I feel quite stressed living the dream in Thailand with wife and child

[Orton Rd]

Good quality ear plugs are what you need, cuts out a lot of the noise which causes stress, nothing better than not hearing what they are talking about, or listening to on the Tv, which is normally on 24/7, booze helps as well of course.

[Orton Rd]

21 minutes ago, Average man said:

Get a hobby , get a dog and learn dog training , get into exercise , do something to redirect mind and body at least one hour every day . 
 

Anything but dog, they only make things worse, pathetic smelly flea bags always demanding food and walks, worse than a wife ????

[luckyluke]

Married for 20 years. We(She) has a 3 storey house on the Pattaya/Darkside. In fact the ground floor + 2 floors. 

One son and his girlfriend is also living there on a floor. 

Since years, we have a +/- LAT relation, it comes at a cost as I rent a condo for several months a year in Thonglor or in Pattaya City. 

This situation suit us both, we both need some "freedom". 

And I certainly need some quietude too, I am 72, my wife 50.

[Seik]

13 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

Looks like you have an issue with women.

Thank you for proving my point.

Edited October 7, 2020 by Seik

[bkk6060]

I hated being married.

So much happier to have total control of my life with little commitments.  One or 2 hour female dates of and when of my choosing are so much better.

 

I would continue my support of them but get my own place if I were you.

 

To each their own.  Good luck.

Edited October 7, 2020 by bkk6060

[USNret]

@bbabythai It's an interesting topic and I thank you for posting. I am older than you (beyond middle aged) and my child is younger than yours so everything you said is amplified in my life.  "Living the dream", as they say.

I found myself stressed & angry much of the time, attributing it to a lifetime of high-stress employment which I had just retired from.  Yet, I took out my anger on those around me who were not deserving of that.  It was very hurtful to my wife and quite likely would have landed us in divorce court.  All of this was just before COVID arrived.  Each time I lashed out, I would apologize and put it behind me; she is quite forgiving but clearly was reaching her limit with my bad habits. 

Fortunately, I did what someone else here suggested (and, of course, got roundly blasted for)... I saw a professional counselor to help with my issues of anger and how I deal with it.  We had 6 sessions before COVID came, then we had to stop meeting.  Those six sessions were extraordinarily helpful!  I learned a couple of things... How to anticipate factors that triggered my anger before they actually occurred; and how to ward them off.  It was very basic coping skills that truthfully I had not figured out by myself.  Now I am a much better & more tolerant husband & father; had we gone into lockdown the way I was, I doubt we would have emerged intact. 

I have excellent health care which paid for 75% of the cost of these sessions, but even without that it is not so expensive.  I found a U.S. trained professional in BKK. If you are around there, I can give a referral.

One other questions... per chance are you a bit overweight?  It is possible you suffer sleep apnea which is common in overweight men (you can google it).  This leads to lack of REM sleep at night, leaving you tired & irritable all day.  This can be treated with CPAP.  Again, my healthcare covered much of the cost and after years of feeling chronically fatigued all day, that has disappeared entirely.  It's all good, man!  

Edited October 7, 2020 by USNret
typo

[kingstonkid]

15 hours ago, dimitriv said:

I am almost 50 years old, and have a 9 month old daughter. I love her very much. But sometimes it is too much for me. She has more energy than me, and sometimes I feel that I am too old for this. I had my first child when I was 30 years old, and cannot remember that I felt like that.

 

I went back to my home country 2 weeks ago, after living with the family for half a year in a BKK condo. I work online, and doing so in a small condo with my girlfriend and baby daughter was terrible. So hard to work and concentrate. The lockdown and Covid also didn't help to make me feel better. 

 

Back in my home country I enjoy my house, the space, all the empty rooms and the absolute silence. I can work, concentrate. In 2 weeks here I did more work than in half a year in BKK. I enjoy every minute.

 

Maybe you need more time alone. Try to create some distance. If you feel better when being away maybe you should do so more often. And when you do so maybe you can also enjoy the moments together again. That is what I want to try...

 

 

Living in an apartment/condo with a spouse is hard enough no room to hide.  Living in a condo with a baby is even worse.  my suggestion is that you have in fact stated your solution.  Move out of the city. sell the condo.  There are great places to rent and live that are actual garden homes that are a better price than you are paying.  The house will provide you with a room that you can go to to relax watch the tube or veg.

