How to handle Thai women becoming “attached” right away?

[thaibeachlovers]

On 7/18/2023 at 7:35 PM, ASEANTraveler said:

No women in their 20s, TYVM! This dynamic about being “past their prime” in Thailand if they are mid 30s or whatever is a strange one to me.  These women I meet are attractive ladies:  slim, long healthy hair, no tattoos, nice smooth skin, eat right, don’t smoke/drink, dressed feminine and look great.  

They sound like almost every bargirl I "went out" with. One of them had a very small tattoo.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 7/18/2023 at 7:05 PM, DaLa said:

I don't know whether sympathy is in order or congratulations. I don't have any advice either even though I've encountered the same issue. One lady started mentioning the word 'marriage' on the first day.

LOL. That reminds me of the second time I had a BG for a few days on holiday.

On the first morning after she asked me to take her back to my country.

 

After 3 days of that, I just left and went back to Bkk, as she'd probably have tracked me down if I stayed in Phuket.

[BritManToo]

20 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

BTW, if I invited a girl out for a platonic date I'd never have expected "snuggling" to be part of it. If I “snuggled”, I'd be hoping it would lead to something more intimate.

I once took a Filipino girl back to my room as 'friends' to watch a movie on cable.

By the time I had closed the door she was naked on the bed.

I was totally shocked.

 

Then she asked me if I had a condom, and I said 'sorry I'm a Catholic'.

Her reply, 'me too, and the baby will definitely be yours' as she climbed on top.

[thaibeachlovers]

6 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I once took a Filipino girl back to my room as 'friends' to watch a movie on cable.

By the time I had closed the door she was naked on the bed.

I was totally shocked.

 

Then she asked me if I had a condom, and I said 'sorry I'm a Catholic'.

Her reply, 'me too, and the baby will definitely be yours' as she climbed on top.

I used to dream of naked Filipino girls, but now it's girls that are made by AI. Waaaay more beautiful than any real girl that walked on the planet. Sadly they only exist as images on the internet at this point in time.

[RocketDog]

On 7/18/2023 at 2:01 PM, Berkshire said:

If you're just dating for fun, I'd recommend a young hottie in her early twenties.  She won't get attached to you.

Or at least only long enough to drain you dry.

[RocketDog]

On 7/18/2023 at 2:06 PM, Hanaguma said:

I think this may be sage wisdom. The ladies aren't looking for "Mr. Right", they are looking for "Mr. Right Now".  The bio clock is ticking, or maybe they already have a kid or three back in Isaan with the grands.  For whatever reason, time is of the essence for them. 

I agree with you, but I think the reason for their behavior is inevitable and clear.

1. Most if them have difficult lives financially,

2. They have lived long enough to know that Thai men as partners are a gamble

3. Many farang men appear to answer the first two needs

4. They have no reason their opportunities will improve as they age.

5.They are not 'dating', they are hunting.

 

Who can argue with that logic? I suspect I would come to the same conclusion were I in their shoes/flip-flops.

 

There's really nothing mysterious or unique about the OP's experience. If he doesn't wise up quickly he will stumble into a world of hurt, for himself and/or others.

I have to add that his post has a faint odor of boastfulness laced with a whiff of virtue signaling. Maybe I'm wrong.

[RocketDog]

On 7/18/2023 at 4:09 PM, Celsius said:

What a load of granola.

I absolutely love it Celsius.

Perfect description of the slight odor to the OP that I mentioned in my reply in this thread. Smoother way to put it than mine was too.

[Muzzique]

On 7/18/2023 at 11:45 AM, Don Chance said:

For a relationship to work you need 1 ) Love 2) Sex

No.1 is optional

[ASEANTraveler]

23 hours ago, xtrnuno41 said:

In Thailand if you dont get married before 25, then you are out.

You have contact with older women facing that "problem".

 

I am curious about this Thailand dynamic of “if you don’t get married before 25, then you are out.” 

 

I don’t know much about this….

Are you saying that basically a Thai man will not marry a “left-over” woman in her late 20s-30s.  What about a divorced woman? What is their status here? Are the never married Thai men over 25 “out too” (for their gender)?

 

Ultimately, seems to me you have a very large group of men all pursuing a very small group of women 18-25., for which there clearly cannot be enough supply to meet the demand. 

