TGFs nephew stealing?

[Macthehat]

2 hours ago, lopburi3 said:

Your OP indicated GF had done nothing - now you say she has talked with him twice and monk has become involved and she supports tighter money control?  This all in the space of 1 hour?

I did say she had asked him to go to bkk for work on numerous occasions but to no avail 

[transam]

Open the door, show him it and tell him to find another family member to milk.....

[Macthehat]

Got another chat with the GF and explained there's only 2 options ... he go or I go ....I explained I can no longer live with a thief . He needs to go get a job . So she asked her father the monk to come tell him to go . 

He came 30 minutes ago and the nephew got his marching orders from the monk to go to bkk . So hopefully he now realises his free meal ticket has expired ....... now time will tell 

Edited October 1, 2016 by Macthehat

[pgrahmm]

3 hours ago, transam said:

Open the door, show him it and tell him to find another family member to milk.....

You know.....

 

My Thai family quite likes my direct US approach to problems, situations, and results.....They are so used to acquiesing in their life that they like the firm yes or no & somebody with the balls to say it.....

 

I almost had the same situation coming my way .....A ne'er do well nephew not doing well in the uni he was at.....He saw the house, the 3 cars, the way we lived, ate, enjoyed each other, things we did.....Our life & decided he wanted it (from us).....

While showing him around he was vocal each time we passed a university & then he'd start a conversation in the car.....I knew it was coming....

This guy was so bad we bought him some shirts & stuff to wear - he hands it to my 15 y/o daughter to carry for him.....I actually made a list of his actions.....Never afraid to put/hold his hand out for money....

When the complimentary request/hinting/nudge came I told him that I was glad he had a good time on his visit....We'd see him the next time we got together....The guy was used to having people kowtow to him - a bully.....

 

In short, my Thai family enjoys the fact I'm not a push over & not afraid to lead....My FIL & BIL get a special little grin and quiet thumbs up when something gets handled.....Nothing is ever done in a hostile way.....Nothing ever against the well-being of the family.....

 

Here's the list - probably will look very familiar to some.....It would have been divide & conquer on his part....My family soon would have been a war zone.....Complete disarray.....

 

I was taught to never invite/let trouble in my living room - and, I don't......

I could embellish line by line - but enough was enough.....Made the list so I wouldn't forget against the future.....

Haven't heard a peep.....

 

You lay down for this & you're going to end up in a maelstrom of future hurt.....

 

Edited October 1, 2016 by pgrahmm

[1FinickyOne]

You are not talking to a nephew, you are not talking to a family member, or a reasonable person - - you are talking directly to Mr. Ya BA... 

 

Mr. Ya Ba will say anything to get more Ya Ba... it has nothing to do with how nice a guy you are, how you help the family, how you have helped him... it is only about Ya Ba - - so, first don't take it personally.

 

First, put your wallet away!! If you know he was stealing you should never have left it anywhere near him. 

 

It is really up to your wife. I think you should talk with her, calmly, discuss all options and included in that would be a concern for the safety of your child and yourself. And let her know that getting a place to rent for a while is an option. I have seen Thai families ban together in this type of situation. Truly, best of luck to you. Life can be tough enough w/o raising a kid next to a drug addict. 

[ttthailand]

Had the gf niece come to stay with us in Pattaya years back. Her parents were having problems with her and boys so wanted to get her out of the village. After a few days I started to notice money missing. I was not not 100% sure what was happening so I just started to be a little more careful and kept track how much I had. One morning to our surprise she was gone. Noticed later that $200.00 USD that I had hide in the bedroom was gone too. We told her parents what had happened and that she was not welcomed back. Needless to say her nor any other relative was ever welcomed to stay again for more than a meal. That girl ended up having a baby at 15 years old and is basically a waste of space. We were lucky that she was a real tramp and headed back to her boyfriends as soon as she thought she had hit it big. Maybe give the boy 5k baht and send him to Bangkok to stay with friends or other family. One way , no return !!!

[pgrahmm]

14 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

You are not talking to a nephew, you are not talking to a family member, or a reasonable person - - you are talking directly to Mr. Ya BA... 

