What sort of a girl do I have?

[hellohello123]

Ok, long time reader, first time poster here

I would greatly appreciate some feedback on who I have.

firstly,even though ive never lived in thailand for a long period of time, Id like to think i have some basic idea, especially throguh reading these forums for a heck of a long time, so in terms of knowledge id like to think im between a tourist and a long term resident.

a bit of background about me,

I am 35 years old, my mother is korean, my father Chinese. I was born and raised in a major city in the US. I am 5ft 7" tall that makes me quite short, I regularly go to the gym, im not scrawny, but im no tree trunk either. I am average looking, probably a 6 out of 10 in looks, im not your traditional asian look of skinny, glasses,and feminine features, but not to an extent where anyone has ever called me hot!.

I have never been divorced, nor have kids, I have had asian and non asian girlfriends, but ultimately if I had to choose it would be a non asian, because I seem to get along a bit better with someone from the same upbrining as me. I have a steady job, paying a bit above average of my peers of the same age, I am no CEO of some whizbang company nor do I run a team of 500 staff. I am not a shy guy, and have quite a confident personality.

I dont do very well with non-asian women, PERIOD. No excuses, no bitterness, no complaining, that is the reality I face. I used to be bitter but not for the last 7-8 years. Now I accept it and it doesnt bother me (no BS). However, fortunately I am quite happy being single and im not one of those people that have to be in a relationship. I have a great number of friends, and hobbies, and I have a very active and fulfilling life.

Anyway, enough about me, and to the topic at hand. I visited a friend in Thailand as he has lived there for a few years. This was my 5th, 2 week trip to thailand in 10 years, the previous times were with a girlfriend or family, and we did the tourist things and we had a great time (obviously we are not together anymore). Upon recommendation of my friend, a month or two before my trip, I give TLL a try. and yes we all know that TLL is full of bargirls looking for sponsors, or poor Issarn girls looking for a way out, to normal girls, to good girls to even a few hi-so girls.

I chatted to a few ladies and met up with a few when I arrived. I know how easy it apparently is for foreingers to have like 20 girls in 20 days, and to be able to sleep with them within 15 mins (exaggeration of course). However, this isnt my style, and I never sleep with anyone on a first date, (this is probably through no choice of my own back home Haha), but id rather get to know a girl before I go between the sheets, just a personal preference

Anyway, met one individual lady, 28 years old, whom I got along with very well, yes there is a slight language barrier of English,but you are arent going to hear me say, "how wonderful she is" and "how she is different from every other girl", and how she has 3 degrees from some hotshot college, or is a hi-so girl like a lot of foreginers who claim their girl is "different" or "special" (hopefully my years of research has me on hte right track). I feel we are very comfortable with eachother, it actually feels quite natural, which I must admit is unusual for me to feel so early

This girl works for a korean company imports and exports and speaks basic korean.

This girl's family is from Udon Thani, her parents are farmers. (and yes, I believe I have a grasp on the poor Issarn girls who are looking for foreign husbands for their meal ticket out, and to support their family, including, brother, uncle, auntie, next door neighbour, friends dog, buffalo, buffalo's cousin, buffalo's cousin's dogs )

From what I can see, I get the impression that they are fairly well off, but thats a guess (I assumed that Udon Thani was a poor region, however, ive been told there is a rich class in town). I get the vibe that she is fairly well off judging by her spending habits, tipping, dress sense and shopping habbits. She has her own hotted up Honda along with her sister, in fact better then my parents honda back home!

She currently lives in a condo in BKK with her son and sister.

Now a few important points to note, and questions I have

she has a 2 year old son from a previous relationship with an actor, the guy was either a half korean(japanese)/half thai of similar age, I mentioned his ethnicity purely for to put into context he wasnt an old foreigner whom she wanted to get out of the country like your typical bargirl. Did she marry him for money? I guess its possible but im not sure. Is this a genuine medium to above medium class girl who is quite wealthy? I seriously doubt she is a bar girl or a freelancer as she does work in an office, but I guess anything is possible.

