How to make friends and meet a Thai lady for sincere relationship and marriage

[Sheryl]

You are certainly naive ... Western women -- especially American women just simply do not like Asian men... that is why they don't come to places like Thailand looking for men... there are exceptions -- but few. ...

Utterly untrue (the first part of that). The vast majority of western women -- including American Women -- have nothing against Asian men as a group.

Beyond maybe attending a social event and the like (in wherever they happen to be), women in general do not usually travel looking for men let alone go abroad -- anywhere -- for them. They do not usually base where they live on the availability of men, either.

That you do not see western women cruising for Thai men here is not because they are off doing that in other, non-Asian, countries. It is because for the most part this is just not something women do. A woman on vacation -- in Thailand or elsewhere - might have a fling with a local man for fun -- but she will not have traveled for that specific purpose.

[Ve37]

Read all you can on Thai culture, it's imperative to understand how Thais work, it is a unique and complex society.

As previously pointed out, flip flops, T-shirts, shorts and such belong on the beach, wear them in CM and you are instantly kee nok foreigner (bird poo covered foreigner). Everything, like it or not is about status and place in society. Every Thai, in a fraction of a second, be it a police officer, a maid, everyone sizes you up and places you in the continuum of social strata in about 1/10th of one second. In CM always wear long pants, a nice shirt and good shoes. Learn about wai and how to respond to one. Learn about the concept of wealth and learn that when, at a family gathering of 12 the cheque comes to you--that is quite the sign of honor and respect and Thailand is ALL about respect.

Don't underestimate thaifriendly.com, (free) thailovelinks and others. Search specifically for CM. The woman must have at least a beginner's grasp of English. Keep away from those under age 30, age 35+ preferable. Keep far, far away from any bar/massage parlor girls. You don't need economic parity, but you do need intellectual parity but that is a bit strange as so many never had opportunity, try to consider where a woman would be with her personality had she opportunity to better herself at college. You do need values parity. The best ones will not be looking, or will not be looking very hard. Of course all this is just my opinion.

Let me know by IM and if not, good luck.

Very Good points...when in Thailand, be like you're in Thailand. Here's a couple more.

Learn about Thai Buddhism. Monks love to practice English.

Take Thai language classes (like Walen or Pro Language)....Thai women see a foreigner's interest in learning some basic Thai as a sign of respect for the Thai culture. Most Thai women IMO do not want to move away from Thailand, and can easily see if you're what they call a "butterfly." In addition,...Thai classes is a good way to meet people.

From what I hear, if you'd like to date a European or Burmese lady, go to one of the Christian Churches around town.

[naboo]

Have a baby, then walk around with it/him/her.

Surrounded by women all the time.

Now if only I could do that without the commitment.

[thrilled]

If I was you I would go to school to learn Thai.As you do start going to gatherings with Thai's that you've met.It will only be A matter

Of time before you'll be dating.Don't even rush into marriage.Just take your time and relax.

[bluskye]

Hi Robert

I've had quite a lot of experience in finding and meeting good Thai Ladies in Thailand

You can read some of my articles on my website "Luxury Thailand Travel"

You can also contact me if you need more information and advise. You'll find a contact form on my home page.

Just so you know I am 61 years young.

Grahame

www.luxury-thailand-travel.com

[siamod]

As I believe, Thailand is one of the biggest "marriage markets" for western foreigners in the world, it will be easy to find somebody for sure. More difficult to find a lady friend, this seems very uncommon in the Thai culture. I made the mistake to find a lady friend on the above mentioned Thai Friendly. Even when they tell, they only want to improve their english language skills....well not really. It seems every Thai woman only wants to marry, the quicker the better. Unfortunatly not doable for a poor bugger like me .

Ah, and for the dress style...in my experience, when I wear just normal clothes like polo shirts, long sleeve trousers and shoes, many people(ladies) here think I am a gay man or katoy kwai or whatsoever. So I would recommend to wear flipflops, shorts and tank tops, thats what make a real man or so (I not do anyway).

[Ulysses G.]

So I would recommend to wear flipflops, shorts and tank tops, thats what make a real man

Indeed.

[CMNightRider]

May I ask why you didn't look for a woman in your own country?

That's a sobering thought.

[Robert333]

May I ask why you didn't look for a woman in your own country?

That's a sobering thought.

