Disrespectful words by gf

[BusyBee1976]

Hi everyone,

 

I am an expat and I have a Thai (isaan) girlfriend who I know for a year and half now.

 

I just found out that she was talking to many men on WhatsApp Call and when I asked her about it she said why can’t she talk to other men as friends? I said fair enough but she doesn’t tell me what she talks about and why talk late in night.

 

We had a fight the other day about this and she was chatting to her friend and she uses the word “<<<<Thai language removed>>>>”

With my little knowledge of Thai using <<<<Thai language removed>>>> for someone is insulting so I wanted to know is it very insulting or generally used for others if you are close friends? And do you think she is doing right by talking to other men in night I mean am I overreacting here?

 

any helpful replies will be greatly appreciated.

[Cynical Sailor]

She’s saying you’re jealous.


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[poohy]

You know the best option already, get out while the  goings relatively good

It ain't going to get better!

[BusyBee1976]

3 hours ago, Cynical Sailor said:

She’s saying you’re jealous.


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Thanks for your reply. I knew she was saying I am jealous but is it common to use "มัน" to address a person?

[steven100]

one word comes to mind   .............  run  !! 

[Cynical Sailor]

มัน translates as ‘it’.


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[idman]

Sorry but here goes.  If you are stupid enough to continue in this charade of a relationship then be prepared to be made a sucker of by this low life tart.  Man up and walk away while you still have some pride.

[1FinickyOne]

I think some of it depends on who she is chatting with... My wife chats with her friends, I speak on skype or email with my friends... why wouldn't we? But we are not talking with strangers and if I am on skype, my wife is perfectly welcome to come in and say hello...

 

I assume your jealousy is at not being included and depending on who she is talking to, is not comfortable for you... if it is not comfortable for you and she does not respect that, you are probably better off elsewhere... 

[colinneil]

1 hour ago, steven100 said:

one word comes to mind   .............  run  !! 

For once Steven i am in full agreement with you, run now lad and do not look back.

[KhaoNiaw]

It's not an uncommon way for friends who are chatting to refer to someone who's not there. If it was done deliberately for you to pick up on, then you should take offence. If it wasn't, then it's just colloquial language use.  

[Jip99]

Has she shagged any of the men she is talking to ?

[colinneil]

1 minute ago, Jip99 said:

Has she shagged any of the men she is talking to ?

Has she been talking to you?

[Jip99]

Just now, colinneil said:

Has she been talking to you?

 

 

Just checking......don’t want to be on someone’s hit list....?

[blanes2007]

1. as far as I know Thai woman privately talks about her Farang boyfriend or husband using word มัน (it) instead เขา (he) if she would emphasize that she is not emotionally involved with him and treats him only as a (potential) source of money. Kinda an excuse if the Farang is old, fat and so long = just business nothing personal. 

 

2. talking to other men in night - absolutely unacceptable behaviour for Thai g\f especially if you give her money

Edited November 8, 2017 by blanes2007

[petermik]

Bloody hell.....you need to ask on here what you should do......

 

There are thousands of women here,why take <deleted> from one when you could make so many happy

[saakura]

OP, the word  มัน is casually used by Thais when they talk among close friends, it is absolutely not at all insulting. All i read from it is she was mildly complaining to her friend that her husband is jealous. Ok, a university educated lady working in an office may not use this term with her colleagues, but this is simple casual Isaan speak. If all other things are going well, dont break your relation over a simple misunderstanding and regret later.

[Jip99]

1 minute ago, saakura said:

OP, the word  มัน is casually used by Thais when they talk among close friends, it is absolutely not at all insulting. All i read from it is she was mildly complaining to her friend that her husband is jealous. Ok, a university educated lady working in an office may not use this term with her colleagues, but this is simple casual Isaan speak. If all other things are going well, dont break your relation over a simple misunderstanding and regret later.

 

 

Indeed......there will be many others.?

 

 

Perhaps time to read Thailand Fever.....

 

 

 

[saakura]

Just now, Jip99 said:

 

 

Indeed......there will be many others.?

 

 

Perhaps time to read Thailand Fever.....

 

 

 

Been here close to 3 decades and did not ever involve myself with bars or prostitutes, so no need to read such books 

[aboctok]

2 hours ago, idman said:

Sorry but here goes.  If you are stupid enough to continue in this charade of a relationship then be prepared to be made a sucker of by this low life tart.  Man up and walk away while you still have some pride.

