Making friends with Thai men.

[bbi1]

Just now, bob smith said:

no chance. cant stand um!

Next best thing. Make friends with the technicians in your condo. 

[HighPriority]

1 minute ago, bob smith said:

no chance. cant stand um!

I have issues with authority figures too

[1FinickyOne]

2 hours ago, bob smith said:

i do. sometimes i wish i didnt, some of the things i've heard them say about us over the years is downright disturbing!

Well, not that often our roads cross and I don't drink but have made friends w/Thai men on occasion and developed close relationships as we had things in common... and pursued them together. 

[Sparktrader]

In hotels I make friends with cleaners and receptionists, all female though. You get better deals. You never know what extras might happen.

[2baht]

Just now, Sparktrader said:

In hotels I make friends with cleaners and receptionists, all female though. You get better deals. You never know what extras might happen.

Sounds deep and meaningful!

[bob smith]

7 hours ago, Sparktrader said:

In hotels I make friends with cleaners and receptionists, all female though. You get better deals. You never know what extras might happen.

ooh matron! ????

[OneMoreFarang]

57 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

Absolutely mystified how you can make such a sweeping generalization about Thai men and at the same time think it is more than feasible to have a meaningful relationship with a Thai woman. Your statement, if true, - which it's not- would be equally applicable to Thai women.

How many meaningful relationships do you have with Thai women when they are not possible sex partners? I know a couple of respectable intelligent Thai women and we work sometimes together. All fine. But that's it. 

Farang guys and Thai girls who are interested in short of long term sexual relationships seem to be compatible. But that's it.

[Pawpcorn]

1 hour ago, Simple Jack said:

the interview. When rocket man goes all out xenophobic.

What movie was this?

[Sparktrader]

56 minutes ago, VinnieK said:

Abandon all hope.

Haven't had any male friends here..and I tried.

I consider myself fairly sociable but to no avail.

Xenophobia and tribalism are deeply rooted here.

I never seen any Thais showing any interest in Burmese or Malaysian ppl either..and they are next door neighbours.

Insular af.

 

What city do you live?

[bob smith]

7 hours ago, Sparktrader said:

What city do you live?

does it matter? ive been everywhere in thailand and its pretty much the same story all over.

[Simple Jack]

1 hour ago, bob smith said:

what do you mean by spoling their woemn exactly? you mean by marrying them, raising kids with them etc? being monogomous? thats wht i see from most farang thai couples. on the other hand i see thai men regularly cheat on their women and occaisioanlly beat them when drunk sad but true, at ;east what i have seen,

I think he means the old lymiric. " The lads were here, you should of seen us comin' We only came to drink yer beer and <deleted> yer <deleted> wuman"

Edited October 28, 2022 by Simple Jack

[Sparktrader]

2 minutes ago, bob smith said:

does it matter? ive been everywhere in thailand and its pretty much the same story all over.

Yes it matters. Less real in tourist zones.

 

You tried to make friends in 20 cities and made none?

[Sparktrader]

How old are you? What age Thais are you talking to? Where are you meeting them?

[Simple Jack]

58 minutes ago, Iamfalang said:

Remember, ladyBOYS are men.   OK, joking but not really joking.... lol

 

exercise, met many, all fine.   workplaces, teachers, etc.... all fine.  

 

The PROBLEM I have is if these Thai guys drink......maybe after exercise they start drinking and I stick around..........90% of the time I leave early because things get weird.  aggressive, strange, whatever.....i've seen it happen enough times.

 

advice:  not involving alcohol.   

Seen this also. And when they aint just drinking. You know yourself when the hairs start standing up.  Remember.

 

"You can always turn your back on a person. Never turn your back on a drug"

[Don Chance]

Easy. Just give them some money.

[BangkokReady]

1 hour ago, bob smith said:

what do you mean by spoling their woemn exactly?

I would assume they mean that a Thai woman is tainted after laying with a foreigner.

[Doctor Tom]

1 hour ago, Gecko123 said:

Absolutely mystified how you can make such a sweeping generalization about Thai men and at the same time think it is more than feasible to have a meaningful relationship with a Thai woman. Your statement, if true, - which it's not- would be equally applicable to Thai women.

