What's the fair family support?

[xtrnuno41]

A famous song goes like this "money, its a drag"

If you do 15000  pounds, $/monthly income, you can easily do just a 20 kbaht/month, or some more.

Have no clue on what is your income and is a controlling factor.

Yup well do limit it , otherwise you pay for whole Thailand.

Minimum wage is 250-350 baht depending where you live in Thailand, so lets say 350 over 25 days= 8750 baht.

Rounding up to 10 kbaht and then final, over, out. No more sick buffalo stories. 

If you are Bill Gates, then what should it matter, you give? However for Bill and all those other filthy rich,

it does matter somehow. OK thats another story? 

 

[habuspasha]

You, the OP, won't want to read this, and I'm sure I'll be insulted by all the wise cynics on the thread, but I write because I think the view of sharing as stupidity or generosity as weakness has been pushed too far.  I give my GF 60,000/month.  She then takes care of her parents and her son whom she lives with. They are former Isaan farmers living in BK working making street food and giving motor bike rides.  She is a former shop-girl who barely finished high-school.  When I met them they lived in a rented storefront where they ate and slept on the floor.  I bought her/them a house, and then a better one.  Supporting her generously has made me very happy. Now they can afford to take a taxi, see a movie, take a weekend trip to the seashore which they had never seen.  Her son now goes to a select school with a modest cost for tuition, fees, and uniforms that she never could have afforded before.  He now enjoys school.

 

One poster to this thread said there was little need to pay for health care or insurance because after all, they all had access to a 30 baht charge for any medical treatment.  My GF tells me she would never be a 30 baht patient again.  She was when she delivered her son 12 years ago.  She received nothing from the hospital staff except insult and abuse--not even pain medication or assistance in the delivery.  Her father recently had to have a heart operation.  If he went as a 30 baht patient, he would have to wait indefinitely.  With my support for a private room, he was able to make it happen right away.

 

Other posters seem to pride themselves on refusing these expenses.  They resent being asked.  My GF's father had to be convinced to accept my offering.  He refused the operation because of the cost and his pride.  Finally when my GF made it clear to him that I wanted to  pay for it, he cried and accepted.  He is now recovering and eager to get back to work.

 

I am fortunate to be able to cover expenses like this, to raise the family's living standard, and to make their lives more comfortable.  In answer to the OP, I think the question to ask is not what does everyone else pay, and certainly not what is the minimum you can get away with.  Ask how much you can afford and make them happy.  Tune into your own happiness in pleasing her and them.

[bluebluewater]

22 hours ago, Mark Wild said:

Now the door is broken and it will cost 10,000 to fix it. In other words buffalo is sick and it looks like a door. 

 

 

 

 

 

Now THAT is some funny stuff . . . . .  

[BritManToo]

3 hours ago, habuspasha said:

One poster to this thread said there was little need to pay for health care or insurance because after all, they all had access to a 30 baht charge for any medical treatment.  My GF tells me she would never be a 30 baht patient again.  She was when she delivered her son 12 years ago.  She received nothing from the hospital staff except insult and abuse--not even pain medication or assistance in the delivery. 

My son was born in a government hospital (NakornPing CM) around 11 years back. We couldn't fault their treatment in any way, I paid 1,000bht for her to have a private room for 1 night and 250bht for my blood tests (as a foreigner). The nurses treated new (extremely white) baby like a little prince, one nurse to carry him, and two more following waiting for their turn. They even did 2 home visits after the birth to check everything was OK at home and mom was coping.

 

MiL (age 70) was sick earlier this week (woke at 1am, couldn't sit up), ambulance arrived within 20 mins of calling, she's still in hospital, again perfect treatment by the hospital, she'll be out in a few days.

 

I use the local government hospital as well, regular visits every 3 months, takes all morning but costs very little. I'm retired and can just as easily read my Kindle in the waiting room as at home.

 

Sometimes I think I'm living in a different Thailand to other posters.

