Help! GF refuses to leave!

[ukrules]

Get some CCTV with audio and set it up in a few rooms in your apartment. Move in front of it when there's an issue so you have plenty of evidence in case of false accusations.

If you move apartment this won't solve anything as she knows where you work, following you home would be trivial.

You mentioned a previous boyfriend. Does she continue to hassle him this guy every day ? It sounds like an empty threat to me, she probably said the same thing to her ex. Speaking to him could give yo some valuable information.

I'd throw her out and maybe help relocate her back to where she lived before so she can be reunited with her friends from before the move.

[JLCrab]

I guess if it's in bold red it must be true. Oops forgot bold red italics.

Edited August 25, 2013 by JLCrab

[HardenedSoul]

I think Hardened Soul is suggesting something illegal, like beating the crap out of her! Which might work, and in general, beating someone here, only costs 500 baht, as far as I know, but maybe you should check before, and make sure you don't accidentally kill her! But I wouldn't try this myself, or suggest that ...seems too risky!

What??!!

No I'm not.

I'm suggesting self-defence.

If some of her paranoia might be coming from the thought of loss of money ...re her condo, car, or whatever you said, maybe you can find a way to negotiate a monthly payment, that is dependent on her NOT contacting you or causing any problems? But negotiate this through someone else, a third party ...if you have someone you can trust and use in this way. Since I suppose you want to keep your job, doing a disappearing act seems impossible. But don't pay her all at once, or some huge amount up front, because you can't trust that situation. You could even offer some balloon payment towards the end of a LONG period, but she may not believe you ...I have found most Thais don't believe/trust payment systems so that could be a problem too.

Is it possible, that you can talk to someone who controls her job, and also (even maybe PAY them) to include job loss as one of the consequences of contacting you/bothering anyone/making problems as well? And maybe you can also pay MORE, per month, if she leaves her job, moves out of your area, goes back home, etc. Enough to motivate her to leave.

Seriously ??!!

Advising the guy to pay the lunatic girlfriend off ??!!

Advising the guy to pay 3rd parties to negotiate on his behalf ??!!

Why not pay someone to wipe his arse too?

To all intents and purposes, you're suggesting the guy buys his freedom.

He's a bloke living in Thailand with a jealous girlfriend not a hostage at freakin' Entebbe airport.

She's not afraid of losing money - she's just over-possessive and it's gotten out of control.

The Thai way works

[HardenedSoul]

I guess if it's in bold red it must be true. Oops forgot bold red italics.

Best you could come back with, eh??

[lemoncake]

Hey OP, what about telling her you have realized you are Gay? I am not trying to be funny, but rather suggesting some "easy" solutions instead of complicated costly ones

[NCC1701A]

do you have facebook? for god's sake don't let her in there! My wacko started contacting old girlfriends of mine from 30 years ago! One of them called me and warned me. RUN! Run and don't look back.

[TheSpade]

I can't understand the suggestions of giving her money. Why should the OP have to give her cash. Seems like he's doing enough paying her car and condo bills etc over the years.

It's not like this crazy bitch will leave him alone because he gave her 50k or whatever.

OP needs to man up and boot the nutjob out with no compensation.

[amykat]

Well, for us more stupid people, could you please spell out, what the THAI WAY is then???

[razorramone]

Hey OP, what about telling her you have realized you are Gay? I am not trying to be funny, but rather suggesting some "easy" solutions instead of complicated costly ones

Pee on her

(disclaimer, I am not responsible if she goes into a rage and stabs you for this)

[harrry]

Hey OP, what about telling her you have realized you are Gay? I am not trying to be funny, but rather suggesting some "easy" solutions instead of complicated costly ones

Pee on her

(disclaimer, I am not responsible if she goes into a rage and stabs you for this)

She may like that

[ttthailand]

You stayed with her for years and asked her to follow you so perhaps you need to get her setup again. Sit with her and help her open a Thailovelink or other dating site account. Don't ever question her about the account and if she is still attractive and you are lucky she will find other man. If that don't work offer her 100,000 baht to end it now, no return ! Or maybe do both.

I don't see anything in his posts that mention her wanting money, it doesn't seem to be a factor at all. I find it really weird the suggestion of paying her money. Like her being with him for years means he is somehow indebted to her.

Not least as it rewards and reinforces her behaviour. And I'm assuming she is not a bar girl.

Not only wierd, its completely stupid considering she has a history of lying to him and is obviously not rational or trustworthy in any form.

