NE live in village monthly

[billd766]

51 minutes ago, BEVUP said:

Wasn't expecting family to come along !

 

That's where it all went wrong - where were they before, in some shack working on a farm

Some people have had the parents come along (when older then these 2 )

Certainly not Free Loading sisters

 

Why on earth are you paying those freeloaders?  What does your wife do all day (watch them )

You pay for everything & give them a place to stay (isn't that enough ), if they want extra let them earn it 

These pair are taking the piss - do you think a thai family would pay their live in relatives to do chores

 

Your about to retire ! You had better get a grip on things

BIL sends 3000 a mth for 2 kids - That wouldn't cut it, who is paying the rest or is that just a minders fee

 

5000 is ample my wife gives elderly mother (unable to work ) 2000 p/mth

 

10,000 ? You have been had from the start.

Some people have actually got to fully support themselves in rented accommodation on that

 

Am I correct to say that are you Aussie 

That would be just over $400 AUD a mth alone - You must have a good super (most Aussies don't )

 

 

 

 

Perhaps he can afford to and he wants to do it.

 

After all it is his life, his family and it won't cost you even 25 satang.

[DJ54]

9 cows 3000 month. None of the sisters live in our house. Only Mama and Papa. 200 for papa couple time a month and he mows the lawn. Better than me mowing it. 

[BEVUP]

10 minutes ago, billd766 said:

Perhaps he can afford to and he wants to do it.

 

After all it is his life, his family and it won't cost you even 25 satang.

Yes up to him 

But why throw the quote in " I wasn't expecting the family to come along "

Then starts building / paying / supplying / ect 

& is now worried they want more (which wont cost me a Satang )

[Rally123]

2 hours ago, billd766 said:

One different word.

 

"STAY".

'WHY?'

[Rally123]

1 hour ago, billd766 said:

After all it is his life

It doesn't sound like it. And why come on a public forum seeking advice?

[DJ54]

1 hour ago, Rally123 said:

It doesn't sound like it. And why come on a public forum seeking advice?

Uhhhh ok.

 

If Rally asks any advise for whatever reason on forum should there be an automatic reply button “ You figure it out”.

 

Sometimes it’s best to ask advise when there is only one other Farang retired in our village that speaks English. 

 

Neighbor pays 3000 baht a month for person to clean and cook. Is that the norm and the reason I asked.

 

I could for example pay 5000 a month for same services and before long his person asks for more money. 

 

Thanks to all that replied appreciated. This is a learning experience for me in the works. 

[djayz]

On 16/05/2018 at 5:18 PM, DJ54 said:

 

My try at getting them to make own money and run business. 

 

Had a building built on front of lot near road with open cooking area, another room with large glass frig for cold drinks beer snacks etc. One side open with rollup door when closed and a enclosed room for storage resting etc. Wife’s an excellent cook and started a soup. I funded the stock for start up. Business was ok made 500-800 baht a day after paying Mama for help. Basically to keep wife “an idle mind is the devils playground “ from happening. went on week trip to US came back everything in the big commercial type store refrigerator gone. Snacks gone. The famil used it as “The Free Stroe”. It didn’t happen when I was around as I made everybody pay. Even myself. 

 

Round two:  3 months later. Middle sister and wife do the work and split profits. I funded the start up for goods again. Went good for 2-3 months 

then middle sister and boyfriend took the bank without splitting with wife which was 12,000 and took off. 

 

Round 3: wife trying to do good wants to start it again. We did lasted two weeks. 

 

Knocked out out the wall on the enclosed room. 1 section for moto , the other park the two cars. Nice garage! 

 

The latest I was asked to fund a massgage shop in BKK so when I die or gone the wife would have work. 

 

They say you can’t teach old dogs new tricks.... I finally said “No”. 

I was neutral about your situation until I read this. 

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. 

You're too generous, good-willed, kind and caring. All lovely characteristics, but down here in SE Asia, esp. in poor areas like Isan, that'll be your downfall. 

Theymight not be deliberately taking you to the cleaners, but they're poor for a reason. All your handouts, financing shops, etc. is ever going to change that.

Never, never give them so much that you don't have the price of a return ticket home.