Edited February 17, 2022 by BritManToo

[EVENKEEL]

5 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

My son was born in a government hospital (NakornPing CM) around 11 years back. We couldn't fault their treatment in any way, I paid 1,000bht for her to have a private room for 1 night and 250bht for my blood tests (as a foreigner). The nurses treated new (extremely white) baby like a little prince, one nurse to carry him, and two more following waiting for their turn. They even did 2 home visits after the birth to check everything was OK at home and mom was coping.

 

Sometimes I think I'm living in a different Thailand to other posters.

If gov hospitals give such good care, why are there many private hospitals? I paid 35,000 thb for delivery 10 yrs ago. Think 5,000 for doctor. I'm not saying a Gov hospital would have been worse but if you have the money you do what you think is best.

[473geo]

54 minutes ago, EVENKEEL said:

If gov hospitals give such good care, why are there many private hospitals? I paid 35,000 thb for delivery 10 yrs ago. Think 5,000 for doctor. I'm not saying a Gov hospital would have been worse but if you have the money you do what you think is best.

And that is the crux of this thread, those that have more than enough that they can provide more are entitled to do so, they have created options. 

Others, and I include myself give what they can afford or feel is adequate.

We can all improve lives in our different ways and enjoy doing so is the key.

[473geo]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

My son was born in a government hospital (NakornPing CM) around 11 years back. We couldn't fault their treatment in any way, I paid 1,000bht for her to have a private room for 1 night and 250bht for my blood tests (as a foreigner). The nurses treated new (extremely white) baby like a little prince, one nurse to carry him, and two more following waiting for their turn. They even did 2 home visits after the birth to check everything was OK at home and mom was coping.

 

MiL (age 70) was sick earlier this week (woke at 1am, couldn't sit up), ambulance arrived within 20 mins of calling, she's still in hospital, again perfect treatment by the hospital, she'll be out in a few days.

 

I use the local government hospital as well, regular visits every 3 months, takes all morning but costs very little. I'm retired and can just as easily read my Kindle in the waiting room as at home.

 

Sometimes I think I'm living in a different Thailand to other posters.

Got to agree have similar experience of government hospitals, happy for others to pay for private, keeps options open for those that wish to pay 

Edited February 17, 2022 by 473geo

[habuspasha]

2 hours ago, BritManToo said:

My son was born in a government hospital (NakornPing CM) around 11 years back. We couldn't fault their treatment in any way, I paid 1,000bht for her to have a private room for 1 night and 250bht for my blood tests (as a foreigner). The nurses treated new (extremely white) baby like a little prince,...

2 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Sometimes I think I'm living in a different Thailand to other posters.

I don't doubt your experience OR that of my GF.  Interesting comparison:  The White Prince on private rate and the dark Isaan mother on 30 baht.  They are two different Thailands.  But likely the same Thai nurses.  All white foreigners with money welcome!

 

[Hummin]

On 2/15/2022 at 3:46 PM, Mark Wild said:

She gets 20k. Sends 15k. Not enough. No more demands from them to me or even from her to me. She's just unhappy that whatever she gives is not enough.  I convince her that it's way more than enough. I started this thread to actually show her later a number of opinions that she's giving way more than people usually do. Well, ok, I wasn't sure that would be the case but now I know after I received a few answers between 5k to 10k. 

I experienced this in my first relationship, never enough, and it made all us unhappy in the longer run. Im not together with her anymore. It was her mom and two brothers who constantly had business ideas, or any crises happening. I said no to most of it, because they where all capable to find work themselves. 
 

what is your parents in law doing for living? How much do they earn themselves? 
 

This is a problem that will never end, it is just the beginning, and also trust me, this situation is horrible for your gf, and will tear her apart. Not good for your relationship. Last thing, she will most likely never cut her bond to her family, even she does for a short while, she will pick up the contact sooner or later. 
 

