Fear is the best laxative known to man.

 

If it wasn't for 'Venetian Blinds' it'd be curtains for everybody.

 

I worship the ground my wife is gonna lie under. 

 

I have a soft spot for my wife. It's a swamp at the bottom of the garden.

6 hours ago, Crossy said:

 

One of the best things in life is unexpected sex in the morning ...

 

Unless you're in prison.

I was browsing in a bookstore and found an English book about unexpected uses for a crowbar.

 

50 Ways to Love Your Lever.

The most unexpected effect of Corona Virus is it changes the taste of the food you eat.

 

Nothing is wrong with your taste buds, it's just that all the kitchen staff have started washing their hands!

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.

 

In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!"

 

The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too.

 

Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

 

10 hours ago, roo860 said:

 

I've had to buy these and 10mm combination spanners by the bag due to contractors "losing" them.

Due to inflation, it now takes three to tango.

Phew, missed this ...

 

 

 

This advert has aged well...