How Do You Deal with your Feelings of Jealousy?

[KhunLA]

2 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Mine says, "do you love me" 

I reply, "if I say yes, you'll ask for money, if I say no, you'll throw a tantrum" 

" the same as you love me " ... if she start crying ... nuff said

[BritManToo]

27 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

If she's close with a male "friend" and staying out late, that isn't jealousy, that's unacceptable behaviour.

I tell them, if you're out after dark, I'll deduct 1,000bht from your wages. 

[Denim]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

Sex didn't really start for me until I entered Thailand age 52.

Wow...........that sounds way worse than constipation.

[RafPinto]

23 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

I'm not sure they even experience love in Asia in the same way we do in the west.  It seems that love is for the family and relationships are more about money and sex.  It seems almost like they "choose" to love someone, but it's really more like they choose someone and then say that they love them, like they've chosen to be with you so that is love.

Good one.

When I asked my ex after having observed a lot of couples.
Most farangs late 60 to 70s and with young hotties.
I asked if this is love.
She answered: he maybe big heart. no need love, just big heart and take good care of lady and mama????

 

They have no clue about love because most of them never had a father in their lives.
The do not care if you are looking like quasi modo or are 30 years older.
Their goal is to find a "provider". To provide for her and for her nr 1, "Mama".

She wants to make mom proud and make her move up the social ranks in the village.

[RafPinto]

10 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I tell them, if you're out after dark, I'll deduct 1,000bht from your wages. 

That's what I told my ex.
If by 23:00 you are not in, door code has been changed.
 

[Kenny202]

17 minutes ago, KhunLA said:

Dr / patient privilege worldwide, and info not shared, to anyone.  As it should be.

 

Do you visit a lot of HIV clinics ? ... ????

 

Prejudice is a terrible thing.

I certainly did. You think it' funny or hard to believe? Not only did I attend many with her, you missed the bit about she gave birth to my son. 5 follow up checks for him and all clear thank Christ. I am sure the young 20's guy across the road who died, (not to mention his relatives) because he was not warned would have a different view on the sharing of information.

Edited May 22, 2022 by Kenny202

[RafPinto]

Living alone and enjoying freedom now.

If there would someone moving in, I would make it very clear.
Behaving badly, don't worry, I help you to make your luggage or better, it's already waiting at the front door for you.

[Kenny202]

39 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

I'm not sure they even experience love in Asia in the same way we do in the west.  It seems that love is for the family and relationships are more about money and sex.  It seems almost like they "choose" to love someone, but it's really more like they choose someone and then say that they love them, like they've chosen to be with you so that is love.

I think we are talking about a specific socio economic class here, or maybe a certain type. A girl here from a certain class with a particular type of family will have no real choices as far as finding a good provider and a Thai Mr right". Even if he did fall in love with someone of a lower class and nothing to bring to the table it won't get past the guy's mum. Love is a feeling many can't afford here. I have quite a few middle / upper class Thai guy friends here and they all seem to have loving...mutually rewarding and supportive relationships. What we would call normal back home. They are not sitting around worrying where their next meal is coming from or how they can pay off their 5 maxed credit cards and motor bike loan though

 

[BritManToo]

27 minutes ago, Kenny202 said:

I have quite a few middle / upper class Thai guy friends here and they all seem to have loving...mutually rewarding and supportive relationships. What we would call normal back home. They are not sitting around worrying where their next meal is coming from or how they can pay off their 5 maxed credit cards and motor bike loan though

Me too......

He just robbed a gold shop and is in jail. 

What seems, and what is, may not be the same. 

Edited May 22, 2022 by BritManToo

[Kenny202]

1 hour ago, BangkokReady said:

What do you like to collect?  Any particular type?

Off topic sorry but I was also a toy collector also. All the stuff I never had when I was a kid mainly older Corgi / Dinky cars. In the end had tens of thousands of dollars of uninsurable stuff in my home so thought a good idea to move it on. PM me if you would like to discuss ????

[Lacessit]

2 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

 

 

I've just about given up trying to find the "right one" here. I have a young son I need to take care of and don't have money to throw around indulging women with homes etc. And of course the woman here entering into a relationship expects a home and some security, as would a woman anywhere....particularly if she's a lot younger than the guy. Has to be some payoff for her and understandably so. It's just such a bad position to put yourself in....you and all of your possessions, not to mention your future in her hands. 

Asian women are quite pragmatic. So am I, 65% of my assets are still in Australia. The 35% here will go to my GF, provided she behaves.

Her future is in my hands, not vice versa. As I said before, my GF has good reason to maintain me in good health.

 

I can understand your position, fortunately I have a fairly good BS meter and the ones who tried it on here got short shrift. Would that my BS meter had been as good in Oz, but I suppose that's experience.

[Kenny202]

11 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

Asian women are quite pragmatic. So am I, 65% of my assets are still in Australia. The 35% here will go to my GF, provided she behaves.

Her future is in my hands, not vice versa. As I said before, my GF has good reason to maintain me in good health.

