On The Etiquette of Wais

[brianthainess]

The only time I will Wai is if someone has really helped me as a way of saying thank you Very Much, for example if I was handed back something important I had dropped without noticing like an ATM card or helped me in a big way. . I also salute back to a security guard at Macro.  Why do they do that ?

[BobBKK]

He was wrong to Wai her - pretty simple really.

[jayboy]

14 hours ago, JSLit said:

Whenever I go to a coffee shop up in the sticks, Ill occasionally meet a farang who introduces themselves only to tell me how much they hate Thailand, how Thai people are oblivious, etc...only to then tell me that they've been here for 30 years and plan on still being here. LOL

Slightly off topic but in my experience long term foreigners who profess to hate Thailand have only themselves to blame - whether having lost most of their money or chained to some unsuitable partner or isolated in some dull as ditch water Isaan village (or a combination of all three).

 

The other side of the coin are those who uncritically adore every aspect of Thailand and revile their home country.It's an attitude I prefer to that of the Thailand haters because it's more optimistic.But it's no closer to the truth.

 

The reality is that Thailand is a very attractive country with some deep seated problems - like anywhere else.I love it but recognize the issues.Those who claim to be uninterested in their home country seem not to realize they are simply confirming they didn't fit in - which is fine .But it's silly not to recognize that European countries are superbly livable - for the well educated, the better off and civilized.

 

 

[BobBKK]

5 minutes ago, jayboy said:

Slightly off topic but in my experience long term foreigners who profess to hate Thailand have only themselves to blame - whether having lost most of their money or chained to some unsuitable partner or isolated in some dull as ditch water Isaan village (or a combination of all three).

 

The other side of the coin are those who uncritically adore every aspect of Thailand and revile their home country.It's an attitude I prefer to that of the Thailand haters because it's more optimistic.But it's no closer to the truth.

 

The reality is that Thailand is a very attractive country with some deep seated problems - like anywhere else.I love it but recognize the issues.Those who claim to be uninterested in their home country seem not to realize they are simply confirming they didn't fit in - which is fine .But it's silly not to recognize that European countries are superbly livable - for the well educated, the better off and civilized.

 

 

I'm certainly glad I was born in Europe but just as glad I now live here in happy retirement. 

[Kwasaki]

1 hour ago, watchcat said:

A wave could, and often does, mean no in Thailand.

Jokes apart when Thai people say hello i do a thumbs up. 

Many i know like to shake hands as westerners do. 

 

There's no need for anyone to be upset if you do something wrong you not know of, Thais just think well it's a falangie.

The OP's friend is a bit of a weirdo if you asked me.  

[seajae]

I was told by my wife a wai to the forehead is for monks as a sign of respect to them, everyone else it is equivelent to a hand shake/greeting in the west so if I am wai'd I always return it and it is how I greet others unless I shake hands, I imagine that there are a lot of farangs that simply do not respect anyone else from some of the comments but I suppose it is to  be expected from the ones that refuse to respect others

Edited February 20, 2023 by seajae

[NoshowJones]

17 hours ago, PJ71 said:

Do you salute a soldier when you see them?

No way, especially the ones attempting to run the country.

[Tropposurfer]

Alas  must confess !! I only wai people if I think there is some gain for me in doing so. Yes, I know I am a shallow transparent man lol ????????

 

Its interesting how the wai is perceived and used here, in this forum and amongst Thai's as we non-Thai's report to to be.

 

In Indian culture the wai is called a "namaste". It is a sign of acknowledgement of the life-force or Prana that exists in all of us, and in respect to that.

For those who identify with a singular god concept this intentional action could be interpreted as an acknowledging via the namaste or wai as a recognition of the God that exists in all of us.

As a devote of Yoga I use the wai in the Prana way. This is always my intentionality in using it. I don't do it to look cool, to appear to cow-tow, or to fit in with some social norm.

I do it and, it brings me a momentary sense of one-ness, even a visceral feeling of love and compassion for the other and thus myself (see I told you I was oh-so shallow and selfish) serenity and humility as I walk though life.