Know your gf friends, and know her  family, you will know what you have, and what you will face in the future

Edited February 17, 2022 by Hummin

[Hummin]

5 hours ago, habuspasha said:

You, the OP, won't want to read this, and I'm sure I'll be insulted by all the wise cynics on the thread, but I write because I think the view of sharing as stupidity or generosity as weakness has been pushed too far.  I give my GF 60,000/month.  She then takes care of her parents and her son whom she lives with. They are former Isaan farmers living in BK working making street food and giving motor bike rides.  She is a former shop-girl who barely finished high-school.  When I met them they lived in a rented storefront where they ate and slept on the floor.  I bought her/them a house, and then a better one.  Supporting her generously has made me very happy. Now they can afford to take a taxi, see a movie, take a weekend trip to the seashore which they had never seen.  Her son now goes to a select school with a modest cost for tuition, fees, and uniforms that she never could have afforded before.  He now enjoys school.

 

One poster to this thread said there was little need to pay for health care or insurance because after all, they all had access to a 30 baht charge for any medical treatment.  My GF tells me she would never be a 30 baht patient again.  She was when she delivered her son 12 years ago.  She received nothing from the hospital staff except insult and abuse--not even pain medication or assistance in the delivery.  Her father recently had to have a heart operation.  If he went as a 30 baht patient, he would have to wait indefinitely.  With my support for a private room, he was able to make it happen right away.

 

Other posters seem to pride themselves on refusing these expenses.  They resent being asked.  My GF's father had to be convinced to accept my offering.  He refused the operation because of the cost and his pride.  Finally when my GF made it clear to him that I wanted to  pay for it, he cried and accepted.  He is now recovering and eager to get back to work.

 

I am fortunate to be able to cover expenses like this, to raise the family's living standard, and to make their lives more comfortable.  In answer to the OP, I think the question to ask is not what does everyone else pay, and certainly not what is the minimum you can get away with.  Ask how much you can afford and make them happy.  Tune into your own happiness in pleasing her and them.

Thats a brits pention almost you provide them with. Good on you, and hope they treath you like a king! You deserve it

[4MyEgo]

On 2/15/2022 at 1:19 PM, Mark Wild said:

I have lived with my girlfriend for over six months now. Her family is small for Thai standards and consist of 3 people - her parents and a 12-year-old sister. They live in their own small house in Ratchaburi province close to Damnoen Saduak. Her father used to work as a Japanese-speaking van driver. He has been unemployed for a while due to C-19. Her mother doesn't work. 

Ok, just from the above it tells me that the daughter i.e. your gf is expected to provide for the family, Thai, culture.

 

Now the monthly amount all depends on where you, e.g. living and working in Thailand, or abroad, how much you earn and how much support you are prepared to pay, remembering, your gf is supposed to be supporting them, Thai culture as mentioned above.

 

That said, what is deemed reasonable to them and to you will of course be different.

 

The area they live is far more expensive than it would be in Isaan, that said, 12 year olds costs as well.

 

At first thought, I thought 10,000 baht per month, then I spoke to the wife who said probably 13,000-15,000 baht a month.

 

The above said, ask yourself this, could you live on that, I know I couldn't, my monthly budget is 70,000 baht a month, no mortgage/rent/loans and I don't live extravagantly. and live in a village.

 

I am sure there will be a lot of people here saying 5,000 odd a month is enough, ok, then try living on that.

 

The important thing to remember is Thai's expect their kids to support them when they get older, now you have their bread winner so to speak, which is your problem.

 

My situation is different, I married and provided them with a Sin Sot, it was not asked for, it was bread crumbs to me, but a lot for them, that said, they have never asked me for money, and don't expect any from me, my wife, provides them with some treats every now and again as they are only up the road, they don't work, live off their pensions, still support the other daughter who is a single mother who is 40, and unemployed, it's a tough life in anyone's language and I also know my wife gives them some money for stuff from the allowance that I give her for the kids school allowance and local village fresh groceries, and I am ok with that, it's her parents and she hasn't worked in the 15 years that we have been together. I am old school too, but I will help where I can with Dr's bills, medicines, etc, my wife won't ask, I will just ask how much did the Dr cost, or the meds cost and put it on the table to which she is grateful.