 

 

[PingRoundTheWorld]

Even prostitutes here often get attached immediately and will try to see you the next day. It's not just about money - it's just the way they are used to dating here, what they think you want and expect, and what they think they want. For non-working girls it's way worse and I don't think I've dated any normal girl here who didn't expect me to be her boyfriend almost immediately.

There's no good way to handle it - just try to manage expectations and tell them that you are busy and cannot see them every day. For the more persistent cases I usually give up, tell them I'm sorry but it will not work out and/or block them if they get verbal about it. Better to cut it short than end up with a crazy stalker (which you might anyway).

[JensenZ]

On 7/18/2023 at 2:58 PM, ASEANTraveler said:

You’re right.  It is.  I would be “open” to the idea of a potential relationship (down the road) with any of these woman.  I would not have asked them out to dinner in the first place if I thought they were not “possibilities.”  But the whole process of “dating” — effectively getting to know each other BEFORE commitment — is what I am struggling with here in Thailand.  It’s like the “let’s see if we are compatible” phase is missing.
 

Going out with a lady 5-8-10 times BEFORE you make her a girlfriend seems important to me.  How does she react to different situations?  What are her interests?  How does she react and solve a small disagreement?  Is she even tempered?  Does she seem responsible with money?  Do we have a shared sense of humor?  And on and on….

 

You can go on as many dates as you like, but they will usually be on their best behaviour until you actually become serious, then you start to see their bad habits. Don't think you're the only one dating them either. They are probably hedging their bets, assuming they must be attractive because you chose them, and the choices are endless. Acting very interested after the first date works quite well for most of their male victims. You're playing an unfamiliar dating game. They want you in bed as soon as possible as they see this as the best way to hook you... then there's always the very real possibilty they are married, and looking for a new source of funding.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 7/18/2023 at 9:45 PM, Don Chance said:

For a relationship to work you need 1 ) Love 2) Sex.  So you had better get to know them first.

LOL. I had 2 relationships and in both the love was only going one way, from me to them. They sure fooled me though ( till I wised up ).

 

I did get to know them, as their first persona, but they changed to something else.

[Hummin]

On 7/20/2023 at 3:08 AM, BritManToo said:

I once took a Filipino girl back to my room as 'friends' to watch a movie on cable.

By the time I had closed the door she was naked on the bed.

I was totally shocked.

 

Then she asked me if I had a condom, and I said 'sorry I'm a Catholic'.

Her reply, 'me too, and the baby will definitely be yours' as she climbed on top.

well, I was driving back home from a night club (sober), and a girl came up on the side of me, long black hair, beautiful smile, nice legs, and have to admit Im weak for girls sitting on a motorbike. while we where driving she shouted, where you go? Home I said! I follow you ????

 

one of my first weeks in Thailand. Back in my 30'ies, still had hair and a 8 pack, and handsome. 

[pub2022]

On 7/18/2023 at 1:53 PM, ASEANTraveler said:

 

1) I have made it a point to avoid sexual relations with the these women.  There has been some going back to my place and “snuggling”/“touching,” but no sex — so I am not using the women for sex.

2) I genuinely enjoy the dinner dates with each woman.  I would like to continue to take them out to dinner.   However, I definitely DO NOT consider them “girlfriends” right away as they seem to want, imply, and act.  I want to handle the situation in a dignified manner that does not unnecessarily hurt anyone’s feeling.

 

OP:

1) They might think you are gay, or similar.

2) That is not the way it's working here in Thailand. You want female friends in their 40s without them wanting to be your gf? Good luck!

[n00dle]

On 7/18/2023 at 2:35 PM, ASEANTraveler said:

These women I meet are attractive ladies:  slim, long healthy hair, no tattoos, nice smooth skin, eat right, don’t smoke/drink,

well there is your problem.

[n00dle]

On 7/20/2023 at 1:36 PM, RocketDog said:

Maybe I'm wrong.

aint wrong

[xtrnuno41]

23 hours ago, ASEANTraveler said:

I am curious about this Thailand dynamic of “if you don’t get married before 25, then you are out.” 

 

I don’t know much about this….

Are you saying that basically a Thai man will not marry a “left-over” woman in her late 20s-30s.  What about a divorced woman? What is their status here? Are the never married Thai men over 25 “out too” (for their gender)?