In doing so the simple act brings a moment of deflation to my appallingly over-sized ego.

[earlinclaifornia]

20 hours ago, josephbloggs said:

No they don't. Understand why you are doing it and it is a nice thing. Foreigners who just go around randomly wai'ing bus drivers, people in the street, random strangers, may look odd but generally they will be seen as cute even if they are completely wrong - at least they are making an effort and that is always appreciated in any culture.

People who refuse to return a wai are simply rude - just as it would be if you refused a handshake., If you don't understand that then maybe just stick to your own kind (which, judging by the tone of your post, I am sure you do anyway).

I agree with your outlook. The saying, saibai saibai explains it best. Old men like myself enjoy the return smiles when initiating a wai. I have never noticed a younger Thai girl reacting badly

[Photoguy21]

Normally it is the younger person who Wai's the older person. The older person can respond similarly but it isnt required.

[Speedhump]

On 2/19/2023 at 5:16 PM, SuperSilverHaze said:

Imo a foreigner shoud never wai as the top photo shows. It's very correct but for an old, farang man it shows too much beta.

 

That's the kinda of wai that goes to a parent upon seeing them after six months away.

 

The bottom is not really a wai.

 

 

If you are shy get in front of a mirror and wai 30 times a day for a week. You'll feel much better about it

 

About the only person you really must wai are your spouse's parents and if working you should know how to properly wai your boss.

 

You should return almost everyone's wai.

The top picture is a monk wai. It shows deepest respect and humility. A wai to parents after a separation should really be thumbs along the bridge of the nose, IMO. A regular wai would be tip of fingers around the tip of the nose area. This is a rough guide. And knowing who and when to wai is something else. It can also be used to express simple gratitude. 

 

I don't believe most Thais would ever be offended by a farang trying to wai. Of course Thailand has xenophobes like every country, but most people I interact with are nice and are polite.

[zzaa09]

11 hours ago, Kwasaki said:

Jokes apart when Thai people say hello i do a thumbs up. 

Many i know like to shake hands as westerners do. 

 

There's no need for anyone to be upset if you do something wrong you not know of, Thais just think well it's a falangie.

The OP's friend is a bit of a weirdo if you asked me.  

Ya know....the act of handshaking is quite the disgusting gesture. 

Who know what kind cooties/filth that the recipient is carrying. 

????

[kwilco]

On 2/19/2023 at 9:09 AM, BritManToo said:

Don't wai anyone, you aren't a serf or a lord.

what an ugly attitude!

[SuperSilverHaze]

9 hours ago, Speedhump said:

The top picture is a monk wai. It shows deepest respect and humility. A wai to parents after a separation should really be thumbs along the bridge of the nose, IMO. A regular wai would be tip of fingers around the tip of the nose area. This is a rough guide. And knowing who and when to wai is something else. It can also be used to express simple gratitude. 

 

I don't believe most Thais would ever be offended by a farang trying to wai. Of course Thailand has xenophobes like every country, but most people I interact with are nice and are polite.

Great post and I couldn't agree more. What psychopath would be angry with a foreigner because when they expressed themselves in greeting or cultural exchange it wasn't as perfect as a native son or daughter? Sorry, no.

 

The people that simply won't wai are self conscious, embarrassed, perplexed, lazy and self centered.

 

Speaking the language well and not wai'ing strikes me as even more problematic.

 

Decades ago I had a Khmer gf in the US. We went to a fancy big Khmer party. My new gf asked me if I knew how and when to wai and that it was important to her that I did so. That was in the US even.

[Tish 2]

You sound like the new arrivals that only embarrass themselves and their intended Waiees when trying to be culturally correct.

When in doubt,a slight nod and a shy smile always works better for farangs.

 

[NanLaew]

On 2/19/2023 at 7:47 PM, JSLit said:

On 2/19/2023 at 5:36 PM, NanLaew said:

So the OP's mate, who I assume is a farang, got upset when his wai wasn't acknowldeged and reciprocated?

 

Maybe best to just avoid this cultural assimilation nonsense. It's a big old nothing burger.