 

If you feel 5,000 baht is fair, that is your call, if you earn a good salary and have left over each month, you might consider putting that away for a rainy day and giving them some on a different day, but just remember, 5,000 baht won't get you far in Thailand per month, and if anyone says it will, they are delusional.

 

If you can afford 10,000 baht a month, I am sure it will help, might be short of the mark, but am sure it is reasonable, that said, it all depends on how much you earn and what expenses you have.

 

The last thing you want to do is spoil them and have to make it clear to them that you earn x amount and have x amount to survive on, and cannot afford more, if you think they will stop asking, well sounds to me like they won't, but you just have to turn a deaf ear on that.

 

 

Edited February 17, 2022 by 4MyEgo

[Hummin]

On 2/15/2022 at 4:50 PM, BritManToo said:

I pay my a woman 10K/month to pretend to be my wife.

20k/month seems overly generous.

I have giving my gf a dublicate of my thai bank card. She take care of everything, and she even give me pocket money when I need. I transfer 70 - 100k a month, Dependes on our travelling plans, or if her parents working for us, but they are never paid more than 10k a month, unless we have been away a whole month, then 15 - 20k, which dependes if they bought dog food etc. They take care of our farm, and living here while we are away. Never leave our farm alone, and always one person here 24/7.
 

So far in 5 years, none of them have asked for a single baht, and my gf feels she in charge, which seems important to some girls and maybe make them a bit more happy and proud. 

Edited February 17, 2022 by Hummin

[CrunchWrapSupreme]

On 2/15/2022 at 5:02 PM, RichardColeman said:

Are you paying for their previous bad life choices

This right here. Many Thais are in debt. I'm not paying for it. It's just a black hole. That's why I'm wary of handing over cash. That and drugs or booze, tho they haven't been the case in my fam.

 

My support has been for things I can directly see. Electric bill, water bill, gas tanks for cooking, two Big C trips a month, and most of all, the car I've financed in my wife's name, as her parents we now live with no longer had a vehicle. These have been more than enough and appreciated. Aside from the car, I'd say the monthly support is just about 5k. The guys who like doing more got the cash to do so. I don't, I'm just a teacher.

 

Eh, 6 month GF and allowance talk is a bit early IMO. I'd give it at least a year, and if she really looks like marriage material. That's what my wife and I did.

[Pravda]

6 hours ago, habuspasha said:

You, the OP, won't want to read this, and I'm sure I'll be insulted by all the wise cynics on the thread, but I write because I think the view of sharing as stupidity or generosity as weakness has been pushed too far.  I give my GF 60,000/month.  She then takes care of her parents and her son whom she lives with. They are former Isaan farmers living in BK working making street food and giving motor bike rides.  She is a former shop-girl who barely finished high-school.  When I met them they lived in a rented storefront where they ate and slept on the floor.  I bought her/them a house, and then a better one.  Supporting her generously has made me very happy. Now they can afford to take a taxi, see a movie, take a weekend trip to the seashore which they had never seen.  Her son now goes to a select school with a modest cost for tuition, fees, and uniforms that she never could have afforded before.  He now enjoys school.

 

One poster to this thread said there was little need to pay for health care or insurance because after all, they all had access to a 30 baht charge for any medical treatment.  My GF tells me she would never be a 30 baht patient again.  She was when she delivered her son 12 years ago.  She received nothing from the hospital staff except insult and abuse--not even pain medication or assistance in the delivery.  Her father recently had to have a heart operation.  If he went as a 30 baht patient, he would have to wait indefinitely.  With my support for a private room, he was able to make it happen right away.