Secondly, like most thai girls, she has a bit of a temper, well a temper that I wouldnt expect as much back home. I received a msg from a female friend overseas whom I've known for 25 years and is a family friend, and she calls me 'love" she is like a little sister to me, she sent me a msg saying "have a good time on your holiday, and Ill catch up with you soon, love". Well, this msg was received at night while we were sleeping, and was seen by her, so there was a bit of a tantrum that night, which is understandable after the msg. I must admit, I like my women strong, independent while submissive doesnt do anything for me. I prefer a bit of fire in a girl but its my understanding that thai ladies generally have a temper

Thirdly, the sex with her is pretty bad, so you arent going to hear me say "omg, the sex was amazing and it blew away all my experiences and now I am hooked" type of comments that you often see on here. But maybe I have lower then average testosterone levels, but although I do enjoy sex, having average sex with a girl that I am truly passionate about is far better then wild sex with a bargirl. For the record, ive never barfined anyone in my life, or picked up a freelancer. I dont have problems with people who do this, So im not going to sit on my high horse and judge other people.

When in relationships back home, I used to have sex about twice per week, so I dont think my drive is too low. Anyway, enough about my sex life, which im sure most dont want to hear about

There are a lot of nice things I can say about this girl too, but most of it would bore you, so I wont waste any more space. However, I judge a persons feelings by their actions. For example, the first night I arrived, I msged her that I had arrived in my hotel, and she drove over in 20 mins, stayed for a few hours, and then went home. I thought this was pretty kind.

She took a week off work and spent a lot of time with me, and only went home when she had to to care for her child who lives with her and her sister,or when her sister got sick and was rushed to hospital overnight and had to look after her. and yes, after this all happened, I thought "oh uh,here we go with the sick family, sick buffalo, need money for this and that ", but in the 4 times I have seen her, ive never given or been asked for any money, I do pay for about 75% of the time we go out,the remaining 25% she pays for which to me is a nice gesture.

Oh and unlike many other foreigners in thailand, I dont lie or bend the truth by portraying myself as some hotshot, in fact I actually play down myself, and just say im a normal guy, earning normal salary, my family is normal wealth, and we are as normal as can be, even though reality isnt too much different, as I dont want to be seen as a walking ATM

She is currently in Korea for work purposes for two weeks. I am probably one of the least jealous males in this world ( i dont snoop, check phones, check emails, get jealous, get agro when she is approached by another male), but when My friend who lives in BKK did jokingly suggest that maybe she was seeing a sponsor or going on a sex trip with her boss and I should check it out. Well, after finding her facebook, (she has not given me her facebook name, because I told her I dont do facebook which is true), and she has put up a few photos of korea, and a few shopping trips (no photos of other guys), so I guess anything is possible,

Also, admittedly, while we are together we get along very well, even though there is a slight language barrier in Korean and English. However, when we are apart, the communication via Whatsapp is not great. ie Id expect to talk to someone I was keen to at least a few times a day, even for point less chat like "how are you" "what you doing" etc. etc. However, if I dont initiate communication, it can be a few days before I even get some sort of initiation from her. My friend has joked and said "maybe she is with a customer" which id say is unlikely but is entirely possible judging by what I have seen and read is Thai lady behavior

Finally,I am a realist.

Am I infatuated by this girl, No!

do I like her? absolutey,

Am I going to sell up and move there? not a chance in hell

Am I going to import her into the US? not likely either, she has told me that Thailand is her home, which I dont blame her, what can a thai girl in the US without any recognised qualifcaitons (thai qualifications are not generally recognised in the US), do except for being a housewife or a waitress in a thai restaurant on miniumum wage. I also like my women independant and would expect any of my girlfriends to work (obviously except if she was looking after children). As for sponsoring a woman of any race/job/qualifcations, it is a foreign concept to me, and would never ever do that. Its bizzare in my eyes!

I will be visiting Thailand for 2 weeks in a few weeks time to visit my friend for a few days, and she intends (yes thai girls intents are not worth the bandwidth they take up) to take a week off work for me and see me

My main questions are, what sort of a girl do I have? is she rich? is she well off? or did her ex husband pay her off or gives her a stupidly high child support or does she have some sponsors of some sort.

Also, I know she is quite busy with her job and child, but is lack of communication a normal thing in Thai culture? Obviously if she says she cant answer her phone for days, we all know thats typical bar girl talk as thai girls have their phones like a body function. However, there are times when she doesnt contact me, however she has the time to update her facebook photos.

And what sort of red flags other then the obvious should I watch out for???

what I watch out for i:

- any request for money

- any warning signs of other parties involved

- any request to buy a house /car/buffalo/bike together

- request for marriage (obviously this depends on how long its been and in what context)

- request to come to live in my country (once again depends on how long its been and in what context)

- refusing to introduce me to her friends (I have met two of her friends and sister)

Thank you for reading my long first post

[cornishcarlos]

Glad you haven't posted before... Got to paragraph 3 but with 20+ more to go, I gave up !!

