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I worry daughter is to generous to Mom and family.


Elkski

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I've got a special gal on my radar.  From Si siket area.  Poor village gal who is 41, has worked at same company in BKK for 17 years.   Company gave us an employment verification letter for a failed visa attempt.  in another thread I asked if I failed Visa attempt is a reason to discard a woman and people laughed at me so I won't go there again.  I think not having 200k+ baht  in savings and her beauty we're probably the reasons. 

 

I am a cautious man. I may be in love but not blind love.  She maybe special but I know there are many to choose from.  She has lived a very austere life mainly due to sending so much to support mom and or family.  She has 3 siblings,  none have government jobs so mom has no government health care.  It seems my gal is only sibling who gives.  She is a non drinker so it makes me sad to see sister drinking.   And mom.  I have not met two brothers.  But one drinks and Gambles.   He has been real sick 2 times with liver failure.   My logic is that my GF pays for this drinking.  This concept seems to go in one ear and out the other.  Her mom also is generous and has cared for two sets of children who's mother was deadbeat.   I guess my girlfriend has contributed to these kids upbringing as well.  Mom does have a farm and cows. 

 

My  concern and question is; if I get serious with this gal  and down the road, mom or some family member has s big hospital bill or something am I going to be expected to support all?  Thai people don't seem to understand finance and retirement planning.  If we do a prenup she might know my assets.  I think it would be hard for a woman like this to understand I will need to keep on a rigid  track to my retirement plans.  I have said I will budget some support for mom like 3000 baht/mo.  In USA she may get a job. Maybe she can make 45000 baht here.  but I told her she will have to pay for gas and car insurance if she gets a job.

I just don't want her sending 100% of her income back home because I rather have her unemployed and spending time with me if that is the case.  It's not easy planning for 35 years of retirement given all the unknowns but the big unknown is the black hole that can be an Isaan family.  

Should I bail?  I have told her several times we will not be able to sacrifice our lifestyle in retirement for family.  She has never seemed to say okay,  I agree,  I understand master.  

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

Edited by Elkski
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1 hour ago, bwpage3 said:

You just really need to understand the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and be on the same page together.

I don't agree with everything you wrote but the last part sums things up perfectly.

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I am seriously thinking about splitting with my Thai wife and dating many of the beautiful Chinese women visiting or living in Bangkok.

 

Relocating to China would not be an issue. At least air quality seems to be better.

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2 hours ago, worgeordie said:

She will always put her family first,and side with them

over you,no matter how deadbeat her sisters and brothers are.

 

regards worgeordie

Never a true word said. OP is in the wrong country for a relationship unless he's prepared to be bled dry by her family, best move on as things will never change, only get worse.

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1 minute ago, baansgr said:

Never a true word said. OP is in the wrong country for a relationship unless he's prepared to be bled dry by her family, best move on as things will never change, only get worse.

 

555     You forgot the R at the end of true which changes the post to mean basically the opposite of what you meant, I believe.    

 

I nevertheless don't agree with your totally negative post.   Showing some generosity and giving some help doesn't necessarily translate to being "bled dry", IMHO.

 

And I was always told to NEVER say NEVER..    555

 

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11 minutes ago, brokenbone said:

there is another solution if you insist on having a thai gf,

get someone considerably richer then you and money wont even become a topic, but that does mean she will only see you on her terms in other ways

She will drop you sooner or later as you are not a good investment.

 

How many posters on TVF have faced the time when they are informed-by word or deed-that they are no longer a "good investment"?

 

The Thai are usually quite brutal about it.

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I have better financial and family options but I am trying kety animal pick.  Luckily my brain is still I'm charge of fact finding and the final choice.  

 

Are those Chinese tourists crackable?  Some days they are the cutest things I see. 

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3 minutes ago, Elkski said:

Are those Chinese tourists crackable?  Some days they are the cutest things I see. 

 

I get a lot of smiles and eye contact even when they are with their boyfriends. Then my wife shows up with her pitbull face, so....

 

If I'm gonna have to try this it's gonna have to be soon before I get too old.

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1 hour ago, Odysseus123 said:

She will drop you sooner or later as you are not a good investment.

 

How many posters on TVF have faced the time when they are informed-by word or deed-that they are no longer a "good investment"?

 

The Thai are usually quite brutal about it.

she is so well off so she didnt need an investment,

but since it was never going to advance from just sex when she felt for it, i eventually dropped it. probably a mistake on my behalf, i cant get any better then that apparently,

and i stopped trying long ago

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3 hours ago, puchooay said:

 

 

Another classic Thai Visa "one size fits all" thread.

 

 

Expats that are in positions and have opinions as quoted above have, sadly, married/lived with the wrong person.

Disagree . My GF is right for me. I am comfortable with her family, who never ask for money. I occasionally shell out for birthdays, not large sums.

There are a few posters on TV who claim they give their Thai wives/GF's nothing. Or their significant other works to support them in idle luxury. I reach for the salt shaker after reading.

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I knew of 30 baht health care for all.  She never mentioned healthcare.  But I heard sometimes the wait can be lengthy and maybe for some illnesses the outcome maybe better at a different facility do I think sometime people choose a non 30 baht facility.    We are talking about this more. 

I guess she has sent 3000-5000 most months.  I guess that is 3-4 dinners out to sacrifice.    I just find it odd that there isn't communication 

Between siblings about a what they give mom. 

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2 hours ago, puchooay said:

But you did say "Farangs will always come second. Get used to it."

 

You need to change the word "always" as I for one do not need to get used to it as it simply is not true in our relationship.

 

Then again I have never called my wife "Thai wife" and she never refers to me as "Farang". That probably has something to do with it.

 

 

I would like to know how you can divine the innermost thoughts of another person. You should be a multi-millionaire if you have that faculty.

My GF and I treat one another with mutual respect. A good foundation for a relationship.

I suppose your opinion will be put to the test when a serious family crisis occurs. Report back after that.

 

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4 hours ago, Pravda said:

 

That's ok. I would rather get dumped by a rich Thai woman (it happened to me already) for being a poor investment than being dumped by a poor Thai woman for stopping her monthly contributions. You'd probably be far ahead if you just dated a better off woman in the first place. 

 

My wife of 4 years has a decent job and doesn't ever ask me for money, but she sure whinges about me being a Cheap Charlie when looking at her friends Facebook posts who apparently did so much better than her. 

 

 

Well said.

 

A very realistic post and certainly one that I can identify with!

 

Keep on truckin'...

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We give 5k a quarter and send 1250 baht of nourishment foods a month.

 

In the future we will provide care and accommodation to them but not on there terms. I doubt they would want to leave there village and there is zero chance of us moving there.

 

My concern is the sister and her BF. Been together 7 years started to ask questions about pregnancy tests recently. Gotta feeling we would have to take care of the child as both work. Im not against it but the terms of such an arrangement would be interesting to hear.

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26 minutes ago, Rc2702 said:

My concern is the sister and her BF. Been together 7 years started to ask questions about pregnancy tests recently.

 Using contraception for 7 years is very mature and responsible for Thailand. 

Do not see why they cannot both work and take care of a child, funds to pay for day care etc...  after the baby is born

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