My marriage is kind of 'on the rocks', crumbling around me.

[2long]

6 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Did you read the bit where 'baby' is now 6 years old and OP's been getting nothing (except the bills) for most of that time?

Because it's not mentioned in this thread.... but is mentioned in the test under the picture.

My stance doesn't change. The OP should stay strong and calm and reasonable and fair.

[BritManToo]

Just now, 2long said:

Because it's not mentioned in this thread.... but is mentioned in the test under the picture.

My stance doesn't change. The OP should stay strong and calm and reasonable and fair.

How many years do you think the OP should go without sex then?

In the context of 'reasonable and fair'.

Just wondering?

[2long]

Why is sex so important?

Why are the needs of the father/husband so important?

Thai mothers are quite different from in the west. They like to sleep with their kids for as long as possible, as they slept with their (grand)parents when they were young.

It's a clash of cultures, and a Thai or bad farang would go and get what he needs elsewhere.

My wife has given me the green light to do what I like, but threatened me with all sorts of nasties if she finds out. That's normal.

Not all Thai women are hookers. Not all have a price. Not all care about sex.

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, 2long said:

Thai mothers are quite different from in the west. They like to sleep with their kids for as long as possible,

There's no reason not to bang her when the kid's asleep.

That's Thai culture, absolutely no clash.

 

I've been here nearly 12 years, longest I've gone without sex (with a woman in the room), maybe 4 days.

Letting a woman control your access to sex is just weak, and women despise weak men.

[2long]

3 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

There's no reason not to bang her when the kid's asleep.

That's Thai culture, absolutely no clash.

 

I've been here nearly 12 years, longest I've gone without sex (with a woman in the room), maybe 4 days.

'nearly 12 years' 

'maybe 4 days'

[fredscats]

13 minutes ago, 2long said:

'nearly 12 years' 

'maybe 4 days'

"and"

[FarangULong]

I haven't read all the replies yet, only your first post.

 

I am probably not the first to say this, and I am really not trying to be a sphincter or put you down, or anything, but please... hear me...

 

If she's still somewhat young and in her sexual prime (which for most women is in their 30s, actually, in terms of increased sex drive and such), then she's getting it elsewhere most likely. And she probably is still relatively young, with a 6 year old son...

 

I highly doubt, that if she's even remotely attractive, and she's not getting it at home, that she won't be getting the outside dip. Either it happened just through growing apart, or she planned it from the get go and using the kid being there all the time as an excuse to get you out of the bed.

 

I won't say which, since I can't know that, and even with more details I could only speculate. I can't say 100% either that she's not cheating, but it sounds like she is. I'm aware that many (but not all) Thai women are nothing like our dear, beloved, strong & independent Western women, but she's still a woman.

 

6+ years is a looooooooong time to not be getting any. Especially to a woman in her sexual prime... and as I said, if  she's at least half decent looking, she will be getting attention, compliments, etc elsewhere... add in language (ie a Thai guy will have an easier time hitting on her and making innuendos etc.), the general way women often are, and you got a recipe for disloyalty...

 

If I were you, I'd try to find out if she is cheating. If she is, don't try to "put things back together for the kid". You must not. Once they cheat on you, and you forgive them, you essentially let them get away with it, and they will have lost any respect they still had for you. And they will do it again.

 

If she isn't (and you can do this while you're still finding out), just give her an ultimatum. But you have to follow through, or she'll know there won't be consequences with future ultimatums, and again she'll lose respect.

 

Tell her that you have needs, and you didn't get married to not have them taken care of, and if she won't take care of them, then you will get your pleasure and release elsewhere. Tell her you won't tolerate her behaviour any longer, that you did nothing to deserve this, and you won't put up with it. It's actually very late for that, but this is the only way I can see how this would even remotely be salvagable.

 

Personally I'd leave, but first try to make thorough preparations to get custody (best thing would be to find out under which law you have better chances, then head for there with all of them udner the guise of a vacation, and initiate proceedings), to gather evidence of infidelity or other things that make her a negligent wife (if there are "fault" laws for divorce).

 

Don't sulk. Get yourself right, mentally and physically, and rediscover how much fun you can have.

 

But do NOT stay with her for the kid, if she won't change or if she's cheating or whatever. It will only mess you up, it won't be good for the kid either (I wish my parents had divorced much sooner, instead of waiting until I was an adult).

