Understanding Thai Ladies

[NanLaew]

21 minutes ago, TumblinDice said:

Arent they the ones that are constantly checking up on you? Questioning who every other women is that your talking with? Accusing you of being in love with them, even though it's someone you work with or have known for years, long before meeting said Thai? I've had that happen every time.

Even that last one that left you in the lurch?

[Vacuum]

11 hours ago, TumblinDice said:

As was posted on my post about having Thai relationshops

its time for the LIST!!

 

Her parents

Her self time   Per request i'm including Phone time... actually the phone is always present... but so is mine.

Food

GOLD

Her friends

Her family Dog

Family Buffalo  per request i add this.

IF she has a cat dump her already

Her work

Her coworkers

Her FB

And finally you and don't forget the support! I mean love

 

You most definitely (re) learn the rules to the game being involved with Thai women.

You forgot her 'brother'...

[wwest5829]

On 8/5/2018 at 10:09 AM, worgeordie said:

If you are very unhappy in this relationship,move on,

life's too short to spend it been miserable.

regards worgeordie

Causing me to reflect. I think I have gotten to the point that, while I am more relaxed about life in general (direct result of being retired in Thailand with little to no stress), I can let go of relationships if that is needed. This too is part of being retired in Thailand ... OK, and experience....

[OmarZaid]

Move on ....

[tagalong]

The exact reason I av never married because of all the scams the women here pull...I've been here 20 years n still in the library..

Phuket scam 15m years ago...Oh, darrrrllling, can we go n see my parents....Yes, why not....Off they go into the high parts of Phuket get off the bike n travel by foot for 20 mins...

Of course, it is a ramshackle hut the parents r in....After 3 days they r ready to go back to town n the woman says to the farang,,,,Oh, darrrlling, can u give some money to my poor parents..

Yes, here is Bht10,000...As they leave the parents pack-up also n go back to town the opposite way.....

The shack they were in is rented from a farmer for the sole purpose of scamming any farang...

The scam was found out in a bar with 2 farang exchanging stories...That is when s+++ hit the fan...

Av a nice day...

 

[1FinickyOne]

From what you say, she simply does not like you anymore.... not sure what else needs to be in the equation... ask her if you want, but it seems she won't care if you move on.

[murraynz]

i cant understand why so many men are stupid and  naive ???

im  not talking about 20-30yr olds....we are talking about over 50 yr olds.

surely these men have had some lifes experiences ????

surely they could have a little bit more foresight and protect their future.

being a house with any thai woman  is nutty...unless she can put in 50% also--even then you have little protection.

get real guys--grow up..... its pointless crying later...

most of us have worked 40yrs + to save funds and create income for retirement{which could be another 30yrs}.

why would you risk losing any of this ?????

if the relationship with thai lady is no good unless you give them money---surely it is obvious that its time to move on...

buying a house in thailand,can never be secure for a foreigner....

 

 

 

[malt25]

On 8/5/2018 at 9:54 AM, baansgr said:

Yes but she isnt going to want to sell the house in her village so owning 50% is a moot point

 

I'm sure any divorce judge would consider HIS 50%, entitled him to take everything that wasn't bolted down. I'd be taking, or giving away everything that I had paid for, that could be removed. But, after the anger & all other negative emotion had subsided, I'd settle for something a bit more painful for her. Make sure the divorce was finalized & leak that you had just won several million $$$$ in the lottery. Me thinks that would be agony for her.

But hey, that's just me.

 

[jippytum]

Please re asses your situation you are unhappy .If the same situation was to occur now while still living in Pattaya before buying the house you would end the relationship. You are miserable with the relationship and living in the village .Discuss your feelings re divorce and how you would be entitled to half the value of the house you purchased .If there is no change for the better time to move on . Good luck .

[chilli42]

In my experience, any time you find yourself asking this question it’s because moving on is already overdue overdue.

[4MyEgo]

If there is no physical contact, like a smile and a hug with a kiss first thing in the morning to start your day, I would say your relationship is burnt toast, perhaps time to move on as it cannot be a one way street so to speak.

 

Sounds to me like she got what she wanted and has probably fallen out of love with you and wanting you to move on, like another poster said, take a holiday to where you are on familiar ground, see if she calls you, misses, you, and then you can decide what you want, i.e. if she doesn't call you often, doesn't say she misses you, then time for you to move on.

 

Time heals everything, some people have trouble expressing their real thoughts, like my x back in the land of Oz, she fell out of love with me years earlier, I experienced what your going through, hanging on is not the way to go, best thing I ever did was moved on, repartnered and have found love again, but a much better quality love, much younger too, with a bubbly personality that keeps me feeling younger, mood swings, never !!!