He said that he asked her to follow him, picked up roots at his request. Also said that she could not afford her condo and car payment. He wants to dump her so If he gives her some cash to make her life a little easier and can afford her car and condo payments for a few months than perhaps she will back off. I think smart not stupid..... Same like paying a hooker to leave in the morning ... They leave happy . After a few months away maybe she finds new or the strong feelings are less.

[harrry]

You stayed with her for years and asked her to follow you so perhaps you need to get her setup again. Sit with her and help her open a Thailovelink or other dating site account. Don't ever question her about the account and if she is still attractive and you are lucky she will find other man. If that don't work offer her 100,000 baht to end it now, no return ! Or maybe do both.

I don't see anything in his posts that mention her wanting money, it doesn't seem to be a factor at all. I find it really weird the suggestion of paying her money. Like her being with him for years means he is somehow indebted to her.

Not least as it rewards and reinforces her behaviour. And I'm assuming she is not a bar girl.

Not only wierd, its completely stupid considering she has a history of lying to him and is obviously not rational or trustworthy in any form.

He said that he asked her to follow him, picked up roots at his request. Also said that she could not afford her condo and car payment. He wants to dump her so If he gives her some cash to make her life a little easier and can afford her car and condo payments for a few months than perhaps she will back off. I think smart not stupid..... Same like paying a hooker to leave in the morning ... They leave happy . After a few months away maybe she finds new or the strong feelings are less.

no way should he pay more than a one way non airconditioned bus fare to her home province.

[meom]

Well, for us more stupid people, could you please spell out, what the THAI WAY is then???

They just chuck them out, with or without violence and deal with the consequences (if there are any) later.

[theblether]

Have a word with your boss, make sure your staff will back you up. Outline the harassment and intimidation during working hours. Ask your boss if he can get the police to charge her, ( if need be grease the wheel ). Get the police to mark her card that she's in the firing line for plenty more and encourage her to leave town. Get the police to throw her out of the house and warn her not to come back. You know, the way that Thai police can be very persuasive. Now she's out of a job and has the police on her back,and she's homeless. Get the police or company to phone her family and tell them to get a grip on her or she will be getting jailed.

Move into an outlying hotel for a couple of weeks. Get to your office earlier than normal. If she shows up the company, the staff, anyone concerned will be of the opinion she deserves everything that's coming.

Bring a bigger dog to the fight and let them do the biting for you.

Just sayin'

[ttthailand]

I think Hardened Soul is suggesting something illegal, like beating the crap out of her! Which might work, and in general, beating someone here, only costs 500 baht, as far as I know, but maybe you should check before, and make sure you don't accidentally kill her! But I wouldn't try this myself, or suggest that ...seems too risky!

What??!!

No I'm not.

I'm suggesting self-defence.

If some of her paranoia might be coming from the thought of loss of money ...re her condo, car, or whatever you said, maybe you can find a way to negotiate a monthly payment, that is dependent on her NOT contacting you or causing any problems? But negotiate this through someone else, a third party ...if you have someone you can trust and use in this way. Since I suppose you want to keep your job, doing a disappearing act seems impossible. But don't pay her all at once, or some huge amount up front, because you can't trust that situation. You could even offer some balloon payment towards the end of a LONG period, but she may not believe you ...I have found most Thais don't believe/trust payment systems so that could be a problem too.

Is it possible, that you can talk to someone who controls her job, and also (even maybe PAY them) to include job loss as one of the consequences of contacting you/bothering anyone/making problems as well? And maybe you can also pay MORE, per month, if she leaves her job, moves out of your area, goes back home, etc. Enough to motivate her to leave.

Seriously ??!!

Advising the guy to pay the lunatic girlfriend off ??!!

Advising the guy to pay 3rd parties to negotiate on his behalf ??!!

Why not pay someone to wipe his arse too?

To all intents and purposes, you're suggesting the guy buys his freedom.

He's a bloke living in Thailand with a jealous girlfriend not a hostage at freakin' Entebbe airport.

She's not afraid of losing money - she's just over-possessive and it's gotten out of control.

The Thai way works

I think he is the one who suggested she quit her job and leave her friends and family and follow him. And now he wants to dump her, maybe for good reasons but he is still a little responsible for this mess. Pay up and put her back where is came from only fair I think.

[HardenedSoul]

Well, for us more stupid people, could you please spell out, what the THAI WAY is then???