[WEBBYB808]

No offense, before I start, as I would encourage you to man up and accept your choice.  How did you not see this as a possibility.   This is what is meant when someone says marriage takes work on both sides.  Unfortunately you are possibly  experiencing  the difference  in cultures, who didnt see that coming?  I mean even the way they eat here is different.   Sure, at first as in any marriage it can be fun and new, but that all too often fades.  Sometimes  happiness has to be worked on, and its not always easy.  But once again people can grow apart.  Usually,  it's termed the 7 year itch, but it can happen at any time.  Marriage takes commitment,  and there will be ups and downs. And living  in a foreign  culture no matter how fun it can seem at first is still and always going to be foriegn.   Sad part is if you split the child sufferes the most.  I mean if its a girl imagine  what this culture will mold her into, and other men that come into their lives might or might not do.  I havent  seen Thais teaching  children manners, or how to deal with conflict, loss of face, and thats something  a western culture would be important to their future.  If its a boy, as in any possible  culture, western  or Asian would the next man respect  the child? Be good to the child?  I know it's often said don't stay together  for the children,  but I would say that would apply if you were in a western  country, but here I would say stay so your child gets a good education,  and the best chance at a industrialized life.  Play the hand you were dealt and accepted. 

[2long]

4 minutes ago, FarangULong said:

I haven't read all the replies yet, only your first post.

 

I am probably not the first to say this, and I am really not trying to be a sphincter or put you down, or anything, but please... hear me...

 

If she's still somewhat young and in her sexual prime (which for most women is in their 30s, actually, in terms of increased sex drive and such), then she's getting it elsewhere most likely. And she probably is still relatively young, with a 6 year old son...

 

I highly doubt, that if she's even remotely attractive, and she's not getting it at home, that she won't be getting the outside dip. Either it happened just through growing apart, or she planned it from the get go and using the kid being there all the time as an excuse to get you out of the bed.

 

I won't say which, since I can't know that, and even with more details I could only speculate. I can't say 100% either that she's not cheating, but it sounds like she is. I'm aware that many (but not all) Thai women are nothing like our dear, beloved, strong & independent Western women, but she's still a woman.

 

6+ years is a looooooooong time to not be getting any. Especially to a woman in her sexual prime... and as I said, if  she's at least half decent looking, she will be getting attention, compliments, etc elsewhere... add in language (ie a Thai guy will have an easier time hitting on her and making innuendos etc.), the general way women often are, and you got a recipe for disloyalty...

 

If I were you, I'd try to find out if she is cheating. If she is, don't try to "put things back together for the kid". You must not. Once they cheat on you, and you forgive them, you essentially let them get away with it, and they will have lost any respect they still had for you. And they will do it again.

 

If she isn't (and you can do this while you're still finding out), just give her an ultimatum. But you have to follow through, or she'll know there won't be consequences with future ultimatums, and again she'll lose respect.

 

Tell her that you have needs, and you didn't get married to not have them taken care of, and if she won't take care of them, then you will get your pleasure and release elsewhere. Tell her you won't tolerate her behaviour any longer, that you did nothing to deserve this, and you won't put up with it. It's actually very late for that, but this is the only way I can see how this would even remotely be salvagable.

 

Personally I'd leave, but first try to make thorough preparations to get custody (best thing would be to find out under which law you have better chances, then head for there with all of them udner the guise of a vacation, and initiate proceedings), to gather evidence of infidelity or other things that make her a negligent wife (if there are "fault" laws for divorce).

 

Don't sulk. Get yourself right, mentally and physically, and rediscover how much fun you can have.

 

But do NOT stay with her for the kid, if she won't change or if she's cheating or whatever. It will only mess you up, it won't be good for the kid either (I wish my parents had divorced much sooner, instead of waiting until I was an adult).

100% speculative nonsense!

[BritManToo]

Just now, 2long said:

100% speculative nonsense!

I'd have DNA tested the kid as well ............

[jak2002003]

23 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

 

Letting a woman control your access to sex is just weak, and women despise weak men.

Wow. Do you realise how bad you sound here? 

 

 

[fredscats]

3 minutes ago, FarangULong said:

 

 

7 minutes ago, FarangULong said:

 (I wish my parents had divorced much sooner, instead of waiting until I was an adult).

Ain't that the truth,wish they had divorced the day I was born

[WEBBYB808]

42 minutes ago, zzaa09 said:

Aside from all this, I've always been taken back by these random innocent types who find it necessary to display their deepest and innermost personal problems in a public venue and any such reasoning therefore. 

Why..? 

 

Sometimes,  people  need a place  to bounce ideas.

[FarangULong]

3 minutes ago, jak2002003 said:

Wow. Do you realise how bad you sound here? 