I live on Korat and both FIL and MIL have their own land and a small shop. Once a year for

Songkran they get 4,000 or 5,000 from their kids. That's it. They spent a lifetime working and saving. They only buy what they really need. No waste....

Edited May 18, 2018 by djayz

[BEVUP]

34 minutes ago, djayz said:

I was neutral about your situation until I read this. 

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. 

You're too generous, good-willed, kind and caring. All lovely characteristics, but down here in SE Asia, esp. in poor areas like Isan, that'll be your downfall. 

Theymight not be deliberately taking you to the cleaners, but they're poor for a reason. All your handouts, financing shops, etc. is ever going to change that.

Never, never give them so much that you don't have the price of a return ticket home.

I live on Korat and both FIL and MIL have their own land and a small shop. Once a year for

Songkran they get 4,000 or 5,000 from their kids. That's it. They spent a lifetime working and saving. They only buy what they really need. No waste....

I'm in Korat as well

As I stated in a post on this topic, "a freebie store & the lust for money in seeing that profit

Let alone wouldn't know how to manage money

They think all the money is profit, hence the fridges / ect not being restocked 

 

Why do you think the Thai/Chinese have walked all over them

 

PS: I have seen all this before with the wifes family (all full of it ) as it all becomes to hard (this is the small stuff

Then they go for the bigger taking, that ends up tits up as well

 

Edited May 18, 2018 by BEVUP

[Rally123]

3 hours ago, DJ54 said:

This is a learning experience for me in the works.

Should have done yer homework at home. Too late now. How's things going to be if you find out you've been paying too much and then try and cut it. You'll be public enemy number one. Posts #37 & 38 hit the nail.

[DJ54]

2 hours ago, Rally123 said:

Should have done yer homework at home. Too late now. How's things going to be if you find out you've been paying too much and then try and cut it. You'll be public enemy number one. Posts #37 & 38 hit the nail.

Appreciate it Rally and just giving you a bit of jaw jacking.

 

All that said I’m a bit of a softy I will admit 100% that’s absolutely correct and part of my mindset that all people aren’t bad. Grew up in East LA hood met bad and and mostly good people. Southern born Papa Alabama Mama Georgia good old folks. 

 

I’ve been fortunate in life making decent money taking my knowledge and starting a Rep company (Aerospace) Asia for last 15 years. Lucky on houses I’ve boughtand sold 1 in California that doubled before market dropped, 2 in China from Cal. Profits which doubled. The tired of 

China moved to Thailand land for the weather low costs etc. 

 

Thinkng surely what goes in China won’t be the same elsewhere and as you say poor are the same most places. I believed the story the gal told 

me poor family etc. I’ve questioned my self several time on what are you thinking open your eyes idiot. 

 

The reason I asked input was to make sure I wasn’t getting shellacked again. Which it was an attempt to do so. Used some information given from forum members and told the wife I asked what Is the norm and accordingly no increase. 

 

Although a little late ate and a decent sum lost before I woke up. I’ve pulled in the reins and was told I’m going to leave. Ok good luck I’m not

giving to invalid requests the door is that way. 

 

Possible lucky that the land bought 2 years ago was a block of land that

One older individual owns will transfer ownership to many second quarter. With the relationship I’ve built with owner be able to delay or ?

if needed. 

 

Learned a a lot in a short period of two years and a big part of that from the folks on the forum. A great deal eyeopeners. Love the country and ideal place to live. Just need to make good decisions thinking of myself. Anything that falls in place good if not I’m still in good shape. 

 

Thanks have ave a great weekend. 

 

[Enoon]

On 5/16/2018 at 7:03 AM, DJ54 said:

 

Thanks to all for input. 

 

Your monthly (everyone included) spend should be as much as they might expect from a good son/daughter/spouse who was living living away from home and sending home as much money as they could.

 

(A good son/daughter/spouse who was of their socio-economic group).

 

If you want to go a bit further (and justify a foreigner being in their family rather than a Thai) you could bung them a couple of thou on top.

 

If you don't put in a bit extra what's the point of having you around, instead of having a Thai (albeit rarely seen) who speaks the lingo, likes the food and isn't always complaining about how different is to the "old country"?

 

That is the way "relationships" (all relationships) work in Thailand.

 

All very well understood among the Thais themselves.