Hello CMNightRider,

I refer you to my reply to "circusman", which you will see posted: 2014-03-23 14:38:38 (it seems to be timed prior to his message, I assume due to time zone differences), on page 3 of this thread.

Regards,

Robert333

[JDGRUEN]

You are certainly naive ... Western women -- especially American women just simply do not like Asian men... that is why they don't come to places like Thailand looking for men... there are exceptions -- but few. ...

Utterly untrue (the first part of that). The vast majority of western women -- including American Women -- have nothing against Asian men as a group.

Beyond maybe attending a social event and the like (in wherever they happen to be), women in general do not usually travel looking for men let alone go abroad -- anywhere -- for them. They do not usually base where they live on the availability of men, either.

That you do not see western women cruising for Thai men here is not because they are off doing that in other, non-Asian, countries. It is because for the most part this is just not something women do. A woman on vacation -- in Thailand or elsewhere - might have a fling with a local man for fun -- but she will not have traveled for that specific purpose.

You have your experience and I have mine. Over the past several years it became known to women work friends, neighbor ladies, and other female friends that I was planning on moving to Thailand with a primary purpose (among others) of meeting Thai women with whom I had made acquaintance on dating venues. A number of times the conversation came around to women expressing their point of view ... and quite often these women expressed an opinion that they did not find Asian men to be desirable. And over the course of my adult life I have heard this same opinion expressed when the occasion brought it up. That's my experience... you have had yours.

[heybruce]

As I believe, Thailand is one of the biggest "marriage markets" for western foreigners in the world, it will be easy to find somebody for sure. More difficult to find a lady friend, this seems very uncommon in the Thai culture. I made the mistake to find a lady friend on the above mentioned Thai Friendly. Even when they tell, they only want to improve their english language skills....well not really. It seems every Thai woman only wants to marry, the quicker the better. Unfortunatly not doable for a poor bugger like me .

Ah, and for the dress style...in my experience, when I wear just normal clothes like polo shirts, long sleeve trousers and shoes, many people(ladies) here think I am a gay man or katoy kwai or whatsoever. So I would recommend to wear flipflops, shorts and tank tops, thats what make a real man or so (I not do anyway).

I agree that the perception of Thai's and expats is that the majority of men who come to Thailand (for reasons other than work or missionary activities) are either wife-hunters, whore-mongers, or gay. If you don't fit into one of those categories you are something of a puzzle. However in my experience being something of a puzzle makes it easy to find lady friends, I have several. For the record, I'm not wife-hunting or gay, I'm discrete.

Regarding flipflops, shorts and tank tops, I have my doubts as to the real man claims, but that dress combination definitely makes you a mosquito magnet. However I've read that only the female mosquitoes are bloodsuckers, so by demonstrating poor judgment in dress you will be attracting the opposite sex, and not all of those bloodsuckers will be mosquitoes.

[JDGRUEN]

The fashion police idea that wearing of shorts is taboo is mostly in their individual heads. I wear shorts everyday on exercise walks with walking shoes and a pull over shirt - usually short sleeved. Aside from a couple of Thai fellows showing their dislike by hand motions and facial expressions - no one else has indicated any problem. Thai women - and I have come in contact with many especially my girlfriend's coworkers have never shown the slightest problem with what I wear. When the occasion requires I wear long pants and a nice shirt. The idea that Westerners in Thailand must wear long pants to be properly dress and to impress the ladies is reflecting what is in their heads as influenced by where the came from - foggy cold places. In blazing hot Texas I wear shorts and in very humid Thailand I will wear shorts much of the time. I don't wear tank tops and flip flops or beach wear in town or in restaurants because it has never been my style. Anyone who can wear blue jeans for exercise walking -- more power to you, For me here in Thailand's hot humid weather wearing jeans only causes sweaty wet pant legs - very uncomfortable. I suppose long pants are great for guys who sit around in bars and drink beer all day ...which is not my habit. Getting in better physical shape is what will help attract Thai women -- not whether you wear shorts in daytime hot as hell weather. Mosquitoes do not particularly bother me except if I visit my girlfriend's farm in deep Ban Nok Isaan - I would wear light weight long pants if I helped out there for a weekend. I don't sit in my door step wrapped in my pakama scratching my butt as many Thai men do -- and I don't not criticism them aloud -- I would never say a word about it --- it is their culture. If wearing short pants done in a pretty tasteful manner insults some Thais -- well sorry -- but I have to deal with the heat. If a group of Thai men came to holiday in Fort Worth Texas in July or August and wanted wear long pants on outside excursions - then they can have at it ... but they will be making frequent trips weekly to the laundry or dry cleaners. In Colonial India and in other tropical Colonies the Brits wore short pant uniforms much of the time... I think some have conveniently forgotten their country's history.