 

Mr. Ya Ba will say anything to get more Ya Ba... it has nothing to do with how nice a guy you are, how you help the family, how you have helped him... it is only about Ya Ba - - so, first don't take it personally.

 

First, put your wallet away!! If you know he was stealing you should never have left it anywhere near him. 

 

It is really up to your wife. I think you should talk with her, calmly, discuss all options and included in that would be a concern for the safety of your child and yourself. And let her know that getting a place to rent for a while is an option. I have seen Thai families ban together in this type of situation. Truly, best of luck to you. Life can be tough enough w/o raising a kid next to a drug addict. 

Excellent point.....And the problem isn't going to get smaller as he gets bolder...

 

Things, jewelry, stuff will also grow legs.....

 

Or he might start incurring debts that they'll be coming to your "home" for....To collect....

 

 

Edited October 1, 2016 by pgrahmm

[swissie]

How is that again? " Getting involved with a Thai Lady means getting involved with her Thai Family."
While the Farang and his lady may get along just fine, often it is "the Family" that screws it up for the couple.
Nothing new really
Cheers.

[FritsSikkink]

Go live in a house that you bought or rent with your girlfriend. Then tell the guy he can't come in your house until he kicks his habit.

[llso]

 Having been married to a Thai lady for 16 years this month. I have had similar experiences. I built a very nice house in Lower Issan for my wife and her "family". The thing is is that we the Farangs are perceived as being rich and privileged they are under privileged. Early in our relationship my wife would tell me when we would take the family to eat at a restaurant (We lived in Hua Hin for 7 years). To let them eat the Shrimp, Crabs , Fish etc. because they don't get to eat that . I immediately put my foot down and said if they don't have enough I can order and pay for more. I explained to her that if she wanted to kiss her family's ass that was up to her but I sure wasn't going to do it. And if anything for all I have done for them they should be kissing mine , Not that I expected or wanted that. One time at our house I paid for, the nephew and uncle would help themselves to my beer and cigarettes. She told me it's no big thing let them have it. The problem was if they had asked I would have had no problem in sharing with them. To me it was very disrespectful. This was all rather early in our relationship. I have a very good relationship with her family and don't mind helping them to the extent that it doesn't affect my family. Believe me they are not as mercenary as many others out there.  

 

Now that we have moved back to Farangland for ten years and they constantly hit her up for her money that she earns she is less understanding and generous. Being that this nephew is on drugs you have to get your wife/girlfriend and child out of that environment, as it is very dangerous. She is put in between a rock and hard place regarding you and her family. As others have noted this situation is not going to get any better. You're in a no win situation and need to act now.

 

LL

[NanLaew]

Unusual that it's the nephew. Typically it's the "brother".

[lemonjelly]

Give him the bus fare to BKK + 5000 baht, tell him to sling his hook.... saying "bye bye, mai drong gap na krap" with a big smile.... he'll get the message.

oh, and change the locks on your doors, car.... everything.

Edited October 2, 2016 by lemonjelly

[transam]

43 minutes ago, NanLaew said:

Unusual that it's the nephew. Typically it's the "brother".

I know a similar situation and it was her ex husband...............

[Macthehat]

4 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

Go live in a house that you bought or rent with your girlfriend. Then tell the guy he can't come in your house until he kicks his habit.

Junkies can kick the habit but thieves , especially taking from your own family is a no no to me and is not easy to forgive and forget .. as far as I'm concerned he has burned his bridges ... it's off to work he must go and if he every returns it won't be under the same roof as me . Now he needs to work to eat and feed his habit if he feels the need 

Edited October 2, 2016 by Macthehat
Spelling

[KarenBravo]

Glad you sorted it all out.

Getting an uncle in robes to do the dirty work was an inspiration.

[Macthehat]

1 hour ago, NanLaew said:

Unusual that it's the nephew. Typically it's the "brother".

It's her brothers son , and apparently he was much the same .. probably the reason he left home and his son behind for the family to take care of . This is all new to me as I've been asking loads of questions as to why he is here in the first place.  ..... history seemed to be repeating itself ....

