Rod Stewart and Meatloaf - in happier times.

Born on this day in 1972. TV Presenter Claudia Winkleman.

A man walks into a bar with a solemn look on his face,The bartender ask “Whats wrong buddy?” He replies “My wife and her high priced lawyer just cleaned me out in divorce court’. “ Damn lawyers, they’re all A-holes”. The man sitting next to the newly divorced guy says, “ Hey mister, I overheard what you just said and i highly resent your remark” “Why, asked the divorcee, are you a lawyer?”

“No said the man, I’m an A-Hole”

I was sitting at a red light yesterday, minding my own business and patiently waiting for it to turn green, even though there was no oncoming traffic.

A carload of young and very loud red necks, with a Confederate flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car, and a "guns 'n Jesus" slogan spray painted on the side, was stopped next to me.

Suddenly one did a screaming rebel yell, fired his gun in the air and the car took off before the light changed.

Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.

For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man....that could have been me!"

So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.

Do short people start their stores like “When I was little” or do they just say “as I am now?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Puns (un)intended 

 

1. I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now. 

 

2. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. 

 

3. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. 

 

4. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. 

 

5. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.  

6. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired. 

 

7. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye. 

 

8. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. 

 

9. Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils.

 

10. Dad, are we pyromaniacs?
Yes, we arson.

 

11. Why is ‘dark’ spelt with a k and not c? 
Because you can’t 'c' in the dark.

 

12. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? 
Well, because time will tell.

 

13. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.

 

14. I’m trying to organize a hide-n-seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

 

15. I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness!!!

 

Like so many people around the world my wife and i decided to join the "Dry January "

movement.

 

half way thru the month now and i can give you a little update.

This whole dry thing is just a little bit uncomfortable for me but my wife hates it!

She claims it hurts every time!

 

Disclaimer,before you post a confused emoji think about it.

On 1/11/2024 at 2:26 PM, jvs said:

On 1/10/2024 at 6:57 PM, still kicking said:

'I Want to Break Free' (Queen) Performed In North Korea

 

Oh ,the irony.

 

Well, it's an all girl band so credit where credit is due.  At least they're not misogynistic.