My girlfriends job

[Davo369]

Op, get yourself one of these. Plenty of deals going around. 

Don't get the high end models, they answer back. 

Go mid range. Good luck 

 

[MrMilk]

12 minutes ago, steven100 said:

so let me get this straight .....  you want a gf who will be with you and sleep with you and have a future with you but you don't want to support her with the running costs and anything to do with the land. 

 

hmmm .....  i think I've got it right ....    sounds like you want a gf that won't cost you anything. imo

Not correct at all.

 

I have given her as much as I can, but I simply can not afford to continue doing so. That said, give me something back and I will try my best to make it happen

 

We are both same same when it comes to age, appearance, status. Why do I have to empty my pockets for her company? 

Edited April 25, 2020 by MrMilk

[473geo]

How do people think they can participate in a game of doubles from a seat in the stands?

[Tie Dye Samurai]

Actually since the OP has divulged that the girls family has money and land...if I was a Thai parent with money and land and my daughter was with an expat...giving her a plot of land, staying out of it and seeing how the relationship holds up would be a very good test. If they are in it for the long haul, they will work it out one way or the other. And if they dont....well the land is still in the family anyhow, isn't it?

 

You are being tested and vetted...

[The Word]

6 minutes ago, MrMilk said:

Why do I have to empty my pockets for her company? 

Why?  Because that's the way women work, ultimately.  That's everywhere, not just in Thailand.

 

A different question, in the circumstances, would be, "why do you have to have her company?"

Edited April 25, 2020 by The Word

[473geo]

5 minutes ago, MrMilk said:

Not correct at all.

 

I have given her as much as I can, but I simply can not afford to continue doing so. That said, give me something back and I will try my best to make it happen

 

We are both same same when it comes to age, appearance, status. Why do I have to empty my pockets for her company? 

Because when the chips are down you find out out who really cares?

[Tagged]

19 minutes ago, The Word said:

There's a lot more to it than trees and fertilizer, as he explained in the OP...

"...digging, planting, water system, plants...600 in diesel 3 times a week for watering, 200 in diesel for the car back and forth 6 times a week, workers a 1200 5-6 times a month..."

 

"What is the plan with the land? When do she plan to have any returns?"

In his OP he said 4-5 years, so he probably means 4-5 years.

All depends on how big land is. I have been dikes and digging pond, making watersystem, rented tractor, buying tanks, borehole, 200 Yang Na, 100 fruit trees, vegetable garden, fish, shrimps, and it is not that expensive.

 

Fertilizer 5000 a month? 600 in diesel a week? Fear enough to ask how big the land is, or what ? Just to get the whole picture if she taking him for a ride or not. If big land, good plan, and so on, he should take more responsibillity if he want to keep her as a gf and future wife. She is checking if he is serious or not, and I can understand so if she is genuin, and have a solid plan. 

Edited April 25, 2020 by Tagged

[Kinnock]

There's two possibilities here.

 

1. GF's family see you as future spouse, they are trying to set you two up with a future income generator, you are both supposed to put in some effort and investment to earn the return.

 

2. You have been hooked and they are reeling you in.

 

Option 1 is more common than the TV cynics would have you believe - but if this was the case, I'd not expect to see you asking strangers for advice - as your future wife should be your trusted business partner.

 

Thai people are not usually good at business plans, so if it's Option 1, help them develop a plan with a proper ROI target, and put your mind at rest.

 

But if It's option 2 - then take the advice of the posters above - the value of 'hotness' has suffered some deflation of late, so rent a hotter one at a better rate of return.

[CharlieH]

Sadly same old song , slight change to lyrics is all.

 

This was manouvered, either accept it, deal with it, or get the hell out.

 

If it was me, I would be making plans for withdrawal from that relationship.

[jvs]

17 minutes ago, MrMilk said:

Why do I have to empty my pockets for her company? 

Did you ask her?

 

[steven100]

6 minutes ago, MrMilk said:

Not correct at all.

 

I have given her as much as I can, but I simply can not afford to continue doing so. That said, give me something back and I will try my best to make it happen

 

We are both same same when it comes to age, appearance, status. Why do I have to empty my pockets for her company? 