[heybruce]

The fashion police idea that wearing of shorts is taboo is mostly in their individual heads. I wear shorts everyday on exercise walks with walking shoes and a pull over shirt - usually short sleeved. Aside from a couple of Thai fellows showing their dislike by hand motions and facial expressions - no one else has indicated any problem. Thai women - and I have come in contact with many especially my girlfriend's coworkers have never shown the slightest problem with what I wear. When the occasion requires I wear long pants and a nice shirt. The idea that Westerners in Thailand must wear long pants to be properly dress and to impress the ladies is reflecting what is in their heads as influenced by where the came from - foggy cold places. In blazing hot Texas I wear shorts and in very humid Thailand I will wear shorts much of the time. I don't wear tank tops and flip flops or beach wear in town or in restaurants because it has never been my style. Anyone who can wear blue jeans for exercise walking -- more power to you, For me here in Thailand's hot humid weather wearing jeans only causes sweaty wet pant legs - very uncomfortable. I suppose long pants are great for guys who sit around in bars and drink beer all day ...which is not my habit. Getting in better physical shape is what will help attract Thai women -- not whether you wear shorts in daytime hot as hell weather. Mosquitoes do not particularly bother me except if I visit my girlfriend's farm in deep Ban Nok Isaan - I would wear light weight long pants if I helped out there for a weekend. I don't sit in my door step wrapped in my pakama scratching my butt as many Thai men do -- and I don't not criticism them aloud -- I would never say a word about it --- it is their culture. If wearing short pants done in a pretty tasteful manner insults some Thais -- well sorry -- but I have to deal with the heat. If a group of Thai men came to holiday in Fort Worth Texas in July or August and wanted wear long pants on outside excursions - then they can have at it ... but they will be making frequent trips weekly to the laundry or dry cleaners. In Colonial India and in other tropical Colonies the Brits wore short pant uniforms much of the time... I think some have conveniently forgotten their country's history.

Almost everyone wears shorts while exercising, including me.

I'm not a fashionista, I'm practical. When I wear shorts and sandals my ankles get eaten by mosquitoes, especially in the evening. Since I'm very keen on avoiding dengue (I know several people who've had it, it doesn't sound pleasant) I try to minimize mosquito bites by wearing long pants, shoes and socks.

What women like to see men wear is part of the broader question of what women want, and that never will be comprehensively answered. However I'm pretty sure women don't want to be seen with a man that embarrasses them. If you want to be tolerated by a women and you look good dressed in shorts, tank-top and flip-flops, then that's the way to go. If not, then dress properly.

Oh, and even if you think you look good in shorts, tank-top and flip-flops, it's a good idea to get an honest second opinion, especially if you're middle-aged and have a belly. Also, if those shorts are too short, you will probably look gay. If that's not the look you're going for, rethink the wardrobe.

Edited March 25, 2014 by heybruce

[onthedarkside]

2 troll posts removed.

Not so sure the fashion advice posts are on topic. Let's see where this leads. Maybe the closure of this now 5 page post. Always goes off the rails after 5 pages as members want to branch off to their favourite agenda.

[realthaideal]

Anything's possible here, and great Thai ladies are all over, though it takes a discerning eye and perhaps some manners to blend in a bit to get where the nicest, best-mannered, and educated ones are. But that part is already getting plenty of attention. And what you specifically, at the moment, feel you want is up to you.

I'd add that in any effort to find this place liveable or to have a relationship that is fulfilling is going to take a lot of cultural flexibility on your part. There are some great books about intermarriage between Thais and Westerners, and I suggest you read a couple. It could help save you a lot of anxiety and frustration, and make for better understanding overall.