If you can't figure it out, stay stupid

[ttthailand]

You stayed with her for years and asked her to follow you so perhaps you need to get her setup again. Sit with her and help her open a Thailovelink or other dating site account. Don't ever question her about the account and if she is still attractive and you are lucky she will find other man. If that don't work offer her 100,000 baht to end it now, no return ! Or maybe do both.

I don't see anything in his posts that mention her wanting money, it doesn't seem to be a factor at all. I find it really weird the suggestion of paying her money. Like her being with him for years means he is somehow indebted to her.

Not least as it rewards and reinforces her behaviour. And I'm assuming she is not a bar girl.

Not only wierd, its completely stupid considering she has a history of lying to him and is obviously not rational or trustworthy in any form.

He said that he asked her to follow him, picked up roots at his request. Also said that she could not afford her condo and car payment. He wants to dump her so If he gives her some cash to make her life a little easier and can afford her car and condo payments for a few months than perhaps she will back off. I think smart not stupid..... Same like paying a hooker to leave in the morning ... They leave happy . After a few months away maybe she finds new or the strong feelings are less.

no way should he pay more than a one way non airconditioned bus fare to her home province.

I disagree but that is me. He helped to make the problem it is up to him to help fix it.....

[danmarnj]

I sympathise with the OP but I'd advise him to ignore the time-honoured TV BS approach that advocates moving out in the dead of the night with your tail between your legs, changing your phone number, abandoning your regular haunts and essentially uprooting your life.

It's a waste of time and resources unless you're gonna leave your job too because she can easily follow you home after you finish work, right?

Thai men deal with this kinda shit from an early age and their way works.

Twice I found myself in situations like this myself here and, twice the Thai approach brought the situation to a satisfactory conclusion.

Explain the Thai, men, Way !

I'm not sure that giving her a pair of Irish sunglasses if going to work, being that you both work at the same place and your reputation is at stake

[harrry]

Personally I would be worried about her working in the same company and risking harming your job. If you do have a senior position in the company it may be best to ensure that this is no longer a problem by terminating the troublesome employee. If you do not you may soon find you are the one who is terminated. You allready have grounds to give her a warning as you stated she caused problems over the phone at work.

Edited August 25, 2013 by harrry

[jpinx]

To the OP -- you have been sending mixed messages because you still feel somehow responsible. Girls can sense this and will play it 1000%. Remedy -- Write emails with copies to all mutual friends and acquaintances that it is OVER and you are not her boyfriend anymore.

Do not try to explain anything because offering explanations indicates a feeling of remorse and the girl will pick that up`immediately. You really really have to get it through your head that you DON'T CARE anymore - only then will you convince her of the same.

Meantime - install a cam or 2 in the apartment and record a few of the outbursts. You say you have audio recording available- so make use of it. Any injury to you that breaks skin - go to the hospital and get a report. Be prepared for her to trash all your stuff, so take anything you really value to a safe place she doesn't know about. If she's a bonkers as you say, you'll have enough material to pile her stuff outside the door and change the lock one day - while you go away for a week to let the dust settle. When you come back, make sure you arrive at your apartment mid-morning .

Good luck - and as a side note -- you said yourself that you saw she was jealous from the beginning -- next time you try to catch a girl, make sure you have learnt the lessons here..........

[maccaroni man]

Move post to ladies forum I am sure they will know what to do

[harrry]

Move post to ladies forum I am sure they will know what to do

He allready has a reply from one of our most valuable female members. Why move it to the ladies forum they are always saying that it is not about ladies it is for ladies.

[JDGRUEN]

OP ... The majority of the advice here from men who have had some of your experience is to GET AWAY FROM HER... The problem cannot be reconciled...

Get witnesses, get recordings of her phone calls - all the nasty stuff she says, get video if possible... it is easier if you move ... even if it is to an inconvenient locality from your work - that would be better, change jobs if you can, get a new sim/number. Get off any social sites like Facebook. Offer a payoff - what ever might make some temporary difference

Remember - she is just like the Terminator -- she will NEVER EVER STOP ... you can only put time and distance between you ...

Make secret your exit, have it all pre-planned ... then vanish and let a go between offer the money payoff.

Remember that a BIG DOWNSIDE is that she might FAKE a beating .. and call the cops - have you arrested ... Do you really want to sit in a Thai jail for weeks or months?

THEN NEVER EVER TALK TO HER AGAIN..

