Has the sexpat scene totally destroyed the dating scene for 20s-30s farang? (Younger guys not getting any love in Thailand due to negative association)

[Genmai]

There's been a number of posts made on TV about the supposed availability of eager beautiful Thai women who flock to farangs. Indeed this seems to be an important deciding factor for expats who move to Thailand. But upon reading the stories in detail some common trends tend to emerge. Often the relationship is a straightforward pay-for-play or a variation where the significantly older gentleman (60s) is expected to provide financially for the significantly younger lady (30s). Indeed, oftentimes it seems the stereotype is a lady in her 30s or 40s, has a kid or two, has been burnt by a no-good Thai husband and is looking to date an older farang instead. Or just a straight up BG stuff.

 

Now, there's nothing at all wrong with any of that. But what about the young(er) guys here in their 20s and 30s looking to date "normal" women in their age bracket? 

 

I ask because as a caucasian dude in early 30s who's been here for several years I've been finding it impossible to get any sort of positive attention from Thai girls around my age. I check all the basics (dress clean, tall, cut hair and shave, good body and oral hygiene, not particularly weird or fat or anything) and the puzzling thing is that I still do better with women back in Europe and the West. Even in places like Japan and Korea which are notoriously difficult for foreigners I'm still getting way more attention than in BKK or CM. (btw I'm not bragging, just adding those details in for the sake of explanation - and wondering if others are in the same boat). Admittedly my Thai is very basic but even with overseas-educated Thai women who speak good English I'm still getting no traction at all. Keeping a conversation going is like squeezing blood from a stone and if I stop there's 0 attempt on their side at reciprocating or asking any questions. This is both online and off. Nobody has yet told me explicitly to **** off but the weird feeling of "why is he talking to me" is always there, even if the other person is a mutual acquaintance. Nothing of the sort happens in any other country I've ever been to with this severity. This goes without saying - but interactions with Thai men are just as sour.

 

It's really odd to the point where I'm starting to wonder if voodoo curses might be at work here. Like I don't think I've ever managed to get a 7/11 girl to smile in 4 years. Mostly they just say "xx baht" and look away impatiently. If I try and throw out something funny or ask a question half of the time they will stare into space and the other half will start wrinkling their face until it looks like a shriveled anus, followed by an exasperated "huh?" or "arai?" 

 

Like what the hell, seriously, what is going on here? I've lived in other Asian countries for a long time so I'm no stranger to speaking slowly, clearly with easy words. So it can't be that. Am I not grinning wide enough? Not upbeat enough? Is everyone in BKK and CM just jaded as hell towards foreigners?

 

My suspicion is that the younger generation are painfully aware of the stereotypical dark skinned Issan bar girl whoring herself out to pervy foreign grandpas and want to avoid the association with foreign men at all costs. Within my social circle the only young Thai-farang couples I know of live outside of Thailand. 

 

Are there guys here in their 20s and 30s who have had similar experiences? Do I have to be an aging pot bellied sugar daddy to get sum luving here?

[tgw]

I had the feeling you were way too serious for Thai girls, so I checked your post history and I *think* my first impression was confirmed.

 

[Scott]

Interesting.   I've worked with a lot of farangs, all the way from one as young as 19 (and technically shouldn't have been working), up to their 70's.   The young guys tended to be quite good looking.   They came from everywhere, but the last several years it was most commonly from South Africa.  

 

I'd say about 40% of them were in a relationship/dating a Thai girl and the rest seemed to have better luck with Western girls.   I know the ones with Thai girlfriends had what seemed to be more trouble.  

 

The older guys I worked with always seemed to find someone, but I suspect that had more to do with money or security than anything else.  

 

[Genmai]

2 minutes ago, tgw said:

I had the feeling you were way too serious for Thai girls, so I checked your post history and I *think* my first impression was confirmed.

 

I can assure you I'm only a raging sh!tlord on the internet ????