 

Or did you think it was about "love"?

 

 

Edited May 18, 2018 by Enoon

[billd766]

8 hours ago, Rally123 said:

It doesn't sound like it. And why come on a public forum seeking advice?

 

What don't you understand about the fact that it IS his life and not yours?

 

It is not as if he is begging TVF for a #gofundme.

 

8 hours ago, Rally123 said:

'WHY?'

 

Wrong question. Why not stay?

[Rc2702]

8 hours ago, Rally123 said:

It doesn't sound like it. And why come on a public forum seeking advice?

It's an anonymous forum and a good place to get a lot of feedback. It's like speaking to 1000 people at once and hearing many views. If you are serious about solving a problem you will read as much as possible before making your own decision. It's like the saying 2 heads but super charged. 

[crazykopite]

You are a very kind individual I think the family are taking the PI$$, don’t give them another penny because if you do in 6 months time they will be asking for more. 

[helloagain]

They will squeeze you until you squeek. Tell them to go get a job. Are you a man or a mouse

[Kadilo]

10 hours ago, DJ54 said:

Appreciate it Rally and just giving you a bit of jaw jacking.

 

All that said I’m a bit of a softy I will admit 100% that’s absolutely correct and part of my mindset that all people aren’t bad. Grew up in East LA hood met bad and and mostly good people. Southern born Papa Alabama Mama Georgia good old folks. 

 

I’ve been fortunate in life making decent money taking my knowledge and starting a Rep company (Aerospace) Asia for last 15 years. Lucky on houses I’ve boughtand sold 1 in California that doubled before market dropped, 2 in China from Cal. Profits which doubled. The tired of 

China moved to Thailand land for the weather low costs etc. 

 

Thinkng surely what goes in China won’t be the same elsewhere and as you say poor are the same most places. I believed the story the gal told 

me poor family etc. I’ve questioned my self several time on what are you thinking open your eyes idiot. 

 

The reason I asked input was to make sure I wasn’t getting shellacked again. Which it was an attempt to do so. Used some information given from forum members and told the wife I asked what Is the norm and accordingly no increase. 

 

Although a little late ate and a decent sum lost before I woke up. I’ve pulled in the reins and was told I’m going to leave. Ok good luck I’m not

giving to invalid requests the door is that way. 

 

Possible lucky that the land bought 2 years ago was a block of land that

One older individual owns will transfer ownership to many second quarter. With the relationship I’ve built with owner be able to delay or ?

if needed. 

 

Learned a a lot in a short period of two years and a big part of that from the folks on the forum. A great deal eyeopeners. Love the country and ideal place to live. Just need to make good decisions thinking of myself. Anything that falls in place good if not I’m still in good shape. 

 

Thanks have ave a great weekend. 

 

I admire your honesty even though you will get the usual cynical crap from some. 

You are right to pull in the reigns a little. You have contributed a lot to the family already and they are all benefitting a great deal by you being around. 

As a previous poster said the alarm bells would ring for me when they wanted to up the ante to 10,000/month. There is no justification for this only greed. 

Your intentions were good by trying to start a business. I can see quite a few parallels in your relationship and mine tbh. I have done similar with my partner and up to now she's running her little shop well. Her parents dont ask for money but I do buy food and treat give them a couple of thousand now and again but definitely not a regular income type of thing. 

I try and stay away from regular handouts for the very reason you are experiencing. 

Its all a learning curve. Best of luck. 

 

[sammieuk1]

I will be giving the in-laws my tired leather sofa as soon as I can find a replacement and that will be my total contribution in 8 years.

[BEVUP]

1 minute ago, sammieuk1 said:

I will be giving the in-laws my tired leather sofa as soon as I can find a replacement and that will be my total contribution in 8 years.

I don't give anything anymore ( they blew or stuffed the lot )

MIL is 65 + & has had a mild stroke (that's the only 2000 bht from wife / me )

I replaced a Sofa once & only to discover it had a big rip in it due to not controlling BIL kids 

Now no problems as BIL wont show his face due to what he had done to family & SIL now in BK & MIL back in the village wooden hut

 

 

 

[Brickbat]

It’s all give and take in the end , as they are unaware of the consequences . You give and they take, and take and take. Never stops. There’s no shame. And as proof, I personally know many who have lost their shirt. A new love affair recently in that area and the lady’s demand was for over 40,000 a month. 