Too too true. Charade is the key concept, exemplified in the OP's initial statement. You might think you have a Thai (Isaan) gf, but by the looks of things, you don't. If she was decent, she would be somewhat sensitive to your concerns, even if her late-night chatting with other men was completely innocent. The fact that she's reflexively defensive about behaviour that quite reasonably causes you concern is in itself a red flag. Most likely her commitment, and your relationship itself, is a charade.

Edited November 8, 2017 by aboctok

[jerojero]

Duh! Why are you putting up with her b's. Move on, so many other women who aren't interested in other men while in a relationship. Sorry, but you're utterly stupid if you stay in your current situation.

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[retarius]

3 hours ago, EmotionallyConstipated said:

Thanks for your reply. I knew she was saying I am jealous but is it common to use "มัน" to address a person?

'Man' is how you would address an animal. I have heard many gfs and wives talk about their husbands or bfs in this way. Yes it is disrespectful, but perhaps on the level of referring to your wife as ''er indoors' or 'the old lady'.

Of course she might say much worse to her own girlfriends. My gf always refers to me a 'pi' as do all the family, I have never heard them use anything else. You do need to review where you stand with her. It is not unusual for Thai ladies to have several men on the go at the same time. If you give her money, stop temporarily and see what happens. If she wigs out she's probably not the love of your life.

[Jip99]

8 minutes ago, jerojero said:

Duh! Why are you putting up with her b's. Move on, so many other women who aren't interested in other men while in a relationship. Sorry, but you're utterly stupid if you stay in your current situation.

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A tad brutal......but I can’t fault the advice.

[DoctorG]

The MGTOW crowd have a good saying - She's not your girl, it is just your turn. 

[Rc2702]

Give her 3.5 more years and if the situation has not improved, give her 5 more. If situation has not improved. Repeat.

[atyclb]

why not test her by giving her Wechat info to tv member. If tv member succeeds in banging her you will have the answer. u can also post her pics here and wait for matching pics of her from tv members that have/are banging her.

[marquis22]

2 hours ago, Jip99 said:

Has she shagged any of the men she is talking to ?

Not yet but I'm lining up, and currently 3rd in line..........

(sorry OP but had to respond to a question like that to a hilarious original question!) 

[Shiver]

It always makes me pause when people dish out advice on a situation that they put into a Venn diagram without knowing any detail.

 

There is the saying "if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it's probably a Katoei", which is a probability guess rather than a detailed analysis.

 

I'm not so sure that she's doing anything wrong....yet... but there does appear to be potential to go that way.  OP has more information than any of us have, but counter to that he's also invested, so presumably looking for triangulation of his feeling that 'maybe' something is going on, or at least wants to know if he's being disrespected, as that is certainly what it feels like to him.  Her behaviour is more telling of her history than her future.

 

If we invert the whole story, one thing I sometimes have a bitch about is when I have experiential knowledge of something or other, and the Thai chooses to disregard my opinion in favour of listening to a lot of Thais that know nothing of the subject.  The above case is a lot of farang giving opinion on something that the Thai knows to be fact, and whether guilty of any wrong doing or not, it's likely to push her to abort the relationship where otherwise she might be quite happy.

 

If I talk with other women my Gf isn't in the slightest bit jealous, but then I don't give her reason to be, she's safe with me, even if it's not the most intense relationship and we're not exactly ever going to burn the oceans.  Culturally there's a gulf between us, but a little effort to understand the counter party can go a long way in making that merely an empty spot rather than an issue.

 

As one person above said, perhaps it's worthwhile showing that it makes him a little uncomfortable.  If she doesn't get it, then take her out somewhere and give the staff (preferably female) 1000 baht 'just because'.  When she objects to you giving away 'her' assets like that (and she will), then say "I'm sorry darling, does that make you uncomfortable that I give money to other women?  She's just a friend".

Edited November 8, 2017 by Shiver

[mrfaroukh]

Well I guess if she has one or two good male friends who are only friends with fingers cross then it should not be problem. But it is a bit wared if she talk to only good friends late night. 

 

Why don't you ask her to invite her good friends home to have a drink together or just invite them out to a restaurant. 

 

Good to know her good friends.

[simon43]

My gf always refers to me a 'pi'

 

Is that พี่ or ผี? 

[Gillyflower]

4 hours ago, Cynical Sailor said:

มัน translates as ‘it’.


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I wouldn't worry too much about the 'it'.  Many languages use the 3rd person singular neuter gender.  ONE does it in English.  In French it is used quite often.