But still, between them, they couldn’t manage it.

When you arrive to her family reunion, and you don't see any of those guys she introduce you to as her Bothers or Cousins

3 hours ago, WorriedNoodle said:

That is correct.

Mind you we all know he is crackers anyway!

 

I went to see a Muslim Tribute band last night at a Mosque.

They were called "Bomb Jovi" and I thought they were brilliant.

They performed songs like: "Losing my Head over You", "Rocket Launcher Man", "You're Six, you're Beautiful, and you're Mine".

Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down!

Then I heard this Muslim guy saying he had the entire Koran on a DVD.

I was interested, so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"

 

Well that was when the trouble started.

11 minutes ago, fangless said:

 

I went to see a Muslim Tribute band last night at a Mosque.

They were called "Bomb Jovi" and I thought they were brilliant.

They performed songs like: "Losing my Head over You", "Rocket Launcher Man", "You're Six, you're Beautiful, and you're Mine".

Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down!

Then I heard this Muslim guy saying he had the entire Koran on a DVD.

I was interested, so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"

 

Well that was when the trouble started.

 

   Do you see them in Chiang mai ?, if so, where were they playing ?

2 minutes ago, CorpusChristie said:

 

   Do you see them in Chiang mai ?, if so, where were they playing ?

Inside your head!

The new Director of Public Transportation in CM is obsessed with "green" fuels.
He's made all the buses run on thyme.

26 minutes ago, fangless said:

 

I went to see a Muslim Tribute band last night at a Mosque.

They were called "Bomb Jovi" and I thought they were brilliant.

They performed songs like: "Losing my Head over You", "Rocket Launcher Man", "You're Six, you're Beautiful, and you're Mine".

Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down!

Then I heard this Muslim guy saying he had the entire Koran on a DVD.

I was interested, so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"

 

Well that was when the trouble started.

Definitely box-office blasting material.

I put Jesus on my background pic and now my phone never dies!

Yup, he’s my screen-saviour

A child asks their parent, "What's an alcoholic?"
"Well", the parent says, "You see those two buses over there? An alcoholic would see four full ones".

The child responds, "but there's only one".

6 minutes ago, fangless said:

I put Jesus on my background pic and now my phone never dies!

Yup, he’s my screen-saviour

 

 

So it's the first day of the parapsychology class. The teacher asks, "How many of you believe in ghosts?"

All of the students raise their hands.

"And how many of you have ever seen a ghost?"

About 90% of the students raise their hands.

"And how many of you have ever touched a ghost?"

About 20% of the students raise their hands.

"And how many of you have ever had sex with a ghost?"

 

One student in the back of the class raises his hand.

"Really!" says the teacher. "I've been teaching this class for 10 years, and nobody has ever raised their hand to that question. Sir, could you please stand up and tell the class what it was like to have sex with a ghost?"

 

The man stands up and says, "I'm terribly sorry. I thought you said 'a goat.'"

RIP Sutty

‘The traffic-light warning system on supermarket foods means nothing to me — I’m a cyclist.’

‘I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room.

I don’t know who got my moped but I’ve been driving that Rolls Royce for years.’

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.

She’ll be 97 now and we don’t know where the hell she got to or what happened to her!
 

 

A girl was meeting her boyfriend's parents for the first time!
Unfortunately she was dealing with a severely upset stomach after a dodgy kebab  and a few (or not so few) cocktails the previous night . As they were seated around the dinner table she had to try and release some of the crippling pressure, and decided to let out a little gas quietly. Her "little" bit of relief resulted in a squeak audible enough that everyone at the table heard and a few could smell. Their heads snapped up, and the father looked at her, then the dog lying on the floor behind her chair and said "Max".

 

"This is great", she thought. "They think it was the dog" and everyone went back to eating. 5 minutes later the pain had returned and she felt the need to relieve more pressure. Without shifting she let out another, this one twice as loud and relieving as the last. Everyone looked up again and the father says "MAX!" much to her delight. Everyone resumed eating.

 

Feeling much better but still not out of the woods, the girl decided to go for the gusto and completely relieve herself from the still present pain of the gastro-fiend. Brimming with confidence she let out an unholy ripper, all of which lasted nearly 4 seconds. Everyone stopped eating, covered their noses and mouths and looked at one another. The father put down his fork, rose from his chair, looked at the dog and shouted..

 

"Max! For the love of God! Get away from there before she cr*ps on you!!"

 

PS; ** "jam tart" is Cockney rhyming slang for fart and I used that instead as I did not want to offend anyone by using the word fart in the story!

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures.
Over a double latte, the Greek mentions “We built the Pantheon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo.”

“Well, it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.”

“But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics.”

 

“Granted, but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces.”

Knowing that he’s about to deliver the coup de grace, the son of Athens points out with a note of finality: “Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!”

 

“True enough, replied the son of Erin "but it was the Irish who got women involved"