 

I wish i knew how to communicate to them about consequences. But they are great poker players. Push hard. Too hard most times. 

I believe the idea is there are always rich farangs available.

[Tchooptip]

22 hours ago, billd766 said:

 

One different word.

 

"STAY".

Not only the word is different... but a whole psychology it seems 

[Hummin]

14 minutes ago, Brickbat said:

It’s all give and take in the end , as they are unaware of the consequences . You give and they take, and take and take. Never stops. There’s no shame. And as proof, I personally know many who have lost their shirt. A new love affair recently in that area and the lady’s demand was for over 40,000 a month. 

 

I wish i knew how to communicate to them about consequences. But they are great poker players. Push hard. Too hard most times. 

I believe the idea is there are always rich farangs available.

If that was what she making in Pattaya or alike, then her price is 40 000,- 

 

Simple as that, why make it so complicated? 

[SymS]

For reference, my wife gives her mum about 12,000 Baht for 6 months (2,000 Baht per month). All other expenses are paid by us, so that's just pocket money for hairdresser, going to temple, and so on.

[atyclb]

look at the bright side, many can return to their home countries and become gainfully employed as experts in administering public assistance.

[macca3248]

Sounds like family are treating you like an ATM .

 

I have been down the same road !

[NoshowJones]

On 15/05/2018 at 11:20 PM, cooked said:

Without knowing all the details I should say that ฿5000.- a month is really enough. What were they living off before you turned up? 

No harm to the OP, but if it was me, I would be saying to myself, this is the only reason I am here, apart from the 5000 Baht per month, anyone who lets themself get into the position that they are financially responsible for in laws are off their head.

[Siameaze]

I give wife's parents a match of the money they get from their son who lives at home and occasionally works. It comes to 0.00 Baht

[superal]

The parents are younger than you , they should be supporting you according to Thai tradition  . Sounds like this is your first relationship with a Thai family who will take you for what they can get , one way or another . Cannot understand why you are paying them money whilst you are already supporting them with food etc . Be careful Mr. ATM

[Wonderfull life]

I thought I was in a loving relationship,I was supporting wife ,step daughters and mil and fil and sisters, one day they pissed me off whinging that I not give enough ,I had just won a seven figure amount on uk lottery,I said to wife I not have much money now and things need to change ,everyone has to work now,2 months later I was living alone ,rats all left including wife .if only she knew how much I had won .now I am a tight arse ,my new short time gfs get paid for performance.life is good

[Hummin]

11 minutes ago, Wonderfull life said:

I thought I was in a loving relationship,I was supporting wife ,step daughters and mil and fil and sisters, one day they pissed me off whinging that I not give enough ,I had just won a seven figure amount on uk lottery,I said to wife I not have much money now and things need to change ,everyone has to work now,2 months later I was living alone ,rats all left including wife .if only she knew how much I had won .now I am a tight arse ,my new short time gfs get paid for performance.life is good

Could happend your attitude changed with a bigger wallet, and you wanted out to have some fun, and found your way to solve the problem, by excluding them from your life. Just a thought 

 

You never know before the shit hits the fan! And you can blaim everyone else for being greedy, but sometimes you have to take a look at yourselves, and see where did it actually start. Where did it go wrong. In most cases "Hi" where you come from sir", is where your problems starts. 

 

I failed, but god sake I do not blaim my x, If I did, I would not have learned anything, and just went on and did the same again, and ending up with a very low self esteem, and blaiming everyone else for my mistakes. Yes, my mistakes. 

Edited May 19, 2018 by Hummin

[BEVUP]

1 hour ago, atyclb said:

look at the bright side, many can return to their home countries and become gainfully employed as experts in administering public assistance.

& the same situation with Thais (in a sense )

Take the OP who tried to help them with a business - Yep failed (as we know why ), then they just went back & lazed around again (I've seen all this to )

Or they end up with a nice house, blow that through greed by mortgaging to get more (face ) & end back up in the shack

 

But then as other posters have said why not get a middle class women 

That also comes with the fact that most of them would be up to their eyeballs in debt (but at least they may have something in the end to show for it )