Whenever I go to a coffee shop up in the sticks, Ill occasionally meet a farang who introduces themselves only to tell me how much they hate Thailand, how Thai people are oblivious, etc...only to then tell me that they've been here for 30 years and plan on still being here. LOL

What has that got to do with the "To wai or not to wai" question?

 

On 2/20/2023 at 9:21 AM, Andrew Dwyer said:

I only ever wai my mil, when I can remember, i certainly don’t wai immigration or police . Why would you wai someone who is only doing their job , or not ! as is often the case .

 

Since I am older than them, I don't wai my mother in law or her husband (when he was alive). My wife does wai me a lot though.

[NanLaew]

On 2/20/2023 at 10:38 AM, jayboy said:

Slightly off topic but in my experience long term foreigners who profess to hate Thailand have only themselves to blame - whether having lost most of their money or chained to some unsuitable partner or isolated in some dull as ditch water Isaan village (or a combination of all three).

 

The other side of the coin are those who uncritically adore every aspect of Thailand and revile their home country.It's an attitude I prefer to that of the Thailand haters because it's more optimistic.But it's no closer to the truth.

 

The reality is that Thailand is a very attractive country with some deep seated problems - like anywhere else.I love it but recognize the issues.Those who claim to be uninterested in their home country seem not to realize they are simply confirming they didn't fit in - which is fine .But it's silly not to recognize that European countries are superbly livable - for the well educated, the better off and civilized.

 

 

How about those strange ones that despise all things Thai but also despise and deride their home country with an almost equal level of hate.

[NanLaew]

On 2/20/2023 at 1:25 PM, Photoguy21 said:

Normally it is the younger person who Wai's the older person. The older person can respond similarly but it isnt required.

That's what I just said.

 

Sort of.

[Photoguy21]

16 hours ago, NanLaew said:

That's what I just said.

 

Sort of.

You did I agree

[RickR]

Let me guess. OP's friend was the over-friendly farang who first came to Thailand thinking Thai people are smiles and sunshine only to realize its not that at all.

 

The friend made the mistake of giving a wai to a younger Beauty Pageant contestant who is from a society of classism, ego and face. To her being a pageant contestant, she has another added ego of layer on top of people watching her., so yes, she will not return it since she fears she will lose out on her class level.

 

This is the friends fault. And actually the contestant was nice enough to give a wai to the wife in public.

 

OP, your friend has to know the reality of Thailand, and once then, will he be able to enjoy its fruits.

 

Its the 'farang' cycle.

 

1)When they first come to LOS they tell the world how friendly Thai people. They see the smiles. They  never been wai'ed before. They dont see the usual 'Karens' of Western Society.

 

2)After several years of living, they start to see the darkside that not all smiles are genuine and Thai's communicate 'indirectly' rather than directly. They become bitter.

 

As another posted pointed out, dont be the overly friendly guy that Thais can do know wrong, but dont be so bitter to the point where they think most Thais are like that.

 

I personally dont wai except to the much older in laws. Depending on the situation I may wai back (a great waiter who Ive seen several times at a local restaurant will I wai back as an example).

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited March 11, 2023 by RickR

[BangkokReady]

On 2/19/2023 at 4:52 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

On 2/19/2023 at 4:36 PM, JSLit said:

The second pic looks like how he does it most of the time and the more I think about it, perhaps a bit lower. Cant wait to show him the thread here ????

My point was/is that there is no correct way to do that in general. There is a way to wai the older boss and there is another way to wai someone younger and another way to wai a monk. And some more.

I guess it depends on the receiver how serious they look at this.

I believe the second pic is more to receive a wai.  So a younger persons wais a very senior person and that person will do the pose in the bottom picture to "accept" the wai.

 

If the friend made the gesture in the second picture, perhaps the woman thought he was accepting her wai or not really making a proper wai.

 

I think the top picture is a proper wai, but the position of the thumbs suggest a wai to a very senior person and showing high respect.  I think a typical wai would be thumbs at the chin.