 

If that is not in the cards then I would suggest contacting 

 

https://www.psiadmin.com/  ask for Dr Ben

 

 

[JusticeGB]

I was married 16 years and have a 15 year old daughter. We divorced in February this year. After the divorce we get on far better. We all go out to dinner twice a month and neither my ex wife nor daughter are constantly playing with their mobile phones. We had just grown apart over the years and has an amicable divorce and my wife apologized for letting the marriage fail. Maybe an exception my advice would be to get away for a break to think about your marriage and whether it's worth saving. If not work on an amicable separation or divorce. 

[worgeordie]

Maybe it all the leaks,electrical problems you have been having in the building 

you are renovating, i know that kind of thing stressed me out,

regards worgeordie

[vandeventer]

Woman have a higher tolerance with children's temper trams. Maybe you need to have a little trip with you wife to light the spark again. I am sure dear mother-in- law could look after him for a few days. 

[seancbk]

16 hours ago, dimitriv said:

I am almost 50 years old, and have a 9 month old daughter. I love her very much. But sometimes it is too much for me. She has more energy than me, and sometimes I feel that I am too old for this. I had my first child when I was 30 years old, and cannot remember that I felt like that.

 

I went back to my home country 2 weeks ago, after living with the family for half a year in a BKK condo. I work online, and doing so in a small condo with my girlfriend and baby daughter was terrible. So hard to work and concentrate. The lockdown and Covid also didn't help to make me feel better. 

 

Back in my home country I enjoy my house, the space, all the empty rooms and the absolute silence. I can work, concentrate. In 2 weeks here I did more work than in half a year in BKK. I enjoy every minute.

 

Maybe you need more time alone. Try to create some distance. If you feel better when being away maybe you should do so more often. And when you do so maybe you can also enjoy the moments together again. That is what I want to try...

 

 

 

 I've known a few guys over the years who've rented small cheap condos (or just a room in a shared expat house) so they had somewhere to go and work, or relax, away from the wife and kids.  Only one of them did it to have other girls come round.  

That seems like quite a good idea.  

[Deli]

Take a break, go to Pattaya for a week or so and do what you'd like to do. It's all there.

 

[natway09]

I can think of nothing worse than to have young children at my age.

I got the chop when still with my last wife after having two great children, now 48 & 45.

Best decision of my life.

Sorry to say, but you made your bed, now you need to sleep in it unless very wealthy & can run away but still support them

& visit 4 days a month.

Other option (again, if finances allow ) have a frank discussion with your lady about taking  a 5 day break away once a month or every 2nd month. Take up golf & get a housemaid that can drive

Best of luck

[tandor]

...'me time' is extra important here..good luck.

[Guderian]

Buy or build a small shack in your garden or nearby. Let the wife and child live there and make all the noise they want, while you put up your trotters in blissful peace. You see them as much as you want to, and eat together and teach your kid as you please, but it's clear what's your space and whats theirs. I've done this with the GF and her two dogs, she wasn't happy about it but has accepted it. Of course, if your wife is the stronger personality it may be you that ends up living in the small shack, so pull up your boots and be a man, lol.

[1FinickyOne]

19 hours ago, bbabythai said:

I think I need to do mindfulness meditation everyday and practice detachment.

Works for me... mindfulness is of the mind and can be practiced near anywhere/anytime... while the child is in school, go find a nice/natural place to walk and sit...

 

not sure how old the child is, but all in all it can be rewarding to raise them... it sounds like you have enough time... set some of that aside for yourself. 

[Letseng]

17 hours ago, Seik said:

Hang on - If you enjoy being alone, which is perfectly understandable, what are you doing around your wife all day if you're not working the business with her and your kid is at school? Why not drop the kids at school in the morning, cook the meals for the day, then just <deleted> off somewhere for the afternoon whenever you feel like it? Maybe then you'd enjoy your kid's and your wife's company in the evening.

As men, our freedom is an integral part of us in a way that just does not apply to women, they are also far more social than us. Don't let your whole life revolve around your family.

"As men, our freedom is an integral part of us in a way that just does not apply to women,..."

 

What century do you live in?  Why would a woman not be entitled to her freedom?