[Macthehat]

4 minutes ago, KarenBravo said:

Glad you sorted it all out.

Getting an uncle in robes to do the dirty work was an inspiration.

Divine intervention 

[Rhys]

Sorry it sounds like Freeloaditis,  cure.... move.  Think about it from  this freeloader's perspective, he found a honey farang.. Got you by your left T, because he is using family and OH...poor me..nobody helps me....

 

Sorry your GF will agree with you but it is in the blood.... the dominant  blood culture wins... Now, if you controlled more baht then  you would have more say.

 

Be creative, accept the Free loader, give him 500 baht a week, for smoking and eating as his job, sweep the leaves around the house, he is providing security... Find his supplier, make sure he receives the Special KJ,  Welah... problem solved.

 

 

 

 

[khunpa]

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I do not agree with the posters that state that "blood always wins", unless if it is the father, mother og own kids. 

 

After being 24/7 with a Thai-woman for 6 years now, the main thing I have learnt is to be very clear about what you want and will not approve of. In other words: Be the MAN of the house. This is the only way you will get real respect from your girlfriend and her family members. If you take the western "nice, equal and always understanding husband" approach, you will find yourself being used and losing respect day by day.

 

So find out what you want to do with this guy and make it clear to all family members what will happen. If you dont want him in the house, then simply demand him to leave and throw him out of the house.

 

Should you get the "Thai-Drama" approach from the girlfriend as a reaction to that, then you simply just leave the house. I am sure you Thai-girlfriend will quickly see better value in you being in the house than her cousin hanging around there (when the rent is due). And once she sees that you stand by your words and actions, she will also respect you more and so will her family members, because she will tell them.

 

For me, this is the only approach to take, if you do not want to be ripped off, disrespected and branded as "The Stupid Farang". Worked wonders for me and once you finally get the respect, things becomes so much easier. Sorry, but the "Nice Farang Guy" approach just does not work here. Not even with your Girlfriend.

 

Good luck!

Edited October 2, 2016 by khunpa

[The Dark Lord]

Very interesting post and series of good answers.

 

my situation pretty much the same, it started many years back when wife was then just g/f and her son came to visit. When he left he took a carton of smokes with him. His mother berated him and they were returned but I should have read the signs. Fast forward around ten years in which I ( and now wife) were posted to Singapore , Italy then UK  and on losing my job and not wanting or needing to get back in the rat race harness we decided to move to LOS and move into wife's house.

 

no furniture no air on just plain walls so I "invested in complete rebuild furnishings and etc. 

 

Son  now manages to get his girlfriend pregnant so moves into house with his new family and contributes zip though son and wife are working. daughter steals mothers expensive jewellery and clothes. Nothing done by mother. I notice that my expensive watch disappeared along with designer BMW clothing ( am big bm fan)  and when questioned about it mother denies any knowledge or tries to shift blame to me (?????) or protects son.

 

eventually son has house built ( money coming from.........) and whilst his spawn ( now two of them) are happily destroying all we have, his house remains completed and fully furnished ( paid for by ...........)

 

I lost it and told her to get him out. Eight months later the sod left along with my fridges, stereos, tv, surround sound etc and car ( bought by me as family runaround) 

 

cannot get get any of my stuff back and when trying to bring up the subject of the car and trying to get him to at least pay for it on the basis he is the only user, I suddenly become Captain badass. This is because he used the car to raise a loan to finish his house that I "forced" him to move into (timeline does not fit the counter argument made by wife)

 

Currently in in situation where wife refuses to speak to me and as such am packing the remainder of my belongings ( making sure they are all locked up well to prevent further outflow) in preparation for departure.

 

certainly blood seems to be much more important than the twit (me) who nursed her through menaupause and paid massive hospital bills in the process destroying my own family relationship with my own kids, pays all household bills and even got her off her drug addiction ( interesting stories on that one.)

 

so so I am off in a few days time leaving a Toyota and a BMW in her drive a very classily furnished house remodelled to European standards throughout and  a son who is so wonderful that he will obviously now take over the electricity, gas water internet food etc bills .