 

Other posters seem to pride themselves on refusing these expenses.  They resent being asked.  My GF's father had to be convinced to accept my offering.  He refused the operation because of the cost and his pride.  Finally when my GF made it clear to him that I wanted to  pay for it, he cried and accepted.  He is now recovering and eager to get back to work.

 

I am fortunate to be able to cover expenses like this, to raise the family's living standard, and to make their lives more comfortable.  In answer to the OP, I think the question to ask is not what does everyone else pay, and certainly not what is the minimum you can get away with.  Ask how much you can afford and make them happy.  Tune into your own happiness in pleasing her and them.

 

I'd be crying too if you were giving me 60,000 baht a month.

[CrunchWrapSupreme]

1 hour ago, 4MyEgo said:

a lot of people here saying 5,000 odd a month is enough, ok, then try living on that.

Man. We're not paying for their entire lives and living expenses. They're still able bodied, intelligent, functioning human beings. Even my father-in-law at 71. He still works on the farm. He's proud to do so. He didn't say "Oh, the farang's here. Time for Easy Street". If you should encounter that, IMHO, run. Find some more responsible, more dignified people. We're here to offer support. Not be the be all, end all, miracle workers and saviors.

[Hummin]

3 minutes ago, CrunchWrapSupreme said:

Man. We're not paying for their entire lives and living expenses. They're still able bodied, intelligent, functioning human beings. Even my father-in-law at 71. He still works on the farm. He's proud to do so. He didn't say "Oh, the farang's here. Time for Easy Street". If you should encounter that, IMHO, run. Find some more responsible, more dignified people. We're here to offer support. Not be the be all, end all, miracle workers and saviors.

When they get older, who is going to support them then? If only one daughter in house? 
 

sometimes we have to know what is expected from us, when we involve with a thai family. Biggest mistake is to believe you saving poor little girl from being poor, and thats the only obligation you have. 

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, habuspasha said:

I don't doubt your experience OR that of my GF.  Interesting comparison:  The White Prince on private rate and the dark Isaan mother on 30 baht.  They are two different Thailands.  But likely the same Thai nurses.  All white foreigners with money welcome!

The only 'private' money involved was 1,000bht for the private room for a night.

Everything else was free for my Thai woman and our Thai child.

[4MyEgo]

1 hour ago, CrunchWrapSupreme said:

Man. We're not paying for their entire lives and living expenses. They're still able bodied, intelligent, functioning human beings. Even my father-in-law at 71. He still works on the farm. He's proud to do so. He didn't say "Oh, the farang's here. Time for Easy Street". If you should encounter that, IMHO, run. Find some more responsible, more dignified people. We're here to offer support. Not be the be all, end all, miracle workers and saviors.

My comment was, if you people believe that 3 people could survive on 5,000 baht a month, then perhaps they should try it.

 

I didn't suggest to be the be all, end all miracle workers and saviours as your suggesting.

 

The poster ask a question and I gave him my input, that said my wife just told me she purchased some stuff for her mother who hasn't been well of late, i.e. I believe she has vertigo as she is 62, is overweight, and her blood pressure is elevated, she has seen 3 different Dr's over the past 3 weeks, all telling her to lose weight and to take blood pressure tablets, as her blood pressure is elevated.

 

My wife asked if she could borrow some money from me as she wants us to take her to a hospital an hour up the road, not a private hospital but wants to see what they say as her uncle said he had the same symptoms and they sorted him, that said I gave her 10k baht and said if it's not enough let me know, we will take her tomorrow, it is not a loan, this is my wife's mother.

