First Thai relationship, any advice?

[ozthai23]

Hi all,

I'm in my early thirties and she is in her early twenties, not that I'm sure age is a factor in my concerns. But it could be relevant I suppose.

 

I have been dating a Thai for 3 months. We live separately and she only visits me at my condo, I've never seen her accomodation. She is a student and has her own student accomodation.

Sometimes she surprises me and can be warm and affectionate, and she often sleeps at my place. However sometimes she stays home due to 'needing to get up early for class' but in reality stays up to 2am claiming she was in her phone and couldn't sleep.

 

 

My condo is kind of small with only tiny couch in lounge and a bed in bedroom which may influence the following, but sometimes she feels cold and distant when she is over at my place she will sit on said couch on her phone while I'm in the bedroom watching tv, for hours until midnight and then come lay with me for a little and sleep, then leave early the next day.

 

 

When she comes over its often already 11-12 at night, which itself concerns me a bit.

 

There has been a few times she has said she's sore and doesn't want to do the thing, although we hadn't been together for a day or two.

 

The other morning, she told me she was calling a grab. 10 mins later she collects her stuff and makes a b line for the door without telling me her lift arrived or she was leaving. Nothing. 

I decided to ask her what was up and if it was normal to leave without saying anything, her response was she was tired and didnt feel like talking? Kind of threw me off a bit.

 

Anyway, sorry about the long post but I like the girl, I just don't understand some of the behavior and and leads me to feel paranoid. I haven't really experienced this before and honestly if it was a western girl I'd wonder if she might be a little Asperger's or even be uninterested altogether!

 

I could be paranoid and completely in the wrong here. I'm just not sure.

 

Any advice or feedbacks is appreciated, thanks in advance.

 

 

 

[stoner]

run.

[richard_smith237]

She's a female... they're all difference...   the mistake is attempting to understand them. 

 

You be you. Let her be her and just enjoy things, don't let your immaturity ruin what could be an enjoyable relationship. 

 

 

[mancub]

4 minutes ago, stoner said:

run.

....before a jealous Thai guy pays a visit with a weapon and/ or a number of cohorts !

[bob smith]

nip it in the bud now before she gets her hand in yer pocket! 

[Kwasaki]

11 minutes ago, ozthai23 said:

but I like the girl, I just don't understand some of the behavior and and leads me to feel paranoid. 

Well you might like her but if I were you I wouldn't answer the door anymore.

 

Sounds like the 3 months has run it's course.

 

 

Edited August 24, 2023 by Kwasaki

[2baht]

Follow your heart, young fella! 

[recom273]

When I first came to Thailand, I bumped into a girl from my hometown, she had married a Thai guy and he was a dive instructor. She told me, don't get involved with Thai girls, they are a waste of money. After nigh on twenty years of marriage, I conclude, her advice was good.

[KannikaP]

16 minutes ago, ozthai23 said:

Any advice or feedbacks is appreciated

Try 20 more to see if they are all the same.

[transam]

5 minutes ago, bob smith said:

nip it in the bud now before she gets her hand in yer pocket! 

It really sounds like you have been burned, is that story forthcoming soon....?  ????

[petermik]

She sounds a very immature young girl.....better quietly to distance yourself as soon as possible.

[scubascuba3]

Sounds like she may be doing short times elsewhere, that can leave them cold

[Fat is a type of crazy]

You sound a bit passive. Ask her why she comes over so late. Give her a reason to come over ealiier. Take her out. Have fun. Sounds like you are watching on, getting late night fun, but not pushing it further. If she’s not asking for money that’s a good sign.

[fredwiggy]

Every answer here, strangely, can be the correct one for your situation. The only way you'll know is time. Liars will always show it eventually. She might be damaged goods from childhood, and although she's attracted to men, she might fear them, and want distance as not to be controlled. Being sore doesn't sound kosher, but you never know. More lubrication needed, a possible STI, too rough a few days earlier, or a possible medical condition. Every thing she says might be the truth, or some might be half truths. If you really like here, don't expect much and take things as they are. trust here if that's your way, and let time decide if she's worthy of it.

[FruitPudding]

I literally didn't hear one positive thing about her in the OP.

 

Why are you still considering staying with her??

 

Don't you know there are plenty of fish in the sea?

 

[FruitPudding]

3 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

She might be damaged goods from childhood

From what I've seen parenting strategies here are basically just abusive and there's so much neglect too.

 

So many were raised by a great auntie - who raised all the extended family's children while parents were working away from home literally forever - kind of like an orphanage within the family construct.

 

3 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Being sore doesn't sound kosher, but you never know. More lubrication needed, a possible STI, too rough a few days earlier, or a possible medical condition. 

Sounds like she doesn't like sex or she doesn't find the OP a turn on.

[spidermike007]

Yes. If you are going to get involved with a Thai woman, take into account the fact that many are immature and emotionally undeveloped. I highly recommend looking for a woman who is the eldest child in the family. They are given far more responsibility growing up, and it shows.