I hear what your saying .....    

you have to ask yourself, do you want to continue with her and build a future together ? 

if the answer is yes, then you have to sit down with her and explain that you cannot afford to pay for the land operational costs ....  explain you can help a little but you already provide for rent, food and house expenses. Try to come to a mutual understanding,  see if mama will loan her some until harvest comes. 

It's a tricky situation to be in, however you have to be fair and supportive ... without being taken for a ride. 

I think at thirty years old, you haven't had a long enough work income time to save a sufficient amount to do those kind of things, where as a fifty or sixty yr old would most likely have.

I suspect you may be an english teacher ... ?  but forgive me if i'm wrong. 

The reason I ask is because teaching in Thailand does not provide substantial income and one could certainly not save from it. 

[Don Mega]

Around every corner, a cheap charlie is there.

 

 

[MrMilk]

7 minutes ago, Tie Dye Samurai said:

Actually since the OP has divulged that the girls family has money and land...if I was a Thai parent with money and land and my daughter was with an expat...giving her a plot of land, staying out of it and seeing how the relationship holds up would be a very good test. If they are in it for the long haul, they will work it out one way or the other. And if they dont....well the land is still in the family anyhow, isn't it?

 

You are being tested and vetted...

This is what I been thinking too. And what I chose to believe until recently.

 

She talks about getting married, making a family, and building a house at the land where we can live.

She wants us to do it as soon as possible. Not a doubt in my mind that she actually wants all those things with me.

Her mom too been asking and discreetly pushing about this now and then.

I am the one that been holding back for soon a year now about marriage.

I am not in a rush to get married. I am not in a rush to live on her land 5 min away from her family.

[Matzzon]

48 minutes ago, MrMilk said:

I can confirm 100% no money is being pocketing. The reason I can do that is because I have the "pleasure" of going with her weekly to help her too! The expenses are real.

 

The problem here is that the job is being done the wrong way. There is no chance that it can cost this much if the land is not gigantic. One poster asked you, but you never answered how big it really is. How many rai are we talking about?

How many people is really needed working? Most of the time land owners get lazy and need many people working because they do not want to do it themself. Especially if she comes from a rich family. However, I do think it´s many in the family or friends that are working. That´s many times because they want to help their family and friends. Not because they need to be that many.

You also talk about diesel fuel  for watering and going back and forth. No need to go and look at the land everyday. I suppose it is rubber plantation because you have to wait 4-5 years before it gives the first money. During that waiting time there is not that much to do. Fertilizer is not needed every month.

The fact is that the money she had regarding the couple of hundred thousand baht, would have been enough for waiting all these years to get paid. Somewhere down the line you might think that everything is above board. The reality sucks. You are being taken for a big ride here! 

Yeah unless you are talking a gigantic piece of land, like in the class of 150-300 rai

[Kinnock]

40 minutes ago, Davo369 said:

Mr milk... your getting milked...

..... If he's lucky

[MrMilk]

Its around 300 durian trees

[Logosone]

Oh but she never asked for a penny during the first year.....

 

Look first of all, if you're in your thirties your Thai gf/wife should be 18-24. Tops. When you're 45 your wife can't be 45. Just can't. 

 

Use foresight here.

 

This is a perfect reason to get the hell out. A golden opportunity. Yes, in Asia it's common for women to hold the view that the man 'has to take care of her', financially speaking. Oddly this only applies to Westerners, not Thai men, but it's there. I've financed everything from cows to mother's eaves, don't ask. This only ever gets worse, not better, listen to what Britmantoo is telling you, once you start it only gets worse. All the time. It's the slippery slope. 

 

So here's what you do, you tell her that you will not continue to fund this. See how she reacts. If she accepts your decision, you can consider keeping her. If she starts to disrespect you and kick up a fuss you show her the door. It's hard. But it's for the best.

 

Think of all the 18-24 year olds waiting for you.

Edited April 25, 2020 by Logosone

[473geo]

1 minute ago, MrMilk said:

Its around 300 durian trees

Sounds good to me

 

But your story is expanding into 'I don't like the way this is going' rather than about a little support for your girlfriend.

[Enoon]

10 minutes ago, MrMilk said:

 

I am the one that been holding back for soon a year now about marriage.

I am not in a rush to get married. I am not in a rush to live on her land 5 min away from her family.

 

Which makes your reluctant "investment" even crazier.

 

If you were "committed" and it was decent sized farm it would make sense.