Good luck with whatever you asked

[CharlieH]

Geesh ! sorry started nodding off after 4th paragraph,

Whatever it is you can be sure someone will brave it out get to the end and maybe answer, assuming they havnt died before getting to the end or their Meds havnt worn off / kicked in

Edited February 22, 2014 by CharlieH

[Donnie Brasco]

Give her a nice new phone loaded with spyware.

"Sometimes, 'fuggedabowdit' just means fuggedabowdit."

[edwardandtubs]

Am I infatuated by this girl, No!

do I like her? absolutey,

Am I going to sell up and move there? not a chance in hell

Am I going to import her into the US? not likely

Is answering your own questions an intelligent rhetorical device? No.

Are Americans always doing it? Yes.

Does this make them even more annoying? Hell yeah, man.

[HooHaa]

every thing but the title of your post is irrelevant, though i did give you the courtesy of reading it.

if you want an answer based on my opinion, send her around mine for a weekend. otherwise how in the hell would i know?

[JesseFrank]

Geesh ! sorry started nodding off after 4th paragraph,

Whatever it is you can be sure someone will brave it out get to the end and maybe answer, assuming they havnt died before getting to the end or their Meds havnt worn off / kicked in

I don't know to which paragraph I got, as I fell asleep somewhere

[chaophraya49]

I'm not going to try to answer your question, rather I'll ask you one instead.

You're not going to move to Thailand and you're not going to take her to the States.

What does she get out of the relationship, 2 weeks a year with you in Thailand?

Not much of a deal!!

[robertthebruce]

Just read your post, you seem a sensible kind of person, and i would imagine, you could make your own judgement...

Just go with your gut feelings, and take it as it is...

well thats, my 2 cents worth..

All the best

[Costas2008]

If, I was a woman, I would never come near you.

You are complicated, uncertain of yourself, quite immature.

You are asking strangers to give you an answer to your private life, that you are unable yourself to sort out.

You better leave her alone, she's got a life with her son and her job, and don't bring her down with you.

Every girl/woman has a dream......don't shatter hers.

Edited February 22, 2014 by Costas2008

[Showbags]

I think this thread is useless without pics...

[hellohello123]

apologies for the long post,

im trying to edit it now but it wont let me

[LennyW]

Take less time to explain yourself before sex then she might actually still be awake for the event and it may well be an OMG experience!

Sent from my GT-N7100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Beetlejuice]

To the OP:

Try condensing your post down a bit, like to about a 25% of what is written now and then perhaps people will read it.

[AlexRRR]

What sort of girl do you have? .............a smart one

[zeichen]

Give up. She deserves better.

No wonder you have problems with western women. If you talk anything like you write, you wouldn't get a second date.

There are wealthy farmers but rare. She could be living way above her means. If she is 28 with a 2 year old, she is not an executive at a company. She is most likely at best in middle management making 20-30k baht a month. Not what I would call upper middle class. She probably got a huge chunk of sin sod from first asian sexpat baby daddy.

She might be a sincere hardworking girl, but she deserves more than 2 weeks a year and lame sex. No woman would settle for 2 times a week if she was content. Hell most people I know do it 1-3 times a day for the first year or so. AFter 10 years of marriage 2 times a week is the norm.

I thought of writing a 20 page response to bore you right back but to be nice will stop here.

[fatdrunkandstupid]

The piffle in the opening post may be summarised as follows:

The OP is a confident, 35 yo, happily single and childless asian with a normal job and family.

He met an employed 28 yo Thai starfish from Udon Thani who speaks a little korean. She has a loog krueng son, a half share in a pimped out honda and a rented condo in BKK.

The OP likes her but wants validation of his feeling from other TV members.

[wym]

If anything I'd say you're being too cautious. Relax and let you both be yourselves.

No not rich, probably spends it all on the appearances.

Don't freak if she wants some money from you, as long as you're getting good value for your money as you go, just don't front a large amount expecting to get value back later.

Like others I'm puzzled as to your intentions, if you're not going to live here, and don't want to sponsor her to go home with you, what's your goal with her assuming she checks out as being OK?

And BTW easy enough to hire a PI to really do due diligence on her and her background, family back home etc but why bother if you don't intend to go anywhere with it.

Like others, don't waste her time if this is the case.

[Puyai]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

Troll post

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

No troll would spend that amount of time writing a post..

[Julie H]

Troll post

Tactics are ever evolving best to keep up with the times Puyai........Did i mention im ex SAS?

[Sheryl]

Some of the above replies are unnecessarily rude, to say the least.