[BritManToo]

10 minutes ago, Letseng said:

What century do you live in?  Why would a woman not be entitled to her freedom?

If most of us thought women were entitled to freedom we wouldn't be in Thailand financially leveraging poor uneducated much younger farm girls into our beds.

Edited October 7, 2020 by BritManToo

[Dart12]

18 hours ago, dimitriv said:

I am almost 50 years old, and have a 9 month old daughter. I love her very much. But sometimes it is too much for me. She has more energy than me, and sometimes I feel that I am too old for this. I had my first child when I was 30 years old, and cannot remember that I felt like that.

 

I went back to my home country 2 weeks ago, after living with the family for half a year in a BKK condo. I work online, and doing so in a small condo with my girlfriend and baby daughter was terrible. So hard to work and concentrate. The lockdown and Covid also didn't help to make me feel better. 

 

Back in my home country I enjoy my house, the space, all the empty rooms and the absolute silence. I can work, concentrate. In 2 weeks here I did more work than in half a year in BKK. I enjoy every minute.

 

Maybe you need more time alone. Try to create some distance. If you feel better when being away maybe you should do so more often. And when you do so maybe you can also enjoy the moments together again. That is what I want to try...

 

 

Minus the child, I went thru the same thing with just a GF in the condo. 

Started going to the mall to work online, and in 2 weeks got more done than 4 months locked down.

They can't help but disturb you all day.  It's frustrating.

 

[spidermike007]

I think that my wife and I have a very unusual and non-typical arrangement. We are both very independent and when I'm feeling a little bit caged in, I take off for 3 or 4 days to Bangkok, for a week to Samui to visit with friends or I'll fly up to Chiang Mai, and it works out quite well. My wife is accustomed to our lifestyle at this point and she is never surprised, nor does she complain, or give me grief. She also does trips with her friends. In addition, she spends alot of time with her friends, which gives me alot of sólo time, which I cherish. 

 

It has allowed us to stay together for many more years than I ever thought we would, and it's very peaceful and harmonious at home.

 

Sometimes a non traditional lifestyle can be the answer, at least it was for me. Very little stress at this point. Though I must admit the ridiculously wise decision to not have kids is a huge contributing factor, to our happiness and fulfillment. For us anyway. It should be a choice. 

[tonray]

Suck it up and be a man. You've got a kid. Wait until the kid is in high school and if you want a divorce go for it then. Don't screw the kids life now because you're bored

[BritManToo]

Just now, tonray said:

You've got a kid. Wait until the kid is in high school

Think the OP will be dead of old age by then.

[4MyEgo]

19 hours ago, bbabythai said:

Any thoughts on all this.

Welcome to the club of being married to a Thai women with kid/s in Thailand.

 

ALL of your feelings are quite NORMAL.

 

It's ok to take time out for yourself, I too have invested in a business that my wife runs from home, we have a handful of kids too, so when the kids are dropped off to school by me, and the wife is running the business from home, it's all about me, i.e. I do whatever I want to do, no need for interaction with the wife unless I want too.

 

Go join a gym, I have my own at home, go for a swim at the pool, go to lunch, watch a Netflix movie at home or watch a series, surf the internet, read a book, and when you have picked up the kid and the wife is home and has had dinner and wants to be noisy with the kid, go out to a local bar and socialise with some expats, couple of cold ones will loosen up those knots.

 

If your wife is not the jealous type do as I have done in the past, get on a plane and go to Phuket for a week, stay in a nice hotel with a gym, pool, the rest is up to you and it will do you a world of good, just don't bring home any STD's ????

 

You have to create your own environment and be happy, being married doesn't mean being stuck in the house or the business all the time, we all need space, my wife even sleeps with the girls some nights, and that is when I get the best sleeps....lol

 

Also plan a holiday, depending on your business structure as you have to have some fun with the family too.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 7, 2020 by 4MyEgo

[teacherclaire]

16 hours ago, Puchaiyank said:

Go to a Buddhist Temple and enroll for a 2 week course on meditation...it will help you control your urge to become agitated by your family.

 

If you start feeling stressed once more...tell your wife you are going to the Temple to pray...she would not refuse such an honorable request...

 

Good Luck!