 

i can only see happiness for me on the horizon ( except when trying to do the immigration change of address) and I will carry with me memories of the good times and a pity for her that her future is now so shitty that I expect she will throw herself into a monastery for the rest of her life as she will get no help from the clowns/family spongers she decided were more important than me.

 

my biggest fight will be not to feel so sorry that I turn back but this time I have had enough of the dishonesty, lack of basic respect and rural mentality of this well travelled and reasonably well educated woman with whom I am still in love but can no longer live with.

 

sad but I suspect I am not the first farang to end up like this. 

 

Moral of this lengthy tale is for the OP to get out before it gets worse. I can assure you when push comes to shove that Thai rak Thai, Mai rak  farang

Edited October 2, 2016 by The Dark Lord
Remove offensive words spell correct the auto speller function

[khunpa]

44 minutes ago, The Dark Lord said:

Very interesting post and series of good answers.

 

my situation pretty much the same, it started many years back when wife was then just g/f and her son came to visit. When he left he took a carton of smokes with him. His mother berated him and they were returned but I should have read the signs. Fast forward around ten years in which I ( and now wife) were posted to Singapore , Italy then UK  and on losing my job and not wanting or needing to get back in the rat race harness we decided to move to LOS and move into wife's house.

 

no furniture no air on just plain walls so I "invested in complete rebuild furnishings and etc. 

 

Son on now manages to get his girlfriend pregnant so moves into house, daughter steals mothers expensive jewellery and clothes. Nothing done by mother. Nitice that my expensive watch disappeared along with designer BMW clothing ( am big bm fan)  and when questioned about it mother denies or protects son.

 

eventually son has house built ( money coming from.........) and whilst his spawn ( now two of them) are happily destroying all we have, his house remains completed and fully furnished ( paid for by ...........) I lost it and told her to get him out. Eight months later the sod left along with my fridges, stereos, tv, surround sound etc and car ( bought by me as family runaround) 

 

cannot get get any of my stuff back and when trying to bring up the subject of the car and trying to get him to at least pay for it on the basis he is the only user, I suddenly become Captain <deleted>. This is because he used the car to raise a loan to finish his house that I forced him to move into (timeline does not fit the counter argument made by wife)

 

Currently in in situation where wife refuses to speak to me and as such am packing the remainder of my belongings ( making sure they are all locked up well to prevent further outflow) 

 

certainly blood seems to be much more important than the twit (me) who nursed her through menaupause and paid massive hospital bills in the process, destroyed my own family relationship with my own kids, pays all household bills and even got her off her drug addiction ( interesting stories on that one.)

 

so so I am off in a few days time leaving a Toyota and a BMW in her drive a very classily furnished house remodelled to European standards throughout and  a son who is so wonderful that he will obviously now take over the electricity, gas water internet food etc bills .

 

i can only see happiness for me on the horizon ( except when trying to do the immigration change of address) and I will carry with me memories of the good times and a pity for her that her future is now so shitty that I expect she will throw herself into a monastery for the rest of her life as she will get no help from the <deleted> she decided were more important than me.

 

my biggest fight will be not to feel so sorry that I turn back but this time I have had enough of the dishonesty, lack of basic respect and rural mentality of this well travelled and reasonably well educated woman with whom I am still in love but can no longer live with.

 

sad but I suspect I am not the first farang to end up like this. 

 

Moral of this lengthy tale is for the OP to get out before it gets worse. I can assure you when push comes to shove that Thai rak Thai, Mai rak  farang

 

 

I think most Farangs who marry Thai-women will have problems at some point with their family members in one way or another, when it comes to money. It is how you deal with them that matters and gains you respect.

 

What I do not understand is why give them everything? Since most Farangs are the main source of income to their families, they have the upper hand and should control the money-flow and financial investments made into the country and their family. And most importantly ANY Farang in Thailand, should at least always cover his own ass and always have a Plan-B. Thats what e.g. overseas banks are for.