Assuming you find a good one and are happy, if you want to keep her, it's probably going to take learning more than a bit of the language and the culture. In the relationships I see that work best around here (after 10 yrs in Thld), the ones where the men are willing and able to enter the Thai lady's world and not just demand that she bend to understand his, work the best. In cases where that doesn't happen is where I see a lot of loneliness, cheating, deception, couples who go their own ways most of the time/day, and pretty much only co-habitate. For some, I'm sure this is ideal, but if you're after an great relationship with a lot of depth, education and adaptability can't be underestimated.

Finally, I'll add that all the old codgers and naysayers on here are voices worth taking note of as well. These East-West relationships have to hear and deal with them almost daily, and many of them raise some valid points as annoying or un-PC as they sound. Take it all in and let it stew. Then proceed cautiously with heart and wallet, and enjoy the adventure.

Best of luck.

[donniereadit]

Traditional massage places are actually a great place to meet attractive ladies who are not prostitutes. They are also often very good looking and you can talk to them for an hour without other people interrupting.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

^ Right, they're not prostitutes.. they're massage ladies.

World of difference.

[heybruce]

Traditional massage places are actually a great place to meet attractive ladies who are not prostitutes. They are also often very good looking and you can talk to them for an hour without other people interrupting.

Keep in mind that the OP is a 57 year old man. Masseuses his own age are working in massage parlors because they lack the skills or education to do anything more lucrative--he will struggle to find anything in common with them. Pretty young masseuses also would be lacking in other skills and education, and those that would be interested in a much older man would have questionable motives.

[NotEinstein]

Traditional massage places are actually a great place to meet attractive ladies who are not prostitutes. They are also often very good looking and you can talk to them for an hour without other people interrupting.

Keep in mind that the OP is a 57 year old man. Masseuses his own age are working in massage parlors because they lack the skills or education to do anything more lucrative--he will struggle to find anything in common with them. Pretty young masseuses also would be lacking in other skills and education, and those that would be interested in a much older man would have questionable motives.

That's a bit of a sweeping, judgemental statement.

Suely it depends upon what one considers as important in a partner, from one's own outlook and requirements in later life.

[heybruce]

Traditional massage places are actually a great place to meet attractive ladies who are not prostitutes. They are also often very good looking and you can talk to them for an hour without other people interrupting.

Keep in mind that the OP is a 57 year old man. Masseuses his own age are working in massage parlors because they lack the skills or education to do anything more lucrative--he will struggle to find anything in common with them. Pretty young masseuses also would be lacking in other skills and education, and those that would be interested in a much older man would have questionable motives.

That's a bit of a sweeping, judgemental statement.

More like a statement of the obvious. Perhaps there are masseuse jobs in high end resorts that pay well and have high employment standards, but most of the little massage places around Chiang Mai offer sporadic work and poor pay. Do you know of any skilled, educated women doing that kind of work?

[Ulysses G.]

Traditional massage places are actually a great place to meet attractive ladies who are not prostitutes. They are also often very good looking and you can talk to them for an hour without other people interrupting.

Good luck finding a real traditional Thai place where the ladies don't do "special services" on the side. I know of one in the city - I'm sure there are more, but not a whole lot of them. The women are very nice and give excellent massages, but are far from attractive. IMO, looking for a soul mate in massage parlors is not much different from looking in bars, although there are some gems in both places.

[NotEinstein]

 

Traditional massage places are actually a great place to meet attractive ladies who are not prostitutes. They are also often very good looking and you can talk to them for an hour without other people interrupting.

Keep in mind that the OP is a 57 year old man. Masseuses his own age are working in massage parlors because they lack the skills or education to do anything more lucrative--he will struggle to find anything in common with them. Pretty young masseuses also would be lacking in other skills and education, and those that would be interested in a much older man would have questionable motives.

That's a bit of a sweeping, judgemental statement.

More like a statement of the obvious. Perhaps there are masseuse jobs in high end resorts that pay well and have high employment standards, but most of the little massage places around Chiang Mai offer sporadic work and poor pay. Do you know of any skilled, educated women doing that kind of work?

 

There are some highly skilled massage practitioners in Chiang Mai.

If you can only apply your western attitude and focus on education to judge somebody, you will probably miss out on finding that down-to-earth, dedicated, caring, honest partner that commits for life.

It's horses for courses as I said earlier. We all need/want different characteristics.

[mesquite]

 

More like a statement of the obvious. Perhaps there are masseuse jobs in high end resorts that pay well and have high employment standards, but most of the little massage places around Chiang Mai offer sporadic work and poor pay. Do you know of any skilled, educated women doing that kind of work?