 

I can understand your position, fortunately I have a fairly good BS meter and the ones who tried it on here got short shrift. Would that my BS meter had been as good in Oz, but I suppose that's experience.

I find they don't seem to consider their future. Usually just a gormless open mouthed stare when you discuss future or plans...usually a future for her well being and in her interest. My one now has a son as well who is a great little kid. Whole different life to what he had before stuck and unwanted in a village. Well fed and educated. Super appreciative and helpful little guy too. he knows and appreciates what he has and that's enough for me...unlike his mother who seems to feel like she should be getting much more and is doing me a favor living with me making my life a misery. Seems to be engaged in a never ending mindless battle / competition with me to what end I have no idea. I keep telling her their is no "win" or prize at the end of this for you. You are just going to end up homeless and scratching around for 10 baht to buy mama noodles, wondering why you threw away a chance at a decent life and a secure future.  Massive chip on her shoulder impossible to discuss anything without a screaming match. Must be a self defense mechanism they learn.

[Lacessit]

2 minutes ago, Kenny202 said:

I find they don't seem to consider their future. Usually just a gormless open mouthed stare when you discuss future or plans...usually a future for her well being and in her interest. My one now has a son as well who is a great little kid. Whole different life to what he had before stuck and unwanted in a village. Well fed and educated. Super appreciative and helpful little guy too. he knows and appreciates what he has and that's enough for me...unlike his mother who seems to feel like she should be getting much more and is doing me a favor living with me making my life a misery. Seems to be engaged in a never ending mindless battle / competition with me to what end I have no idea. I keep telling her their is no "win" or prize at the end of this for you. You are just going to end up homeless and scratching around for 10 baht to buy mama noodles, wondering why you threw away a chance at a decent life and a secure future.  Massive chip on her shoulder impossible to discuss anything without a screaming match. Must be a self defense mechanism they learn.

I would probably have a disagreement with my GF about once every six months, usually it's a miscommunication which is over in about 30 minutes after we have cleared the air. I don't raise my voice to her, and she doesn't to me.

Scream at me? She'd be out the door so fast her head would spin. I've had screamers and sulkers before.

She's poorly educated, but street-smart. Smart enough to know I am her best shot at a comfortable old age.

[Kenny202]

39 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

I would probably have a disagreement with my GF about once every six months, usually it's a miscommunication which is over in about 30 minutes after we have cleared the air. I don't raise my voice to her, and she doesn't to me.

Scream at me? She'd be out the door so fast her head would spin. I've had screamers and sulkers before.

She's poorly educated, but street-smart. Smart enough to know I am her best shot at a comfortable old age.

You certainly are lucky my friend. Very hard to find here. Many seem to do exactly the opposite to what is in their best interest. I have moved my fair share on and gave very clear ample warning. They always seem genuinely surprised when it actually happens then spend the next 5 years trying to get back with you again. This one now doesn't even have any family or friends to fall back on and little chance of  getting any sort of decent employment. Only for the kid and his relationship with me and his son stops me from actually putting her out on the street. I really do pity her son. He's a really smart little guy....devoted. I often tell her he should be the most important thing in the world for her but she doesn't even seem to value him too much. She's like an old broken Isaan pick up truck heading for a cliff at 120kmh and putting her foot on the gas. It's all stupid transparent mind games a 10 year old child would use. Drama, acting, sulking, self pity. I often say to her it would be a lot easier and more in your interest to just relax and be normal. Some here just seem to crave a life of attention and calamity.

Edited May 22, 2022 by Kenny202

[spidermike007]

What are the ways you use to rid yourself of these feelings, in order to avoid destruction of your life?

 

By not dealing with them. By not putting yourself in that kind of position. Life is short. You have to trust your instincts. If you are dating a woman who is consistently letting you down, you dump her. Quickly. You move on. There are plenty of good women here. If you get involved with one who is playing the field, you move on. It is part of the expression of dignity, and self respect. If you think she is fooling around, because she does not respond to your attempt to contact her, or because she does not show up when you have made plans, she is telling you something. And you are NOT listening. Open your ears. 

 

Alot of guys fall in love with the idea of being in love. And they devote their heart to a woman who is undeserving. So, the best course of action, if to take you time to get to know her. Time allows clarity. If it is good it will only get better. If there are problems (such as the ones you are describing), they will manifest themselves over time. This is why you do not allow yourself to get emotionally invested, until you know who she is. That takes a year, or two, or longer. If she shows you she is not worthy of your affection, and attention, you walk away. Man up. Pay tribute to your gender. Show yourself some self respect. Do not allow yourself to be abused, and treated like a street dog. 

Edited May 22, 2022 by spidermike007

[rimmae2]

5 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Sex didn't really start for me until I entered Thailand age 52.

And since then also started for a number of slim young Thai females.

[jerrymahoney]

2 hours ago, Lacessit said:

Scream at me? She'd be out the door so fast her head would spin. I've had screamers and sulkers before.

Except that doesn't work when it's her house.