I never said that it wasn't true of Thai female relationships, but as we all know, the dynamics of a sexual relationship are not the same as in a male, none sexual or 'love'  ( whatever that term means)  'friendship' relationship.  I stand by my comments in my earlier post.  

Edited October 28, 2022 by Doctor Tom

[Simple Jack]

54 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

. And i.e. lots of (Thai run) bars which are only specialized on Japanese customers.

 

Ah the ones where you sit in a glass box. And some girl on the top takes a slash or a poop for your enjoyment? Never understood squid porn tho ????

[jvs]

1 hour ago, Sparktrader said:

I read whats written. I dont have a problem making friends with Thais. 

 

Do you live here?

[OneMoreFarang]

31 minutes ago, Simple Jack said:

Ah the ones where you sit in a glass box. And some girl on the top takes a slash or a poop for your enjoyment? Never understood squid porn tho ????

I was never in one of those places.

 

But there is one little Japanese oriented bar on my way back home from Soi Cowboy. They have super cute girls sitting in front waiting for customers. And they are not interested at all in farangs. 

[BangkokReady]

1 hour ago, Pawpcorn said:

What movie was this?

I think its just called "The Interview". Someone like James Franco and Seth Green win a chance to interview Kim Jon Un and try to kill him, I think.

[Gecko123]

2 hours ago, bob smith said:

so what is the psychology of thai males then? could you elaborate further?

You keep agreeing with all the Thai bashers, so I'm a little uncertain whether you genuinely want insights is or if you're dreaming up thread topics to help while away the hours, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt for the moment.

 

Thai men are neither coddled prima donnas nor suffer from a collective inferiority complex. What they do feel is resentment about the unfair competitive financial advantage that many foreign men enjoy, and the arrogance and dismissive attitude which many foreign men exude towards Thai men. Rightfully so, as you'd be resentful as well. In fact, compared to white men's possessive attitude towards non-white men becoming sexually involved with white women, Thai men are downright welcoming towards foreign men's cathousing in Thailand. They are also probably somewhat confused on some level about why Thai women are so sought after by foreign men while Thai men seem to enjoy far less romantic interest from foreign women. They are also probably shy and hesitant about making social overtures towards foreign men because of a lack of self-confidence with their English language skills. But with that said, many, many Thai men are affable, approachable, have great senses of humor, and have much to offer in terms of knowledge, life experience and insights into Thai culture.

 

They are often keenly observant and highly intuitive. They can tell a lot about what you're thinking just by looking in your eyes. They are not stupid and are good judge's of character. Foreign men who act like they're god's gift to Thai women or who give off vibes that Thai men are scum are obviously not going to quickly be befriended. They can see through a phony smile in a heartbeat, and if you think you can spend all day bashing Thai men on social media and that won't bleed into your demeanor when you encounter a Thai male in real life, you're kidding yourself. That condescending attitude is easily sensed just by looking in your eyes, and at the curve of your mouth.

 

In general, the Western model for male-male friendship doesn't work here. For the most part, the exalted Western model for male-male friendship is a fantasy anyway, filled with fake  commitments typically followed by disappointment, betrayal, and backstabbing. The Thai male-male model is a far more pragmatic, sensible, honest, and truer to human nature than the nonsensical friendship ideals we were all fed back home.

 

Thai men essentially bond over shared common experiences and interests. The "blood brother" "I'd take a bullet for you/donate a kidney for you" BS that very few people truly ever experience back home isn't even aspired to here. That goes for Thai male friendships with other Thai males as well. It's all about shared common experiences and interests built up over time. Period. Nobody is looking to share dreams and darkest secrets, or intimate details about your medical history or sex life. The Thai friendship model is absolutely more honest, and generally speaking you have a better idea of where you stand. The Western model for male friendship - which in many ways is a facade - needs to be thrown out the window.

 

It's all about finding common interests. That's it. And because you are in their country, you have to make more of an effort to find those common interests, if only because they may not really have a very good conceptualization of what interests you may have. I can't speak for an urban setting, but in a rural setting that means having some kind of interest in the land because that's ultimately what everyone's life centers around. Farming, gardening, food, sports, repairing, construction, health issues, diet, etc are they types of common interests I have managed to develop with the people in my moo ban.