 

Not telling you that to boast, but my wife is not in a position to help her mother financially, so I will do what I can to assist assist financially when it comes to situations like this, and to perhaps find out for once and for all what the cause of her dizziness is, it might take a few more baht to find out, if we ever do find out, but I am not going to look the other way and say, not my problem, 3 Dr's have told her what it is, that said, she might get told for the 4th time by the next Dr and I will be out of pocket, but that is besides the point, this is my wife's mother and I feel it is my duty to assist her financially where I can for the good, it's not about being abled and bodied, your missing the point in my opinion, i.e. from where I have travelled throughout Thailand, the average Thai's do it tough, they haven't had the education and opportunities we have had unless they were fortunate enough to have been born into a wealthy family, I am talking your average Thai.

 

We all know Thai's expect, and that is were one has to put them in their place, respectfully, that said, I will bet you if his gf could give more, she would, but at the same time she doesn't want to rock the boat, because she knows without him, she will be back where she started from, so she has to find middle ground between the two of them, i.e. the parents and the bf, not an easy task, but 5,000 baht a month isn't going to support her family, which is her responsibility, like it or not, it is part of the culture and he has to be man enough to understand that, everything comes with a price tag, either a female who likes nice things and doesn't think twice about spending or demanding her partner buy, buy, buy her things, or she is domesticated and is happy with the simple things, but also wants to support her family.

 

Good luck on your 5,000 baht a month, let me know how you go ????

 

[4MyEgo]

5 hours ago, EVENKEEL said:

If gov hospitals give such good care, why are there many private hospitals? I paid 35,000 thb for delivery 10 yrs ago. Think 5,000 for doctor. I'm not saying a Gov hospital would have been worse but if you have the money you do what you think is best.

Slightly off topic, but, I pay about 13,000 baht per month for myself and the family to have inpatient private hospital cover, my family has access to the 30 baht scheme, but after having seen first hand what goes on at our local hospital, it's a no brainer for me, i.e. I do not have the confidence in the hospital Dr's or staff, that said, if someone is not well, I will pay the outpatient costs at the private. 

 

It all boils down to whether or not you can afford to pay, want to pay, are satisfied with the hospital/staff, the 30 baht scheme doesn't allow Thai's to go to other hospitals unless the local hospital signs off on it, that is a no no for me as well, they should have the right to go wherever the want under such a scheme, but hey, I don't make up the rules, but expect my family to be treated by a real Dr and be in a comfortable environment at the same time, with less waiting times, e.g. 5-10 minutes to see a Dr as opposed to hours/day.

[EVENKEEL]

39 minutes ago, 4MyEgo said:

Slightly off topic, but, I pay about 13,000 baht per month for myself and the family to have inpatient private hospital cover, my family has access to the 30 baht scheme, but after having seen first hand what goes on at our local hospital, it's a no brainer for me, i.e. I do not have the confidence in the hospital Dr's or staff, that said, if someone is not well, I will pay the outpatient costs at the private. 

 

It all boils down to whether or not you can afford to pay, want to pay, are satisfied with the hospital/staff, the 30 baht scheme doesn't allow Thai's to go to other hospitals unless the local hospital signs off on it, that is a no no for me as well, they should have the right to go wherever the want under such a scheme, but hey, I don't make up the rules, but expect my family to be treated by a real Dr and be in a comfortable environment at the same time, with less waiting times, e.g. 5-10 minutes to see a Dr as opposed to hours/day.

Having the insurance is nice, having money is good. I have a kid here which is why I have given so freely during my working years and now I'm retired with a decent monthly pension I give but I give a set amount, my kid loves her mother's side of family who are decent people so it's hard to say no.

[BritManToo]

4 hours ago, 4MyEgo said:

I am sure there will be a lot of people here saying 5,000 odd a month is enough, ok, then try living on that.

I give grandma 3k/month to not live with me.

She had to sign over the family farm for that, she seems quite happy with that deal and claims to be the richest lady in the village. Elderly village folk don't really need much in the way of money, they grow their own food and forage.

[habuspasha]

8 hours ago, BritManToo said:

The only 'private' money involved was 1,000bht for the private room for a night.

Everything else was free for my Thai woman and our Thai child.