[IAMHERE]

Leave now, you are too old to waste anymore time there. Every week you are losing tumulounces  that you could be using.  Accept the loss or figure out if you can salvage anything but don't waste too much time figuring unless you have spent more than you can afford to lose.

[VBF]

42 minutes ago, chilli42 said:

In my experience, any time you find yourself asking this question it’s because moving on is already overdue overdue.

You beat me to that one.

 

Years ago 2 of my good friends were talking about a relationship in which friend "A"  was involved and asking B for advice:

Friend A: I'm not sure I should stay with this lady - what do you think?
Friend B: If you have to ask me, you already know the answer.

 

I've always remembered that, plus a lovely quote from my dear old Dad, when I was moping about a lady (I was still in my teens at the time)

"Better an empty house than a bad tenant"

 

To the OP - move on and good luck - enjoy yourself, it's later than you think!

Edited August 6, 2018 by VBF

[Jimbo1964]

On 8/5/2018 at 10:26 AM, Igetby said:

Thank you for your reply, it was very re-assuring.  For the record although I have used the term 'partner' we are not married although it has been discussed.   I did not use the term g/f because of our respective ages.

I would also add that if she is disrespecting you in public, then she is making you losing face and as you probably know. Face is very important here and she knows it. 

 

So I agree with many others here, especially the advice given by stephenterry. Sadly time to move on and don't make the same mistakes. Good luck.

[Shouldhaveknownbetter]

Just now, murraynz said:

buying a house in thailand,can never be secure for a foreigner

True but we can minimize the risks.  Using a lease, etc.  But never build in her village.  You will always lose if the relationship bites the dust.  If you can survive 6000 miles from your village she can survive 400 km away. 

[RyanWalker]

Speak about it again with her. If she cannot show you respect, move on mate. It is what it is. Win and learn. See it as an experience that was necessary. 

[moutamine]

Burn the house down and move on friend! Why should she enjoy it with other men while you have to find another place to live?  

Make a example for the other Thai "ladies" of what happens you take a farang for a ride!!

Edited August 6, 2018 by moutamine

[sawadee1947]

leave her, the house and the village. She got what she was working for after 6 long years. Give her the house as overpriced salary and have a free and happy life until the end.

[LivinLOS]

On 8/5/2018 at 9:48 AM, baansgr said:

Shes got her house, no need for you now.

Sadly agree.. 

 

Of course if you decamp and the funds dry up, you may find shes all sweetness again as she follows you to wherever the meal ticket goes. 

If you can handle that after that realisation would be down to you. 

[Toscano]

Join the club !!!  It is a pity you didn't ask this question before building a house and moving to the country .  It is true to say that many Thai women are black and white .  We foreigners are naively taken in by pretty and charming younger Thai women ; when they've got the house or your money , they don't need you anymore .  In the 7 years at Jontiem you should have heeded the red light she warned you with .  Thai women are irrational , so of course their is no understanding them .  My advice , like that of others , is to collect your personal belongings , pack your bags and leave .  Rural life in Thailand can be deadly boring ; you need to return to Jontiem or at least somewhere where there is a bit of life .  I live in N/E Thailand in my wife's house that I have modernized , but I wish that I could live by the sea , swim every day , or sail my own boat .  My opinion is that sex is better paid for short term , that marriage and longterm relationships will be disappointing . The old saying is true " Why buy the loaf when you can have a slice for free " . 

[Jimbo2014]

There are bad eggs and good eggs.  The average marriage in the west lasts about 7 years now.  You made it to 6.  I think dating in thailand is like dating anywhere, not easy to find the right on with whom you are on the same wavelength.  Sounds like this one may be a bad egg.  Look for early signs of something wrong next time and good luck.

[nickmondo]

welcome to Thailand mate.

cut your losses and get out of it, quick

just give her the house, you wont get anything from it even if you take legal action.

dont fall into the trap again either, just have fun.

and remember, a fool is easily parted from his money, so learn from this and move on.

keep your pecker up!

[moutamine]

1 minute ago, nickmondo said:

welcome to Thailand mate.

cut your losses and get out of it, quick

just give her the house, you wont get anything from it even if you take legal action.

dont fall into the trap again either, just have fun.

and remember, a fool is easily parted from his money, so learn from this and move on.

keep your pecker up!

Don't leave her the house... burn the damned thing down!!! 

[thailand49]

On 8/4/2018 at 7:52 PM, Vacuum said:

If they are married, 50% belongs to him.

Before I write a long reply to the poster l'll respond to you.

Would you be saying that if he wasn't a foreigner and the poster was Thai, answer for you no!

