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Marriage for Care in Old Age: What If It Backfires?

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Plenty of men marry later in life hoping for someone to look after them when they get old or sick. But what if it goes the other way? What if you stay healthy and end up caring for her instead? Was it really a good choice then if you were content being alone but gave it up for a benefit that never arrived?

 

Nothing is guaranteed. Maybe the wiser path is to always marry for genuine happiness, not just as a safety net that might never hold.

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  • Sounds like Bob!

  • There's a third way, which is once the man is isolated and significantly weakened, the wife turns on him and becomes terribly abusive. We're going through that now in my family in the US. Everyone kee

  • Marriage for Care in Old Age: What If It Backfires?   Good lord bob smith.  I doubt any of us who married Thai women were thinking, "I'll marrying this one so she can take care of me in 'Old

2 hours ago, Harry Tuchas said:

Plenty of men marry later in life hoping for someone to look after them when they get old or sick. But what if it goes the other way? What if you stay healthy and end up caring for her instead? Was it really a good choice then if you were content being alone but gave it up for a benefit that never arrived?

 

Nothing is guaranteed. Maybe the wiser path is to always marry for genuine happiness, not just as a safety net that might never hold.

It's a good point well made, better to get a paid girlfriend or live in later when you need it

2 hours ago, Harry Tuchas said:

But what if it goes the other way? What if you stay healthy and end up caring for her instead?

 

There's a third way, which is once the man is isolated and significantly weakened, the wife turns on him and becomes terribly abusive. We're going through that now in my family in the US. Everyone keeps begging the wife to not be so nasty to her ailing husband, but she just can't stop herself. It's a horrible way to spend your final years.

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If you are wealthy you can guard against misery during old age in other ways than marrying.

What you asking for, is to put all your money in one hat! 

 

There is no guarantee in life for anything, and if any of the above scenarios happens, you need to have some resources available, or just dont get married at all. For some the last is the only way out of more than one reason. 

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Marriage for Care in Old Age: What If It Backfires?

 

Good lord bob smith.  I doubt any of us who married Thai women were thinking, "I'll marrying this one so she can take care of me in 'Old Age.'"

If anything, I'd venture to say that many marry because their soon to be wife is hot in the sack as well having the characteristics that men like in wives."  
 

30 minutes ago, davb said:

 

There's a third way, which is once the man is isolated and significantly weakened, the wife turns on him and becomes terribly abusive. We're going through that now in my family in the US. Everyone keeps begging the wife to not be so nasty to her ailing husband, but she just can't stop herself. It's a horrible way to spend your final years.

Better choose right and be nice to your wife and her family  while you can, and if they still turn on you, then make sure you have an escape one way or the another 

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13 minutes ago, connda said:

Marriage for Care in Old Age: What If It Backfires?

 

Good lord bob smith.  I doubt any of us who married Thai women were thinking, "I'll marrying this one so she can take care of me in 'Old Age.'"

If anything, I'd venture to say that many marry because their soon to be wife is hot in the sack as well having the characteristics that men like in wives."  
 

I disagree I know a couple of fellas in Chiang mai who married so their wife could take care of them. The woman also know in many cases their is a financial payout at the end.  Win win really.

6 minutes ago, bkk6060 said:

I disagree I know a couple of fellas in Chiang mai who married so their wife could take care of them. The woman also know in many cases their is a financial payout at the end.  Win win really.

 

Well, each to their own.  If I wanted to stay single, the reality is that a Thai live-in housekeeper is probably cheaper in the long-run than getting married. 
 

Unlike those fellows, I married my Thai wife 18 years ago for the reasons that men often have to decide on marriage.  "Care in old age" was not one of those considerations.  My wife is only 8 years younger than I am.  You need to marry a significantly younger gal to make that work.  And who knows, maybe you get rat poison in your tea to push the inevitable along faster so your young wife can cash-in ฿฿฿Cha-Ching฿฿฿ and then hook up with a Thai guy her own age. 

6 minutes ago, connda said:

 

Well, each to their own.  If I wanted to stay single, the reality is that a Thai live-in housekeeper is probably cheaper in the long-run than getting married. 
 

