Need advice on marital situation

[OzFlyer]

Hi all, I've been a lurker for a while and this is my first post. Would really appreciate from advice from the lads on this forum, particularly those who are clued up on the property caper in Thailand.

 

My situation is that I've been married to a Thai lady for 3 years and living in Issan for the last year. Prior to this we were living in Australia and met in Oz and were married in Oz. I am in my 30s so not old enough to retire. I run an online biz from Oz which keeps the income rolling in. We have 2 kids also, both living with us. I don't earn an income in Thailand and don't intend on doing so anyway. Kids are 1 and 2yo.

 

I helped my wife start a biz here in Thailand with about 1MB start up. Money never returned although she is using the income to fund the household. Her parents are well off yet she is constantly asking me for money. God knows where it ends up. She now purchased a property in Thailand for 3MB on a bank loan using her business as collateral (plus her parents house I think, not sure). Now she is asking me for money to help pay that 3MB but I have no intention of living in Issan anymore and want our babies to either move to BKK/Chiang Mai/Phuket to go to a proper school or come back to Australia. Therefore this money spent on this dumb property in Issan is a waste as I am not going to live there long term. She has also threatened me with divorce if I don't pay up despite the fact I have help fund her business, pay all costs associated with children, holidays, food/bills etc. 

 

What is the freakin deal here? Am I just another ATM despite the fact I helped fund her existence in Thailand? What should I do? I eventually need to go back to Australia to solidify my business. There's no future here for me as I can't speak Thai and don't want to be a teacher earning a rubbish salary.

 

 

[blackcab]

Moved to the Horse and Carriage forum.

[Rimmer]

That's the marriage and divorce forum for none Cockney speaking members

[pookondee]

You have done what many others would have avoided at all costs.

That is, marry a Thai and have kids. As long as you are here you are completely trapped.

 

I dont know the answer for your situation.

The only way you will come out unscathed is to do it Thai (man) style, do a runner to Australia and do not look back.

 

Sadly, even when married most Thai women cant understand that money is not a never ending commodity.

 

The thing with you is, being married means you are liable for half the debt she racks up, and she knows it

Thats why she will go on spending spree, buy up assets, businesses etc

knowing they will eventually force you to pay for it all

 

When you run out of money and go home, you cannot take houses, cars and business with you right?

 

Thats when she will sell up and cash in everything you paid out,

and probably do it a 50% loss.

Doesnt matter to them at all as its all free money.

do a runner now while you still have your sanity and money.

 

 

[RJRS1301]

26 minutes ago, pookondee said:

You have done what many others would have avoided at all costs.

That is, marry a Thai and have kids. As long as you are here you are completely trapped.

 

I dont know the answer for your situation.

The only way you will come out unscathed is to do it Thai (man) style, do a runner to Australia and do not look back.

 

Sadly, even when married most Thai women cant understand that money is not a never ending commodity.

 

The thing with you is, being married means you are liable for half the debt she racks up, and she knows it

Thats why she will go on spending spree, buy up assets, businesses etc

knowing they will eventually force you to pay for it all

 

When you run out of money and go home, you cannot take houses, cars and business with you right?

 

Thats when she will sell up and cash in everything you paid out,

and probably do it a 50% loss.

Doesnt matter to them at all as its all free money.

do a runner now while you still have your sanity and money.

 

 

There are two children involved here, and they require consideration in this.

[OzFlyer]

I have money stashed in Oz but I also realise I need to start putting money aside for my future. I don't want to spend spend spend in Thailand and eventually have nothing to show for it. I am well aware I have zero legal rights here. Money put into a 3MB loan is money I will never see again. I know the traps of living in Thailand and helping her set up her business from my POV was just a cost of entry. She does look after the kids and her parents also help out. The problem I have is that legally I don't have a leg to stand on. If we divorce in Thailand, I highly doubt I will be able to get my money back on the cash invested in her business, or any other assets. 