[A1Str8]

Clearly, this relationship has to be ended as soon as possible, otherwise it would slowly but surely destroy you.

Staying with a person like this leads nowhere but getting rid of her needs to be done with caution, because as you said - she is unstable.

I would say two things:

1. You have mentioned that your childhood was troubled with constant fights and arguments at home. The parents and their relationship always have a great affect

on children. Your case is no different. As children, we unintentionally copy our surroundings, including events and things that happened to us and as adults we are going to repeat them unless these issues were fixed and corrected. You grew up eye witnessing a troubled relationship on a daily basis, and now as an adult, you are in one. You repeat the pattern that you had witnessed for years.

So first advice: get rid of this by realizing that you have been acting this way for a while but understand that it doesnt need to be this way.

Change it..nobody else can do it for you.

2: To get rid of the girl is actually easy but be smart about it.

First step - Sit down with her once, or let her know on the phone that you brake up with her. Be calm and explain it to her why. Then ignore her totally from that moment on. Do not argue with her, do not enter fights, arguments with her. Do not answer her calls. Do not react to anything she says or does, it would only make things worse and would fuel her.

Second step: make her move out and change the lock or move out and leave her there.

Third step: you are going to need the help of the police. Dont bother with the tourist police, they cannot help with such things.

You go to the cop shop, the nearest station..make sure that unstable girl of yours does NOT know about it. You talk to any officer there and tell them you would like to talk to a higher ranking man because you would need some assistance with a certain problem. You dont need to reveal more, its not their business. Just ask them nicely to lead you to a higher ranking one. Then when you are with him, act like a gentleman and respectfully explain your problem to him.

After finishing the story, do NOT forget to mention: You would need his help but you know you ask him to do you a favor so of course you are going to be very grateful and generous in return. He will understand you and i think you understand me: its going to cost a bit. NOT much really, but its just the way it is.

They are NOT going to help you without this. But if you are respectful and willing to cooperate they will help you, i can guarantee you that.

It is in my opinion still better, compared to paying for the stuff that the gf destroys at your place, the damages of your car, etc...

By the way, your girl is well aware of what i am saying, that the cops are not going to help you(unless...you know).

Thats the reason she dares to do such things like destroying property and stuff. Understand this: they dont care. But if you care about them, they will start to care.

Good luck

[jaffacake32]

Being nice or trying to keep things on a friendship level are never going to work. Any kind of communication with her will give her the idea that there is some hope in saving the relationship. I'd imagine that she will cause some hassle and it could go on for a while. Ultimately though she will one day get over it, could be a long time though. For your own safety and to make things easier, it would be ideal if you could disappear for a while. However, if she knows you are coming back then she will wait. Getting the bib involved is a good idea as it is possible that it might scare a bit of sense into her.

I hope that whatever you decide it works out for you, just remember don't give her any hope or she will never leave you alone

Sent from my HTC Desire using Thaivisa Connect App

[JLCrab]

The OP does not say where he is but there might be a Tourist Police available who might better serve as negotiator; problem with the regular BiB police is they might have a hard time from a criminal standpoint deciding what it is she has done wrong.

The worst thing that might be done is to hit her so that she might have grounds for a criminal complaint; going to the police as a farang with a claim of self defense against a Thai girl would be ridiculous and not believable.

You might take advice from someone who has said they've been in several abusive relationships; of course, if they have managed to get themselves into several abusive relationships, they might do better receiving advice rather than giving.

Edited August 25, 2013 by JLCrab

[cacruden]

Just remember, dismemberment of ones loved one is more common in Thailand than any other country. Once you make the move to breakup, don't ever put yourself in a compromising situation. Her craziness is likely mostly based on current or future threat of loss of face, she has likely already committed that she was going to marry you and she thinks/knows others are aware of this. Just the act of having her move in may/would have changed her mentality that you and her were already committed to getting married. There is nothing that you can do at this point to settle the situation, but a financial settlement to break the commitment that you have made. A clean and permanent break and settlement is the only way to go unless you want to become an "it".

[canman]

'When I come home late from work, she can go crazy, attacking me, ripping my clothes, punching me, smashing my car and even hurting herself etc'

I stopped reading after the line above. The answer is simple, get rid of her, no ifs and or buts. She is a nut case and there is no up side in keeping her around.

[MikeENZ]

Move, move fast, move now.

[asdecas]

Move, move fast, move now.

Yes, and I'd add that the OP may have to make difficult sacrifices to regain control of his life.