Crazy sin sod

[Alainpm]

I was planning to marry a thai nurse, 28 year old. We knew each other sINCE 2017; January 2018 She agreed to leave her work and come and live with be in France the next year (this year 2019..) . i WAS 49 at the time (  january 2018 ). Her aunt (who raised her for most of her childhood) required a 1.000.000 thb sin sod. "Because the girl was the only child and useful to the family". The money was not supposed to be returned to me but be shared between the aunt, the mother and the father of the girl and another aunt. I refused categorically and my gf offered it to be lowered to 700.000. That still was too much to me. Then she said 500.000. I said "'maybe". Then she added 200.000 because she had a mortgage to reimburse for her car . So we were back to 700.000. Magics ! .... Also, 100.000 thb of gold jewellery (18 not 9 carats, she precised) was "indispensable for the wedding day" because without that flashy jewelery she would lose face in front of her family as i would fall in the category of "cheap Charlie", and also our marriage ceremony would look ridiculous. I found this  preposterous lack of   manner obviously shocking   and  due to be an long time  reader of TV testimonies    there was no way i would fall into this trap

I am planning to retire in Thailand within the next 5/10 years, she said we would first live in France then go to Thailand and live in her old Isaan village, (with no farangs around except one Englishman of whom I saw the house but I never met). The local men get drunk every time the can and the evening talks with the locals can rapidely get heated as I experienced one time when talking became increasingly loud. They didn't really appreciate the French wine I had brought, but drank it politely. But they preferred Thai "whissakee" and beer.  I asked my gf : "What will I do there in the village all my time ? "You will have a pool and I will care you everything, I am a nurse".  Spending my poor last decade or so near the pool then face down in it was not my cup of chlorinated water.  I had enough of this farce, and seeing how far it had gone in such no sense and greed, I left the girl although there was good alchemy between us. ...  Cheers all I'm single  !  ????

[Puchaiyank]

They have no shame at demanding money for the services of the girl they raised from childhood...there is also no gratitude for those foolish enough to fall for this form of scam.

 

Don't give me that tradition and culture crap...it is a family shakedown and you have been taken...

[brokenbone]

otoh, you could take out a loan with your house as security for the loan and offer her another 1 million just because

[BritManToo]

Should have just paid her for a 'night' at a time.

[Bob12345]

My wife is a doctor and she was 1 baht "cheaper" (999.999 baht - lucky number BS).
Plus the family returned the money the same day.

 

You did well, and be glad you found out "quickly" how the family sees you.

[Emdog]

Female children are the "family buffalo" here as so many sons are essentially worthless. She has no doubt been sending money home every month to help family. You take her away from employment and possibility of helping family of course they will ask for sin sod. It's not crazy IMO. There is little that could be called a government social safety net here. That is what children are for.  It's the culture, get used to it: you aren't going to change it.

The crazy part is moving to her village (if marriage lasts that long). That would be the deal breaker for me.

[crazykopite]

If I understood you correctly you say you left the girl and that you are single rather than pay what I call is a ransom, if that is correct I say well done at last a foreigner who hasn’t left his brain at the airport of departure . My brother is 40 something , never married , works in Dubai but loves to come to Thailand for a burst every 3 months he loves his Thai woman but not that much to marry them and they love him because he spoils them rotten when he is here . He has recently been attracted to woman from the Philippines so I don’t know what his current plans are but he says he loves there cooking and F - - - - - G so I guess he is a happy guy .

[richard_smith237]

Saving Face for the family ??? Total BS, it’s the Wife’s family trying to hustle you and hide it in culture. 

If they cared only about face the money would be returned to you.

 

I married into a Relatively wealthy Thai family...  Politicians & Dept Primeminister and about 800-1000ppl attended the wedding - it was fairly high profile, hit some of the papers etc... 

 

Sinsot was 400,000 baht & returned. I considered more showing off and vulgar. 

I also had one condition - under the premise that from my culture it’s considered crass to mention money & show off there was to be no mention of the Sin-Sod, it could be briefly displayed at the engagement ceremony as tradition dictates, but no talk or announcement of amounts etc...  that solved any potential face issue....  