Unlike those fellows, I married my Thai wife 18 years ago for the reasons that men often have to decide on marriage.  "Care in old age" was not one of those considerations.  My wife is only 8 years younger than I am.  You need to marry a significantly younger gal to make that work.  And who knows, maybe you get rat poison in your tea to push the inevitable along faster so your young wife can cash-in ฿฿฿Cha-Ching฿฿฿ and then hook up with a Thai guy her own age. 

Same outcome in the end.

1 hour ago, davb said:

 

There's a third way, which is once the man is isolated and significantly weakened, the wife turns on him and becomes terribly abusive. We're going through that now in my family in the US. Everyone keeps begging the wife to not be so nasty to her ailing husband, but she just can't stop herself. It's a horrible way to spend your final years.

That's a really horrible story, there are very good nursing homes here in Thailand, and somebody in his position would be very wise to simply cut the wife off, leave her and move here enjoying the rest of his life without a nasty person in his face all the time. 

Well one of the ways to avoid that is to spend a very, very long time with the woman before getting really serious or getting married. Taking years rather than months or weeks, to get to know her. You're going to find out who she is, what she's all about, what she's made of, where she comes from, what her family is all about, and whether or not she's a person of honor.

 

That only reveals itself with time and generally if it's good it's only going to get better, if it's bad it's only going to get worse, and the problems are going to manifest themselves over time. A lot of guys come here and they don't realize that time is our ally, it's not her ally, and oftentimes she's going to push the agenda, you just simply have to push back, that's what real men with self esteem do. 

12 hours ago, davb said:

 

There's a third way, which is once the man is isolated and significantly weakened, the wife turns on him and becomes terribly abusive. We're going through that now in my family in the US. Everyone keeps begging the wife to not be so nasty to her ailing husband, but she just can't stop herself. It's a horrible way to spend your final years.

 

Elderly abuse? 

Can't you file a complaint somewhere to scare her a bit? 

Or move him to a nursing home? 

 

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I actually asked my now wife to marry me, after she took care of me for total of 5 weeks in hospital with TB, she closed her shop, and slept on the floor next to me, emptied my piss pot, and made sure I had my meds on time, she still tells me she loves me 10yrs on.

35 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

 

Elderly abuse? 

Can't you file a complaint somewhere to scare her a bit? 

Or move him to a nursing home? 

 

 

I'm not sure if emotional ridicule and sneering faces reaches the level of a police complaint. She controls the money and won't pay for a nursing home. He'd need a divorce, but in his upper 90s. He has no family. 

Someone mentioned being with a woman for a while to learn what she's like. There were signs all along it would go in this direction, but no one knew how bad.

11 hours ago, davb said:

Someone mentioned being with a woman for a while to learn what she's like. There were signs all along it would go in this direction, but no one knew how bad.

 

Maybe she's getting revenge for sth. Either he didn't treat her well during the marriage or sth ... 

 

 

7 hours ago, Harry Tuchas said:

Plenty of men marry later in life hoping for someone to look after them when they get old or sick. But what if it goes the other way? What if you stay healthy and end up caring for her instead? Was it really a good choice then if you were content being alone but gave it up for a benefit that never arrived?

 

Nothing is guaranteed. Maybe the wiser path is to always marry for genuine happiness, not just as a safety net that might never hold.

Nothing is guaranteed. Maybe the wiser path is to always marry for genuine happiness, not just as a safety net that might never hold.

 

That is what is what I have done.

 

When I married my Thai wife 25 years ago I never thought that far into the future.

3 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

Well one of the ways to avoid that is to spend a very, very long time with the woman before getting really serious or getting married. Taking years rather than months or weeks, to get to know her. You're going to find out who she is, what she's all about, what she's made of, where she comes from, what her family is all about, and whether or not she's a person of honor.

 

That only reveals itself with time and generally if it's good it's only going to get better, if it's bad it's only going to get worse, and the problems are going to manifest themselves over time. A lot of guys come here and they don't realize that time is our ally, it's not her ally, and oftentimes she's going to push the agenda, you just simply have to push back, that's what real men with self esteem do. 

I agree. I waited 7 years before my second marriage yo my current Thai wife. It was and still is worth it. During that time she never mentioned getting married and I actually got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. 

20 minutes ago, billd766 said:

I agree. I waited 7 years before my second marriage yo my current Thai wife. It was and still is worth it. During that time she never mentioned getting married and I actually got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. 

