Do you like to "wai"? Why?

[Dolf]

3 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

But if you do the wai wrongly and insult them, or put yourself too low or too high status...............

You can't insult with wais. If they wai you then wai back. Otherwise just be nice. Thais don't care much. They think about the next chilli hit or the next drink.

[Dolf]

28 minutes ago, Neeranam said:

Living here most of my life, I now don't like shaking hands. Had reverse culture shock last year in Scotland, women I hardly knew or just me wanted to kiss me.

Don't say no to kisses from women.

[soalbundy]

4 hours ago, GammaGlobulin said:

As a Farang in a foreign land, the act of the "wai" is foreign to me.

 

During my initial long-term stay in Thailand, I was reluctant to wai.

 

However, after becoming quite settled in Thailand, I now feel comfortable in returning a wai.

 

Why is this?

Maybe it is because the act of the wai was so foreign to me during my first many years in Thailand.

And now, maybe, I have gotten to the point where I have...already...

GONE NATIVE....

 

Do you enjoy the return of the wai when someone offers this gesture to you?  Why?

 

Or, do you feel a bit out of place using the wai?

 

Why?

 

Why? Please do not ask me,

Gamma

 

 

 

 

After living here for 19 years it has become automatic, it's not a case of liking it or not, it is a simple courtesy, would you refuse to shake someones hand in falang land? When my German daughter visited me I gave her 'wai' automatically and we both burst out laughing, but she knew enough to offer a wai to my Thai wife and our 16 year old son. I remember once when he was 14 and I drove him to school, he gave me a goodbye, throw away wai, quick and landing over his shoulder, he did this in front of his teacher who exploded with rage and gave him a dressing down, when I intervened and said he comes from my falang household and we are lax with greetings, it didn't soothe him, "You are his father, he is duty bound to show you respect, that was a terrible show of disrespect, we don't tolerate such bad manners in our school". Just to let you know how important a wai is.

Edited February 24 by soalbundy

[Neeranam]

23 minutes ago, Dolf said:

Don't say no to kisses from women.

50+-year old Scottish ones!

[Dolf]

31 minutes ago, soalbundy said:

After living here for 19 years it has become automatic, it's not a case of liking it or not, it is a simple courtesy, would you refuse to shake someones hand in falang land? When my German daughter visited me I gave her 'wai' automatically and we both burst out laughing, but she knew enough to offer a wai to my Thai wife and our 16 year old son. I remember once when he was 14 and I drove him to school, he gave me a goodbye, throw away wai, quick and landing over his shoulder, he did this in front of his teacher who exploded with rage and gave him a dressing down, when I intervened and said he comes from my falang household and we are lax with greetings, it didn't soothe him, "You are his father, he is duty bound to show you respect, that was a terrible show of disrespect, we don't tolerate such bad manners in our school". Just to let you know how important a wai is.

The teacher is barking mad. Road chaos. Alcoholics, drugs, murders, rape. The lowly paid teacher thinks wais are important. Totally out of touch with reality.

[soalbundy]

Just now, Dolf said:

The teacher is barking mad. Road chaos. Alcoholics, drugs, murders, rape. The lowly paid teacher thinks wais are important. Totally out of touch with reality.

No, it's to do with social cohesion. An American in Paris once said to a French politician that French diplomacy and manners was just hot air to which the politician replied tires on a car are only filled with air but they make the journey so much more comfortable.

[Dolf]

1 minute ago, soalbundy said:

No, it's to do with social cohesion. An American in Paris once said to a French politician that French diplomacy and manners was just hot air to which the politician replied tires on a car are only filled with air but they make the journey so much more comfortable.

A few nice wais then go kill each other on the roads.

[transam]

2 minutes ago, Dolf said:

A few nice wais then go kill each other on the roads.

60 posts a day like this, are you a home alone Quasimodo............?  🥴

[soalbundy]

Just now, Dolf said:

A few nice wais then go kill each other on the roads.

You are being extreme, try a more stoic attitude to life. Hypocrisy exists in every country one can be nice about it or sink in a sea of rage, rage alters nothing. As Oscar Wilde once said, "A man who calls a spade a spade should be made to use one"

[Dolf]

23 minutes ago, soalbundy said:

You are being extreme, try a more stoic attitude to life. Hypocrisy exists in every country one can be nice about it or sink in a sea of rage, rage alters nothing. As Oscar Wilde once said, "A man who calls a spade a spade should be made to use one"

Nobody ever complained about my wais. I see Thais doing rough rais. 