 

The in-laws are great and we enjoy a mutually respectful relationship, they pop over to see their grandson a few times a week. 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

What's the question?

It's crazy to spend so much money for an old woman. Don't do it. Case closed.

[Muhendis]

Human trafficking without a doubt. Lock 'em all up.

[Aussieroaming]

Why do you need advise, you left her

[Alainpm]

4 minutes ago, Aussieroaming said:

Why do you need advise, you left her

The "advice needed" words were mistakenly added by those who posted it on the headline. Mai pen rai

[samsensam]

 

good decision.

 

met an ex-gf recently (she wanted some fun despite being married - but that's another story) decently educated girl, medium job in a company, family has land and fruit growing business in chumpon. hadn't seen her for a few years. she told me she was married now and was laughing about her husband, apparently he paid 2.2 million baht to marry her, she says he is a fool and all her family look down on him because he doesn't understand thai culture and they took him for a ride. she says he should have paid 300,00 baht.

 

 

[CharlieH]

So, you had a decent test drive, and decided on a different model. Good call.

[yimlitnoy]

An advice: Dump that girl and find another one when you finally come live to Thailand.  Do not fall for that scam, they will then in time ask for more for reasons that only them know...

[RichardColeman]

I think without knowing a full history of the girl it's hard to discus. Has she any children ? If so 1 million baht would seems 1 million too much. As for taking her to live in another country ? Seriously do not advise it - you think a 28 year old woman will stay with a 50 year old man when she sees the young men her friends are with ? Don't risk it. And ask yourself this, are these drunken Thai men going to pay 1 million sin sod ? 

[Spidey]

On ‎3‎/‎13‎/‎2019 at 11:03 AM, Alainpm said:

Also, 100.000 thb of gold jewellery (18 not 9 carats, she precised)

You kinda gave the game away there. All gold in Thailand is 23 carat, particularly if it's being used as sin sot.

 

No Thai woman would ask for "18 carat". Either your girlfriend's not Thai or you are spinning us a story.

[Kinnock]

At the Sid Sod stage my GF took charge and told her Mother how much she'd be given.  The amount was not high, and was less than the hotel bill, so was not an issue for me.

 

I was then asked to get some cash for ceremonial purposes, and all of this 'show' cash was returned to us on the day.

 

We bought her Mother a nice, but not wildly expensive, gold bracelet, and I bought a gold jewellery set for my partner.  This plus her current gold collection was added to the ceremonial Sin Sod tray on the day.

 

But for me the key issue was that she managed the costs and kept them low, as she saw our assets as 'our' future, and wanted just enough 'show' for the ceremony.   But we'd already been together 7 years, so I knew how it was going to play out.

 

One useful facet of Thai family culture is that if the daughter's new partner has some financial stability and assets that rival the head of the household (in this case her land-owning Mother) then this gives the daughter some extra status points.  She's the youngest daughter, but as my partner she"s now number 2 in the family league table after Mum.  If you've found the right girl, this can work for you, as she can (and does) say 'no' to requests for money. 

 

If it works the other way, and you feel pressured to pay, then you've not got a keeper - so I think the OP did the right thing in staying single.

[Maheber]

Stay far and go away,if you think you can find love with money, very big mistake here.

 

[Alainpm]

On 3/13/2019 at 12:40 PM, Puchaiyank said:

They have no shame at demanding money for the services of the girl they raised from childhood...there is also no gratitude for those foolish enough to fall for this form of scam.

 

Don't give me that tradition and culture crap...it is a family shakedown and you have been taken...

No shame and no gratitude. Right word. Alas... This habit in ingrained deep in the inconscious. Her gaze was empty when i tried  to e'xplain to her so basic commonsense things , like : "If i am good it's not because i am weak (which she thought), if i don't expect anything in return for everything i give doesn't mean i'm not a believer of the principle of reciprocity. (i put it in more simple words for her of course) 

[Alainpm]

14 minutes ago, Spidey said:

You kinda gave the game away there. All gold in Thailand is 23 carat, particularly if it's being used as sin sot.

  

No Thai woman would ask for "18 carat". Either your girlfriend's not Thai or you are spinning us a story.