 

I told her there is absolutely no future here in Issan for the kids as I want a proper education for them, willing to spend money for them in a proper school or we go back to Australia. She wants to live next door to her parents. Don't Thai's value education ? All her friends are bums with wealthy parents who fund everything. I know all her friends and not one of them is self made.

[Caledonia Boy]

"Am I just another ATM"?

I'd like to ask the audience. 

[SteveK]

Assuming that she doesn't really love you and the relationship is basically failed, it's a no win situation. Just try not to throw good money after bad. You wouldn't be able to take your kids back to Oz without her say so anyway, so she is the one holding all the cards. 

[OzFlyer]

39 minutes ago, SteveK said:

Assuming that she doesn't really love you and the relationship is basically failed, it's a no win situation. Just try not to throw good money after bad. You wouldn't be able to take your kids back to Oz without her say so anyway, so she is the one holding all the cards. 

 

She is hell bent on staying in Issan. Despises the cities. I can't explain it to her is much simpler terms that the education system in Issan is a joke and akin to child abuse. We need to move to the city. She won't have any of it. The house she purchased was done quite rapidly and before I had a chance to interject it was already sold. She obviously got finance through the business + other means. I noticed her social circles of business owners and rich parents with assets lend money to one another and pay each other via an app. There must be a trust system between them. None of my business really. The house purchase was a joke and means we have to stay put in Issan. I was interested in buying a condo in BKK/Chiang Mai but with her ultimatum, even if I buy there she can definitely claim 50% (maybe more) through a divorce so I won't be spending a single cent in this country. Even if she does agree to move for the sake of our childrens' education, how can I ignore such an ultimatum and I am sure there will be another one down the track anyway when things flare up.

 

How would you play it? Easy to say divorce but there are 2 kids involved. I think if I do a runner to Australia the next time I will see them is when they are adults and by then they would have been brainwashed into thinking I am a delinquent father.

[Kwasaki]

1 hour ago, Caledonia Boy said:

"Am I just another ATM"?

I'd like to ask the audience. 

Whether he is or not he should be a father best he can to the kids that just doesn't mean he has to throw money away on them just make sure there provided for and go see em.

[madmen]

let me get this straight your both Australian citizens or are able to live there full time and your wife insists on living in Issan?

[Puchaiyank]

Sadly, she may be getting advise as to how to milk you for all you are worth...

 

If the relationship can not be salvaged, cut her loose and salvage what money you can...

 

Gratitude is in short supply in Thailand...

[Enki]

2 hours ago, pookondee said:

The thing with you is, being married means you are liable for half the debt she racks up, and she knows it

No, he is not. There is no country in the world where one partner in a marriage is liable for the other partners debts.

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

3 hours ago, OzFlyer said:

She has also threatened me with divorce if I don't pay up despite the fact I have help fund her business, pay all costs associated with children, holidays, food/bills etc. 

 

I'd take her up on that offer... under the circumstances you describe!

 

[Chazar]

3 hours ago, blackcab said:

Moved to the Horse and Carriage forum.

Surely the nodding donkey forum would be better?

[BestB]

Keep in mind you married in Oz, which means you have nothing and she will get everything. Her Thai debt are nothing in comparison what to come if she filed for divorce in Australia. Paying for kids education would be peanuts in comparison what you would have to pay for another 16 years in support by Oz standards not Thai standards 

[GarryP]

5 minutes ago, Enki said:

No, he is not. There is no country in the world where one partner in a marriage is liable for the other partners debts.

Assets and debts acquired during marriage are considered joint property in Thailand.  As a result, many Thais, particularly business people, do not register their marriages to avoid this very issue.  

[BestB]

Just now, GarryP said:

Assets and debts acquired during marriage are considered joint property in Thailand.  As a result, many Thais, particularly business people, do not register their marriages to avoid this very issue.  

