divorce yes/no

[Nick Carter icp]

20 minutes ago, bob smith said:

If I knocked up a bar girl I would run a million miles.

 

Just sayin.

Run away, as cowards do 

[bob smith]

6 minutes ago, Nick Carter icp said:

Run away, as cowards do 

thai men know all about it...

[Nick Carter icp]

Just now, bob smith said:

thai men know all about it...

You are the same as them .

Not all Thais guys run away from their responsibilities , some Thais guys do and some Western guys do 

[bob smith]

7 minutes ago, Nick Carter icp said:

You are the same as them .

Not all Thais guys run away from their responsibilities , some Thais guys do and some Western guys do 

the vast majority of Thai men that get low class birds knocked up run away,

 

That's why there are so many single mothers working in the bars, looking for their farang white knight to save them.....

[Fat is a type of crazy]

If there is a possibility it can be worked out here are some thoughts: 

Many men are married to women who talk too much and are controlling and nag and have a temper so having a quiet lady who maybe looks at her phone too much ain't so bad. 

Try having fun with her, buy her flowers, surprise. Not because you are in the wrong but so you can add some fun. You do sound too serious - could be due to life being tough so fair enough. 

You say you forbid ipads ...  try not to forbid stuff .. sounds authoritarian and over the top. You can allow them but have rules about their use. 

You compare your household to your youth. We have idealistic memories of our youth - best not to compare.  

She may not be the affectionate motherly love type - Thais can be reserved - let her be her. Don't judge her and compare step by step. 

You say house is a mess but talk about a mess on a book shelf - seconds to clean up - and that there is no system in things - she feeds and clothes the kids and if the house overall is kept clean sounds not too bad. 

 

 

[Nick Carter icp]

4 minutes ago, bob smith said:

the vast majority of Thai men that get low class birds knocked up run away,

 

That's why there are so many single mothers working in the bars, looking for their farang white knight to save them.....

That is the only life you know though, there's a whole different World outside those kind of bars with different people , rather than mongers and prostitutes .

    You are no different to the Thai guys that run away , Western guys usually have higher morals than that  

[lopburi3]

No mention of where living - one might believe alone in mothers basement.  But if a real call for help perhaps moving to an area where other Thai are present might be good for everyone.  Otherwise the phone is her only contact.

[bob smith]

2 minutes ago, Nick Carter icp said:

Western guys usually have higher morals than that

what are these morals you speak of?

 

when in rome i do as the romans do!

how dare you bring your western morality bs into Thailand!

Edited October 22, 2023 by bob smith

[Oliver Holzerfilled]

"she plays with her phone all the time."

 

Maybe she's just chatting with her "brother."

[Lars Malmo]

The first few words are enough

"I have a thai wife...."

 

DIVORCE !!!!!!!!

 

 

[Nick Carter icp]

4 minutes ago, bob smith said:

what are these morals you speak of?

 

when in rome i do as the romans do!

how dare you bring your western morality bs into Thailand!

Is neither a Western morality or Thai morality .

Some guys take care of their Children and others run away from that responsibility .

   Both some Thai and Western guys do that .

Selfish cowards just want condom free sex and run away the next day when they've achieved their desire

[Gaccha]

4 hours ago, Pistachio said:

She doesn't have a system in things

What you are describing is the difference between the middle class way of bringing up children and the working class way of bringing up children.

 

The middle class way leads to highly productive, high earning children but often at the cost of the happiness of their childhood. This is where you get the ideas of "helicopter parenting" and "tiger moms" in Asia.

 

The peasant life in Thailand has a similar value system as the working class life in England. They give the children unstructured lives which can be very contentful but obviously they are not going to become the next CEOs of Google.

[JensenZ]

4 hours ago, Pistachio said:

She doesn't have a system in things she brings up the children without rules she would like to give them a tablet which I have forbidden her to do

This comment indicates to me you have control issues. "I have forbidden", you say. This is quite an archaic attitude as these days marriage partners are considered to be equal partners. You need to negotiate, not rule.