 

I see so many Farangs here giving their Thai-wife absolutely everything, without financially ensuring that if things should go wrong, then at least they can walk away with something. Why do so many fall for the constant "take care" game and pressure from the Thai-wife to invest more and more of their money in her. Most Farangs would not do that if married to a woman from their own country, but they for some reason do it when married to a Thai. Its stupid!

 

Not to be a joy-killer, but you are also to blame for your current situation. You should have cleared the problems with the son and wife a long time ago, and have ensured yourself financially all the way through your marriage. 

 

When you expect Common Sense, Western Mentality and Financial Sanity from a woman raised in a rice field, you are bound to get hurt. Unfourtunatly, often the "Rural Mentality" wins which is just plain stupid, when the Farang actually has the upper hand (the money flow). Anyway, I hope you get through things. 

 

I dont think the OP should just stand up and leave his girl-friend and kid. He should just Man-Up and stop just accepting stuff that he would not agree on, if he lived in his own country. It seems every problem a Farang has in Thailand has to sheltered by terms like e.g. "different culture" instead of taking care of the actual problem when it occurs. 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 2, 2016 by khunpa

[The Dark Lord]

12 minutes ago, khunpa said:

 

 

I think most Farangs who marry Thai-women will have problems at some point with their family members in one way or another, when it comes to money.

 

What I do not understand is why give them everything? Since most Farangs are the main source of income to their families, they have the upper hand and should control the money-flow and financial investments made into the country and their family. And most importantly ANY Farang in Thailand, should at least always cover his own ass and always have a Plan-B. Thats what e.g. overseas banks are for.

 

I see so many Farangs here giving their Thai-wife absolutely everything, without financially ensuring that if things should go wrong, then at least they can walk away with something. Why do so many fall for the constant "take care" game and pressure from the Thai-wife to invest more and more of their money in her. Most Farangs would not do that if married to a woman from their own country, but they for some reason do it when married to a Thai. Its stupid!

 

Not to be a joy-killer, but you are also to blame for your current situation. You should have cleared the problems with the son and wife a long time ago, and have ensured yourself financially all the way through your marriage. 

 

When you expect Common Sense, Western Mentality and Financial Sanity from a woman raised in a rice field, you are bound to get hurt. 

 

Anyway, I hope you get through things. 

 

 

 

 

Thank you so much for your wisdom based entirely on an in depth knowledge of my/ our situation. 

 

How i I managed in a senior managerial role for so many years without this help defies belief.

 

firstly I did not give my wife everything

second I have an income from the UK which she cannot get her hands on

thirdly I have in my name alone a £1 milo property in london

fourthly (?) who said I cannot walk away? I am working on alternative accommodation and transportation now so what's the issue?

fifthly (?) I married my wife and made it clear I was in no way going to support her sponging offspring by her Thai husband however should I have punished my wife for their transgressions?

 

i aporeciate your good wishes but please try to keep your enlightened observations to the issues on which you have all the facts and not those derived from an obviously much shortened version of events which by its very nature has had to omit some salient points in order to make it readable and which was designed primarily to show the OP that it is not unknown and not to lose hope over it.

 

you seem to be a reasonably well educated individual , let's try and keep it real avoiding the abusive "raised in a rice field" comment irrespective of if it were meant literally or metaphorically. Where were you raised? Some inner city ghetto in the US?

Edited October 2, 2016 by The Dark Lord
Correcting the spell checker

[khunpa]

24 minutes ago, The Dark Lord said:

Thank you so much for your wisdom based entirely on an in depth knowledge of my/ our situation. 

 

How i I managed in a senior managerial role for so many years without this help defies belief.

 

firstly I did not give my wife everything

second I have an income from the UK which she cannot get her hands on

thirdly I have in my name alone a £1 milo property in london

fourthly (?) who said I cannot walk away? I am working on alternative accommodation and transportation now so what's the issue?

fifthly (?) I married my wife and made it clear I was in no way going to support her snogging offspring by her Thai husband however should I have punished my wife for their transgressions?

