mate! Flap bloody harder!”

 

Half of these so-called coaches look like they’re on meth. I reckon they need some help themselves, and are just one stubbed toe away from a complete meltdown. Eyes twitchin’, voices too calm to be normal, and that weird glazed look like they’ve just downed a bottle of Rescue Remedy and a chia smoothie.
 

And they’ve always “just come back” from some retreat in Bali where they sat in a circle with other lost souls bangin’ on drums and cryin’ about their inner child. Newsflash, love: if your biggest trauma is your dad didn’t clap loud enough at your school play, you might not be qualified to guide others through a midlife crisis.

 

And don’t get me started on the “certifications.” You click their link and it says they’ve got a diploma in Sacred Awakening from some online temple that looks like it was designed in Microsoft Paint. That ain’t a qualification, it’s a bloody scam with a pastel colour scheme.

 

Look, I get that people need a bit of help sometimes, yeah. We all hit a rough patch now and then. But you know what used to sort that out? Mates down the pub. A long walk. A good cry in the shower followed by a good chicken choke and a fry-up. Not some muppet on Instagram charging you £100 an hour to tell you “You are enough” while sniffin’ patchouli oil and postin’ selfies in front of a Himalayan salt lamp.

 

Let’s be honest now, “life coach” is just a title people slap on themselves when they’ve burned through every other gainful employment option and can’t even hold down a food delivery job. It’s career karaoke. Doin’ the motions without actually havin’ a voice.

 

Just another reminder that the world’s gone bloody bonkers, lads. And I’m sittin’ here tryin’ to figure out if I can charge for tellin’ people to stop bein’ daft and just go outside once in a while. Maybe I’ll print some business cards. “Lewie London - Unofficial Consultant in Gettin’ On With It.”

 

Innit.

you went to school in Thailand??   

[Keeps]

3 hours ago, Patong2021 said:

 

You assume people are reading the stories. They read the first few phrases, and then move on. Few if any  read the story. I never do. It's the title, and a line or two and then I move on.

Very presumptive of you to know how people engage with these threads.

 

Despite clearly not liking these threads, you look at the title of each one, read a little and then move on.

 

Afraid you might actually enjoy one?

 

Beyond sad.

[Patong2021]

11 hours ago, HappyExpat57 said:

I love seeing all the "thumb downs" on Lewie's posts. I light a prayer candle for them cuz they must be SOOOO miserable.

 

(This IS "the pub" where we're supposed to be having fun, yes?)

Fun for who? If you are that lonely and in need of dribble, use an AI chat program to generate better subjects. The only people who seem to be entertained are elderly dullards. I am sitting here in an airport lounge waiting on a connection and  reading the forum. The amount of questionable content generated by software and multi name users has increased over the past year.

[Quentin Zen]

These quotes are life changing.  Too powerful to post here.  Each quote saved my life.  Priceless.  If you can follow one, you will reach Guru status and become an Influencer.   Well, first buy my book for 3 easy payments of $14.99.  Paypal is accepted.   If you pay me, then you are a great person.  If not, these quotes cannot work for you.  

Quotes about the Impact of Life Coaching

1. Coaching is unlocking a person’s potential to maximize their growth. – John Whitmore

2. A coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. – Elaine MacDonald

3. The powerful process of coaching enables the inspiration to ignite change. – Unknown

4. Life coaching allows us to be open to the connectedness between us all. – Unknown

5. A great coach can change a game. A truly outstanding coach can change a life. – John Wooden

Life Coach Motivational Quotes

6. Believe you can and you’re halfway there. – Theodore Roosevelt

7. The only way to achieve the impossible is to believe it is possible. – Charles Kingsleigh

8. Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts. – Winston Churchill

9. The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. – Nelson Mandela

10. The harder the conflict, the greater the triumph. – George Washington

https://itdworld.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/life-coaching-quotes-1.jpg

Inspirational life coaching quotes

Famous Life Coach Quotes

11. The measure of who we are is how we react to something that doesn’t go our way. – Gregg Popovich

12. Always keep an open mind and a compassionate heart. – Phil Jackson

13. It takes someone with a vision of the possibilities to attain new levels of experience. – Les Brown

14. Who looks outside dreams; who looks inside awakes. – Carl Jung

15. You cannot stop negative thoughts from coming into your mind, but you can make sure they leave as quickly as they enter. – Mpamah

Life Coaching Quotes for Business

16. Coaching is the universal language of change and learning. – CNN

17. Good coaches provide a truly important service. They tell you the truth when no one else will. – Jack Welch

18. The goal of coaching is good management: to make the most of an organization’s valuable resources. – Harvard Business Review