 

At the moment it just sounds like you've really screwed up.

 

 

Edited April 25, 2020 by Enoon

[petermik]

7 hours ago, MrMilk said:

Its around 300 durian trees

I,ve just seen this thread and like many others with plenty of experience on life and loves here I have to agree....walk away....tell her no more money pack your bags when she,s out of the way and get the hell out...unless you want to be a mug for the rest of your life

[Don Mega]

In the bedroom, does she wear a strap-on ?

[holy cow cm]

So again. How big is the land? And is she willing to share 50/50 with you? And what would you possibly be growing? And when you get married, how much does mommy want? Takes 2 to Tango.

[KhunFred]

Cut her loose and burn all your bridges. This woman is POISON.  I had a similar situation except my girl had nothing but a lousy job making nine thousand baht a month. I was her personal ATM for about two years. Once she ran my budget into a ditch and the money stopped coming in, she dropped me like a hot potato. Thai women are not worth the price you pay, unless they are professionals. Better to stick with pay for play.

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, MrMilk said:

and still keep my girlfriend?

Why would you want to keep such a woman?

[MrMilk]

It feels like I am dealing with a kid when I try to seriously talk to her about it.

 

I sit her down and explain to her the amount of money and time I put into her land. How it starting to get difficult for me to continue doing this.

She shrug me off with idiot comments like "you think 600 in diesel is so much. Why you have to be like this??!!" 

I ask her "do you know how much you spend every month only in diesel?" 

And the fight has began.

 

She already left the room yelling and screaming by the time I take out a piece of paper and start adding the monthly expenses together.

[BritManToo]

11 minutes ago, MrMilk said:

Its around 300 durian trees

Give us a ballpark number for your monthly spend on her land ......

5k/month, 10k/month, more?

[MrMilk]

14 minutes ago, 473geo said:

Sounds good to me

 

But your story is expanding into 'I don't like the way this is going' rather than about a little support for your girlfriend.

Correct. I dont like how this develop.

It feels like this is just going to get worse and worse. If I get her pregnant and live in a house on her land then I have to deal with this for the rest of my life.

If she is not able to meet me halfway now why would she even bother when she knows I cant go anywhere.

[MrMilk]

15 minutes ago, holy cow cm said:

So again. How big is the land? And is she willing to share 50/50 with you? And what would you possibly be growing? And when you get married, how much does mommy want? Takes 2 to Tango.

50-50, are you insane?

I would be more than happy with 25% or 20% or 15%. It doesn't really matter. Just want to hear and know that I get something back from all this frustration.

At the end of the day I would much rather be left out of everything involving her work. But that seems impossible

[473geo]

2 minutes ago, MrMilk said:

It feels like I am dealing with a kid when I try to seriously talk to her about it.

 

I sit her down and explain to her the amount of money and time I put into her land. How it starting to get difficult for me to continue doing this.

She shrug me off with idiot comments like "you think 600 in diesel is so much. Why you have to be like this??!!" 

I ask her "do you know how much you spend every month only in diesel?" 

And the fight has began.

 

She already left the room yelling and screaming by the time I take out a piece of paper and start adding the monthly expenses together.

But the plan is sound, and the set up and maintenance expense is required to get the show on the road.

Why does she get frustrated, because the only way now to cut expense would be let the trees die!!!

[BritManToo]

3 minutes ago, MrMilk said:

It feels like I am dealing with a kid when I try to seriously talk to her about it.

 

I sit her down and explain to her the amount of money and time I put into her land. How it starting to get difficult for me to continue doing this.

She shrug me off with idiot comments like "you think 600 in diesel is so much. Why you have to be like this??!!" 

I ask her "do you know how much you spend every month only in diesel?" 

And the fight has began.

 

She already left the room yelling and screaming by the time I take out a piece of paper and start adding the monthly expenses together.

 

I can see you're a beginner.

Explanation, reasoning, serious talk, discussion, mansplaining are all seen by Thais as 'confrontation'.

The only possible reactions are anger and/or violence.

 

Tell the Thai lady what you are going to do ....... she can agree or not ..... no discussion of anything, ever.

When she asks you to pay for something you have no interest in financing.

You immediately agree to everything, but never actually get round to handing over any money.

(This is the Thai way of saying no)

Edited April 25, 2020 by BritManToo