 

i aporeciate your good wishes but please try to keep your enlightened observations to the issues on which you have all the facts and not those derived from an obviously much shortened version of events which by its very nature has had to omit some salient points in order to make it readable and which was designed primarily to show the OP that it is not unknown and not to lose hope over it.

 

you seem to be a reasonably well educated individual , let's try and keep it real.

 

Sorry, I got the impression you were left with nothing financially. If you are left financially okay, then is you situation not just what can easily happen in all marriages were step-kids are involved? (all over the world)

 

I realise that your stepson is not a great asset. Mine own is not as bad, but he is for sure not an angel and a true pain sometimes. However, I doubt any sane woman would dump her kid of a any man. Maybe that is the actual dilemma?

 

But it is also about taking a clear stand of what is acceptable and what is not. If my stepson stole from me, I would for sure not accept it. And I would also just stand up and leave, if my wife covered for him. My point is... The respect comes from actions and drawing very clear lines. 

 

In my opinion, the best way to control "Rural behaviour and thinking", is by keeping things (the rules) very simple. You keep things simple and the understanding and respect will follow. If you make things discussable or show that you are willing to overlook something, then the problems just gets worse. I know it sounds like training a dog and primitive, but at least I found it to work. This does not mean that you should not respect your wife, her family and her culture. You should just not take BS from anyone... Thai or not.

However, I still do not think that the OP should just give up and in that case, he is lucky that it is a cousin and not her son. A son is after all much harder to get rid of.

 

Edited October 2, 2016 by khunpa

[Artisi]

On Saturday, October 01, 2016 at 10:07 AM, Macthehat said:

 

I didn't move in to save a few bucks ...Im  here because I actually want to be with my new born and my GF.  I just can't get my head around this p**ck stealing from someone who has been more than good to him and all his family.  And for them to do nothing apart from talk to him and him to do the same again is frustrating to say the least ... 

 

Learn to live with it or make tracks, it will never improve or be resolved in your favour.

[khunpa]

5 minutes ago, Artisi said:

Learn to live with it or make tracks, it will never improve or be resolved in your favour.

 

Agreed... Maybe unless the OP leaves the house and demands the Cousin to move out, before he returns. The girlfriend should be calling around the time, when the rent is due.

At least that is what I would do.

Edited October 2, 2016 by khunpa

[FritsSikkink]

3 hours ago, Macthehat said:

Junkies can kick the habit but thieves , especially taking from your own family is a no no to me and is not easy to forgive and forget .. as far as I'm concerned he has burned his bridges ... it's off to work he must go and if he every returns it won't be under the same roof as me . Now he needs to work to eat and feed his habit if he feels the need 

He is a thief because he is a junk who needs money. He needs to kick off the drugs first before he will able to do a  job. You want a ya ba junk as a taxi or bus driver or in security? will not work. He will only stop drugs if he is on a absolute low. As you have nothing to say in a house which isn't yours, you should get your own house in the first place. Then you can refuse him entry no problem.

[khunpa]

16 minutes ago, FritsSikkink said:

He is a thief because he is a junk who needs money. He needs to kick off the drugs first before he will able to do a  job. You want a ya ba junk as a taxi or bus driver or in security? will not work. He will only stop drugs if he is on a absolute low. As you have nothing to say in a house which isn't yours, you should get your own house in the first place. Then you can refuse him entry no problem.

 

Yes, And he is a drug addict that NOBODY in the family cares about and takes care of...except the nice "Farang-family". I wonder why?

[tifino]

 

Is he old enough, to be threatened with Army Service? if this can be started up, then his only other option is the 3 months as a Monk himself.

 

SIL was going through what you are going through OP, and the above works!! - even when the wasted-life-nephew is in Australia.

 

He took the Monk option(this back in 2012)

 

at least he doesn't smoke now

he's actually got a job, and even promoted to boss of the barrista machine

 

 

 

[nottocus]

Are u sure he is the nephew? Grow some balls and kick him out.

[HenryB]

On 10/1/2016 at 9:07 AM, tonray said:

Welcome to Thai 'male' parenting 101. Thai males are coddled all thru life

Wait till he has Children he will Steal more 

Sorry state but this is afact