 

Oh, I just looked for a video on the various types of wai and found the video that the pictures above came from.

 

Take a look at this and maybe send it to your friend.

 

 

[BangkokReady]

2 hours ago, RickR said:

Let me guess. OP's friend was the over-friendly farang who first came to Thailand thinking Thai people are smiles and sunshine only to realize its not that at all.

 

The friend made the mistake of giving a wai to a younger Beauty Pageant contestant who is from a society of classism, ego and face. To her being a pageant contestant, she has another added ego of layer on top of people watching her., so yes, she will not return it since she fears she will lose out on her class level.

It sounds more like he wasn't even waiing properly.

[RickR]

2 hours ago, BangkokReady said:

It sounds more like he wasn't even waiing properly.

I  again just read OPs posts about his friends wai. Without being there, it sounded like the younger lady gave the wai to the wife. The wife reciprocated the wai and gave it back it the lady and it seemed a second later the friend gave a wai.

 

My experience with wais is that 'most' of the time they are given on a one to one basis, not as a group.  But say there are five people in a group and you want to wai from a distant, I rarely ever see a young person wai 5 times. It would make sense to do one big wai to that group.

 

So that could come into play.

 

And there are improper lazy wais which could also be a factor.

 

Sometimes when I check into a hotel with my wife, she arranges the booking and gets the wai at check in. Once  in awhile we each get a wai.

 

 

Edited March 11, 2023 by RickR

[mrwebb8825]

As taught to me by a Dr. of Education during a now defunct Thai Culture Coarse (that teachers needed a long time ago to get a license), there are basically 3 "Wais":

Thumbs to the chin for equals, elders and those of higher standing (and when politely returning a wai. also to children as a teaching method)

Thumbs to the nose for parents because they gave you breath (life)

Thumbs to the forehead for monks and temple idols because they give spirituality

Wais can be given to a group in a public setting (in the case of the OP acknowledgement of the Thai wife from the young lady was for security in an insecure situation) much the same way that it's impolite and even intimidating to make direct eye contact (bar scenes have different rules with men and women)

Anyway, just my 2 baht worth.

[RickR]

2 hours ago, mrwebb8825 said:

As taught to me by a Dr. of Education during a now defunct Thai Culture Coarse (that teachers needed a long time ago to get a license), there are basically 3 "Wais":

Thumbs to the chin for equals, elders and those of higher standing (and when politely returning a wai. also to children as a teaching method)

Thumbs to the nose for parents because they gave you breath (life)

Thumbs to the forehead for monks and temple idols because they give spirituality

Wais can be given to a group in a public setting (in the case of the OP acknowledgement of the Thai wife from the young lady was for security in an insecure situation) much the same way that it's impolite and even intimidating to make direct eye contact (bar scenes have different rules with men and women)

Anyway, just my 2 baht worth.

Good post and reassures that wais can be given in a group setting at certain situations.

[JimTripper]

You don’t get a reply every time with anything. Ever say hello to someone and they just ignore you? Does it matter what the reason is?

 

A wai is no different. There’s no reason it has to be reciprocated in Thailand.

[sleepwalker999]

Why did your mate wai someone clearly younger than him first? Especially after she just waiied the group. 

 

That's not how that works at all, obviously she was waiing the entire table since you are all older than her. 

[BobBKK]

On 3/11/2023 at 9:56 PM, RickR said:

Good post and reassures that wais can be given in a group setting at certain situations.

Nope - either you get it or you don't. Most Wais, to you, deserve a smile back - especially in restaurants etc. You give a Wai to an older person or to someone of equal circumstances. I cringe when I se farang Wai-ing waiters etc.

[PPMMUU]

The practice of Wai in Thailand is still prevalent, although its popularity has decreased somewhat. It is acceptable to Wai anyone you choose, but it is recommended to "Rub Wai" when someone of the same or lower status Wais you. This involves placing your hands together at your chest without lowering your head. While you can choose to fully Wai, not Rub Wai can be considered impolite. It's doubtful whether your friends were serious when they scolded you about this matter.