Bargirl - "Don't be stupid, I only know you 5 days already, why would I love you so soon? No I won't miss you when you are back in FarangLand, I'll probably have another boyfriend before your plane lands"

Actually, I've heard something similar. I have lots of friends visit me in BKK when travelling between OZ and the EU. Inevitably they want to see a 'show' down in Patpong, so I'm the honorary tour guide for the evening. I scouted out one place where I could go without too much hassle.

One night a bored worker came over and started a conversation. She wasn't fishing too hard and I certainly wasn't biting, but we ended up having a good old chat as to how she manages her finances.

She pointed out two rings, one on each hand. "This one...." she pointed out, "....is Mr England. The other, is Mr Belgium. Mr England sends me money half the year and when he runs out Mr Belgium sends me money".

I couldn't help but smile.

I only stopped you because I wanted to congratulate you on your choice of motor vehicle, move along.

Excuse me please go ahead, you were here before me.

40. The punter: She clearly wants me for my body.

oho ,i sorry

i thought when your ordered the american breakfast you WANTED

lukewarm coffee served 10 minutes before anything else

2 fried eggs served on a cold plate on their own

when the eggs have been delievred then she goes to put bread in the toaster

2 slices of cold toast with a block of butter thats frozen so solid you can bend the knife trying to spread it

oho i sorry ,i thought thats the way farang like things .....

Is there a 7-Eleven near here?

41. Neighbor having a party - "it's late, lets turn the music down so we don't bother the neighbor".

oho ,i sorry

i thought when your ordered the american breakfast you WANTED

lukewarm coffee served 10 minutes before anything else

2 fried eggs served on a cold plate on their own

when the eggs have been delievred then she goes to put bread in the toaster

2 slices of cold toast with a block of butter thats frozen so solid you can bend the knife trying to spread it

oho i sorry ,i thought thats the way farang like things .....

i do want my coffee 10 minutes before everything else

Lost count on the numbers..............

Kratoey: No, I am actually a man..

Wife/GF/BF: You gave me more than I needed, here is your change...

Wife/GF/BF: I've topped up the fuel tank...

i will pay for the meal and drinks tonight,tee rak

The Blether: I'll be quiet

42. Any Thai person - "How do you do it in your country ?"

43. Thai Government to Farang - " How much land would you like to buy today ?"

^{Massage shop in Pattaya: Sorry sir we don't offer chug wow here.}

Motorcy rider: I won't park in that tiny gap because the other guy will burn his leg on my red hot exhaust when he comes back.

please

My little portable food stall with red hot charcoal embers seems to be right in everybody's way here. It's an accident waiting to happen. I think I'll move it a bit further down the road.

It's a nice day. I think I'll walk it for a change.

TV member - "My wife? Flat-nosed, dark-skinned little Issan girl fresh outta Nana. Why do you ask?"

49 (a) - It's NOT up to you.

or

49 ( - After I say "up to you" I will actually do it the way you want.

That snake's harmless.

dont forget:

I am sorry

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Thai police," Falang did not fall from a balcony, he was pushed and is murder."

Ill be there on time and they are.

Lets start at say #60 which should account for all the great suggestions that come before ...

60) The Government .... the TRUTH (or anything remotely close to this)

61 You wont hear "be careful - my dog is likely to bite you."

62) Chalerm Ubumrung ... the latest disaster to beset Thailand will deeply negatively affect foreign Tourism numbers

... I hope I got the right pollie on that one?

63) The relevant Government Minister .... secretly, just between you and me, we aren’t the HUB of anything. The closet we come to being a HUB is the spin we put on the latest idea.

64) Just book the flight anytime my teerak - I don't need to check with the village elders about lucky days to travel.

#65 Thai: "Don't be stupid, there's no such thing as ghosts!"

#66 Farang man: "Hotel manager? My arse! I met her in a gogo bar and we were married within 2 months"

#67 Thai wife/GF: "Here's the 10,000 bhat you lent me for my dad's new roof. And he wanted you to have this (bottle of Jonny Walker Red) as a thank you gift, but he was too shy to give it to you himself"

#68Thai driver: " No, my bad. when I flashed my lights I mean't please go in front of me"

#69 Thai Sales Staff in the Mall: "Hi there, I'll be over here just give me a shout if you need any help"

#70Thai Child in super market: Excuse me, sir! I noticed you were speaking English but have black skin. May I ask, where do you come from?"

#71Thai parking attendent: "My apologies, sir. Of course, now you mention it, me standing in the space you are trying to reverse into while blowing a whistle and flashing a light in your eyes probably doesn't help. Can't believe I didn't think of that earlier. Silly of me really."