My real-life discussions are strictly vanilla and certainly don't involve toxic opinionated analyses of a cultural nature.

I'm also no more or less serious with Japanese/Korean/Taiwanese women and they certainly don't seem to mind. Are you suggesting I should dumb it down a bit when talking with Thai girls? What topics are good/bad? I usually talk about food, where I've been that day and what she's up to, etc, pretty standard blah blah stuff.

[tgw]

8 minutes ago, Genmai said:

I can assure you I'm only a raging sh!tlord on the internet ????

My real-life discussions are strictly vanilla and certainly don't involve toxic opinionated analyses of a cultural nature.

I'm also no more or less serious with Japanese/Korean/Taiwanese women and they certainly don't seem to mind. Are you suggesting I should dumb it down a bit when talking with Thai girls? What topics are good/bad? I usually talk about food, where I've been that day and what she's up to, etc, pretty standard blah blah stuff.

Yes, sure dumb it down!

At least until you are sure she can keep up and also enjoys clever talk. most don't.

In my experience, Thai girls are pretty direct, in some cases I have seen university girls hitting on guys, happened to me too despite a large age gap.

When I read about " Keeping a conversation going " in your post, I thought uh uh, he's boring them.

You might have more success by being more direct, keep it simple and ... KISS principle !

In short, have a plan and make it happen soon. Most lose interest quickly.

Hello - smile - check if smile back - what's your name - you are beautiful - do you have a boyfriend - oh wow, would you like to have coffee... as simple as that, but YMMV.

The "usual blah blah stuff" is very boring for most Thais.

 

[Samui Bodoh]

Respectfully, you seem to looking outward instead of looking in.

 

I don't 'check all the boxes'; I could lose a few pounds, I usually wear cargo shorts, only my mother thinks that I am handsome, and I am... er... ah... a bit weird. That said, I find it very easy to date Thai women, I get (on an irregular basis) women who I think are out of my league, and I almost always have a laugh with the 7-11 girls.

 

In my experience, a smile and some good humour are all that is needed here.

 

It is hard to discern any reasonable insight into your character from a post or two, but i'll do it regardless; you are the problem and you need to relax and not be too serious (sorry).

 

It is that easy.

 

Chill.

 

 

[sunnyboy2018]

If you refer to yourself as a farang then you are a loser. It is not polite

A person from a different country

ชาวต่างชาติ..

Chaw chang Chati

is the polite term.

Anway you should be paying for sex in Thailand not trying to get it for free unless you are on the marriage route.

 

[PatOngo]

You are too young, it should get better when your in your forties.

[Puchaiyank]

Do I have to be an aging pot bellied sugar daddy to get sum luving here?

 

Young Thai women know what sugar daddys are here for.

 

Your intentions are suspect!  You may think of yourself as a grand prize of great value and therefore should not have to cough up any baht for your night of young lady entertainment...

 

One thing all ages of Thai women understand...the value of their sweet spot!  

 

????

[ezzra]

Methink the allure of dating a foreigner has waned quite a lot over the years, as Thai men had a bad names as womanizers and drunks, so the local ladies tended to look elsewhere, now with the new thai metrosexual types with money and a bit more respect, maybe the local gals are back to their folds, who really knows?...

[GinBoy2]

Oh come on, get real.

 

In 80% of cases the older sexpat community is focussed on poor bargirls, who regardless of the age difference, will 'love' you regardless of how old, how fat, how stupid you are, so long as the money keeps flowing.

 

If you are are young farang, sorry to say, normal dating rules as who would expect in your home country apply.

 

 So I'd just bone up on your pickup skills, and stay out of hooker bars, the sexpat scene has little or no impact on 'normal' relationships

[Skallywag]

3 hours ago, sunnyboy2018 said:

Anway you should be paying for sex in Thailand not trying to get it for free unless you are on the marriage route.