 

There are some highly skilled massage practitioners in Chiang Mai.

If you can only apply your western attitude and focus on education to judge somebody, you will probably miss out on finding that down-to-earth, dedicated, caring, honest partner that commits for life.

It's horses for courses as I said earlier. We all need/want different characteristics.

Right. There is no formula for love and relationships. If there were, there would be very few bad relationships and marriages.

[heybruce]

 

Keep in mind that the OP is a 57 year old man. Masseuses his own age are working in massage parlors because they lack the skills or education to do anything more lucrative--he will struggle to find anything in common with them. Pretty young masseuses also would be lacking in other skills and education, and those that would be interested in a much older man would have questionable motives.

That's a bit of a sweeping, judgemental statement.

More like a statement of the obvious. Perhaps there are masseuse jobs in high end resorts that pay well and have high employment standards, but most of the little massage places around Chiang Mai offer sporadic work and poor pay. Do you know of any skilled, educated women doing that kind of work?

 

There are some highly skilled massage practitioners in Chiang Mai.

If you can only apply your western attitude and focus on education to judge somebody, you will probably miss out on finding that down-to-earth, dedicated, caring, honest partner that commits for life.

It's horses for courses as I said earlier. We all need/want different characteristics.

One can find a "down-to-earth, dedicated, caring, honest partner that commits for life" in all walks of life. However to narrow the field down and improve the odds most people will look for someone with similar or complementary interests. The OP describes himself as "in good health. My background is in the law, in computer repair, and I have a keen interest in alternative medicine." While this description doesn't preclude a partnership with a masseuse, it also doesn't indicate that massage parlors are particularly promising places to look.

The fact that OP can talk to a masseuse uninterrupted because he paid for her services isn't particularly advantageous, after all there are other occupations where he can pay for the services of a women and have her uninterrupted attention. Would you recommend he go wife hunting in these fields as well?

[mrfaroukh]

Please don't look for your long term girl friend from the bars or massage. Go do decent places like hospitals, collage, university, and other place of work. Visit places where ordinary people go, not the one looking for farang etc. Just find the person you are interested in and try to invite the person for a meal or coffee etc very politely.

[onthedarkside]

Inflammatory/insulting post - removed.

[onthedarkside]

Inflammatory/insulting post - removed.

And even more removed. I can see this topic is near being closed.

[ARISTIDE]

Just an example ,this Thai woman is a celebrity and just announced on National Television that she is single and prefer Farang than Thai. She said Thai guys are too superstitious and disrespectful toward female.

I'm sure she is not in it for the money. I know lots of Thai women are like that but farangs just can't find them!

Most of my Thai female friends are business owner or much richer than your average farang retired here. Problem is why farang prefer peasants or bar girls while there are much better to choose from!

You asked for advice: Hold on to your money. Don't let short-term loneliness saddle you with someone who's only interested in money.

BTW, it's all about money.

Well, my first was a successful business woman from Bangkok, and less than a ten year age difference. Believe me, it was all about money.

[umbanda]

How?

Learning to be smart enough to deal with a honest women, because..if not, you are not smart enough to deal with a bar girl without getting into trouble...

[ota101]

My Thai wife was teaching Librarian Science at a University when we me 16 years ago. It did take a few years to work out the kinks but I was determined to make it work as it was my third marriage. She was determined to hold on to what she saw as the biggest opportunity in her life and did not want anything to threaten it.

She is the best thing that's ever happened to me along with the two wonderful boys we have. She has learned to kick out the Thai women that are either parasites or are critical of marrying a farang. She now has more American friends then Thai woman which early on she saught out. She is American as anyone and is highly respected because of her involvment with the local school and her devotion to her husband.

The first month we were married we had one awful experience. She made friends with a person at Boces were she was learning English. When she visited her friend's home her husband took her car keys and called the cops. I was frantic as she didn't get home till 3 am. It turned out the local cops were convinced she was some kind of sex slave. I had to go to the station the next day to get her passsport they confisgated. The moron of a cop told me if he had it his way I'd be in jail. Apparently a lot of government money was going to support sex slaves. They spent the whole night trying to break my wife down promising her free lawyers, housing, money etc if she would just sign the form they had. She told them over and over she loved her husband and was in the US on her own free will. And people wonder why cops are often hated nowadays.