 

 

But it's true, what he said. Do you think it's a coincidence, that all the self proclaimed "good guys" hardly get laid, often end up friendzoned, and crying themselves to sleep when the girl he's into tells him of her newest "bad boy"?

I'm not saying treat them like <deleted>, but if you worship them, do everything for them, and accept their blatant disrespect, then you're gonna get cucked, hurt, etc. It is what it is. And no amount of leftist mimimimi and reeeeeeeeeeeee over how "misogynistic" and "sexist" that is, is going to change that.

 

I'm not (and neither is he) saying rape them either. BTW you should go talk to some women, and ask them "Would you accept it, if your boyfriend/husband told you 'no' when you want sex", and see what they say.. you'd be surprised, considering your response...

[IvorBiggun2]

Too many wanna be psychologists on this forum. OP get professional help.

[2009]

1 hour ago, richard_smith237 said:

Sorry to hear of the tough times, the subsurface stresses of lock-down definitely contribute. 

 

What is the age difference between your wife and yourself? her background and education?

 

People will say it doesn’t matter, but if may if she married you simply for ’security’ purposes as apposed more affectionate reasons we are conventionally familiar with (thats the delicate way of putting it). 

 

 

If you are of a similar age and socio-economic background there could be more to it, i.e. depression etc

Sometimes relationships need a kick up the backside and it definitely needs mutual respect and a bit of effort to keep things on the up and up. 

 

(you, or another poster mentioned your son is 6 years old) I’d suggest doing more with your Son... take him swimming, play football, hook up with other fathers and arrange some activities, camping, fishing, making things, just do silly stuff that engages him.

 

 

As far as your Wife is concerned, you cannot force her to maintain intimacy if she doesn’t want to. 

But then she can’t force you to stay, it's that simple. 

 

You have a life to live, if your Wife refuses to be part of it a tough choice needs to be made, move on, but move on nearby so you can still see your son. 

 

Its a tough one and you are only going to get 101 ideas and pages of advice from here from people who really do not know your situation. If you can afford to, go home and take break for a month or two. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some good points in here: spend time with son, make friends.

 

Regarding the intimacy, you could read Athol Kay's book(s) to get her noticing you. He knows how to stir women like this up, but it'll take work on your part: get fit, healthy, dress better, have some self respect - basically display high value. Start focusing on yourself (and your son). Forget her for now. You need to changy yourself (for the better) to stir her up - if you think she is worth it.

 

If she doesn't warm up to you, another woman will notice you because you are improving yourself. Female Psychology 101. Don't be surprised if she gets uncomfortable though. It can be messy.

 

Don't just break it off. She may restrict access to child completely (Thai culture doesn't handle sepatation in a friendly way). But if you are the source of income then you have leverage.

 

Are you legally your child's father? Very important.

 

If I was you though I wouldn't go through most of what I just said; I'd probably just find a lover far away from home, be co-parents with your wife (I should say housemate), and break up with her carefully in a few years. No shame in that. Some things aren't worth it.

 

But if you are interested in fixing this, read paragraph 2 again.

 

1. Take your son out on outings (pool, park, bike riding etc etc), just the two of you.

 

2. Make your own circle of friends, even one friend. Spend time together weekly.

 

3. Stop orbiting her. She is not the centre of your universe. She is not the sun. Lol. She is your housemate. Put her on the edge of the solar system for a bit. Being a bit aloof is fine, but not whiny. Don't get drawn into fights. She wants an Alpha (her subconscious anyway), that is what this is all about (unless she literally has a medical issue)

 

4. Hit the gym. Fix your diet.

 

5. Get yourself new clothes,new watch, phone, glasses (if you wear). Display high value. Sounds silly, but do it.

 

6. New haircut. Are you balding? Shave it. You are a new man and she won't know what hit her.

 

7. You must remain calm, and composed. Don't silly yourself with her fights. She will try to reduce you. It is a test. 

 

It might take time. She might throw a fit. She might argue about it. She is getting uncomfortable with your self improvement.

 

 

 

 

[Neeranam]

2 hours ago, saakura said:

Speaks volumes, my friend. Why do you get more love from your dog than your own flesh & blood?

Isn't this normal? My dogs have always been very loyal to me and show lots of affection. 

[Denim]

Probably too late for this but a change of environment might patch things up a bit. Not the best of timing but get in the car together and take a short two day road trip. Stay in a nice hotel somewhere, share a bottle of wine together and eat a nice takeaway if you cant eat out.( leave the child with relatives )

 

Wife and I luv each other , no problems but the routine just gets a bit dull sometimes. Whenever we go away somewhere , she de stresses from looking after her elderly mother and its back to horizontal activities , fine dining and a bottle of the red stuff in the hotel room.  Does us both the world of good to get away and do something different.

