Why did you marry? And maybe why did you do it again?

[OneMoreFarang]

4 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Would anyone buy a new car if there was a 50% chance it would break down and be unfix able within a few years?

At least with the broken car you don't have to pay for it anymore if you don't use it anymore.

[BritManToo]

4 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Shallow worked for me. The sex was far better with Thai rentals than with my first partner, and sex with my wife was far better before we got married than after ( she seemed to lose interest once the paper was signed- funny that ).

Soooo, from my limited experience, if one wants good sex, don't get married.

 

If sex is uneventful, IMO that's down to the individuals involved, and if renting one can keep trying a new rental till one finds the right one to keep till the rental gets too complacent.

Same for me, the sex I had with women I paid by the night was far better than any sex I had with my Brit wife of 30 years.

[BritManToo]

4 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I don't know what Thailand you are referring to, but in the LOS I know one can rent by the day, the week or the month.

I've been renting my current one for the past 6 years.

[BritManToo]

10 hours ago, swissie said:

There must be a reason, that "intact" elderly men are tempted to exchange their old woman for a newer "model", her still displaying the entire range of "womanhood" as opposed to the old woman at home.

 

Would point out most divorce is driven by the old women.

Most guys just endure what they have as they get older ...... given the chance.

I would never have contemplated divorcing my Brit wife, it was 100% her choice to dump me.

[BritManToo]

5 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Out of all the people I know that got married, only two couples didn't get divorced.

In the 70s I didn't know anyone that was divorced, or anyone that had divorced parents.

In 2010 half the schoolkids had divorced parents, and almost every guy I knew had been divorced at least once.

 

The major change (UK) seemed to happen in the 1990s when divorce laws changed to give her the kids, house and half the guys pension (along with needing consent to have sex with your wife). Suddenly wives stopped having sex with their husbands, and started asset stripping them.

Edited August 3, 2022 by BritManToo

[Gaccha]

A lot of this thread is coming down to personality types.

 

To be blunt, those with high intelligence levels and high  education levels do not need a 3rd party to wipe their bottoms.

 

Many on this thread are saying that they need a 3rd party to coerce them to do the right thing; they fear they would have walked away without the threat created by marriage.

 

High intelligence is correlated with the ability to delay gratification, lower levels of addiction, higher abilities at dealing with frustrating events, longer time horizons, fewer temper tantrums etc.  These people simply do not need the threat of coercion by a 3rd party.

 

But we know that half the world's population has an intelligence below 100 IQ. Thailand has an average IQ of 85. That means the majority of the population  would struggle to read and comprehend a bank statement, let alone resolve a complex problem.

 

Religion is manifestly absurd when it adds a layer of magical sacredness to a State coercive policy to stabilise the banal everyday life.

 

... but when half the population has a severely low IQ,  then you have to keep things simple.  So I do think marriage and religion have an important place. I celebrate marriages. 

 

But if you have a university degree and can string a sentence together, you can manage without State cultic practices. 

 

In fact the marriage laws in England are actually designed with this problem in mind.  To reduce the crazy levels of domestic violence, divorce was designed to be such a huge punishment that it would deter violence in marriage.  The law, in other words, is designed for the lowest common denominator parties to behave themselves (Violence is frustration at being unable to resolve matters. This is strongly correlated with IQ). It is a crude system that spits you out.

 

Obviously it is up to you to decide where you fall in my argument. ... But you are on Thai Visa forum...

 

 

Edited August 3, 2022 by Gaccha

[rumak]

5 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Being in a long term relationship or being married didn't guarantee that my partners had any concern for me in the long run. I guess that applies in the 50% or so of married couples that get divorced as well.

actually applies to probably around 80%  of all couples ,  whether they actually get married, or divorced after getting married .    I say this from my observations of how everyone i have known interacts with their partners after a period of time together.