 

I think you're expecting your Thai wife to adapt to your lifestyle in Europe, and she feels out of place. Europe is most definitely not one place, but many countries, with many different customs and attitudes. What language is she not learning?

 

Have you considered for a moment that you might be hard work to live with as you want everything done your way and you're not willing to compromise? I might be feeling sorry for your wife.

[alien365]

52 minutes ago, Nick Carter icp said:

Run away, as cowards do 

I don't really see how leaving his marriage for his own mental health is considered cowardice. My parents split up when I was younger and my life was a lot better because of it. No more arguing, just two generally happier parents who valued their time with me and my sister more. 

[QuantumQuandry]

1 minute ago, JensenZ said:

This is quite an archaic attitude as these days marriage partners are considered to be equal partners.

That is the current western model but every relationship is different and has different dynamics.

 

Relationships don't need to all conform to the modern western "men and women are exactly the same and have the same roles and responsibilities" paradigm, imo.

 

That said, there does need to be respect going both ways.

[Nick Carter icp]

12 minutes ago, alien365 said:

I don't really see how leaving his marriage for his own mental health is considered cowardice. My parents split up when I was younger and my life was a lot better because of it. No more arguing, just two generally happier parents who valued their time with me and my sister more. 

Follow the dialogue I was talking about disappearing  bob, rather than the O.P.

[NanLaew]

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

That doesn't necessary mean that it is best to live together with the mother of the children who obviously doesn't take her role serious.

This based on what? The OP's gurning about his wife being a bad mother due to what he bizarrely perceives as not being compliant with his EU expectations? While he professes to being too tired to fulfil any of these duties she allegedly doesn't, I see the OP as not being too serious about the role of a father to the children in the EU.

 

Maybe it's the EU thing?

[NanLaew]

54 minutes ago, bob smith said:

the vast majority of Thai men that get low class birds knocked up run away,

 

That's why there are so many single mothers working in the bars, looking for their farang white knight to save them.....

Go on bob, bar fine them. You know it makes sense.

[NanLaew]

36 minutes ago, Nick Carter icp said:

44 minutes ago, bob smith said:

what are these morals you speak of?

 

when in rome i do as the romans do!

how dare you bring your western morality bs into Thailand!

Is neither a Western morality or Thai morality .

Some guys take care of their Children and others run away from that responsibility .

   Both some Thai and Western guys do that .

Selfish cowards just want condom free sex and run away the next day when they've achieved their desire

Whoa, slow down there Tonto. Our bob has to get it up first.

[bignok]

Dont do anything. Just live as normal.

[FritsSikkink]

5 hours ago, orchis said:

what's her side of the story?

He forbids the children to have a tablet and learn things with it.

He wants a divorce and have the kids while he admits he can't take care of them.

He brings me to this foreign country and expects me to change my whole way of living.

[FritsSikkink]

5 hours ago, Pistachio said:

Thailand is so ingrained in her. 

Really, that is strange maybe because she is Thai?

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, Don Chance said:

There are no wrong relationships.  The only time is when a relationship becomes abusive, then it is time to leave if it can't be fixed.

I completely disagree.

People are different and years later maybe they get closer and maybe more apart.

What's the point of staying in a relationship if it is obvious that the people grow apart, more and more?

 

Obviously with Kids it is important to think about the kids. But staying together with a partner who just isn't the right partner is not a good idea. 

[FritsSikkink]

3 hours ago, bob smith said:

sometimes its best just to walk away.

 

preferably somewhere the child support agency cant find you...

Make children and don't take care of them, pathetic.

[TroubleandGrumpy]

Suck it up Princess - face reality - you know what it is - make a plan.

Ask her if she wants to move back to Thailand for a while.

If she says NO.  She is planning and preparing for divorcing you and taking you for all she can get.  She is probably talking to a Thai woman or two, and a lawyer. Go see a lawyer and plan for the divorce - forget the kids mate - she will use them against you without any thought - and they will not want to know you when they get to 12-15 - the mother will poison your name and reputation.