 

Thai language skills are critically important not just to communicate, but to gain insights into the culture and to show cultural interest and respect. If your Thai is rudimentary it's probably going to be tough. 

 

Humbleness can't faked.

 

Smiling and having an affable nature - something I'll be the first to admit I need to work on myself - are very important. Convey a measure of concern and interest in those around you. That includes helping those in need from time to time and showing a willingness to pitch in. That doesn't mean you have to be constantly giving people handouts or be trying to buy people's friendship. That's not going to work.

 

It's very important to get on the same circadian cycle as those around you. Again, having a connection to the land not only builds common interest, but shows respect and a shared work ethic.  You do not want to be perceived as lolling around in a hammock all day while everyone around you is slaving in the midday sun.

 

You don't have to feign an interest in going to the temple on holy days, or pretend you're interested in cock fighting, or to be buying round after round at the local drinking circle if these things do not interest you. It's simply a matter of being yourself, finding common interests, and building up mutual respect and camaraderie over time.

 

And the final advice I would offer is to make your friendship with the Thai male your focus, as opposed to quickly shifting your friendship focus to his girlfriend or wife. It is my observation that Thais don't do "couples" that much, certainly not out in the countryside. Men have men friends, and women have women friends. Maybe urban more westernized couples do couples activities, but my sense is that even though you might see this on TV shows and commercials, I'm skeptical how much of this really goes on. I'm not saying Thai couples never interact as couples, but you as a foreign man, will encounter considerable leariness from the Thai male if you start getting overly friendly with his girlfriend or wife, especially if you shift focus right off the bat.

Edited October 28, 2022 by Gecko123

[Andre0720]

2 hours ago, bob smith said:

i'd definitely like to hear from those that have. maybe i could get a few pointers..

Well, had one male whom I thought was a friend, and one female neighbor.

All I can say is that if you do not have a Thai friend, count your blessings.

And if a Thai person starts befriending you, be very very careful.

[kidneyw]

3 hours ago, bob smith said:

i do. sometimes i wish i didnt, some of the things i've heard them say about us over the years is downright disturbing!

And that doesn't put you off.

You are either thick skinned or deaf dumb and blind.

Sorry,

Maybe you are an okay guy and these Thais were the problem.

 

[Hummin]

1 hour ago, Sparktrader said:

In hotels I make friends with cleaners and receptionists, all female though. You get better deals. You never know what extras might happen.

So the word friend have different meaning by culture or individuals? 

 

Be friendly and being friends is two quite different words with meaning to me.

[Sparktrader]

1 minute ago, Hummin said:

So the word friend have different meaning by culture or individuals? 

 

Be friendly and being friends is two quite different words with meaning to me.

FWB

[Simple Jack]

9 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I was never in one of those places.

Yea. And i wouldn't lick lard out a dirty ashray for 5 bucks ???? "only jesting mate" o7

[scubascuba3]

37 minutes ago, jvs said:

Do you live here?

No he doesn't, i suspect it's his mom's basement in Oz

[Hummin]

8 minutes ago, Sparktrader said:

FWB

Friends with benefits should go both ways, making you in dept to your friends, or I'm wrong? 

 

A good test of a friend, is to pay beer, restaurant bills, and see how good friends they are. I never expect them to pay as much as I do, but at least offer themselves to contribute in some way. 

 

If not, there is no way they can climb on my friend list.

 

If they have very little, I'm more than happy to offer a beer or two, but there is a limit. Everyone can contribute with something

[Andre0720]

12 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

You keep agreeing with all the Thai bashers, so I'm a little uncertain whether you genuinely want insights is or if you're dreaming up thread topics to help while away the hours, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt for the moment.

 

Thai men are neither coddled prima donnas nor suffer from a collective inferiority complex. What they do feel is resentment about the unfair competitive financial advantage that many foreign men enjoy, and the arrogance and dismissive attitude which many foreign men exude towards Thai men. Rightfully so, as you'd be resentful as well, in fact, compared to white men's possessive attitude towards non-white men becoming sexually involved with white women, Thai men are downright welcoming towards foreign men's cathousing in Thailand.They are also probably somewhat confused on some level about why Thai women are so sought after by foreign men while Thai men seem to enjoy far less romantic interest from foreign women. They are also probably shy and hesitant about making social overtures towards foreign men because of a lack of self-confidence with their English language skills. But with that said, many, many Thai men are affable, approachable, have great senses of humor and have much to offer in terms of knowledge, life experience and insights into Thai culture.