You make my point about the two Thailands,  1,000 baht is not much more than 30 baht to you or me, but try telling that to someone who is living on 5,000 baht a month as many in this thread have said is sufficient.

[Guest Isaanlife]

These discussions around money, the opinions are always slanted on how much people actually have to spend.

 

It is impossible for anyone to put a price on the amount as no one knows the specific family needs or how much you earn?

 

First thing? Does your GF completely and honestly understand how much you make? Do you share that information with her? Or she just suspects, like her parents, since you are a farang, that you must have a ton of money?

 

To poor Thai people, even farang school teachers making 20 to 30K baht a month seem rich.

 

In reality that salary doesn't leave much to help out.

 

If your GF understands this, she should be representing to her family, this is how much we can give you because my husband is not rich.

 

With her Dad and Mom not working, it is the right thing to do to help them out. They will soon become your in-laws (family) when you get married.

 

One thing that has always pained me personally, is seeing kids in the family having to do without. 

 

My wife grew up in Isaan and never had one toy as a child. 

 

It is good to ensure a 12 year old has some happiness in her impoverished family.

 

She won't be 12 forever and will soon face the harsh financial realities of Thailand.

 

It would be great to be able to bring her some joy and happiness while she is still a kid.

 

As to the family issue?

 

Some families like ours are extremely close. 

 

Some farang's don't even like their wife's family what so ever?

 

Each has a choice what kind of relationship they want to have with their in-laws.

 

I do everything I can, because firstly I want to and secondly I can afford to. 

 

Others with limited means?

 

I think it is up to the GF to get the point across that ALL farang's are not rich.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[BritManToo]

12 minutes ago, Isaanlife said:

Some farang's don't even like their wife's family what so ever?

Why would I care about my hired woman's family?

Or the bin mans family, or the local shopkeepers family?

Does caring about your servants family benefit you in any way?

 

She wanted a monthly wage, I give it to her, but that makes her my employee.

None of them actually love us, we just pay them to live with us and have sex with us.

Edited February 17, 2022 by BritManToo

[amexpat]

On 2/16/2022 at 4:06 PM, BritManToo said:

On 2/16/2022 at 2:59 PM, rickudon said:

I give the wife 30,000 baht a month.

555.

You've got yourself a free one that loves you for yourself.

I guess that's why "She pays all the bills (mortgage, water, electric, gas, parents funeral plans, car loan and theoretically shopping bill)"

 

[Guest Isaanlife]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

Why would I care about my hired woman's family?

Or the bin mans family, or the local shopkeepers family?

Does caring about your servants family benefit you in any way?

 

She wanted a monthly wage, I give it to her, but that makes her my employee.

None of them actually love us, we just pay them to live with us and have sex with us.

We all recognize your bitterness and warped sense of reality after you got divorced in the UK.

 

A sane person would have moved on after all these years.

 

 

Edited February 17, 2022 by Isaanlife

[Guest Isaanlife]

On 2/15/2022 at 6:21 PM, Mark Wild said:

Thank you all for your contributions. This was a very useful and interesting exercise. Many different experiences, many different opinions so it definitely worked.

 

For those of you who were interested... at some stage of a relationship is was my idea for her to quit her not very well paid, not entertaining and without any career prospects job. It allowed us to spend more time together, travel to South America together last year and have a home being taken care of by her this year. I'm more comfortable with this than sending her to a similar job she had with similar conditions and salary. Better ones are probably out of the question. More education/experience in the fields she started to pursue would not probably change much and even if... I mentioned before I'm happy with a natural, historical division of duties between sexes. 

 

She mentions every now and then she'd like to run her own business, a restaurant maybe. I am open to the idea. It could be a hobby, her own money stream if she makes it profitable... but she always wants to travel, have a dog, and have babies in a not so distant future so I am threading lightly on any potential investment ideas. Women don't know what they want or they want everything even if what they want is contradicting (running a restaurant and travel?). Young women even more so, but let's leave it as it is. We will see how all of this develops.