 

And remember, you are no longer in the West, which means you do not have to check your cajones at the door. Do not behave like you behaved back there. Many Thai women really appreciate a man who behaves like a man, and most like it if you take charge. If you do not do that, she will take over. You will force her to be the dominant force in the relationship, even if she does not like it. Every ship needs a captain. 

 

And most importantly, take your time. Time is your ally. If it is good, it is only going to get better. If there are real issues, they will reveal themselves over time. Do not allow a woman to push the time agenda. Be a man. Push back. Be strong. Leave the Western desperation and emasculation behind. 

[fredwiggy]

1 minute ago, FruitPudding said:

From what I've seen parenting strategies here are basically just abusive and there's so much neglect too.

 

So many were raised by a great auntie - who raised all the extended family's children while parents were working away from home literally forever - kind of like an orphanage within the family construct.

 

Sounds like she doesn't like sex or she doesn't find the OP a turn on.

Both replies might be right on because of possible childhood trauma. More than 35% of children here are raised by grandparents, some of whom may be illiterate, abusive or neglectful. Kids without parental contact suffer a lot going into adolescence.                      Being in her twenties and always on the phone is normal here, because that's what they all see with their friends, and many parents.                     Control from authoritarian caregivers teaches them they cannot speak without reprisal, and that continues in schools here. Stunted growth and fear of being able to speak your mind.                                                                                                    She might like sex but fears it and intimacy for a number of reasons.

[pomchop]

Find yourself an overweight caucasian girl  older than you, get married, have kids, get divorced give her half or more of what u have and pay alimony for 15 years...easy lots of guys do it all over the world.

[bbko]

Serious question that may play into the relationship?

How's your Thai speaking skills and her English speaking skills?

 

When I was new to Thailand and couldn't speak much Thai and hooked up with a Thai girl that couldn't speak much English, the relationship went downhill fast.

[fredwiggy]

2 minutes ago, bbko said:

Serious question that may play into the relationship?

How's your Thai speaking skills and her English speaking skills?

 

When I was new to Thailand and couldn't speak much Thai and hooked up with a Thai girl that couldn't speak much English, the relationship went downhill fast.

Exactly, and was a big reason my ex and I divorced. I tried to help, explaining things, most of which she didn't , or didn't want to understand. If you don't communicate daily, trouble happens. They they resort to their friends, phones or silence.

[Reginald Prewster]

28 minutes ago, FruitPudding said:

I literally didn't hear one positive thing about her in the OP.

seems I was reading right...

Not a keeper in my opinion

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, ozthai23 said:

There has been a few times she has said she's sore and doesn't want to do the thing, although we hadn't been together for a day or two.

Another guy by the sounds of it.

[ozthai23]

36 minutes ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

You sound a bit passive. Ask her why she comes over so late. Give her a reason to come over ealiier. Take her out. Have fun. Sounds like you are watching on, getting late night fun, but not pushing it further. If she’s not asking for money that’s a good sign.

 

 

Have asked her if she wants to do something out of the house during the day, her response was there's nothing to do here in khon kaen don't worry about it is ok.

[G Rex]

This relationship sounds like it is doomed from the outset.

Too many negatives here.

I can see no positives in your post - why would you want to continue this relationship?

Time to make the break, and look for greener pastures... 

[fredwiggy]

1 minute ago, ozthai23 said:

 

 

Have asked her if she wants to do something out of the house during the day, her response was there's nothing to do here in khon kaen don't worry about it is ok.

Isaan is one of the most boring places on earth, so that's a legitimate statement, although there are things you can do together if she went along. Movies, lunch or dinner dates, walks together. Getting them off their phones without a crowbar isn't easy. no matter the age.

[ozthai23]

12 minutes ago, G Rex said:

This relationship sounds like it is doomed from the outset.

Too many negatives here.

I can see no positives in your post - why would you want to continue this relationship?

Time to make the break, and look for greener pastures... 

Because, from the first date her smile hooked me. Her laugh is has the same affect. She brings me things before she's comes over and is thoughtful too. But in the next breath some of these other behaviors are also occuring. It's hard.

[fredwiggy]

4 minutes ago, ozthai23 said:

Because, from the first date her smile hooked me. Her laugh is has the same affect. She brings me things before she's comes over and is thoughtful too. But in the next breath some of these other behaviors are also occuring. It's hard.

A woman that's been damaged can be the best partner you'll ever have, or the toughest nut to crack. All depends on her ability to trust again. When a woman wants to be with a man, and vice-versa, they have to trust 100%, and that can bring damage to them if the other partner doesn't act the part. Attraction is easy. It's not a choice. Actually loving someone unconditionally is the hard part.

[proton]

Chris Rock always had good advice

 

 

[1FinickyOne]

You are in another culture, which simply means people have different ways of doing things... It sounds like she really does not want to be questioned by you - - go with that - - or don't. But, don't get your underwear tangled in a snit. 

 

you didn't go into it, but sounds like she probably accepts you as you are... 

 

She is a student, a person and she obviously has a life. 

Edited August 24, 2023 by 1FinickyOne