Haha.  I agree.  Yes.  Wait till you have real money and a pension to date a "regular" girl, then marry her, have babies, build her a house, and live happily ever after.

[Skallywag]

 

[Grumpy John]

Without more information I would have to say it's you that is the problem.  Unless more evidence is presented, I rest my case.

[Grumpy John]

3 hours ago, Skallywag said:

Haha.  I agree.  Yes.  Wait till you have real money and a pension to date a "regular" girl, then marry her, have babies, build her a house, and live happily ever after.

"and live happily ever after"  Are you sure about that???

[NanLaew]

The existential angst of the newbie farang in LOS.

 

8 hours ago, Genmai said:

Admittedly my Thai is very basic but even with overseas-educated Thai women who speak good English I'm still getting no traction at all. Keeping a conversation going is like squeezing blood from a stone and if I stop there's 0 attempt on their side at reciprocating or asking any questions. This is both online and off. Nobody has yet told me explicitly to **** off but the weird feeling of "why is he talking to me" is always there, even if the other person is a mutual acquaintance.

Try not licking your eyebrows and let us know how you get on.

[Denim]

Has the sexpat scene totally destroyed the dating scene for 20s-30s farang? (Younger guys not getting any love in Thailand due to negative association)

 

Only if you are not attractive and are an English teacher .

[Fex Bluse]

There have been many challenges to Falang-Thai relationships. Some of them include:

- Xenophobia of average Thais

- Socio-economic levels of average Farang 

- Advanced ages of average Farang 

- High availability of inexpensive transactional sex with Thai women 

- Chinese cultural traits that dominate much of the common Thai cultural landscape 

- Disinterest of average Farang to integrate into Thai culture 

 

These relationships were never meant to be and we'll see far fewer of them going forward.

 

The Chinese have arrived to displace all Farang. ???????? 

[NanLaew]

Just now, Denim said:

Has the sexpat scene totally destroyed the dating scene for 20s-30s farang? (Younger guys not getting any love in Thailand due to negative association)

 

Only if you are not attractive and are an English teacher .

Agreed. If the OP has no mojo, he needs to pay.

[Tayaout]

I'm in my 30s. Never any issue finding someone online and got also many cue from service girl at 7/11, shop or even office/bank staff. Never had any issue dating in my life but I would say it's a lot easier in Thailand compared to Canada. I have no clue what your problem is. 

[richard_smith237]

It's the same here as in any country - it all comes down to how much 'game' you have.

 

One big advantage here is to have a Male Thai friends, this then shows you are here long term, you may be introduced to people etc or simply conversation naturally opens up with people / girls nearby (when you are in a bar or restaurant etc). 

 

In my 20's and 30's I dated plenty of women from decent backgrounds (flight attendants TG, JAL, JetStar, Interior Designer, Lawyer, Insurance Sales and UniGirls in my early 20's) - in short there were plenty of educated, financially independent women of the same age who were open to dating 'once' we had talked, relaxed and enjoyed each others company - its a slower game here, but meeting women of mutual socio-economic status is incredibly easy, especially if you are in no rush. 

 

 

The 'double-stigma' always exists in Thailand (i.e. is she 'easy'?, does she think I think she is 'easy', does he think I am 'easy', does she think I am here for 'easy women' etc etc) - but two intelligent people will see through this and respond accordingly. If a woman is not open minded enough and suspects all foreigners of being here to date easy women then I'd suggest they are not really smart enough to date anyway.

 

In the past have dated two women who from the offset expressed reservations about dating a foreigner, both were from wealthy family backgrounds and had concerns of how their family and friends may view their relationship with a foreigner. After a couple of dates they overcame the 'stigma' and were willing to enter a relationship with a foreigner. I'm now married to one of them. 

 

 

 

 

[BritManToo]

8 hours ago, Genmai said:

Now, there's nothing at all wrong with any of that. But what about the young(er) guys here in their 20s and 30s looking to date "normal" women in their age bracket? 