 

Yesterday more drama unfolded. Basically she sent 15,000 as a standard to the family in the beginning of the month plus 2,000 for Chinese New Year. Two days ago they asked for another 2,000 to open a new bank account because the old one is no good (WHAAAAT?). When I questioned the narrative, it turned out that it's 1,500 for this mysterious insurance and 500 to open a bank account. I couldn't be bothered really as it's still within her 20,000 allowance. I advised not to send this 2,000, but she did anyway. So they came back yesterday. Now the door is broken and it will cost 10,000 to fix it. In other words buffalo is sick and it looks like a door. 

 

I told her to say "no". She is considering spending the rest of her little savings from last year to have it done. Again, I advised "no" but I also told her that it's up to her if she always wants to be broke and send every baht to them no matter what. This way or another, I am not giving more. Not now, not ever unless like some. of you said - there is a major emergency and I'll have a proof of that. 

 

The situation is a bit tricky because in the end it's not even about the amount. I could give her more so she could send more. But what would be the point? Where would be the limit? I am trying to make her aware that greed of Thai villagers have no limits. Send 20,000, they will want 25,000. Send 25,000 and they will want 30,000. And the limit will never be there in my opinion. The tricky part is that we have a great lifestyle and they can probably see/sense that. In my view, however, the fact that we can have it does not automatically entitle her parents to have it too. I don't want them to be poor or suffer, but I am also not going to buy them a villa with a swimming pool if you know what I mean. And they probably will never be ok with that especially if one day we buy one for ourselves. 

 

Last, but not least... her father was of course already thinking about coming back to work but on his own terms. If only he had a van or a car for a taxi... well, yeah, to hell with that. I am not buying let's say a 1m baht car just to pay for its insurance, gas and service later on top of my gf's allowance just because he can't find enough clients to make his new business sustainable.  

 

The conclusion for me is that I'll keep giving her what I committed last July as long as the relationship works. What she does with it is her choice. I won't give more and if that's not good enough - here is the door. If there is any funny business (like a second "boyfriend) on the side to get more money - here is the door. Love is great and all but my life would be equally good without her. Just different. 

Thank you again for all your contributions. I am checking out for now.

 

 

Sounds like you have more deeper issues than how much money to give her?

 

I think ALL evidence on the 100's of former forum posts leads to the women that don't follow or heed advice from the BF, the relationship is soon over.

 

The woman that is not taking your side or advice, is being controlled by the parents.

 

That does not bode well for you!

 

 A good woman is going to take your side, not continually tell you what SHE wants (restaurant, business, etc.)

 

My wife was dirt poor as in no running water poor.

 

Never asked for 1 baht. 

 

Parents were divorced, wife sided with her Dad.

 

Mother and her BF showed up out of the blue in the beginning wanting money.

 

Mother told her to make a choice, me, or her mother.

 

Well 14 years later she has never seen or spoken to her own mother.

 

Father is a very cool. Like a Thai version of a laid back John Lennon. Love the guy!

 

I support him and ensure the family has what they need in tractors, vehicles, equipment to make their own living. They only needed a hand getting rolling, they work very hard and make their own money. I still help out when ever anything is needed our of their reach.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Adumbration]

Nothing.  Supporting your GF's family is her job.  And it is also her job to support herself.

 

Where did you meet your GF?

 

And where does she work?

Edited February 17, 2022 by Adumbration

[BritManToo]

8 hours ago, Isaanlife said:

A sane person would have moved on after all these years.

Definition of insanity: Not knowing what's real and what's imaginary.

 

Edited February 18, 2022 by BritManToo

[BritManToo]

8 hours ago, Isaanlife said:

The woman that is not taking your side or advice, is being controlled by the parents.

Women are biologically designed to protect and support their bloodline.

Her children, siblings, parents, distant relatives ......... you will never be part of that bloodline.

Edited February 18, 2022 by BritManToo