Regardless of what the law is and I'm not saying what he or anyone should do but how is she going to afford the lawyer to get the half. 

In this country, Thai men have been running out for decades if not centuries are the women getting half?

 

[Hummin]

I can not see the minefield foreigners stepping in to when live in their village meeting. How to behave respectfull to people, what to do and not do! So many ways to make her ashamed. 

 

Well, Im not saying it happend in this contructed learning tread, but I have seen village foreigners making a fool of themselves, and of course imbaressing their bether half and family. 

 

In many ways, the ladies feeling as much stuck in the shit as well as the men who invest to fast and to much. 

[DJ54]

You up in the Northeast? Familiar story but different singer....

[thailand49]

I have lived with Thais the entire 10 plus years I've been here. I've gone through a bit of what you are going through now and see it happen during my daily routine and it doesn't just happen with foreigners but with Thais men also.  With Thai men, they are so desensitized they don't even see or feel what we westerner see or feel. It has a lot to do with education and manners if that is the proper way to describe it?  What you describe about your partner clearly indicates she has no clue what it takes to make a relationship works, like many lack education that there are alternatives. What they know is what they have seen growing up so acting in this manner is normal to them.

She is lying to herself because as you noted black and white person but she did what she needed like staying with you for 6 years I can safely say she wasn't working and you were providing some funds for her not to work and kept her place until you got the house. Sadly her decision like many she went and stay because there might be a rainbow at the end? In the end, a general opinion and all things being equal people want to be with their own kind.

Naturally, as people become more comfortable with a sense of security the truth always comes out but many of us aren't looking for those signs.

In general, I've found Thais aren't very affectionate and as for not getting it or on join the club. I hear this even from my Thai neighbors about their marriage.

A relationship needs to be built on a foundation and being an ATM the majority of the time it doesn't work especially if the other half feels she doesn't have to change or she thinks she got you wrapped around the finger. I've seen Thai men get the same treatment in public a verbal beat down that is the respect they give the ladies but if they continue in the house and bedroom they get the beat down. 

For myself, there was a time I left but because I made a commitment to my son that I would never abandon him like a Thai man, I took him to school pick him up and spend as much time as I could spend each day with him.  To Thai's this is shocking and I guess I got some respect and she opened up to what I had to say.  It really is about having a foundation and respect regardless of being in Thailand. Our experience and her willingness to listen and try has built the foundation that was lacking in the beginning. Today we are both happier and so is our son.

For your situation, if you are the type that will be bothered with just leaving and leaving her high and dry a few it is worth saving I would find a Monk, A lawyer, an older high respected Thai who can speak English ( pay them and tell them you need for her to understand ) if you do find make sure it is only her and you. The issue of loss of face is big here. After everything, if she doesn't want to understand or care you will see it on her face regardless if she says she cares about you. 

Personally, aside from her, there isn't anything to keep you from leaving like in my case. So clear your chest and if leaving is the decision then you should leave with a clear conscious?  At your age, we are one tick from going down and if she isn't going to change the chance of watching over you is slim and none regardless of her being in her 40's.

As for the house, we all think different I purchased knowing if our relationship didn't work I would never be an Indian giver it wouldn't make a dent in my financial portfolio.

You have done your part, given what you promised that is a small price to pay to gain whatever happiness with whatever time is left. If moving on permanent or temporary only space between you two will you find the answer?

 

Good luck!

Edited August 6, 2018 by thailand49

[TumblinDice]

9 hours ago, NanLaew said:

Even that last one that left you in the lurch?

Yes. Because I had a photo of her on my phone from a school outing, she accused me of being in love with her. Even though they were both friends. 

[Nicebus]

3 hours ago, moutamine said:

Burn the house down and move on friend! Why should she enjoy it with other men while you have to find another place to live?  

Make a example for the other Thai "ladies" of what happens you take a farang for a ride!!

Now we get the advice we were all waiting for.

Petrol and matches . End of problem. Move on , nothing to see here sir.

[Tofer]

22 hours ago, swissie said:

OP is not married. That's the crucial point.
If OP can prove that HE paid for the house, legally the house belongs to the OP, 100%.
If necessary, the house can be sold by court-order. The court proceedings are not overly complicated, but it will still take 2 to 3 years.
Ahhhhh......if only those houses were on wheels!
Cheers.

Depends on the structure of the house, if on stilts / post & pad foundations it could be detached and moved on. I think the USA are big into this, I recall a programme 'monster moves' or similar, wherein the house is loaded on a trailer and relocated to a new plot.

 

However!!! - in a small village I think it would not go unnoticed....

 

Lots of advice on here so far to pack up quietly and move on, probably best to follow that.