 

They are often keenly observant and highly intuitive. They can tell a lot about what you're thinking just by looking in your eyes. They are not stupid and are good judge's of character. Foreign men who act like they're god's gift to Thai women or who give off vibes that Thai men are scum are obviously not going to quickly be befriended. They can see through a phony smile in a heartbeat, and if you think you can spend all day bashing Thai men on social media and that won't bleed into your demeanor when you encounter a Thai male in real life, you're kidding yourself. That condescending attitude is easily sensed just by looking in your eyes, and at the curve of your mouth.

 

In general, the Western model for male-male friendship doesn't work here. For the most part, the exalted Western model for male-male friendship is a fantasy anyway, filled with fake  commitments typically followed by disappointment, betrayal, and backstabbing. The Thai male-male model is a far more pragmatic, sensible, honest, and truer to human nature than the nonsensical friendship ideals we were all fed back home.

 

Thai men essentially bond over shared common experiences and interests. The "blood brother" "I'd take a bullet for you/donate a kidney for you" BS that very few people truly ever experience back home isn't even aspired to here. That goes for Thai male friendships with other Thai males as well. It's all about shared common experiences and interests built up over time. Period. Nobody is looking to share dreams and darkest secrets, or intimate details about your medical history or sex life. The Thai friendship model is absolutely more honest, and generally speaking you have a better idea of where you stand. The Western model for male friendship - which in many ways is a facade - needs to be thrown out the window.

 

It's all about finding common interests. That's it. And because you are in their country, you have to make more of an effort to find those common interests, if only because they may not really have a very good conceptualization of what interests you may have. I can't speak for an urban setting, but in a rural setting that means having some kind of interest in the land because that's ultimately what everyone's life centers around. Farming, gardening, food, sports, repairing, construction, health issues, diet, etc are they types of common interests I have managed to develop with the people in my moo ban.

 

Thai language skills are critically important not just to communicate, but to gain insights into the culture and to show cultural interest and respect. If your Thai is rudimentary it's probably going to be tough. 

 

Humbleness can't faked.

 

Smiling and having an affable nature - something I'll be the first to admit I need to work on myself - are very important. Convey a measure of concern and interest in those around you. That includes helping those in need from time to time and showing a willingness to pitch in. That doesn't mean you have to be constantly giving people handouts or be trying to buy people's friendship. That's not going to work.

 

It's very important to get on the same circadian cycle as those around you. Again, having a connection to the land not only builds common interest, but shows respect and a shared work ethic.  You do not want to be perceived as lolling around in a hammock all day while everyone around you is slaving in the midday sun is important.

 

You don't have to feign an interest going to the temple on holy days, or pretend you're interested in cock fighting, or be buying round after round at the local drinking circle if these things do not interest you. It's simply a matter of being yourself, finding common interests, and building up mutual respect and camaraderie over time.

 

And the final advice I would offer is to make your friendship with the Thai male your focus, as opposed to quickly shifting your friendship focus to his girlfriend or wife. It is my observation that Thais don't do "couples" that much, certainly not out in the countryside. Men have men friends and women have women friends. Maybe urban more westernized couples do couples activities, but my sense is that even though you might see this on TV shows and commercials, I'm skeptical how much of this really goes on. I'm not saying Thai couples never interact as couples, but you as a foreign man, will encounter considerable leariness from the Thai male if you start getting overly friendly with his girlfriend or wife, especially if you shift focus right off the bat.

I have lived in Thailand for some 15 years. And I have seen nothing of what you are describing.

And as you say, yes, there are Thai bashers, but there might very well be a reason for that.

Motherhood statements they are.

But perhaps start with Thai women, and see if you can get them interested in these irresponsible men. All I see around me are Thai women living alone, or with their children. The irresponsible men are long gone. Children, too expensive for the selfish culture.

I keep telling Thai women, that if they were in my country, there would be a network of friends working at match making. Here they are not interested in that.

Might just be a reason for that...