My Harrowing Gym Experience – A Story of Discipline and Lost Dignity

[SoCal1990]

A whirlwind nod to the legend that is bob smith. His unique brand of failures and misfortune are dearly missed, wherever his current escapades may have taken him…

 

Well, lads, I’m back. After a few months in Spain living the good life with Willy the Whinger, it’s time for a new bob. No more heavy boozing, no more all night tranny patrols in Alicante, and certainly no more greasy, extra crispy KFC bathing in fatty curry sauce in Patts.

 

I’ve joined an exclusive gym here in my new hometown; Hua Hin, a fitness mecca where only the rich and astute, like myself, may enter. This is where I’ll get back in shape, turn my life around, reinvent myself, and most importantly meet a proper woman. Mrs. Smith is out of the picture now. She got too fat while I was away to even try and plonk her anymore, so I gave her 6 million baht, cash, and sent her on her way. No more tatted bar prozzies, maybe just on special occasions. From now on, it’s only classy, self made Thai ladies with abs and Platinum Amex cards for Bob.

 

Or so I thought.

 

The first thing that hits me when I walk into this haven of pristine health is not the smell of sweat and hard work, it’s the money. Perfect place for bob, right? Wrong. This is not just any gym. It is a fashion show. The women look like they have stepped straight off a magazine cover, designer leggings, skin tight crop tops, flaunting oversized chesticles, and perfect makeup, gliding gracefully between machines like they were born to be there. Even in my $1,800 LV track suit and my gold Rolex, I still felt a bit underdressed. 

 

I head for the treadmill, figuring it is a safe place me to start. Just ease into it. I select a comfortable jogging speed while stealing the occasional glance at the stunner gracefully galloping next to me. She is effortlessly gliding along, not even breaking a half sweat. In an attempt to impress the little lass, I notch up the speed a bit. Then a bit more.

 

Big mistake Bobby Bumbles!

 

My foot lands wrong, the treadmill launches me backward, and I crash straight into a pile of stacked gym mats. Absolute silence. Nobody is arsed. Nobody even gives a toss. I peel myself off the floor, take a deep breath, and do what any self respecting man of my level would do, I act like it never happened.

 

Moving on, I decide to hit the weights. Back in the day, I could handle a decent bench press, so I load up what should be a good warm up amount. Lower the bar for the first rep and suddenly, it feels like a car is parked on my chest. My arms shake, my vision blurs, and just before I pass out, a gym staff member rushes over to rescue me. Brilliant. Now I am officially the weakest farang in the gym.

 

Determined to salvage my dignity, I attempt to redeem myself with a Pilates class. Simple enough, right mates? A bit of stretching, deep breathing, how hard can it be?

 

And then, right in the middle of a downward bend, disaster strikes.

 

A noise. Loud. Unmistakable.

 

Mine!!!

 

I am not sure if I blew a mega fart out that tore the seat of my pants or if my contorted position created the crater in the tracksuit seam along the edge of my anose, but either way, I was clearly done after that with half my purple undershorts now hanging out and exposed.

 

Nobody says a word, but I can feel the judgment. The silence is deafening. The instructor does not even look at me. Minger! She just moves on like I no longer exist, as if I ever did anyway.

 

That was the moment I knew this was not really my scene. So I stormed straight up to the front desk and canceled my membership instantly. No refund, fine. They can keep the 220,000 baht I paid for the next three months. I do not want their stupid, overpriced, freezing cold, torture chamber anyway FFS.

 

Turns out the gym life is not for me lads. Time to come up with a new plan I reckon.

 

Maybe get one of those little designer chick magnet dogs that women love to hug and go jogging in the park with it to see what floats along my way from the opposite sex.

 

Or maybe just a few cold tins at The Pig and Whistle while I think through an alternative plan.

 

Any thoughts on how I can rescue myself from here?

 

lost dignity,

bob.

[Celsius]

Your gym is different 

[spidermike007]

Is Bob really back? Or is someone trying to claim his pedestal? 

 

Some thought I was long winded. He is setting a new bar. 

[CharlieH]

Frank Spencer comes to mind with a blend of Benny Hill or Mr Bean.

[Lacessit]

AFAIK there is a luxurious nursing home off the 118 on the way out of Chiang Mai, heading towards Chiang Rai.