[jerrymahoney]

1 hour ago, spidermike007 said:

This is why you do not allow yourself to get emotionally invested, until you know who she is. That takes a year, or two, or longer. If she shows you she is not worthy of your affection, and attention, you walk away. Man up. Pay tribute to your gender. Show yourself some self respect. Do not allow yourself to be abused, and treated like a street dog. 

How long does it take her to do the same -- you may consider yourself to be the rara avis. Maybe you are and maybe you aren't.

Edited May 22, 2022 by jerrymahoney

[jerrymahoney]

5 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I tell them, if you're out after dark, I'll deduct 1,000bht from your wages. 

Is that because you are also not out after dark or does she wear a GPS ankle bracelet?

 

... or is the 1000 baht not such a big deal because she can earn more than that while she is out?

Edited May 22, 2022 by jerrymahoney

[Hummin]

6 minutes ago, jerrymahoney said:

Except that doesn't work when it's her house.

If my gf start screaming at me, Im out even I paid for it! She is jealous, Im not, and she know Im do mot tolerate drama or false accusations. After a break in our relationship in the early days we managed to form common ground (not sure thats correct wording) and build trust. Now 6 years later feels better for every year.

 

Most who rent, I believe have an trust issue, can not or have problem to connect with others or one special, can not afford a relationship, or a combination of everything. One  common reason is insecurity based on childhood traumas. 

[spidermike007]

8 minutes ago, jerrymahoney said:

How long does it take her to do the same -- you may consider yourself to be the rara avis. Maybe you are and maybe you aren't.

It does not matter. If she walks, she walks. Plenty of others out there. We owe it to ourselves to make sure she is worthy of our devotion. Her impatience with my decision to make a commitment is such a wrong headed reason for such a decision. 

[spidermike007]

2 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

You certainly are lucky my friend. Very hard to find here. Many seem to do exactly the opposite to what is in their best interest. I have moved my fair share on and gave very clear ample warning. They always seem genuinely surprised when it actually happens then spend the next 5 years trying to get back with you again. This one now doesn't even have any family or friends to fall back on and little chance of  getting any sort of decent employment. Only for the kid and his relationship with me and his son stops me from actually putting her out on the street. I really do pity her son. He's a really smart little guy....devoted. I often tell her he should be the most important thing in the world for her but she doesn't even seem to value him too much. She's like an old broken Isaan pick up truck heading for a cliff at 120kmh and putting her foot on the gas. It's all stupid transparent mind games a 10 year old child would use. Drama, acting, sulking, self pity. I often say to her it would be a lot easier and more in your interest to just relax and be normal. Some here just seem to crave a life of attention and calamity.

Sounds like it is time to move on, regardless of how cool her kid is. Or adopt him and get rid of her! 

 

Life is just too short for that kind of drama. And the possibility of finding a good, worthy woman here is so much higher than back home. I get pleasure, inspiration and good humor from my wife every day. Even after many years. She is emotionally consistent from one day to the next. You just can't put a price on that. 

[jerrymahoney]

29 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

We owe it to ourselves to make sure she is worthy of our devotion.

Yes every farang who moves to Thailand is a Prince Charming.

[jerrymahoney]

32 minutes ago, Hummin said:

If my gf start screaming at me, Im out even I paid for it!

Maybe she just needs a Valium.

[rumak]

11 hours ago, GammaGlobulin said:

Each one of us may have our own solution for ridding ourselves of feelings of jealousy.

 

My solution is celibacy.

 

Is celibacy just too high a price to pay?

 

Not in the least.

 

Finally, I am completely free of jealousy.

 

Feels great!

 

What about you?

Are you in a relationship?

 

Are you enjoying it?

 

Or, is the jealousy you feel taking years off your life?

 

Mark my words:  You cannot escape it.  Even if you try, the woman you are with will always pique your feelings of jealousy, just when you least expect it.

Which porn sites do you find best for "helping you"  deal with your celibacy ?

[rumak]

53 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

Sounds like it is time to move on, regardless of how cool her kid is. Or adopt him and get rid of her! 

 

Life is just too short for that kind of drama. And the possibility of finding a good, worthy woman here is so much higher than back home. I get pleasure, inspiration and good humor from my wife every day. Even after many years. She is emotionally consistent from one day to the next. You just can't put a price on that. 

i did have a few , or maybe more than a few,  relationships that gave me the initial high and then the eventual letdown.    Like drugs.    Finally I have someone that is.... as you say.... emotionally consistent.

 

I hate to say it ,  but not many guys seem to figure it out .  Or,  present to the ladies a person who is desirable for something other than monetary value.    If that is the case...... no problem.  But I do often cringe when i see so often guys who are definitely not getting their money's worth

[Lacessit]

1 hour ago, jerrymahoney said:

Except that doesn't work when it's her house.

It does when it's my condo.

[jerrymahoney]

3 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

It does when it's my condo.

You have practice at tossing girls out?

 

[rumak]

6 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I'm not convinced women have lasting feelings. 

 

Mine says, "do you love me" 

I reply, "if I say yes, you'll ask for money, if I say no, you'll throw a tantrum" 

 

Can't win that game. 

"tell me how much money you want and i'll tell you how much i love you"

[Golden Triangle]

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