Normal women want money too.

Never met a single woman who ever 'dated down' anywhere in the world.

If you don't have money, or looks, or fame, or drugs, or a nice house, you're destined to be single.

 

You're probably a bit dull, not that aggressive, and don't seem to be willing to spend money.

Try buying and wearing an expensive gold chain or bracelet, that often works as a lure.

Most Thai ladies can value your transport, shoes and accessories in 10 seconds.

[bbi1]

8 hours ago, Genmai said:

 

Quote

 

I ask because as a caucasian dude in early 30s who's been here for several years I've been finding it impossible to get any sort of positive attention from Thai girls around my age. I check all the basics (dress clean, tall, cut hair and shave, good body and oral hygiene, not particularly weird or fat or anything) and the puzzling thing is that I still do better with women back in Europe and the West. 

 

Post a pic of yourself here then we all can give our thoughts on any physical things that might be turning these women off. As a youngish dude I never had any problems in the past.

[bbi1]

20 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

One big advantage here is to have a Male Thai friends, this then shows you are here long term, you may be introduced to people etc or simply conversation naturally opens up with people / girls nearby (when you are in a bar or restaurant etc).

 

Some Thai girls don't want any foreigner living her long term. They say he has many choices here. They prefer tourists who come here for a few weeks every year and go back to live in their home country for a relationship with. Sounds absolutely stupid, I know!!

[metempsychotic]

6 hours ago, ezzra said:

Methink the allure of dating a foreigner has waned quite a lot over the years, as Thai men had a bad names as womanizers and drunks, so the local ladies tended to look elsewhere, now with the new thai metrosexual types with money and a bit more respect, maybe the local gals are back to their folds, who really knows?...

honestly now, how could you even begin to pretend you are in a position to know this.

[richard_smith237]

6 minutes ago, bbi1 said:

28 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

One big advantage here is to have a Male Thai friends, this then shows you are here long term, you may be introduced to people etc or simply conversation naturally opens up with people / girls nearby (when you are in a bar or restaurant etc).

 

Some Thai girls don't want any foreigner living her long term. They say he has many choices here. They prefer tourists who come here for a few weeks every year and go back to live in their home country for a relationship with. Sounds absolutely stupid, I know!!

 

I think we are discussing vastly different 'standards' of women...  you seem to be discussing  women interested in income stream from a foreigner and I'm discussing financially independent women of similar socio-economic-educational status.

[brokenbone]

ime, you need to meet them at their work,

and come by every now and then.

eventually they will pick YOU up

[scorecard]

8 hours ago, Genmai said:

I can assure you I'm only a raging sh!tlord on the internet ????

My real-life discussions are strictly vanilla and certainly don't involve toxic opinionated analyses of a cultural nature.

I'm also no more or less serious with Japanese/Korean/Taiwanese women and they certainly don't seem to mind. Are you suggesting I should dumb it down a bit when talking with Thai girls? What topics are good/bad? I usually talk about food, where I've been that day and what she's up to, etc, pretty standard blah blah stuff.

You need a hobby...

 

[metempsychotic]

you very seriously must be doing something wrong.

easiest way to meet someone however is through a mutual peer group, mutual friends.

I know many people 30 to mid 40s who have thai partners, all those partners have friends. 

 

a couple dinner parties or days out and if you are not a complete dud you are in.

"normal" thai women like to get a feel for who, how you are in a natural setting, if you come off as loner looking for love, they wont come near you.

you mention a social circle, but don't know any couples within that circle. this just says you are doing it wrong.

[andy72]

buying your cigarettes and rolling papers together is always a no no
and weed leaves a lingering odor

 

a face only a mother could love

 

your giving off gay signals

 

you know desperation is setting in when you've started on the 7-11 girls

 

you know desperation has set in when you ask TV for dating advice, its like asking your grandpa how to pick up girls

 

are you shorting above your pay grade

read here try again