I don't know anything about gold, sorry.  but she asked for quality gold vs low , and months after that,  in order to write this article and illustrate it, i  looked on internet for reference on gold qualities on a french website. as i didn't remember the exact quality measurements categories in thailand,  she wanted good quality gold that's all. 

[Spidey]

1 minute ago, Alainpm said:

I'm no specialist in gold, but she asked for quality gold, i apologise if there is a mistake in the quality of gold index, she wanted good quality gold that's all. 

There are only 2 qualities of gold in Thailand, fake and 23 carat.

[Alainpm]

3 minutes ago, Spidey said:

There are only 2 qualities of gold in Thailand, fake and 23 carat.

She asked me 750 quality gold not 375 she said.   Never mind 55

[Alainpm]

3 minutes ago, Alainpm said:

She asked me 750 quality gold not 375 she said.   Never mind 55

now i remember

[4MyEgo]

15 minutes ago, RichardColeman said:

I think without knowing a full history of the girl it's hard to discus. Has she any children ? If so 1 million baht would seems 1 million too much. As for taking her to live in another country ? Seriously do not advise it - you think a 28 year old woman will stay with a 50 year old man when she sees the young men her friends are with ? Don't risk it. And ask yourself this, are these drunken Thai men going to pay 1 million sin sod ? 

If the parents are not well off and the daughter is supporting them, then a Sin Sod is important, regardless of losing face, the parents need to survive, however most will spend it quickly as they have never received such a lottery in their lives and will want to show the rest of the village tribe how much Sin Sod they received, be it 200 or 1 million baht.

 

There are many different cultures that have similar, so if one doesn't wish to provide a Sin Sod, well then up to the cheap Charlie, but remember, one has to weigh up what one is getting, i.e. is she going to be taking care of he, or is she going to be working and sending money home to mumma and pappa ?

 

I took my wife of 12 years back home, she is 21 years my junior, younger men never enter her mind, only in fantasy I would imagine and definitely not Thai men...lol, so it all boils down to the girl one is marrying, a good girl (bar girl) or a bad girl (non bar girl), most men meet their wives in shopping centres or through friends of friends, so I am told ????

 

The writer of this post did well to get out when he did, because the power of the pu$$y can really send some pi$$ weak guys to the wall.

 

[Alainpm]

12 minutes ago, Alainpm said:

now i remember

Maybe she didn't master the measurement differences and meant 23 carats,  I don't know. 

[tandor]

3 hours ago, Bob12345 said:

My wife is a doctor and she was 1 baht "cheaper" (999.999 baht - lucky number BS).
Plus the family returned the money the same day.

 

You did well, and be glad you found out "quickly" how the family sees you.

..would Chinese burning money suffice..as it's only symbolic.

[ThaiFelix]

It doesnt matter what you do, you will still be labeled a cheap charlie!  I just tell them to go grow their own money tree!

[chuang]

OP its not a trap, it's Thai culture, you ought to know if you are marrying outside your own kind. 

[Bigz]

2 hours ago, Emdog said:

Female children are the "family buffalo" here as so many sons are essentially worthless. She has no doubt been sending money home every month to help family. You take her away from employment and possibility of helping family of course they will ask for sin sod. It's not crazy IMO. There is little that could be called a government social safety net here. That is what children are for.  It's the culture, get used to it: you aren't going to change it.

The crazy part is moving to her village (if marriage lasts that long). That would be the deal breaker for me.

Well I am quite the opposite. I did move into my fiancee's village, share their house with her mum and I'm content with village life. When it came to sin sod she wanted 200 thousand. I said you don't have to work as long you are with me, I give you every month 10 thousand (a good monthly salary in isan) I buy the all the food and pay the bills + plus the occasional holidays to neighbouring countries, your mother gets free food and no bills to pay so I will not give her a single baht for sin sod - take it or leave it. She and her mum sad ok. Sin sod is a scam if the girl is near 30 and over and if they have kids even worse. They have no value. A Thai man would never pay sin sod for a woman in that age. Don't be fooled with this cultural nonsense. Sin sod happens among Thais if the girl is young, no kids, no previous husbands - otherwise they should consider themselves lucky that someone willing to take them.