That's very unusual, mine was talking about marriage pretty early on, and I just pushed back and finally gave in after 9 years together. It's worked out well, she's a real gem. 

hmm ... let me ponder the reasons for marriage :coffee1:

... marry for great sex

... marry for money

... marry for companionship

... marry for continuing family lineage

 

... marry to be a burden on someone in your old age  :w00t:

 

Nothing says I LOVE YOU, more than that.

6 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

It's a good point well made, better to get a paid girlfriend or live in later when you need it

 

 

Yep. You can rent anything in Thailand.

 

But.....many expats have a very valuable carrot as an incentive in a relationship situation...................a potential widow's pension.

5 hours ago, connda said:

Marriage for Care in Old Age: What If It Backfires?

 

Good lord bob smith.  I doubt any of us who married Thai women were thinking, "I'll marrying this one so she can take care of me in 'Old Age.'"

If anything, I'd venture to say that many marry because their soon to be wife is hot in the sack as well having the characteristics that men like in wives."  
 

 

 

I am waiting for someone to jump in with the "love" word.   (whatever that is)

7 minutes ago, hotandsticky said:

 

 

Yep. You can rent anything in Thailand.

 

But.....many expats have a very valuable carrot as an incentive in a relationship situation...................a potential widow's pension.

Do they qualify for a widows pension? if they are living here in Thailand, I knew a guy who lived here who was on a pension from the Navy, he died here and he was married would she get a percentage of that? 

Just now, ChipButty said:

Do they qualify for a widows pension? if they are living here in Thailand, I knew a guy who lived here who was on a pension from the Navy, he died here and he was married would she get a percentage of that? 

 

Yes if he makes a 'nomination' for her. 

 

I nominated my missus (we are not actually married) 15 years ago and the pension fund accepted it without question. She will get 40k+ Baht when I am gone....

 

It is up to the pension fund trustees to accept the nomination and if you are trying to nominate the girl you only bar fined last night it may prove difficult.. 😀... if you are married or can explain the permanency/longevity of a relationship there should be no problem.

 

 

I have encouraged several friends to do it and it is often the best gift we can leave behind. It cannot go to family members, like kids, the money just gets absorbed back into the pension fund if a beneficiary is not nominated. @ChipButty apologies I should have said earlier - every pension fund has their own nomination form..  Per Google:-

 

 

 

To obtain a Royal Navy pension nomination form for a widow, you need to complete AFPS Form 2 or the War Widow(er) Pension Claim Form (WPS0004WWP), available from the GOV.UK website or by contacting DBS Veterans UK. These forms are used for Armed Forces Pension Scheme (AFPS) nominations and War Widows' or War Widowers' pensions, respectively. 

22 minutes ago, hotandsticky said:

 

 

Yep. You can rent anything in Thailand.

 

But.....many expats have a very valuable carrot as an incentive in a relationship situation...................a potential widow's pension.

Many deadbeats offer that carrot which comes to nothing, so i keep hearing. Deadbeats don't even do wills, list assets etc etc

Just now, scubascuba3 said:

Many deadbeats offer that carrot which comes to nothing, so i keep hearing. Deadbeats don't even do wills, list assets etc etc

 

 

Indeed. There as many Thai ladies ripped of by Farangs as there are vice-versa.

 

 

Nevertheless, for anyone with an occupational pension it is wonderful gift for your partner.

 

 

There must £ millions unclaimed because even non-deadbeats haven't got round to doing the right thing (if they were actually aware of the opportunity). I was involved in helping a lady claim a widow's benefit SIX years after her husband's death. She now gets 40k Baht pm which is a fortune in Isaan  - as was the 'back pay'

11 hours ago, hotandsticky said:

Indeed. There as many Thai ladies ripped of by Farangs as there are vice-versa.

 

Met a Thai woman who was married to a Swede, but he died in Sweden suddenly at work in an accident.

Since the marriage wasn't registered in Sweden, she got nothing.

The guy's son didn't want to settle and told her "you're on your own".

 

 

Many years ago I used to hear Thai ladies knew about having kids with English guys and getting child benefits, I used to think how strange, how word had got about, how they could benefit, 

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