I believe he said married in Oz so whatever is his will be hers , irrespective when it was acquired 

[CharlieH]

You need to seek professional guidance mate, she has stitched you up in many directions from what I have read here.

I would even go so far as to say she has been "coached".

 

Go talk to a legal professional and dont hang around, get the facts, know your your options, make an exit plan, you may need it quicker than you think, if not, it wont hurt on the back burner while you work through it.

[seajae]

someone can correct me if I am wrong but when my wife takes a loan I have to counter sign as her husband even though it is just in her name. When I queried this she informed me it is thai law that the husband needs to sign the agreement as well, same with transfer of land etc( both just recently twice  for our land and the bank loan), my signature was needed to make it official. If you didnt sign off on the loan/land etc then it may have not been done legally

Edited July 5, 2019 by seajae

[GarryP]

14 minutes ago, Enki said:

No, he is not. There is no country in the world where one partner in a marriage is liable for the other partners debts.

 

5 minutes ago, BestB said:

I believe he said married in Oz so whatever is his will be hers , irrespective when it was acquired 

Enki stated as above and hence my reply. The issue was debts. 

[Lacessit]

6 minutes ago, BestB said:

Keep in mind you married in Oz, which means you have nothing and she will get everything. Her Thai debt are nothing in comparison what to come if she filed for divorce in Australia. Paying for kids education would be peanuts in comparison what you would have to pay for another 16 years in support by Oz standards not Thai standards 

Incorrect. It's a 50:50 split of assets, although the presence of children means the ongoing support will go further her way in Oz, as mothers usually get custody.

Thai law differs in that the split is 50:50 of assets accumulated AFTER marriage. Again, kids are a complication in both Australian and Thai courts.

There are good Thai women, and bad Thai women. IMO the OP has copped a bad one, and needs very good legal representation.

 

[BestB]

5 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

Incorrect. It's a 50:50 split of assets, although the presence of children means the ongoing support will go further her way in Oz, as mothers usually get custody.

Thai law differs in that the split is 50:50 of assets accumulated AFTER marriage. Again, kids are a complication in both Australian and Thai courts.

There are good Thai women, and bad Thai women. IMO the OP has copped a bad one, and needs very good legal representation.

 

Yeah and that is why most if not all

men in Oz end up with almost nothing because according to you it’s 50/50. 

 

Plus her legal fees of few hundred thousand on top and child support ????

[Lacessit]

2 minutes ago, BestB said:

Yeah and that is why most if not all

men in Oz end up with almost nothing because according to you it’s 50/50. 

 

Plus her legal fees of few hundred thousand on top and child support ????

It's been 50:50 for me - twice. Guess I'm just lucky.

[BestB]

1 minute ago, Lacessit said:

It's been 50:50 for me - twice. Guess I'm just lucky.

Yeah my cousins husband also paid 50:50 and her legal bill of $700000-$800000

[ratcatcher]

None of our business, but what was your wife from Isaan doing in Australia when you met her?

What was her job or was she a "tourist"? 

[Lacessit]

1 minute ago, BestB said:

Yeah my cousins husband also paid 50:50 and her legal bill of $700000-$800000

Irony is evidently lost on you.

[FarFlungFalang]

Maybe you could play nice and get her to go to Australia on some pretext where you might be in a much better position,but that would require research on your legal option in Oz.Also what nationality are the kids?Not that I want to know but that might have some legal bearing on your situation.

Edited July 5, 2019 by FarFlungFalang
Additional text.

[SteveK]

If you think that she will bring up the children properly and take care of them in your absence, then I'd preserve as much of my assets as possible and leave. Stopping for a week in Bangkok on the way home to de-stress. Let her rack up what she wants, if you can afford to cut your losses then you are the one in the driving seat, I'd love to see a Thai company try and chase you in Oz for a debt incurred by your estranged wife.

[BestB]

7 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

Irony is evidently lost on you.

Yeah, I do not fall for bs easily