[soalbundy]

Just now, Dolf said:

Nobody ever complained about my wais. I see Thais doing rough rais. 

There are different classes of wais, if you wai someone of higher status than you your hands should reach forehead level, equals reach nose level, good friends, chin level or even just implied. continuing the hand movement over the shoulder is an insult, one is going through the motions of being polite but literally throwing it away.

[Kwaibill]

To wai is polite. It cost nothing and is usually appreciated as an indicator of one’s willingness to be a member of this society.  Some obvious areas are that it is never amiss to wai to a monk. I always wai to one of my ( too many!) doctors. I wai to immigration and police if I have occasion to interact with them. I have achieved sufficient grey hairs to usually be the initial recipient, and have no problem with returning a below the chin wave, as I am usually encumbered with my cane.

Really not rocket science. I also wave to folks I know who are beyond wai distance and always get a return wave and a smile.

[richard_smith237]

2 hours ago, Neeranam said:

Living here most of my life, I now don't like shaking hands. Had reverse culture shock last year in Scotland, women I hardly knew or just me wanted to kiss me.

 

... han-sum man... 

 

....  or do they call you a bonnee-jock before trying to slap one on yer mush ?  

 

 

I still like the Wai / Handshake combo in many situation, generally when meeting people. 

 

I find that with people of similar status the Wives will Wai me and I'll return it, the men will extend a hand and 'go international'....

 

I recently saw a surgeon for consultation - of course I wai'ed him...  primarily for the position he represents and the fact that he'll be the one cutting me up !!!... and yes, he wai'd back.

 

Walking onto a plane, yes, I wai back. 

In a restaurant, yes, I wai back. 

When the In-laws Pop round, I wai first. 

 

Too many foreigners 'over think the wai'....    I often wonder how many additional and unnecessary daily struggles some encounter simply because they exude an arrogant air of superiority preventing any degree of endearment from those they encounter. 

 

 

Another point of thought - how many of those who refuse to Wai are on their 3rd or 4th divorce !!...  is there a correlation?

The reason for the supposition: I see westerners who are clearly less respectful of their wife, also less respectful of others around them and refusing to wai...

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Lacessit]

I've gotten into the habit of a wai.

I only wai if a Thai wais me first.

 

[Felton Jarvis]

Never.   It is not expected of farang. When offered by a foreigner it is seldom done correctly.  I have my own customs.  I just give a little bow and smile. That will have to do, since I am not Thai.

[ozimoron]

35 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

I've gotten into the habit of a wai.

I only wai if a Thai wais me first.

 

 

I'm pissed off if I don't wai my Thai friends before they wai to me because I know they will. They always do.

 

Only one of my Thai friends shakes my hand and that's because he lived and studied in the US. Curiously, his nickname is Thank You. I kid you not.

 

 

Edited February 24 by ozimoron

[richard_smith237]

12 minutes ago, Felton Jarvis said:

Never.   It is not expected of farang. When offered by a foreigner it is seldom done correctly.  I have my own customs.  I just give a little bow and smile. That will have to do, since I am not Thai.

 

A little bow and a smile....  are you getting tour nations mixed up ? do you give them a Wai in Japan ?

 

I think the key point in all of this is the importance of showing efforts to be polite... So if its a nod and a smile, a hand-shake, even a bow (as above) or a imperfect wai.... there is no mistake to be made as the only mistake is to make no effort to be polite at all. 

 

So... as you mention Felton, a Wai is not expected of a 'Farang'... but that does not mean it isn't welcomed. 

[rct99q]

Selectively.

 

Not sure why? My Thai neighbour who is fantastic, always brings us fish he has caught, always gives a birthday present for my wife, myself and daughter, watches our land when we are away (as we do his house), I wai. 

Others, bank, teachers (some, not all), 7/11 never(but I always say good morning, loudly). 

I watch my wife during formal occasions, if she gives a throwaway wai, I will either nod or smile. If she gives one of those wais that start from the feet to someone, I'll wai.

 

My daughter(who is whiter than I am) in other words does not appear to be Thai, gives one of these "Ladyboy" wiggle wais which most of the Thais around our place find hilarious. Upon first meeting her most Thai people don't believe she is a luk krung, so they find her half hearted wais amusing.

 

Most other times I give a polite fist pump and I almost always get a reply with a smile.