 

90,000 baht/month, I understand  it includes very co-operative nurses, who will hold your willy to pee when you slither out of bed at 2 am.

 

Then tuck you back in, with a fresh tube of KY.

 

It's run by the Swiss, say goodbye to your problems of moving your ill-gotten gains from crypto speculation.

 

Fear not, Thailand has options for everyone.

[Mike_Hunt]

Cool story bro.

[save the frogs]

Asean Now has got talent.

 

[save the frogs]

Bob left an indelible stamp on people's psyches.

I wonder how many people he convinced to leave Thailand. 

[jvs]

I am in Hua hin very often,i have never seen a gym with a price tag like that.

Whoever you are,you are lying!

 

[Stocky]

28 minutes ago, SoCal1990 said:

Well, lads, I’m back.

But it's a different AN Bob, your long winded hard luck stories are so 2024, current topic format is all politics with braying MAGAts that pop up having seemingly slept in our midst ten years or more with 50 posts. Different world Bob.

 

 

 

[bkk6060]

So you joined Jetts at Market Village?

 

[scorecard]

2 hours ago, save the frogs said:

Bob left an indelible stamp on people's psyches.

I wonder how many people he convinced to leave Thailand. 

 

I wonder how many members saw him / see him as an ignorant nuisance.

[merck]

2 hours ago, Stocky said:

But it's a different AN Bob, your long winded hard luck stories are so 2024, current topic format is all politics with braying MAGAts that pop up having seemingly slept in our midst ten years or more with 50 posts. Different world Bob.

 

Updated version of your video:

 

[save the frogs]

My Gawd, how did we get from Bob and gyms and tights and farts to Hitler and the WEF?

 

I can't leave you children unattended for more than 15 minutes. 

 

WEF does NOT equal Hitler. But I'll save that for another thread. To be continued ....

[dinsdale]

3 hours ago, SoCal1990 said:

so I gave her 6 million baht, cash, and sent her on her way.

Say no more. Your entire post stinks of narcissism. Never mind. The world is now full of narcissists and social media has a lot to answer for on this front.

[Harrisfan]

I don't get it. No understand.

[blaze master]

I need a gym membership just to read all the drivel this member has been posting. 

 

Bob would not approve. Would you @Elvis Presley

[theshu25]

He is full of crap, only 2 days ago he was in soi 6 having the time of his life . FOC.

[Stocky]

12 hours ago, merck said:

Updated version of your video

GB News, I hadn't realised anyone watched that

[Dan O]

17 hours ago, SoCal1990 said:

A whirlwind nod to the legend that is bob smith. His unique brand of failures and misfortune are dearly missed, wherever his current escapades may have taken him…

 

Well, lads, I’m back. After a few months in Spain living the good life with Willy the Whinger, it’s time for a new bob. No more heavy boozing, no more all night tranny patrols in Alicante, and certainly no more greasy, extra crispy KFC bathing in fatty curry sauce in Patts.

 

I’ve joined an exclusive gym here in my new hometown; Hua Hin, a fitness mecca where only the rich and astute, like myself, may enter. This is where I’ll get back in shape, turn my life around, reinvent myself, and most importantly meet a proper woman. Mrs. Smith is out of the picture now. She got too fat while I was away to even try and plonk her anymore, so I gave her 6 million baht, cash, and sent her on her way. No more tatted bar prozzies, maybe just on special occasions. From now on, it’s only classy, self made Thai ladies with abs and Platinum Amex cards for Bob.

 

Or so I thought.

 

The first thing that hits me when I walk into this haven of pristine health is not the smell of sweat and hard work, it’s the money. Perfect place for bob, right? Wrong. This is not just any gym. It is a fashion show. The women look like they have stepped straight off a magazine cover, designer leggings, skin tight crop tops, flaunting oversized chesticles, and perfect makeup, gliding gracefully between machines like they were born to be there. Even in my $1,800 LV track suit and my gold Rolex, I still felt a bit underdressed. 

 

I head for the treadmill, figuring it is a safe place me to start. Just ease into it. I select a comfortable jogging speed while stealing the occasional glance at the stunner gracefully galloping next to me. She is effortlessly gliding along, not even breaking a half sweat. In an attempt to impress the little lass, I notch up the speed a bit. Then a bit more.