 

 

There's a temple near Ubon Ratchathani for foreigners. Meditation seems to be what the OP really needs and time for himself to see all from a different perspective.

 

   You don't have to become a monk, just let your soul go and I'm certain that there are people who can help you. 

 

    https://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g656472-d2515164-r144908746-Wat_Pah_Nanachat-Ubon_Ratchathani_Ubon_Ratchathani_Province.html#:~:text=This temple is on the,education in Buddhism and meditation.

[Dart12]

I think the man just needs to establish some Daddy alone time starting at a certain hour every night.  8pm go to your private man cave.  Only call me if the house is on fire.

[spidermike007]

7 minutes ago, 4MyEgo said:

Welcome to the club of being married to a Thai women with kid/s in Thailand.

 

ALL of your feelings are quite NORMAL.

 

It's ok to take time out for yourself, I too have invested in a business that my wife runs from home, we have a handful of kids too, so when the kids are dropped off to school by me, and the wife is running the business from home, it's all about me, i.e. I do whatever I want to do, no need for interaction with the wife unless I want too.

 

Go join a gym, I have my own at home, go for a swim at the pool, go to lunch, watch a Netflix movie at home or watch a series, surf the internet, read a book, and when you have picked up the kid and the wife is home and has had dinner and wants to be noisy with the kid, go out to a local bar and socialise with some expats, couple of cold ones will loosen up those knots.

 

If your wife is not the jealous type do as I have done in the past, get on a plane and go to Phuket for a week, stay in a nice hotel with a gym, pool, the rest is up to you and it will do you a world of good, just don't bring home any STD's ????

 

You have to create your own environment and be happy, being married doesn't mean being stuck in the house or the business all the time, we all need space, my wife even sleeps with the girls some nights, and that is when I get the best sleeps....lol

 

Also plan a holiday, depending on your business structure as you have to have some fun with the family too.

 

 

 

 

 

Very wise words. We create our own reality, or if we are not strong willed enough, that reality gets created for us, by others. 

 

Living in a small box of convention is fine for some, but for many of us, it is not part of the dream, on any level. 

[teacherclaire]

6 minutes ago, 4MyEgo said:

Welcome to the club of being married to a Thai women with kid/s in Thailand.

 

ALL of your feelings are quite NORMAL.

 

It's ok to take time out for yourself, I too have invested in a business that my wife runs from home, we have a handful of kids too, so when the kids are dropped off to school by me, and the wife is running the business from home, it's all about me, i.e. I do whatever I want to do, no need for interaction with the wife unless I want too.

 

Go join a gym, I have my own at home, go for a swim at the pool, go to lunch, watch a Netflix movie at home or watch a series, surf the internet, read a book, and when you have picked up the kid and the wife is home and has had dinner and wants to be noisy with the kid, go out to a local bar and socialise with some expats, couple of cold ones will loosen up those knots.

 

If your wife is not the jealous type do as I have done in the past, get on a plane and go to Phuket for a week, stay in a nice hotel with a gym, pool, the rest is up to you and it will do you a world of good, just don't bring home any STD's ????

 

You have to create your own environment and be happy, being married doesn't mean being stuck in the house or the business all the time, we all need space, my wife even sleeps with the girls some nights, and that is when I get the best sleeps....lol

 

Also plan a holiday, depending on your business structure as you have to have some fun with the family too.

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe staying at a resort on Ko Lanta, having breakfast right at the beach will help him. 

 

    I was there with my partner which was a mistake. I should have taken time for myself to see all from a different viewpoint, I do understand how easy it is to get into such a situation.

 

    Swimming, having some good conversations ( not on a barstool) and enjoying life might be what he needs.

 

   

[teacherclaire]

16 minutes ago, tonray said:

Suck it up and be a man. You've got a kid. Wait until the kid is in high school and if you want a divorce go for it then. Don't screw the kids life now because you're bored

It's obvious that he can't suck it up as you describe it. We are all different and there won't be any harm to the kids or his wife if he does something that in the end helps him.

 

It won't be forever, but it could help them all in the long run. 

 

    

[sammieuk1]

After being totally alone and stranded for the last 8 months instead of 5 weeks I can say it's not all it's cracked up to be????

[Kelsall]

The guys I know in this situation build another house on the property, or another room onto the existing house, that is theirs alone.