 

Ultimately, seems to me you have a very large group of men all pursuing a very small group of women 18-25., for which there clearly cannot be enough supply to meet the demand. 

 

 

It is what my Thai wife told me. I assume she knows. However did some (long time ago) reading about this too. Also if your skin is too brown, your chances get less.

Thai "upper class"  (maybe aswell the "lower class") men want young and snow white but not always Thai ( bad behavior, as i understood) man is appreciated. You cant always get what you want. 

However you are young Thai woman and be as white possible, the bigger the chances for a "good Thai man".

 

For a (Thai) man it is not so much the issue, you are super brown or older, but have money, no problem. 555

It is for the Thai man to see you and the uc Thai man likes white.

 

In Nigeria, the woman from time to time makes a fight. The man should hit her and if he does, then he loves her. Incredible, but was showed in a documentary. How cultures differ. Also as a Nigerian married man, you are not allowed to work. The woman needs to do all the working?! 

Have a Turkish woman, they are first slim and when married gets thicker and thicker. So that shows the husband is taking good care of her. OK it is a culture.

In India the woman has to pay a "simsod" and man can later on even ask for more.

In China now, women have them selves completely rebuilt. They even have their legs cut and stretched.

All to look more western and therefor have more changes in jobs and relations.

 

I would never "have" a snow white Thai, too much problems then.

Sometimes my wife already has an issue when the sun is touching her skin.

See the many dating sites on Asian where they do try to find someone.

Then when not being married for that time, they dig in on work and "forget" about mariage, family.

They stay inside, keeping white, dont need a man and work. But still hope ... some day.

 

Thai women to Thai women are "teasing" each other if they have brown skin. I heard from Thai wife several times. And it doesnt matter, i tell her how much I like her brown skin. Also gave her the tool to shut them up.

She only has to say: I have a white man and he loves my brown skin. What do you have?

 

That is an Asian thing, it is the same in Philippines, China or any other Asian country. You get brown, so you work in the field , so your status is low.

Only the color would state so, however my wife is an officer and has to be out for her work.

But never the less based on color, brown you are low. Colleges will let you know.

You go as a milk bottle to Greece on a holiday, you come back and arent brown.

Than they ask, if the weather was bad or why you arent brown.

 

Officers who marry each other have other problem. They are split and could be working on total different locations. So your wife could be working in Isaan and the husband for instance in Songkhla.

So then you are young and did get married, but then you are ripped apart.

So young ladies married, but must stay white as colleges will adres.

Then mostly the woman will have a child and taking care of it, but go back to work sometime.

And that changes every 4 years for all officers. So happily married? It makes it difficult.

 

And no, "upper class" men in Thailand dictate all. Why you think Thai women wants to be white ? As Thai uc men wants white Thai women. It is set in new culture. Of course it will first start in "upper" classes and then later on goes down to the "lower"classes.

Once in Thailand you could have more wives. It vanished, but "mia nois" are still common.

A Thai man can,will marry a left over woman, because he has no other choice then, if he really wants. Maybe even a white Thai woman, as leftover. But a Thai man has a bad reputation, I thought, maybe just because of the women? Or just general Thai culture?

However society is always a mix of groups and not always everybody follows. 

Status and ranks of women? You name them.

 

You can also be very young and do another thing, showing in: 

 

Everything is possible

[Jacques Clouseau]

Pretty weird post honestly.

You might not go to bars but you really seem to see women as disposable escorts.

You're a westerner, apparently charming, with higher social status, more money and you're essentially doing everything for those women to feel like they've hit the jackpot.

What were you expecting exactly ?

[Berkshire]

On 7/20/2023 at 3:06 PM, ASEANTraveler said:

I am curious about this Thailand dynamic of “if you don’t get married before 25, then you are out.” 

 

I don’t know much about this….

Are you saying that basically a Thai man will not marry a “left-over” woman in her late 20s-30s.  What about a divorced woman? What is their status here? Are the never married Thai men over 25 “out too” (for their gender)?

 

Ultimately, seems to me you have a very large group of men all pursuing a very small group of women 18-25., for which there clearly cannot be enough supply to meet the demand. 

 

 

You're overthinking.  We all have our ideal mate....but most will end up settling for much less.  Such is the way of the world.