[rumak]

1 hour ago, jak2002003 said:

I am sorry for how you are feeling but sounds like there is much more going on with your situation that you have said.

 

How about you looking after the baby for the day, giver your wife some money and tell her to go out and have the day to herself to relax a few times?  

very good advice for "normal people".       i can't recall meeting very many normal people(thai,farang relationships)     in the last ten years, however,

the dynamics of the thai/farang relationship  is  like an encyclopedia :   about 22 volumes long.

 

I have tried many of the "how to get along" words of wisdom that many guys espouse.    Finally realized I was sane and not the one with problems.    After that life became a lot simpler !

[2009]

37 minutes ago, FarangULong said:

I haven't read all the replies yet, only your first post.

 

I am probably not the first to say this, and I am really not trying to be a sphincter or put you down, or anything, but please... hear me...

 

If she's still somewhat young and in her sexual prime (which for most women is in their 30s, actually, in terms of increased sex drive and such), then she's getting it elsewhere most likely. And she probably is still relatively young, with a 6 year old son...

 

I highly doubt, that if she's even remotely attractive, and she's not getting it at home, that she won't be getting the outside dip. Either it happened just through growing apart, or she planned it from the get go and using the kid being there all the time as an excuse to get you out of the bed.

 

I won't say which, since I can't know that, and even with more details I could only speculate. I can't say 100% either that she's not cheating, but it sounds like she is. I'm aware that many (but not all) Thai women are nothing like our dear, beloved, strong & independent Western women, but she's still a woman.

 

6+ years is a looooooooong time to not be getting any. Especially to a woman in her sexual prime... and as I said, if  she's at least half decent looking, she will be getting attention, compliments, etc elsewhere... add in language (ie a Thai guy will have an easier time hitting on her and making innuendos etc.), the general way women often are, and you got a recipe for disloyalty...

 

If I were you, I'd try to find out if she is cheating. If she is, don't try to "put things back together for the kid". You must not. Once they cheat on you, and you forgive them, you essentially let them get away with it, and they will have lost any respect they still had for you. And they will do it again.

 

If she isn't (and you can do this while you're still finding out), just give her an ultimatum. But you have to follow through, or she'll know there won't be consequences with future ultimatums, and again she'll lose respect.

 

Tell her that you have needs, and you didn't get married to not have them taken care of, and if she won't take care of them, then you will get your pleasure and release elsewhere. Tell her you won't tolerate her behaviour any longer, that you did nothing to deserve this, and you won't put up with it. It's actually very late for that, but this is the only way I can see how this would even remotely be salvagable.

 

Personally I'd leave, but first try to make thorough preparations to get custody (best thing would be to find out under which law you have better chances, then head for there with all of them udner the guise of a vacation, and initiate proceedings), to gather evidence of infidelity or other things that make her a negligent wife (if there are "fault" laws for divorce).

 

Don't sulk. Get yourself right, mentally and physically, and rediscover how much fun you can have.

 

But do NOT stay with her for the kid, if she won't change or if she's cheating or whatever. It will only mess you up, it won't be good for the kid either (I wish my parents had divorced much sooner, instead of waiting until I was an adult).

Sexual prime?

 

She is hitting the wall and if he leaves she will have a hard time re-partnering.

[driver52]

2 hours ago, charliechoc said:

What do you think?

move all your assets into Crypto ASAP

[FarangULong]

1 hour ago, 2long said:

Nope. I do headlines and beer.

Clearly, yet I'm the speculating one... at least mine is based on experience (not my own, but people around me), countless recollections of men from all over the World & divorce stats. And plenty other things..

 

But you do you, if you think battling through a 6 year sex less marriage is the way to go. I can already tell what kind of "man" (or what passes for one, these days) you are, especially with your remarks regarding "low quality foreigners".

 

You're the type that Western girls go for, once they hit that 30+ wall, because you're the "high quality" (in terms of income, easiness of manipulation, etc.) man, who will provide and still feel lucky to have her, even though she's been riding the (insert word for male chicken here) carousel for the past 10+ years, and chances are she's still doing it on the side.

 

Not just Western girls either, if they see who you are, and what they can get away with + make you believe all is well.

[2009]

45 minutes ago, jak2002003 said:

Wow. Do you realise how bad you sound here? 

 

 

Really, he is right.

 

Her subconscious wants him to step up and be the alpha.