Gotta find someone that keeps trying,  keeps appreciating !     And then, both have to maintain that .     Pretty long odds !       but does happen 

 

BUT,  being that this topic is  the decision to marry, or not...

the ODDS are quite important to consider as getting married does have much greater negative consequences if/when the seperation occurs .    I did it once .  Fortunately did not "lose everything" .       No need to do it again.    No need at all

Edited August 3, 2022 by rumak

[BritManToo]

28 minutes ago, Gaccha said:

In fact the marriage laws in England are actually designed with this problem in mind.  To reduce the crazy levels of domestic violence, divorce was designed to be such a huge punishment that it would deter violence in marriage.  The law, in other words, is designed for the lowest common denominator parties to behave themselves (Violence is frustration at being unable to resolve matters. This is strongly correlated with IQ). It is a crude system that spits you out.

I know a lot of divorce Brit guys (including myself IQ140+), I only know of one that was ever violent towards his wife.

So I'd say your entire post is ridiculous.

[Walker88]

21 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

What is true love?

Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else

 

Life is one fool thing after another, whereas love is two fool things after each other

 

---both are quotes from Oscar Wilde

 

(@jerrymahoney might come in and correct me....again !)

[CANSIAM]

"Marriage is something you must work at"....... thats always concerned me..........

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

In the 70s I didn't know anyone that was divorced, or anyone that had divorced parents.

In 2010 half the schoolkids had divorced parents, and almost every guy I knew had been divorced at least once.

 

The major change (UK) seemed to happen in the 1990s when divorce laws changed to give her the kids, house and half the guys pension (along with needing consent to have sex with your wife). Suddenly wives stopped having sex with their husbands, and started asset stripping them.

My parents divorced in 1970.

 

Frankly, given the way the law favours women in western countries, I don't understand why guys get married, unless they have no significant assets.

A lot of men did avoid getting married and that was countered when the law became that anyone living together longer than 2 or 3 years ( can't remember which off hand ) was legally regarded as being married, and liable to the same asset stripping as for actually married men.

Just wait till sex androids are affordable and see how many men still get attached to real women. I fully expect laws will be brought in to ban them.

 

Any guy that thinks they have a perfect marriage should watch Eat Pray Love ( Julia Roberts ).

I actually know a woman that divorced her husband because he was boring. So much for no fault divorce.

[jerrymahoney]

59 minutes ago, Walker88 said:

Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else

 

Life is one fool thing after another, whereas love is two fool things after each other

 

---both are quotes from Oscar Wilde

 

(@jerrymahoney might come in and correct me....again !)

Well #2 is definitely Wilde. Source: The Happy Prince and Other Tales (1888)

 

#1 is also attributed to George Bernard Shaw but cannot find the source for either of the 2 gents.

[The Hammer2021]

8 hours ago, KIngsofisaan said:

No, sorry.

 

Smart is not an adjective I would use to define Thai girls 

But no doubt you would use it to describe  yourself. Most white men underestimate Thai women. Hence the moaning

[KhunLA]

3 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

A lot of men did avoid getting married and that was countered when the law became that anyone living together longer than 2 or 3 years ( can't remember which off hand ) was legally regarded as being married, and liable to the same asset stripping as for actually married men.

Yep ... why in the one live in relationship I had, she had 2 kids, I always kept one of my rental units open, and documented me living there, even though 99.9% of the time, I was in her house.  Always made sure we had a documented break, every year or so.

[starky]

Never intended to get married nor have children. Funnily like most things life got in the way. I dont regret anything marriage is good children are amazing.

 However i will only marry once. I can see zero point in doing it again. Personally i am amazed by people who marry multiple times. Who clearly do not understand the common denominator in their failed marriages is themselves.

 I mean i can see both sides of the equation and though its not for me maybe get married twice. 

[starky]

4 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I know a lot of divorce Brit guys (including myself IQ140+), I only know of one that was ever violent towards his wife.

So I'd say your entire post is ridiculous.

IQ 140+ britman ? Shhhhh. Dont tell the anti pot brigade as all stoners are brain damaged imbeciles who cant function in life or society. ????

[Gaccha]

5 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I know a lot of divorce Brit guys (including myself IQ140+), I only know of one that was ever violent towards his wife.

So I'd say your entire post is ridiculous.