[daejung]

I was taught many times by my thai teachers that I should almost never wai nor answer a  wai by a wai. Older do not wai younger unless they have a higher social position, like your boss or a  monk

[Felton Jarvis]

20 minutes ago, daejung said:

I was taught many times by my thai teachers that I should almost never wai nor answer a  wai by a wai. Older do not wai younger unless they have a higher social position, like your boss or a  monk

Yes. I was in the habit of giving a wai to the security guard at my condo. We were roughly the same age but my girlfriend claimed that I "outranked" him socially.  I refuse to participate in social class nonsense. I consider all people to be as good as I am and do not consider myself to be "below" anyone in status. I will let the Thai snobs sort that one out.

[Chalong circle]

Nothing more strange that to see customers first wai bar girl or the cashier at Makro

[Ben Zioner]

Frankly I can't get. How can forming a vagina shape with your hands in front of your face be a sign of respect?

[jerrymahoney]

My standard answer to query: If you didn't learn to wai when you were 2 years old, don't do it.

[Lacessit]

35 minutes ago, Ben Zioner said:

Frankly I can't get. How can forming a vagina shape with your hands in front of your face be a sign of respect?

I have the utmost respect for the power of a vagina.

[zzaa09]

Disconnected Farang waiing other disconnected Farang. 

Seemingly.....a great paradox.

 

Or not. 

[brewsterbudgen]

9 hours ago, Neeranam said:

In the tapestry of Thailand, there exists a thread of farang who resist assimilation into the fabric of their adopted homeland. They dwell in enclaves of familiarity, clinging to the echoes of their native tongue, traditions, and beliefs, while the rhythms of the new land swirl around them, unnoticed. These immigrants, bound by nostalgia and the comfort of the known, traverse the streets of their new country with a sense of detachment, cocooned in the safety of their own communities. Their journey becomes a delicate dance between preserving their identity and embracing the unfamiliar, a balance often tipped towards the former. Yet, in their isolation, they unwittingly erect barriers between themselves and the rich tapestry of experiences, opportunities, and diversity that their new home offers. Their reluctance to integrate, while rooted in the longing for familiarity, serves as a poignant reminder of the complexities inherent in the human experience of migration.

 

All good.  A diverse multi-cultural society is ideal.  How boring it would be if we all assimilated.

[riclag]

I dont Wai falangs here in Thailand!

I dont Wai Thai kids!

I will Wai a  Thai adult especially if they Wai first.

 

[richard_smith237]

5 hours ago, daejung said:

I was taught many times by my thai teachers that I should almost never wai nor answer a  wai by a wai. Older do not wai younger unless they have a higher social position, like your boss or a  monk

 

Then your teacher was a bit of a pillock....    I know Thai's in very high positions who return the Wai of waiting staff when walking into a nice restaurant etc....  because its the polite thing to do...  I watch my Father in Law behave the same way.

 

 

[richard_smith237]

5 hours ago, jerrymahoney said:

My standard answer to query: If you didn't learn to wai when you were 2 years old, don't do it.

 

Kind of similar to: If you hadn't learned good manners by the time you were two years old, don't use them.

 

 

 

.... It is not the 'innocent and naivety' of those who may not know how to Wai or when they should that is an issue, people make innocent mistakes in social surroundings and that is entirely forgivable by those around them...

 

.... It is the 'deliberate ignorance' that highlights a degree of bigotry, people are perceptive and can pick up on this, it doesn't endear those who refuse to Wai... it ostracises them into a place of disregard. 

[richard_smith237]

4 hours ago, zzaa09 said:

Disconnected Farang waiing other disconnected Farang. 

Seemingly.....a great paradox.

 

Or not. 

 

I think I have this one covered... 

 

Recently, out for dinner with a group of families (all Thai except two Western males, one of them myself).... All Wai's and greetings... 

 

I generally return the Wai of the Thai Wives... and Wai and then Shake the hand of the Thai men if nearby.

There is no hierarchy, the Wai is generally done at the same time (when of similar age).

 

As I met the Western male we both shook hands.

 

 

I think its got to be harder for kids of Thai-Western background...  knowing when to Wai and when not to with westerners and other mixed couples... 

My son always seems to know what to do, Wai the Thai people and go up and say hello to the westerns, then the wester male will out put and hand and shake if he feels it appropriate... 

 

No hard rules... just attempts for everyone to be polite across a mixed cultural social playground. 

Its different with business and this is perhaps where greater care should be taken.