 

Big mistake Bobby Bumbles!

 

My foot lands wrong, the treadmill launches me backward, and I crash straight into a pile of stacked gym mats. Absolute silence. Nobody is arsed. Nobody even gives a toss. I peel myself off the floor, take a deep breath, and do what any self respecting man of my level would do, I act like it never happened.

 

Moving on, I decide to hit the weights. Back in the day, I could handle a decent bench press, so I load up what should be a good warm up amount. Lower the bar for the first rep and suddenly, it feels like a car is parked on my chest. My arms shake, my vision blurs, and just before I pass out, a gym staff member rushes over to rescue me. Brilliant. Now I am officially the weakest farang in the gym.

 

Determined to salvage my dignity, I attempt to redeem myself with a Pilates class. Simple enough, right mates? A bit of stretching, deep breathing, how hard can it be?

 

And then, right in the middle of a downward bend, disaster strikes.

 

A noise. Loud. Unmistakable.

 

Mine!!!

 

I am not sure if I blew a mega fart out that tore the seat of my pants or if my contorted position created the crater in the tracksuit seam along the edge of my anose, but either way, I was clearly done after that with half my purple undershorts now hanging out and exposed.

 

Nobody says a word, but I can feel the judgment. The silence is deafening. The instructor does not even look at me. Minger! She just moves on like I no longer exist, as if I ever did anyway.

 

That was the moment I knew this was not really my scene. So I stormed straight up to the front desk and canceled my membership instantly. No refund, fine. They can keep the 220,000 baht I paid for the next three months. I do not want their stupid, overpriced, freezing cold, torture chamber anyway FFS.

 

Turns out the gym life is not for me lads. Time to come up with a new plan I reckon.

 

Maybe get one of those little designer chick magnet dogs that women love to hug and go jogging in the park with it to see what floats along my way from the opposite sex.

 

Or maybe just a few cold tins at The Pig and Whistle while I think through an alternative plan.

 

Any thoughts on how I can rescue myself from here?

 

lost dignity,

bob.

I am not surprised A, that your back as you never really left is my guess. B, you start off with a ridiculous story filled with imaginary wealth references. So not much has changed

[soalbundy]

18 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

Is Bob really back? Or is someone trying to claim his pedestal? 

 

Some thought I was long winded. He is setting a new bar. 

definitely his writing style......good to have him back.

[Red Forever]

You ain’t Bob!

[jchfriis]

On 2/16/2025 at 6:05 PM, jvs said:

I am in Hua hin very often,i have never seen a gym with a price tag like that.

Whoever you are,you are lying!

 

Isn’t it what they call creative license 😄?

[Hummin]

On 2/16/2025 at 5:53 PM, Lacessit said:

AFAIK there is a luxurious nursing home off the 118 on the way out of Chiang Mai, heading towards Chiang Rai.

 

90,000 baht/month, I understand  it includes very co-operative nurses, who will hold your willy to pee when you slither out of bed at 2 am.

 

Then tuck you back in, with a fresh tube of KY.

 

It's run by the Swiss, say goodbye to your problems of moving your ill-gotten gains from crypto speculation.

 

Fear not, Thailand has options for everyone.

 

 

Does it come with assisted suicide plan? 

[loong]

On 2/16/2025 at 5:49 PM, spidermike007 said:

Is Bob really back? Or is someone trying to claim his pedestal? 

 

Some thought I was long winded. He is setting a new bar. 

 

I think that it is just someone who is repeating his boring posts.

[Purdey]

Nobody else seeing the article as sheer entertainment? 

[Keeps]

It's been five months since I joined the gym.....and still no progress.

 

I think I might go down there in person and see what the problem is.....

[thecyclist]

On 2/16/2025 at 5:49 PM, spidermike007 said:

Is Bob really back? Or is someone trying to claim his pedestal? 

 

Some thought I was long winded. He is setting a new bar. 

It's not Bob. It's a pretender. 

[thecyclist]

On 2/16/2025 at 6:05 PM, jvs said:

I am in Hua hin very often,i have never seen a gym with a price tag like that.

Whoever you are,you are lying!

 

Exactly, Bob would never lie. 

[newnative]

What was the 'harrowing' part?   The other gym members must all be breathing  a big sigh of relief.