1. My claim: divorce laws are  harsh to deter domestic violence

 

2. Your claim: my friends are divorced and only one was violent

 

I don't claim the divorce laws will stop divorces. I simply say they are designed to impose good behaviour from the male during the marriage.

 

I have to make assumptions because you forgot to lay out the reasoning for your argument which led you to claim the current jurisprudential position is ridiculous.

 

...But if your friends all divorced their wives because the wives were behaving badly, then that in no way affects my argument. 

 

...if your friends were divorced by their wives for some reason besides domestic violence then that in no way affects my argument. 

 

The law achieves its goal if men prone to violence (mostly low IQ men) remember the potential consequences of their actions. It does this. It works. 

 

 

 

"Domestic Violence and Divorce Law: When Divorce Threats Become Credible"

January 2016

Journal of Labor Economics 34(2):000-000

 

Note, "cheaper" (credible) in the research text means for the woman... 

 

 

Edited August 3, 2022 by Gaccha

[jerrymahoney]

23 minutes ago, KhunLA said:

Yep ... why in the one live in relationship I had, she had 2 kids, I always kept one of my rental units open, and documented me living there, even though 99.9% of the time, I was in her house.  Always made sure we had a documented break, every year or so.

In what country was that?

[BritManToo]

34 minutes ago, starky said:

IQ 140+ britman ? Shhhhh. Dont tell the anti pot brigade as all stoners are brain damaged imbeciles who cant function in life or society. ????

I only smoke pot to remove the pain from arthritis in my knuckles the past 2 years. Before age 63 didn't use it at all. 

[KhunLA]

43 minutes ago, jerrymahoney said:

In what country was that?

USA, and every state has different rules.

[jerrymahoney]

15 minutes ago, KhunLA said:

USA, and every state has different rules.

Yes but I guess that rules out California or Louisiana.

Edited August 3, 2022 by jerrymahoney

[KhunLA]

1 minute ago, jerrymahoney said:

Yes but I guess that rules out California.

Never had a desire to live there.  Only lived in PA, TN, WV, NJ, FL, MI, longest to shortest time in that order, 36, 5, 1, 1, 1, 0.5 yrs.

 

PA no longer recognizes common law marriages, and TN never did.

[GinBoy2]

Lot of talk of the acrimony of divorce in posts, and lots of talk of guys being taken to the cleaners.

 

Of course it happens, but it doesn't have to be like that. Every jurisdiction have their own rules, but me and my ex did it in California, without lawyers and it cost us $100 for the filing fees.

 

We wrote up our own separation agreement splitting our assets, pretty fairly. Neither of us came out rich, but neither of us became destitute. Submitted the papers to the court, boom we were divorced.

 

As I stated previously we didn't get divorced earlier through laziness, and we only did it because I needed to legally marry my Thai wife so we could get her a green card.

 

And in the weird bizarrro world we live in, we can all, kids, me my wife, ex wife her bf can actually all go on vacation together.

 

This world doesn't always have to be totally sh^%^ty

[starky]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

I only smoke pot to remove the pain from arthritis in my knuckles the past 2 years. Before age 63 didn't use it at all. 

Wow 2 years your knowledge of hydroponics seems far more advanced than someone only been in the game 2 years. Muat be that  big brain. 

[starky]

5 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

My parents divorced in 1970.

 

Frankly, given the way the law favours women in western countries, I don't understand why guys get married, unless they have no significant assets.

A lot of men did avoid getting married and that was countered when the law became that anyone living together longer than 2 or 3 years ( can't remember which off hand ) was legally regarded as being married, and liable to the same asset stripping as for actually married men.

Just wait till sex androids are affordable and see how many men still get attached to real women. I fully expect laws will be brought in to ban them.

 

Any guy that thinks they have a perfect marriage should watch Eat Pray Love ( Julia Roberts ).

I actually know a woman that divorced her husband because he was boring. So much for no fault divorce.

Im hearing ya. My parents divorced a year after i was born '75.  Both went their seperate ways. No judgement call here but my old man who i met later in life never gave 1 zak to my mother nor the people that raised me. In Australia that was pretty common back then. So the pendulum has swung way too far the other way but i truly believe both parents should be held responsible for the care and upkeep of children they produce. Some people take bettwr care of their pets than their children.