OP usually when someone makes a post like this the circumstances scream of ulterior motives but nothing you posted raises any alarms in my mind. I doubt her birth family is rich, but they are probably getting by OK, she has a reasonably well paying job and as she was previously married to and has a child by someone who sounds well off, she is probably getting money from the ex as well. Hence her apparent affluence.

The temper thing - Thai women do tend to be extremely jealous (and to be fair, Thai men give them ample reason to be much of the time. Monogamy not being their strong suit).

I would say as long as she continue not to exhibit any mercenary intentions (i.e .does not ask for money or hint for it), and as long as you have been honest with her in terms of your lack of interest in moving to Thailand, then relax and continue to get to know her. You are clear;y no fool and know what to watch out for.

[hellohello123]

It has crossed my mind to join my friend in Thailand and live there

Obviously it would have to be a careful considered process, eg have a good job lined up, and I was aware what I was getting my self into in terms of cultural shock

[Sheryl]

Give up. She deserves better.

No wonder you have problems with western women. If you talk anything like you write, you wouldn't get a second date.

.....

Clearly you are not a Western woman.

I am, and the way he writes struck me as thoughtful and honest, which to most women is appealing, not off-putting.

[benalibina]

Give up. She deserves better.

No wonder you have problems with western women. If you talk anything like you write, you wouldn't get a second date.

.....

Clearly you are not a Western woman.

I am, and the way he writes struck me as thoughtful and honest, which to most women is appealing, not off-putting.

My thoughts 2.

[hellohello123]

Give up. She deserves better.

No wonder you have problems with western women. If you talk anything like you write, you wouldn't get a second date.

.....

Clearly you are not a Western woman.

I am, and the way he writes struck me as thoughtful and honest, which to most women is appealing, not off-putting.

Thank you, I'm just trying not to end up one of those who has lost everything and been taken for the biggest ride of his life, so I'm trying to be careful, and I'm trying to learn what sort of a lady I have

[Sheryl]

If, I was a woman, I would never come near you.

You are complicated, uncertain of yourself, quite immature.

You aren't a woman and news flash, they may not take the same view of it.

I am a woman and the post does not strike me as at all immature, much the opposite.

Nor did it suggest to me a lack of self-confidence (takes a fair amount of self-confidence actually to be willing to put such personal details out there). My take is rather that as someone who has never lived in Thailand but having heard all the horror stories of relationships gone bad here (especially ones through online dating sites) , he has some realistic concerns and wants to bounce them off of people who do live here.

As for complicated -- most women consider that a plus. Complicated = depth = interesting. Something too few men are....

Now please guys, behave yourselves. If you don't want to read a post of this length, then - don't read it. If you don't have something useful to say then - don't say anything. Simple, really.

[nonthaburial]

Great post,and I understand exactly where you were coming from. But I must admit I am reasonably well educated and do not suffer from Alzheimer's where my concentration disappears after a beer.

You wrote articulately, with a degree of suspicion, however it is obvious your head is screwed on the tight way, and you understand what is facing you. All I can say is take things day by day, only you with your upcoming experience can judge her attitude.

Perhaps next time you should post in Chinese, then the illiterate knockers would be stymied big time, but saying that, you will possibly be caste as a racialist.

Good luck to you,

[edwardandtubs]

Give up. She deserves better.

No wonder you have problems with western women. If you talk anything like you write, you wouldn't get a second date.

.....

Clearly you are not a Western woman.

I am, and the way he writes struck me as thoughtful and honest, which to most women is appealing, not off-putting.

But you're one of the small minority of western women who have a thing for Asian men. Most western women don't go for insecure men like the OP.

[Sheryl]

Give up. She deserves better.

No wonder you have problems with western women. If you talk anything like you write, you wouldn't get a second date.

.....

Clearly you are not a Western woman.

I am, and the way he writes struck me as thoughtful and honest, which to most women is appealing, not off-putting.

But you're one of the small minority of western women who have a thing for Asian men. Most western women don't go for insecure men like the OP.

I don't have a "thing" for Asian men. I like or dislike men on an individual basis. Some Asian men are appealing, some are not. Ditto men of all other races.

From a woman's perspective his post does not in any way indicate insecurity. Conversly, most men of the "I would never ask for personal advice" type are in fact very insecure, and women know that.

[Crazy chef 1]

don't bother too much with the most replies- shallow souls.i actually liked your OP.but i can't give you an answer of your question.the only thing to find out is let it go on,nothing to loose for both of you.