19. Coaching isn’t therapy. It’s product development, with you as the product. – Fast Company

20. Coaching works because it’s all about you. – Emma-Louise Elsey

Life Coaching Quotes for Success

21. Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change. – Unknown

22. The best revenge is massive success. – Unknown

23. Don’t be afraid to fail, be afraid not to try. – Unknown

24. If you reject feedback, you also reject the choice of acting in a way that may bring you abundant success. –

25. Success has nothing to do with money, titles and possessions; success is only about committing everyday to becoming the absolute best you can be. – John Mattone

https://itdworld.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/life-coaching-quotes-2.jpg

Life Coaching Quotes for Personal Development

26. Those who seek a better life must first become a better person. – Jim Rohn

27. You don’t just wake up and become a butterfly. Growth is a process. – Rapi Kaur

28. Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally…Nothing other people do is because of you, it’s because of themselves. – Miguel Ruiz

29. You don’t have to be great to get started but you have to get started to be great. – Les Brown

30. Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mindset Coach Quotes

31. Your mindset is the foundation for everything in your life. – Unknown

32. The only way to do great work is to love what you do. – Steve Jobs

33. If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. – Unknown

34. Great coaches don’t just teach; they inspire. – Unknown

35. The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack in will. – Unknown

 

Self Coaching Quotes

36. Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up. – Unknown

37. There are no failures – just experiences and your reactions to them. – Tom Krause

38. If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you. – Fred DeVito

39. The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra. – Jimmy Johnson

40. It’s not whether you get knocked down; it’s whether you get up. – Vince Lombardi

[newbee2022]

On 7/8/2025 at 5:47 AM, Lewie London said:

Right, so I’m scrollin’ through me feed down the pub the other day, just killin’ time between me midday nap and a cheeky oil massage up the soi, and up pops this bird I vaguely knew back in school, bit of a wallflower back then yeah, used to cry durin’ maths and once tried to sell bath bombs made of salt and glitter. Fook me, now she’s callin’ herself a life coach. Full-on inspirational quotes, selfie videos in her flat wearin’ skintight activewear with no sign of sweat, but a big bloody camel toe and bangin’ on about “transformational alignment” and “holding space for emotional truth.” I nearly barfed in me chips.

 

And it got me thinkin’, who the fekk is hirin’ these people? Who wakes up one day and thinks, “Y’know what I need? Some random stranger in see-through yoga pants and a minge gap the size of the Grand Canyon to teach me how to live.” 

 

Live? Mate, you’re already doin’ it. You woke up. That’s the assignment. You nailed it, bruv. No one’s forgot how. You don’t see dolphins hiring dolphin coaches or pigeons needin’ motivational pigeons on rooftops shoutin’, “Believe in yourself, mate! Flap bloody harder!”

 

Half of these so-called coaches look like they’re on meth. I reckon they need some help themselves, and are just one stubbed toe away from a complete meltdown. Eyes twitchin’, voices too calm to be normal, and that weird glazed look like they’ve just downed a bottle of Rescue Remedy and a chia smoothie.
 

And they’ve always “just come back” from some retreat in Bali where they sat in a circle with other lost souls bangin’ on drums and cryin’ about their inner child. Newsflash, love: if your biggest trauma is your dad didn’t clap loud enough at your school play, you might not be qualified to guide others through a midlife crisis.

 

And don’t get me started on the “certifications.” You click their link and it says they’ve got a diploma in Sacred Awakening from some online temple that looks like it was designed in Microsoft Paint. That ain’t a qualification, it’s a bloody scam with a pastel colour scheme.

 

Look, I get that people need a bit of help sometimes, yeah. We all hit a rough patch now and then. But you know what used to sort that out? Mates down the pub. A long walk. A good cry in the shower followed by a good chicken choke and a fry-up. Not some muppet on Instagram charging you £100 an hour to tell you “You are enough” while sniffin’ patchouli oil and postin’ selfies in front of a Himalayan salt lamp.

 

Let’s be honest now, “life coach” is just a title people slap on themselves when they’ve burned through every other gainful employment option and can’t even hold down a food delivery job. It’s career karaoke. Doin’ the motions without actually havin’ a voice.

 

Just another reminder that the world’s gone bloody bonkers, lads. And I’m sittin’ here tryin’ to figure out if I can charge for tellin’ people to stop bein’ daft and just go outside once in a while. Maybe I’ll print some business cards. “Lewie London - Unofficial Consultant in Gettin’ On With It.”

 

Innit.

Well, how true.

If you scroll on Facebook all those wonderful ads of using bells, flowers, scents, dances, aso then simple minds would come to the conclusion they are doing something wrong, at least missing a part of life.

Some of those are acting and talking like aliens...not from this world.

[Lacessit]

I am waiting for Lewie's account of his last interaction with a Personnel Department, although they do call themselves Human Resources nowadays.

 

Come on Lewie, you know you can do it.

[BLMFem]

On 7/8/2025 at 12:41 PM, proton said:

 

I don't read them, don't have to to know they are artificially produced just to create traffic

You know the saying "Fool me once...." etc? Can you give us an estimate as to how many times you've been fooled?