Edited August 3, 2022 by starky

[Deserted]

The question is so broad there are too many different answers. Sometimes circumstances change and you have to. There are certain countries that would not let your partner in if you weren't married, so people have to marry to get round that if they want to stay together. 

 

One of the main challenges in the west seems to be people change after marriage, usually because they have their own agenda. Women are 100 times worse than men in this respect I think.  

[OneMoreFarang]

28 minutes ago, GinBoy2 said:

Lot of talk of the acrimony of divorce in posts, and lots of talk of guys being taken to the cleaners.

 

Of course it happens, but it doesn't have to be like that. Every jurisdiction have their own rules, but me and my ex did it in California, without lawyers and it cost us $100 for the filing fees.

 

We wrote up our own separation agreement splitting our assets, pretty fairly. Neither of us came out rich, but neither of us became destitute. Submitted the papers to the court, boom we were divorced.

 

As I stated previously we didn't get divorced earlier through laziness, and we only did it because I needed to legally marry my Thai wife so we could get her a green card.

 

And in the weird bizarrro world we live in, we can all, kids, me my wife, ex wife her bf can actually all go on vacation together.

 

This world doesn't always have to be totally sh^%^ty

Great for you.

 

When I was still in school we were invited to one teachers home. His wife was a divorce lawyer. She told us that many people actually want a peaceful divorce.

That is until the moment when one of the lawyers realizes then he/she can make a lot more money when the divorce it not peaceful. And they they give their client "advice" like: he ruined your life. Do you rally want to let him get away with that. And then the fighting starts. And it never ends.

And at the end it's 2:0 for the lawyers.

Sad but I am sure true for many cases.

 

[xtrnuno41]

19 hours ago, KIngsofisaan said:

You are also a common denonimator in your marriages NOT working

 

Perhaps you need to evaluate your OWN choices better?

 

 

 

 

Well as you could read in my comment, I am/was not the only one.

The only factor remains, change in women's thoughts. A pop in the brain.

As i said before it doesnt matter how good you do, or even think you are doing.

 

If you didnt experienced it, well done. I envy you. As I found out, it is rare.

It is absolutely not a common thing and in these times even harder.

I even heard about people married for 50 yeas and getting a divorce at age 70.

Well mentioned my sis, just a pop in the brain and all changes.

In the choices you make you really have to be lucky,

as it can change rapidly or dosed in years with a final pop in brain.

You cant evaluate that. Then you find out you were mistaken.

Mariage just BS. Women divorce just like that, taking as much as they can from you.

That is when the brain had popped, they are your worst enemy then.

Nothing is left of the woman , you thought, you once knew.  

[jerrymahoney]

42 minutes ago, KhunLA said:

Never had a desire to live there.  Only lived in PA, TN, WV, NJ, FL, MI, longest to shortest time in that order, 36, 5, 1, 1, 1, 0.5 yrs.

 

PA no longer recognizes common law marriages, and TN never did.

I'm not trying to play gotcha -- just trying to understand where a scenario as you described with the 'documented' living in an empty rental apartment et al would make sense.

[GinBoy2]

5 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Great for you.

 

When I was still in school we were invited to one teachers home. His wife was a divorce lawyer. She told us that many people actually want a peaceful divorce.

That is until the moment when one of the lawyers realizes then he/she can make a lot more money when the divorce it not peaceful. And they they give their client "advice" like: he ruined your life. Do you rally want to let him get away with that. And then the fighting starts. And it never ends.

And at the end it's 2:0 for the lawyers.

Sad but I am sure true for many cases.

 

I think you are spot on.

 

Once lawyers get involved they have no motivation for a peaceful divorce.

 

They want acrimony, that drives their billing.

 

I'm thankful me and my ex saw through all that and did it ourselves.

 

Maybe if more did that there might be a lot less bitter divorcee's, and subsequently happier people better able to forge new relationships without the bitterness of 'what if'