If she says YES.  Move back to Thailand and see how things go. If there is no improvement over time, then slowly plan and prepare for a divorce in Thailand (much better to do it there mate). If things improve then you have made the right decision. 

Whatever you do, do NOT think that the kids matter more than yourself. Have you any idea how many single and sad 60+ years old blokes there are in places like Pattaya, and all over the western world, who spent a fortune 'looking after' their kids because it was 'the right thing to do' - but they never want to see him and rarely if/ever visit? 

Mate - Women use what is between their legs and what comes out of there - that is the way it is mate - sorry if you did not realise that (yet). At the best a good relationship is a balance of often opposing wants and needs in which both sides 'give'. The vast majority of women are idiots and want way more than they should - when told how they can get money from you they will often take that path - setting you up brilliantly - and 10 years later the bloke has no money because he was doing what he thought was the 'right thing' for his klids - but the moneyt all goes to the ex-wife who spendsa most of it on herself.  Women are masters of self deception - they have no 'soul' as such - she can  fully justify to herself financially raping you for decades and think nothing of it. 

Have a good long think and talk to a lawyer to get advice - do not talk to anyone else - women talk and anything you say to a mate will be 'sucked' out by his girl/wife and get back to your wife. Play it dumb and stupid - let her think you do not have a clue - we are good at that - but mate get back to Thailand either way.  If/when it all goes to sheite in Thailand, then get a divorce started with an Expat lawyer and move out of Thailand - maybe Philippines - she can easily get you arrested and deported mate - yes they do those sort of things.

Sorry mate - but you can spend the next 10-20 years of your life paying - or you can decide that it is over and start a new life. Up to you - but like I said - there are millions of old poor sad 50-60+ blokes with little money who stayed and did the 'right thing'.  PS - if you leave - get a vasectomy - dont have any more kids mate. 

[Prubangboy]

She changed her mind, she was never that into you, but now she is much, much less so.

 

She wants to go home and is playing a passive aggressive waiting game until you agree. That's very draining and depressive to her; hence her bad house keeping. As per your post, she has much more stamina in this cluster puck than you.

 

I was in such a situation (with a western wife). Cut your losses, send them home, see the kids when you can.

 

That's def how it's going to shake out, so cave early and save yourself some grief.

[FritsSikkink]

1 hour ago, bob smith said:

thai men know all about it...

Only the cowards.

[FritsSikkink]

1 hour ago, Lars Malmo said:

The first few words are enough

"I have a thai wife...."

 

DIVORCE !!!!!!!!

 

 

Idiotic start at this forum.

[OneMoreFarang]

49 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

This based on what? The OP's gurning about his wife being a bad mother due to what he bizarrely perceives as not being compliant with his EU expectations? While he professes to being too tired to fulfil any of these duties she allegedly doesn't, I see the OP as not being too serious about the role of a father to the children in the EU.

 

Maybe it's the EU thing?

Obviously we can only use the information provided. If they are wrong then the answers are wrong.

 

I know one Thai mother similar to that. She just doesn't care. Some people, and not only Thais, don't know or don't want to know that children need responsible parents to grow up and become responsible adults. Feeding the kids and giving them a tablet and WiFi 24/7 is by far not enough. 

In Thai villages bad behavior by one or both parents is often in part compensated by the grandparents, siblings, and the neighbors and their kids.

But that is not so much in most of (cold) Europe. There is a lot less interaction with the neighbors.

 

Obviously the father also plays an important role. But if he is out to work from 8 to 5 then a good part of the parenting is done by the mother. 

[FritsSikkink]

1 hour ago, alien365 said:

I don't really see how leaving his marriage for his own mental health is considered cowardice. My parents split up when I was younger and my life was a lot better because of it. No more arguing, just two generally happier parents who valued their time with me and my sister more. 

He wants to keep the kid while he knows he can't take care of it. that is selfish.