 

He needs to focus on himself. Alphas don't cry or whine or beg. They don't have shabby clothing. They don't let their appearance go, or their emotions. They take take of themselves well (and others). Alphas don't orbit their wives like they are the centre if the universe. 

 

That doesn't mean he should push through a "hard no" on sex, obviously. That's assault.

 

But he has to control his own playing field. Subconsciously, she wants it. 

 

When she says no to him, he should act unbothered. Is her body that important to the alpha?

 

She needs to be taken off the pedestal. He needs to treat himself more importantly.

 

She will gravitate towards him.

[FarangULong]

15 minutes ago, 2009 said:

Sexual prime?

 

She is hitting the wall and if he leaves she will have a hard time re-partnering.

A) I referenced the wall myself either in that comment or another one

 

B) sexual prime doesn't mean her prime in terms of looks and fertility. it means sex drive. Women do have a higher sex drive in their 30s, as opposed to men who have the strongest in their physical prime as well.

[2long]

9 minutes ago, FarangULong said:

Clearly, yet I'm the speculating one... at least mine is based on experience (not my own, but people around me), countless recollections of men from all over the World & divorce stats. And plenty other things..

 

But you do you, if you think battling through a 6 year sex less marriage is the way to go. I can already tell what kind of "man" (or what passes for one, these days) you are, especially with your remarks regarding "low quality foreigners".

 

You're the type that Western girls go for, once they hit that 30+ wall, because you're the "high quality" (in terms of income, easiness of manipulation, etc.) man, who will provide and still feel lucky to have her, even though she's been riding the (insert word for male chicken here) carousel for the past 10+ years, and chances are she's still doing it on the side.

 

Not just Western girls either, if they see who you are, and what they can get away with + make you believe all is well.

Sadly I have yet to pass through decades of 'married to same Thai wife and had kids' period... so I have no idea what I'm walking about. Oh, sooo sorry I lie.

There are too many 'alpha males' on this forum who think that their age and ignorance can be disguised with money and confidence. Slap the bitch, and show who's boss and you need sex because you're the man' blah blah blah.

T.W.A.T.

[FarangULong]

1 minute ago, 2long said:

Sadly I have yet to pass through decades of 'married to same Thai wife and had kids' period... so I have no idea what I'm walking about. Oh, sooo sorry I lie.

There are too many 'alpha males' on this forum who think that their age and ignorance can be disguised with money and confidence. Slap the bitch, and show who's boss and you need sex because you're the man' blah blah blah.

T.W.A.T.

Except nobody said any of that, implied it, condoned it, etc.. That's just your insecurity and maybe even projections talking.

 

I don't care how long you've been married. That doesn't make you an expert on women, regardless of nationality. There have been plenty before you, and there sure will be plenty after you, who have been married for decades, and then they found out that all 4 kids weren't theirs, that the wife has been cheating the whole time, etc.

 

They too put her on a pedestal, and were "good guys".

[2009]

17 minutes ago, 2long said:

Sadly I have yet to pass through decades of 'married to same Thai wife and had kids' period... so I have no idea what I'm walking about. Oh, sooo sorry I lie.

There are too many 'alpha males' on this forum who think that their age and ignorance can be disguised with money and confidence. Slap the bitch, and show who's boss and you need sex because you're the man' blah blah blah.

T.W.A.T.

Losing his composure and attacking her is not the trait of an alpha, actually.

 

Wife beaters are losers, not alphas.

 

Financial success and confidence are two major alpha traits and probably the top two things women are attracted to.

[The Cipher]

1 hour ago, 2long said:

Why are the needs of the father/husband so important?

I mean...nobody lives your life if not you.

 

I'd rather be happy than miserable every day, and consoling myself that I'm making some sort of noble sacrifice of my own happiness for the good of my family who probably won't even appreciate it. But hey, that's just me ????‍♂️

[Sudarut]

1 hour ago, charliechoc said:

I clearly didn't put enough detail in my post above. But I do get love from my child. Its all I really care about now.

 

I dont know what to say really about the friends situation or lack there of. I dont live in a tourist city and hard to meet any farang here. Have tried with little success.

 

I think my personality doesnt fit into Thailand to be honest.

I live in Ubon Ratchathani, I hate golf but love pool. Hope this helps. 

[Kwasaki]

2 hours ago, MrJ2U said:

Great advise.

 

Whats the kid going to eat?

Ridiculous, hope you don't ever have any children.

You clearly know nothing of Thailand and how to handle situations such as the OP's.

I have 7 children and 14 grandchild and 3 great grand children all doing very well thankyou. ????